Dating a girl smarter than you - are
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It’s thought we’re often attracted to people we’re similar to, but couples breaking the mould have been sharing their experiences.
On Reddit, men and women have been revealing what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone you know is significantly less intelligent than you.
It may sound like a recipe for disaster on paper, but some of their answers will surprise you.
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“My guy is dyslexic and I’m aiming for my masters and then PhD. He’s a builder and I’m quite involved in STEM and veterinary biomedical development.
“I know he has no interest in academics but holy shit he absolutely blows me away with the depth of knowledge and passion he has for things he is into. It’s not that he’s less intelligent, just that he’s spent less time in education and is more intuitive and practically minded.”
- keepupsunshine
“My SO is less intelligent than I am (I hate saying it like that, but she readily admits it), and it’s actually kind of nice. When I’m talking to my friends who are on the same intellectual level as I am, it can get tiring to be constantly scrutinised and debated with- even if it is just a friendly joust. Sometimes it’s relaxing to come home, have a drink, watch some tv, take a walk, and be able to calm down and not worry about her picking apart everything I say. I also love sharing new information with people, so being able to teach her new things is really fun.
“It does get frustrating when I do want to have a conversation about something topical or political because it gets very one-sided. She lets me talk plenty, but can’t always provide a genuine, thoughtful response. I remember having a conversation last week that went from climate change to milkshakes real quick. But the difference in intellectual capacity is nothing compared to the amount of fun we have together and I wouldn’t trade her love for anything.”
- hubagruben
“People are intelligent in different ways. I’m far more booksmart than my SO but she can come up with solutions to everyday practical issues that I would spend hours struggling with.
“Sometimes it’s frustrating because I want to talk about books or politics but you have to appreciate what make us different and how it balances us out.”
- MajorMustard
“99% of the time, she’s wonderful. Not educated (to the dismay of my science jokes) but quick-witted, intelligent and clever. And then sometimes I wonder how anyone could be that stupid.. Let’s just say she doesn’t waste time on little mistakes.”
- eyes_like_thunder
“I wouldn’t say my wife is less intelligent, but she’s certainly less knowledgeable. You can name almost any topic and I will know more about it than she will.
“I’ve been called a walking encyclopedia. I’m well-read on current events, politics, any religion, sciences, humanities, hobbies... I’m interested in nearly everything. That doesn’t mean I know every detail about every subject, but I like to be up to date.
“My wife, on the other hand, was a stellar student...but all that information was in one ear and out the other. It wasn’t because she couldn’t learn it, it’s because it didn’t interest her.
“We still have a lot of fun together. We like travel, performing arts, food tourism, bike rides... but our serious conversations are always a bit one-sided. She enjoys those, too, but it feels more like a teacher-student relationship than a romantic one.”
- MotherFuckin-Oedipus
“It’s strange. She’s not l particularly unintelligent but lacks basic common sense and common knowledge. I often find myself repeating things or explaining obvious concepts when I shouldn’t have to. I love her but it can be frustrating.”
- abductodude
“I don’t know if I’d say less intelligent, but my girlfriend was definitely less versed in common subjects. I tend to make a lot of pop culture references, but she’d not understand even the most obvious jokes. References to Forrest Gump, Top Gun, etc went completely over her head. Even references to shows like Archer, that she watched all of, she just completely misses cause she does homework and texts while watching.
“You have to explain pretty simple concepts, I remember she asked me ‘Why didn’t they just make cars run on water from the beginning’ which threw me for a loop and I had to explain steam and energy. It makes arguing things sort of difficult. You tend to hear her opinion on something and know she has little to no experience in anything else, and that her logic is often deeply flawed.
“You don’t want to be rude, but it’s hard to argue with someone who is just objectively wrong on something like world history and just won’t accept it.”
- Nezzatic
“Sometimes it can be a little bit frustrating when I have to explain things a lot (she’s bad a picking up on context clues), but she is the biggest source of fun in my life and helps me loosen up. She is also incredibly honest, which I find admirable and she is a sweetie pants.”
- newads4
“Pretty sure I have the higher IQ overall. But we each have our strengths. I can articulate politics and philosophy and I handle anything technical, but compared to her I’m mostly a moron when it comes to more common sense kind of things, like cooking and handling the kids and organising trips and social engagement. I either overthink things or the seemingly obvious thing to do just doesn’t occur to me.”
- dhankook
“He has a learning disability and I do not. He is passionate and very emotional and I am typically factual and technical, so it works out pretty well. He knows that I am technically more intelligent than him and this upsets him sometimes, but it really doesn’t bother me. He’s very loving, caring, funny and nice to be around and that’s what counts. We’ve been together less than a year, so we’ll see how it goes.”
- bootystrangs
“I dated a girl with ADHD, dyslexia, and auditory processing disorder. She had a hard time reading out loud and was in mostly remedial courses in high school.
“I was AP Scholar with distinction, speech and debate, that kind of shit. I was well-spoken and a now a published writer, she more or less spells everything phonetically.
“The truth is though, everyone has their own intelligence. She was amazing when it came to these crazy cool art projects that took months or even years to finish. I think it was meditative for her to work alone on really detailed stuff that connected to a bigger project. I mean, she had the artistic ability to really go far if she kept her ambition.
“Because of her black and white view on life, she helped me make decisions a lot. While i was reviewing every factor, weighing odds, and speculating outcomes years into the future, she’d bluntly tell me which choice I was going to choose already because she knew me and it was obvious to her.
“I enjoyed it. She wasn’t snobby, nor did she try to act smarter than she was. I respected her decision-making abilities. She was honest and she respected my strengths as well. If something complicated came up, I got better at making it less complicated and she would often make the decision. If she couldn’t grasp it, she trusted me.
“It wasn’t the gap in “intelligence” that split us, but the difference in ambition. Which really sucks because I think it was from how often she was told she wasn’t smart.”
- TheWildRumpusStarts
Bad Relationship Habits
My friend's boyfriend is charming, a gentleman, and great in bed. "But he's not that smart," my friend admits, "and that might just be a deal-breaker."
She's a hard-news reporter and Web producer who craves intellectual stimulus outside of her job. When a guy can't keep up with her as she discusses the news, debates the merits of legal reforms, and cracks sarcastic, witty jokes, she notices that she immediately gets turned off.
She's not the first and hardly the only woman to express a similar sentiment: Some women need a challenge, a man who encourages her to be her fastest, smartest self. "We've all heard the sentiment that when passion fades, you need something else to keep your spark alive," says a 23-year-old friend. "I think that's why dating your intellectual equal is so important. When you have stimulating conversation with someone who really makes you think and who can open your eyes to new things and experiences, you never get bored."
Or perhaps you simply need someone who can keep up; it's nice to have someone who gets your jokes and is able to discuss deep, serious things when they come up over the course of a relationship. If you have no meeting of the minds, it can be tough navigating life's little curveballs together, unless there is one mutually agreed-upon dominant partner who makes the decisions, eliminating the need for debate over every major event.
Other women, however, crave the opposite in a partner. "I need my man to be less smart than me," says one 27-year-old woman, who jokingly says she thinks the smarter partner controls the relationship. "If he can outsmart me, then he could squash my ability to sneak things under his nose!"
After dating a know-it-all-type, another 29-year-old woman needed a reprieve from conversations that were always mind-numbingly specific and intense—and left her feeling exhausted. "My ex was so smart that he made me feel dumb," she says. "Granted, a lot of that was because he rubbed his genius in my face," she says. After an experience like that, perhaps a silly partner who lets you be yourself and would rather discuss what movie you'd like to see than compare and contrast the Roman empire and feudal Japan feels more your speed.
Source: bbernard/Shutterstock
"Sara" and "John" met online. She was attracted by his profile, which made him seem smart, thoughtful and interesting. He liked how she looked in her photos, and also thought she sounded fun, interesting, and smart. Everything went smoothly—until they met in person for a cup of coffee. They had many things in common and talked for about 45 minutes. Then John looked at his watch and said that he had to get going. He didn’t mention getting together again, and that was the last Sara heard from him.
What happened?
There are many possible reasons that John might have decided not to pursue the relationship further: He may simply have decided he was not attracted to her after all, or that she was not as interesting as she seemed in her profile. Or he may have difficulty with intimacy or some other issue she could have no way of knowing about. But Sara had a hard time letting it go. She wanted to know if she had done something to drive him away. As she went over their conversation in her mind, she realized there was one thing that stood out—though she did not want to believe it.
“He knew what I did for a living, because I listed it on my profile. But he made a comment about something in my field, and I responded with some information from a research paper I had just published,” she told me. “And it was right after that that he told me that he had to go.”
Sara is a scientist with several advanced degrees. “I’m used to sharing ideas with guys in the lab. But I’m also used to guys outside of work being intimidated by what I do.” When she was younger, she had gotten used to guys rejecting her as a possible girlfriend because they thought she was too serious, too scholarly, or too smart. Was that what had happened with John?
Years ago, Sara’s mother told her, “If you want to find a husband, don’t be too smart.” Sara had discounted the advice as old fashioned, and anti-feminist. Her previous long-term boyfriend not only did not seem bothered by her intelligence; he seemed to enjoy it. But now that she was dating again, she was worried that her mom might have been onto something.
Was Sara’s mother right? A study published in July 2015 suggests that she might well have been, much to the consternation of many women—and some men.
Lora Park, a social psychologist at the University of Buffalo, along with her colleagues Ariana Young and Paul Eastwick, studied the reactions of men to women whom they experienced as smarter than them. In three separate studies, the team found that men were attracted to such women at a distance, yet found them less attractive, both physically and emotionally, when they were in closer contact.
In one study, male undergraduates were asked to read about a hypothetical situation in which a female student in their class outperformed them, or underperformed them, in either a math or an English class, and then to imagine how they would think, feel, and behave in such a situation. They were then asked to rate the woman both in terms of warmth and friendliness, and in terms of how desirable they would find her as a long-term romantic partner. Whether the subject was math or English, the men rated the woman who outperformed them as a desirable long-term romantic partner.
In a different study, the researchers put male college students in a room to take a test with a college-aged woman who was, in fact, a “confederate” working with the team. This young woman was supposedly taking the test with the students and made limited small talk before the test began. Afterward, test “scores” were distributed, and in the final moments, the young men were asked by testers whether they found the young woman attractive and would be interested in dating her.
In this study, men who believed themselves to have been outperformed by a woman in the same room with them tended to rate her as less attractive and showed less desire to exchange contact information or plan a date with her.
What is this about?
According to these studies, men seem to be attracted by women whom they think are smarter or more competent at intellectual tasks than they are, but only if the women are at a psychological and physical distance from them. Up close and personal, it appears that men prefer women who are not so smart.
A third set of experiments revealed much the same, with some possible explanation of why this happens. In those tests, male participants were asked to evaluate their sense of masculinity in the situations in which they had been outsmarted or outperformed in front of a woman who might have been a potential romantic interest. Park and her colleagues concluded that there may be something about being in physical proximity to someone who is outperforming oneself that decreases a man’s sense of his masculinity. Thus, they suggest, when a woman is nearby, some men may actually feel her competence as a threat to their masculinity, whereas this is not the case when a woman is distant.
Do you find these ideas troubling? Have you, like me, seen them borne out in some situations? It does seem to be one possible (albeit not the only) explanation for John’s behavior after meeting Sara in person.
Fortunately, of course, there are also men and women who do not fit the pattern discovered in the research. I have seen and known many men who are close to, romantically attracted to, and in long-term, successful marriages with women who outperform them—and whom they also consider smarter than themselves.
Sara, as it happens, finally met one of those men. After a lot of dates, a few duds, and a period of unsuccessful meet-ups, she met and fell in love with a man who admires and is attracted to her as a whole package—intelligence and all. They’ve been living together for a couple of years and are making plans for a wedding.
Please share your own thoughts, experiences, and ideas about these questions!
All names and identifying information (except for scholarly material) have been changed to protect privacy.
copyright@fdbarth2016
References
(Psychological) Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Effects of Psychological Distance and Relative Intelligence on Men’s Attraction to Women. In Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 2015, Vol. 41(11) 1459–1473 By Lora E. Park, Ariana F. Young, and Paul W. Eastwick
Five benefits of dating a smart woman
You won't get bored
There is always something to talk about with a smart woman. She understands a lot about the world and how it works. You can't be having sex all the time, and in a relationship you're going to spend a fair amount of time discussing things. Having someone brilliant by your side makes life more interesting.
She will probably make more money
This isn't always the case, but intelligent women can be more ambitious and educated, which leads to greater career success. We're not suggesting you be a sponge, but having a successful physician for a wife can allow you to quit your high-paying, yet boring job so you can dream of following your true calling, and that's awesome.
They can be more adventurous
An intelligent mind doesn't settle for spending every evening killing brain cells in front of the TV. She will want to go out and experience new things, and might be more inclined to experience new things when you're alone together as well.
She will make you better
When she has a few more IQ points than you, you're going to be challenged. Sometimes, this involves getting called on your bullshit. That's a good thing because always getting away with it isn't doing you any favours in life. She will keep you on your toes and you'll have to work to keep up. You have to earn the right to stay with her, and this makes you a better man.
She might take better care of herself
With intelligence can often come a long-term understanding of the cause and effect of personal behaviours and habits. She may be less likely to smoke, drink to excess or eat poorly, and she may be more likely to exercise. Of course, you'll want to keep up, but having a partner who values staying fit is a bonus in any relationship.
So check your ego at the door, and reap the benefits of being with an intelligent woman.
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...morelessETPrime stories of the day
Academic studies can be fascinating... and totally confusing. So we decided to strip away all of the scientific jargon and break them down for you.
The Background
In general, most people like the idea of "dating up." Isn't it better to find someone more attractive, more successful and more intelligent than your (already wonderful) self? That depends. For men, the idea of dating someone more intelligent than themselves may actually be a turn-off.
Research has found that analytical ability is considered a stereotypically masculine quality, and being competent and competitive are qualities that are particularly important to men, so female intelligence might be threatening for heterosexual men sizing up a prospective partner. A 2006 study found that men in a speed-dating environment found intelligence appealing unless they perceived their female date to be smarter than they. It's hard to tell how generalizable these findings are, but they do make one wonder: Even if a man says he wants a smart woman, is he actually attracted to one when she's in front of him?
Researchers from the University at Buffalo, California Lutheran University and the University of Texas at Austin explored this question in their new study. During their preliminary survey, 86 percent of men reported that they would feel comfortable dating someone smarter than they. In a series of six experiments, the researchers put these claims to the test.
The Setup
In the first version of the study, the researchers had 105 undergraduate men read a hypothetical scenario about a woman who scored better than them on a test, and then asked them to rate how romantically desirable that woman seemed. In the second, they had 151 undergraduate men take an intelligence test and then asked them if they'd like to meet the woman down the hall, who either scored better or worse than them on the test. Both of these studies found that when men imagined a hypothetical woman who was smarter than they, or only knew of the woman in an abstract sense, they were interested in meeting her and even dating her.
In the next two versions of the study, men interacted with a woman (who was in cahoots with the researchers) who either performed better or worse on an intelligence test than they did. After the participants met the woman, took the test while seated next to her and heard both of their scores read aloud, male participants were asked to move their chair across from the woman's chair. They were then told to take a survey about their first impressions of the other -- specifically, how attractive and desirable they found each other. The researchers looked at the distance between the two chairs as a measure of how attracted the man was to the woman.
Men who were partnered with a woman who scored higher on the intelligence test felt the need to physically distance themselves from her when moving their chairs. They also tended to rate her as less attractive and desirable to date than men who interacted with a woman who scored worse than they had.
The last two experiments got even more nuanced by looking at the way men rated their own masculinity. In the fifth version, men were either told there was a woman in the room next door, or they were seated face-to-face with a woman (again, in cahoots with the researchers). Participants and the woman shared basic information, like name, relationship status, age and year in school. They then took an intelligence test side-by-side and were told their scores aloud. The men were told that the woman either scored higher or lower than them on the test no matter how well they did. Finally, participants filled out a survey measuring how much they related to various stereotypically masculine qualities and how interested they were in the woman romantically.
The sixth and last version of the study repeated the procedure of the fifth, but the men in the study saw the woman for a few minutes in person at the beginning of the study (though they didn't interact with her).
The Findings
The last two versions of the study found that men were less interested in dating and interacting with a smarter woman when she was face-to-face with them. However, in the fifth study, when she was "psychologically distant" (supposedly in the next room), there was no difference in men's desire to date or interact with her no matter how well she scored on the test compared to them. In fact, the men who never saw the woman showed a "marginal tendency" to want to interact with a woman who was hypothetically smarter.
Overall, men were into hanging out with a smarter woman when they had yet to meet her, but they weren't so excited to hang out with a living, breathing intelligent woman staring them in the face.
Men also felt less masculine when they were faced with a smarter woman sitting next to them than when they never saw said smarter woman.
The Takeaway
This study sheds light on one reason dating is so complicated: We don't always know what we want, even if we think we do. This just happens to be a particularly depressing example.
It seems that, even if men say they want a smarter woman, when push comes to shove, they're not so into women who threaten their own intelligence. As the researchers put it, their findings suggest that there are "conditions under which self-protective concerns may trump qualities of partners that seem desirable at a distance." Translation: Men who blow off intelligent women might just be protecting their fragile masculine egos.
Of course, these findings don't mean that all or even most men are threatened by smart women. This study just adds to decades of literature on gender dynamics which suggests that, as a whole, there are a lot of icky complications around confidence and power wrapped up in heterosexual attraction. More research needs to be done until there are any practical implications.
In the meantime, it's probably not a bad idea for threatened men to do a little soul-searching and think about why they might be intimidated by smart women.
Also on HuffPost:
Brutally Honest Dating Profiles
My friend's boyfriend is charming, a gentleman, and great in bed. "But he's not that smart," my friend admits, "and that might just be a deal-breaker."
She's a hard-news reporter and Web producer who craves intellectual stimulus outside dating a girl smarter than you her job. When a guy can't keep up with her as she discusses the news, debates the merits of legal reforms, and cracks sarcastic, witty jokes, she notices that she immediately gets turned off.
She's not the dating a girl smarter than you and hardly the only woman to express a similar sentiment: Some women need a challenge, a man who encourages her to be her fastest, smartest self. "We've all heard the sentiment that when passion fades, you need something else to keep your spark alive," says a 23-year-old friend. "I think that's why dating your intellectual equal is so important, dating a girl smarter than you. When you have stimulating conversation with someone who really makes you think and who can open your eyes to new things and experiences, you never get bored."
Or perhaps you simply need someone who can keep up; it's nice to have someone who gets your jokes and is able to discuss deep, serious things when they come up over the course of a relationship. If you have no meeting of the minds, it can be tough navigating life's little curveballs together, unless there is one mutually agreed-upon dominant partner who makes the decisions, eliminating the need for debate over every major event.
Other women, however, crave the opposite in a partner. "I need my man to be less smart than me," says one 27-year-old woman, who jokingly says she thinks the smarter partner controls the relationship. "If he can outsmart me, then he could squash my ability to sneak things under his nose!"
After dating a know-it-all-type, another 29-year-old woman needed a reprieve from conversations that were always mind-numbingly specific and intense—and left her feeling exhausted. "My ex was so smart that he made me feel dumb," she says. "Granted, a lot of that was because he rubbed his genius in my face," she says. After an experience like that, perhaps a silly partner who lets you be yourself and would rather discuss what movie you'd like to see than compare and contrast the Roman empire and feudal Japan feels more your speed.
Five benefits of dating a smart woman
You won't get bored
There is always something to talk about with a smart woman. She understands a lot about the world and how it dating a girl smarter than you. You can't be having sex all the time, and in a relationship you're going to spend a fair amount of time discussing things. Having someone brilliant by your side makes life more interesting.
She will probably make more money
This isn't always the case, but intelligent women can be more ambitious and educated, which leads to greater career success. We're not suggesting you be a sponge, but having a successful physician for a wife dating a girl smarter than you allow you to quit your high-paying, yet boring job so you can dream of following your true calling, and that's awesome.
They can be more adventurous
An intelligent mind doesn't settle for spending every evening killing brain cells in front of the TV. She will want to go out and experience new things, and might be more inclined to experience new things when you're alone together as well.
She will make you better
When she has a few more IQ points than you, you're going to be challenged. Sometimes, this involves getting called on your bullshit. That's a good thing because always getting away with it isn't doing you any favours in life. She will keep you on your toes and you'll have dating a girl smarter than you work to keep up. Dating a girl smarter than you have to earn the right to stay with her, and this makes you a better man.
She might take better care of herself
With intelligence can often come a long-term understanding of the cause and effect of personal behaviours and habits. She may be less likely to smoke, drink to excess or eat poorly, and she may be more likely to exercise. Of course, you'll want to keep up, but having a partner who values staying fit is a bonus in any relationship.
So check your ego at the door, and reap the benefits of being with an intelligent woman.
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.morelessETPrime stories of the day
When it comes to love, sometimes what we say we want and what we actually wind up wanting can be two totally different things.
Human beings, aren't we such stinking enigmas?
Take for example the complex topic of what men honestly think about dating an intelligent woman.
If you ask a guy how he feels about dating a smart woman, he'll probably say something along the lines of, "Sure, I don't care," or even, "Yes! Intelligence is extremely attractive!"
But in truth, studies have shown that while men might talk a big game about loving women with gigantic brains in theory, smart women actually make most of them feel insecure. When faced with the real possibility of dating a woman who is a smarter, higher achieveer, dating a girl smarter than you, most men quiclkly lose interest in actually pursuing her.
RELATED: Science Confirms Men Are Intimidated By Smart Women
Is this ridiculous? Oh, absolutely. Do I blame the patriarchy? Oh, even more absolutely.
But do I think that's the only thing to blame for this disparity between what men say they want and what they actually want when it comes to their love lives? No way!
I believe that at least part of the reason many men won't actually make a move toward forming relationships with highly intelligent women is that they're biologically wired to feel they have a responsibility to provide for their partners.
And obviously, because that's not exactly a feminist ideal, men aren't exactly chomping at the bit to share their feelings about the subject.
But I knew there was one place on the internet where men would feel free to talk openly about what they think about dating smart women: the AskMen subreddit!
The men there had no problem opening up about how they feel when they aren't the smartest person in their relationship. And while some of them walked the politically acceptable line, others weren't scared to tell it how they see it.
Here's what 21 men say they think about dating an intelligent woman, for better or for worse:
1. Smart women can be lots of fun.
"I dated a biologist last year. Literally the smartest dating a girl smarter than you I've ever dated. She's currently working on a cure for pneumonia on HIV patients. She was fun. I don't think her intelligence made her socially awkward or anything."
2. It's about a balance.
"Dating someone smarter than me sounds 1,000 times better than dating someone dumber than me. Dating someone who is roughly as smart as I am, I think, would be ideal."
3. Smart women are impressive.
"I liked it a lot. Given that I am in medical school, I find people who go into academics purely for the sake of knowledge and learning impressive. Also, we know PhDs don't make that much, so I guess in my mind it makes it more of a 'devotional' quest? My ex was doing her PhD, also I asked he for science and math help through all of college, dating a girl smarter than you, and I adored how fast and concise she could explain things to me."
4. Intelligence is attractive.
"I think it’s pretty sexy, dating a girl smarter than you I have a thing for academics. A girl that can knockout the Friday NYT crossword? Rawr."
5. Smart women are great . as long as they don't outshine a man in all other areas as well.
"Smarter? No problem. Smarter, more educated, and more financially well off? It's a problem. I have to feel like I'm bringing something to the table besides good looks."
6. It depends on what kind of smart.
"If you can think critically and are engaged in your experience of the world and know how to properly reflect on that, then that's a baseline level of intellect that I can get with. If you're just a walking encyclopedia of random Wikipedia facts and you think you're smarter than me for it, then I'll pass."
7. How smart you are or aren't is less important than sharing similar interests.
"I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is noticeably smarter or dumber than I am. A lot of people have different interests though. Some people are interested in intellectual things and some people aren’t, but that’s not the same thing as being intelligent."
8. Smart women are great . as long as they don't use their intelligence against him.
"Wouldn't bother me in the slightest, just don't lord it over me."
RELATED: The Sad Reason Smart Women Stay Single For Much Longer
9. It's awesome when your strengths and weaknesses compliment one another.
"Nothing wrong with that. I recognized there are gaps in my personality/intelligence so not a big deal if my partner can fill those gaps in. She's not a jerk about either, dating a girl smarter than you, so we're good."
10. Whether or not it works is all about balance.
"My girlfriend is way smarter in only an academic sense. And that’s totally cool with me. She’s horrible at math and she’s impressed with most things I do so it’s a decent balance."
11. Smart women are great . as long as they don't get too challenging.
"Depends if they are confrontational about it or not."
RELATED: Science Confirms Men Are Petrified Of Smart Women
12. Smart is good, but not arrogant.
"I haven't had any experience with a girl who's noticeably smarter than me, but I have experienced the dumb ones and I'm pretty sure I'd take the smarter girls any day of the week. Nothing is worse than having a conversation with your girl and she says something you know for a fact is false but you don't want to hurt her feeling so you just kind of agree. Depending on the situation Dating a girl smarter than you would still call her out as being blatantly wrong though."
13. Smart women can be kind of intimidating (but that's OK).
Related Stories From YourTango:
"Maybe a tad intimidated, but in a good way."
14. Being smart is different than being wise.
"My wife is definitely smarter than me. She's a teacher and has a Master's degree. I think I'm wiser than she is, though. I've had a lot more varied life experiences and have had more to struggle against than she did, dating a girl smarter than you. She's got the school smarts and I have the street smarts. It works well for us."
RELATED: Men Reveal The 7 Most Common Insecurities For Guys (That Women Don't Even Realize)
15. Big brains are required, actually.
"I'm an intellectual, so high intelligence in my partner is a must if we're talking serious relationships. I'm not threatened by a woman being 'smarter' than I am. In fact, I prefer it, because I always want to be in a position where I can learn something from the people closest to me. But for FWB relationships, intelligence or lack thereof is a complete non-factor. I care mostly about physical assets in that case."
16. Date a smart woman? Yes, please!
"Sign me up. Intelligence is sexy as hell."
17. Smart woman are exciting.
"I used to have lunch with a colleague, and one day I randomly read out the quiz section from the daily newspaper and she dating a girl smarter than you answered everything, dating a girl smarter than you. Had the whole face resting on one hand, other hand playing with her food. Thought it was so sexy. I asked her out the next day but she wasn't interested. Some of these questions were crazy hard that covered chemistry, history, astrology, movies, social culture and animals."
18. Smart women are great . as long as they aren't arrogant about it.
"I think people who are arrogant or look down on other people are a problem. Otherwise, there's no upper limit for brains in a partner. Also, as I get older I realize that there are different types of intelligence. I am smarter than my wife in some ways/areas. She is smarter than me in some ways/areas."
19. Smart women are just too difficult to bother with.
"I've dated intelligent women. Just makes for a significant other that is uncompromising and tedious."
20. Smart women are too competitive.
"I haven't dated anyone that I felt was like astronomically more intelligent, but honestly, with the girls I'd consider at least equal or possibly smarter it was always this tiresome competition to show that they're as smart or smarter than I am."
21. Smart women are great . as long as they are way less competent in other ways.
"Currently dating a molecular biologist and while she is extremely smart in academic areas, she is completely lost in other fields which I have an interest in. She barely knows how to use a hammer or have got barely any history knowledge. So yeah, I am not intimidated at all."
RELATED: 5 Ways Smart, Savvy, Empowered Women Date Very Differently
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.
When She's Smarter Than He, How Is The Relationship Impacted?
The phrase opposites attract often seems true in love. Opposites in love relationships can be helpful and they present challenges for partners.
A delicate balance of partner's strengths and weaknesses leads to successful relationships. Balance is hard to maintain when one partner's strengths outweigh the others. Sometimes these strengths which were attractive early on become overbearing and tip the scale.
Differences in intelligence levels can sometimes tip the balance and lead to problems.
An Uneven Playing Field
When intelligence levels differ, it can spell trouble for the couple. The wider the gap between IQs, the less the partners will have in common.
Open communication and frequent conversations are the foundation of strong dating a girl smarter than you. These become challenging when there is intellectual disparity between partners.
Studies show that things become particularly tricky when the smarter partner is female. When “she” is smarter than “he” in a relationship, how is the dynamic affected? The answer varies, but the general principles are the same.
Studies show our society is still adapting to women as successful breadwinners. More and more women are establishing themselves as leaders in the workplace. Women are earning more degrees and higher GPAs than men, dating a girl smarter than you.
These strides in their professional life do not translate into success in relationships. When a woman is more intelligent than her male counterpart, studies show relationships change.
Men feeling emasculated or inadequate
Men often feel inadequate or less masculine when their partner is more intelligent.
The world associates the ability to provide for a household with men. To a man a woman who is more intelligent or dating a girl smarter than you a higher salary than he may feel threatening.
Partners not sharing responsibilities
Partners who do not feel equally “yoked,” struggle to make joint decisions and to share responsibilities. For obvious reasons, this can lead to problems in the relationship. A male partner who feels overshadowed by his more-intelligent, more-successful female partner may feel unmotivated to participate equally.
Partners feeling dependent or resentful
Feeling less intelligent than his counterpart, a male may become dependent and rely on the female. Such dependency can lead to frustration and resentment in the female. In these cases, partners may struggle to exist in harmony.
Finding Balance
Using each partner's strengths for good is the key to relationship balance. Even where differing intelligence levels exist, harmony can be struck.
Recognize that intelligence exists in different forms and different ways. One of you may be more book-smart while the other has a more practical mind that can solve everyday problems.
It is quite possible to love and be in a healthy relationship with someone who is different than you. Instead of focusing on your differences, choose to focus on what you enjoy and the fun you have together.
Choose to focus on your partner's strengths and talents, not what he/she is lacking.
If you'd like tools to improve your relationship satisfaction, take my workshops where I use a proven method to increase relationship satisfaction. For more information, visit www.holdmetightevents.com.
21 Tips to Dating a Highly Intelligent Woman
Nowadays, meeting intelligent women is a usual thing. Thanks to the progress and development of civil rights, women have just as many possibilities as men. They can work the same shifts, do the same work, and even compete with men in all kinds of different activities. Still, some men don’t know what to do and how to act in the company of intelligent women. Read the following tips on dating intelligent women to know whether it is your thing or not. You should also know where to meet intelligent women because there are certain places they can be found at.
Intelligent Women: a Blessing or a Threat?
Do men like intelligent women? This is a tricky question. One thing is certain, though, and that is the fact that a lot of women now are intelligent. Therefore, those who don’t like it may suffer difficulties approaching any woman at all. Thinking that women can’t be intelligent or that their intelligence poses a threat is nothing else but sexism, dating a girl smarter than you. Those believing in the benefits and virtues of equality, on the other hand, are glad women now have the same opportunities as men.
Some men ask “are women dating a girl smarter than you intelligent than men?” This question cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. It would be better if such question would never appear at all because intelligence obviously doesn’t depend on sex. Both men and women can be intelligent and everything depends on a particular man or woman. Women are equal to men in everything that matters but considering women more intelligent than men undermines the principles of equality.
Female intelligence is not a new thing. There were many intelligent women in history like queens Elizabeth and Victoria, prime minister Margaret Thatcher, jazz legend Nina Simone, and many, dating a girl smarter than you, many others. Female equality became a reality in the 20th century when women obtained their right to vote. Today, women successfully proved they could handle any intellectual labor just the same as men.
Intelligent women are most certainly not a threat. It’s much better to think of this fact as a blessing. Why would a real man intentionally want his girlfriend to be dumb? This simply sounds offensive. Such attitude would most certainly be harmful when it comes to dating women. Even average women who don’t have a degree or private business won’t consider women to be unworthy of intelligence and wisdom. Therefore, a man who thinks that women shouldn’t be intelligent would most certainly fail in any kind of relationship. That’s because there’s no place for sexism in the modern world, at least in the most civilized parts of it.
Dating a Highly Intelligent Woman: Tips and Advice
So, now that we know that women are intelligent it is time to offer some piece of advice for those men dating a girl smarter than you feel they need to correct their approach. Having an intelligent woman by your side certainly comes with benefits but you are required to deal with the challenges. You are expected to be responsible, confident, respectful, and understanding if you want to succeed with strong intelligent dating a girl smarter than you. Read the following tips to know what to do and what not to do.
The Art of Conversation
Strong intelligent women like to have meaningful dating a girl smarter than you. In other words, they may treat you according to your ability to make an interesting conversation. One of the best ways to get along with an intelligent woman is to have an interesting dialog with her.
Tell About Yourself
Start by telling about yourself and be passionate about it. Talk about dating a girl smarter than you you like, what you do in life, what are your tastes and preferences. Intelligent girls like men who have hobbies and interests. Make the girl interested in what makes you interested. For example, you may tell about your music collection or about your interest in traveling. Express yourself clearly and smile while you do it.
Listen to Her
Next step on your way to a successful conversation is to be a good listener. Intelligent women especially like to be listened to. Pay attention to what she has to say and ask her questions. Express interest and be enthusiastic about getting to know her better. In other words, establish contact in order to get closer.
Try to maintain a delicate balance between talking and listening. You should avoid talking about yourself all the time. Keep in mind the need to share your emotions and speak when you think you have something useful, wise, and kind to say. Let your dating partner speak her mind. Be sympathetic and understanding because a woman needs your support and care.
Creativity
Intelligent women are usually very creative, artistic, and original. In order for you to catch up with her, you also need to be creative. Being creative and original helps you distinguish yourself from other men and their casual approach to women, dating a girl smarter than you. Try to be innovative to make something that will surely stick in the girl’s mind. Nothing else is more boring that the lack of creativity. Women easily get tired when you approach them in a common way. A date should be exceptionally original if only you want it to be followed by a second one.
Original Date
When you go on a date with an intelligent woman, consider different options. For example, choose going to a gallery or a festival instead of a more traditional visit to a restaurant. Or go on a little trip full of small and memorable adventures. You can choose going to a park, museum or a fair. Whatever you do, make something you both could enjoy.
Respect
Intelligent beautiful women expect you to dating a girl smarter than you them. Successful relationships are built on mutual respect. You wouldn’t be able to impress a woman unless you respect her. Intelligent women are especially demanding regarding this. Therefore, be polite and respectful. Accept women you meet as they are and don’t be judgmental.
Confidence
Intelligent women like confident men. Others would only believe in you if you have faith in yourself first. Therefore, be confident because confidence is the key when it comes to dating. Confident men have more chances to succeed with women because women think all men should naturally be confident.
Understanding
To reach mutual understanding with an intelligent woman you need to have an open mind. In other words, think out of the box. It is preferable not to fall for prejudices or be critical. Keep in mind that each woman needs time to open up and, dating a girl smarter than you, therefore, you shouldn’t demand much right from the start. Mutual understanding needs time to nourish when it comes to dating. Have an open mind and let an intelligent woman show you her positive sides.
Non-verbal Communication
You should know how non-verbal communication works because it can increase your chances for success. According to the scientific studies, people obtain around 50% of all knowledge not through words when they talk to other people. Your moves, gestures, the tone of your voice, and look in the eyes all matter when it comes to effective communication. You should use the benefits of non-verbal communication to impress intelligent women.
Tone of Voice
Keep in mind that you should maintain a peaceful and casual tone of voice. Under no circumstances should you shout or talk quietly. Avoid these two extremes so you won’t alienate women from you. Try to make your voice sound intimate but don’t overdo it. Your tone of voice should be comforting and relaxing.
Gestures
Yes, you should smile when you’re on a date but don’t do it all the time. Intelligent women may think you’re silly or fooling around. Therefore, smile occasionally when the timing is right. Don’t be gloomy or sad. Never attend a date in a bad mood. Your facial expressions should be natural. If they’re saying something, then you should try to express joy and openness with a smile and other relaxing gestures.
Moves
Make it your habit not to make any sudden moves, dating a girl smarter than you. Also, don’t do something irritating with your hands or legs. Don’t shake, move all the time or do any of such things because it may make the woman think you’re nervous. All your anime girl dating game android of non-verbal communication should express confidence.
Look in the Eyes
You should maintain eye contact when you date an intelligent woman. It is advisable to look for no longer than 3 seconds to show your intentions and not to appear awkward.
Where to Meet Intelligent Women
There are many places you can visit to find intelligent women. Here are some of them: a library, a museum, a gallery, a concert, theater, cultural events, etc. Intelligent women like to spend their time creatively. A lot of them are artists or are interested in art. These are not all the places where to find intelligent women. Consider going to the cinema, visit a fair, walk in a park or attend a lecture. In other words, think about creative leisure opportunities.
Art shows
If there are art exhibitions or shows in your city, don’t waste your time and just go there. On weekends such places are full of smart and beautiful girls. And it would be easy to come up with a conversation starter – just look around to find one.
Coffee shops
Freelancers and women of some creative professions like to grab a book and go to a coffee shop to get double pleasure. There might be a huge number of such places in your area, just the coziest one or that offers a chance to work right there.
Concerts
Here everything will depend on the genre and preferences in music. Don’t judge a book by its cover since many intelligent women also listen to pop or alternative music while nobody hears.
Book release parties
If there are a couple of decent book shops in your area, make sure to visit them since intelligent women like to read and attend different book release parties. Such a place is perfect for getting acquainted with a smart lady.
Gifts for Intelligent Women
Like all other women, intelligent women like to receive presents as well. Buying a gift for your woman is a noble thing to do. Everybody likes presents, and women especially. Here are some options for you to consider.
Books
Intelligent women like to read. Some say that a book is the best present. Buy her something to read but make a good choice. For example, buy something you would read yourself.
Merchandise
Consider buying something not practical. Go to a souvenir shop and look for something creatively expressive. Consider some folk or ethnic things like bracelets or dream catchers (ancient Indian amulets). In other words, buy something interesting.
Art
Try choosing something artistic as a present for intelligent women. For example, buy her a painting or vase. Perhaps, you may surprise her with a beautiful figure or some other handmade crafts, dating a girl smarter than you. All in all, artistic presents usually make the best gifts for intelligent women.
A Kindle Paperwhite ebook reader
If your intellectual woman is eco-friendly, then she would like to get an electronic reader not to harm nature. Such a gift will provide her with many opportunities since it is equipped with different additional features that will come in handy, for example, while reading in transport.
Smart jewelry
Nowadays, you are not limited to choosing ordinary jewelry to present to your intelectual woman. You can find many great options that will combine the best qualities of high-tech devices and pretty jewelry, even with precious stones.
Stylish headphones
Many intelligent females are big music lovers, and if your girlfriend is one of them, then stylish and high-quality headphones can become an awesome gift and evokes many positive emotions. Just make sure they fir her lifestyle and image in general.
Don’t Judge Based on Looks
Intelligent women care more about what you think about their mind than what you think about their body. In other words, you should prove that you like her mind more than you should prove that you like her body. So, for example, a typical compliment for an intelligent woman would sound like this “you’re really smart” and not like this “you’re very beautiful&rdquo. The thing is that intelligent women don’t really care that much about their looks. They are looking for men who can appreciate their mind. Make sure you do that.
Finally, following all the tips should get you on a date with a highly intelligent woman. It is always better to expect the unexpected and plan ahead. Your approach should be accurate and careful because intelligent women are very demanding. Believe it or not, this is for the best. You won’t ever be bored with a woman whose intelligence you can enjoy. Smart women are cool to be around with. They are very independent, interesting, and should i try a dating app. They are also very reliable. You can count on them. In a long-term perspective, intelligent women make the best dating partners. Respect them, allow them to express themselves, listen attentively, and be confident. Good luck!
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