This Valentine’s Day, many single people will be looking for their date online. In fact, this is now one of the most popular ways heterosexual couples meet. Online dating provides users with access to thousands, online dating for asian males millions, of potential partners they are otherwise unlikely to encounter.

It is fascinating to see how online dating — with its expanded dating pools — transforms our dating prospects. Can we broaden our social network to a variety of backgrounds and cultures by accessing thousands of profiles? Or do we limit our choice of partners through targeted searches and strict preference filters?

When photos are readily available for users to evaluate before they decide to chat online or meet offline, who can say that love online dating for asian males blind?

Before I started my research project about online dating in Canada, online dating for asian males, I did a micro social experiment with my partner. We created two profiles on a mainstream dating app for heterosexuals: one was a profile for a man that used two of his photos — an Asian man — and the other profile was for an Asian woman and used two of my photos.

Each profile included a side-face photo and an outdoor portrait wearing sunglasses. One reason we used side-face photos and self-portraits with sunglasses was to avoid the issue of appearance. In online dating, discrimination based on looks deserves a separate article!

On both profiles, we used the same unisex name, “Blake,” who had the same interests and activities — for example, we included “sushi and beer” as favourites.

Every day, each of us indiscriminately liked 50 profiles in our respective dating pool.

Guess what happened?

Asian men rejected

The female Blake got numerous “likes,” “winks” and messages every day, whereas the male Blake got nothing.

Read more: Does being smart and successful online dating for asian males your chances of getting married?

This reality took an emotional toll on my partner. Even though this was just an experiment and he was not actually looking for a date, it still got him down. He asked to stop this experiment after only a few days.

Such experiences are not unique to my partner, online dating for asian males. Later in my research project, online dating for asian males, I interviewed many Asian men who shared similar stories. One year-old Chinese Canadian man told me in the interview:

“… it makes me angry cause it sort of feels like you’re getting rejected online dating for asian males sometimes like you’re messaging people and then, they unmatch you … or sometimes they don’t respond, or you just keep getting no responses… it feels like a small rejection. So yeah, it feels bad ….”

My partner’s experience in our experiment and my research participants’ lived experiences echoed findings and themes in other studies, online dating for asian males. A large body of sociological research has found that Asian men live “at the bottom of the dating totem pole.” For example, among young adults, Asian men in North America online dating for asian males much more likely than men from other racial groups (for example, white men, Black men and Latino men) to be single.

Stereotypes: Asian women versus Asian men

Gender differences in romantic relationships are especially pronounced among Asian young adults: Asian men are twice as likely as Asian women to be unpartnered (35 per cent versus 18 per cent).

This gender gap in romantic involvement among Asians is, in part, online dating for asian males, because Asian men are much less likely than Asian women to be in a romantic or marital relationship with a different-race partner, online dating for asian males though Asian men and women appear to express a similar desire to marry outside of their race.

The gender differences in patterns of romantic involvement and interracial relationship among Asians result from the way Asian women and Asian men are seen differently in our society. Asian women are stereotyped as exotic and gender-traditional. They are therefore “desirable” as potential mates. But stereotypes of Asian men as unmasculine, geeky and “undesirable” abound.

While many people recognize the racism in elite-college admissions, in workplaces or in the criminal justice system, they tend to attribute racial exclusion in the dating market to “personal preferences,” “attraction” or “chemistry.”

However, as sociologist Grace Kao, from Yale University, and her colleagues have pointed out, “gendered racial hierarchies of desirability are as socially constructed as other racial hierarchies.”

Seemingly personal preferences and choices in modern romance are profoundly shaped by larger social forces, such as unflattering stereotypical media depictions of Asians, a history of unequal status relations between western and Asian countries, and the construction of masculinity and femininity in society. Regular exclusion of a particular racial group from having romantic relationships is known as sexual racism.

Finding love online

Online dating may have radically changed how we meet our partners, but it often reproduces old wine in new bottles. Like the offline dating world, gendered racial hierarchies of desirability are also evident in cyberspace and operate to marginalize Asian men in online dating markets.

Research from the United States shows that when stating racial preferences, more than 90 per cent of non-Asian women excluded Asian men. Furthermore, among men, whites receive the most messages, but Asians receive the fewest unsolicited messages from women.

Exactly because dating apps allow users to access and filter through a large dating pool, easy-to-spot characteristics like race may become even more salient in our search for love. Some people never make the cut just because they are already filtered out due to gendered and racialized stereotypes.

Read more: Tinder profiles around the world: Same, same but different

A year-old Filipino-Canadian man, who started using online dating almost 20 years ago, shared his experience with me:

“I don’t like online anymore. It doesn’t do you justice …. Most women who I ask to date would be Caucasian and I would get a lot of ‘no responses.’ And if they did, I always asked why. And if they were open to tell me, they online dating for asian males they were not attracted to Asian men. So in a sense, metaphorically, I didn’t get a chance to bat. Because they look at my ethnicity and they say no. In life, I’ll meet Caucasian women. Even if they look at me and I’m not white but because of the way I speak and act, I’m more North American, they think differently later. Not that they would initially say no, but after they knew me, they would reconsider.”

This participant felt he was often excluded before he got a chance to share who he really was.

When asked to compare meeting partners online and offline, a year-old white woman said she prefers meeting people in person because for her, that is where the judgemental walls come down:

“I find more quality in person. I’m in a better mindset. I’m definitely less judgemental when I meet someone offline — because online, the first thing you do is judge. And they’re judging you too — and you know you’re both figuring out whether you want to date. So there are a lot of walls you put up.”

For many online daters, the boundless promise of technology does not break social boundaries. If racial discrimination that prevails in the intimate sphere is left unchallenged, many Asian men will repeatedly encounter sexual racism.

I don’t love dating apps.

At first glance, it seems that hardly anyone does. Everyone is that friend or has friends who download and delete dating apps cyclically. Yet, no matter how much everyone claims to hate them, everyone still seems to have a folder on their phone that contains apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, online dating for asian males, Raya, Coffee Meets Bagel or whatever other new dating app is currently trending. 

As someone who grew up in a generation immutably connected to technology, it’s not just difficult to find romance without dating apps — it seems downright impossible. Deleting them is practically synonymous to “I’m online dating for asian males on being single for a while.” While I might be able to come to terms with that (for the time being) and live life dating-app free, there’s absolutely no way that my friends and acquaintances would follow suit if I asked them to. 

This led me to ask myself:  Why exactly do I dislike dating apps?

Well, for answers, let’s turn to season one, episode 10 of the Freeform sitcom “Grown-ish.” In this episode, Sky and Jazz — sisters who run collegiate track — talk about the discrimination they experience as black women in the dating scene. Admittedly, as an Asian man, I felt an eerie amount of correlation between my experiences and the ones Sky and Jazz described. The episode opens up relatively optimistically, with a brief discussion about how our generation is the most diverse and open-minded in dating history. It then quickly segues to consider that, online dating for asian males, despite this seemingly progressive overlook, there are still some statistically significant racial preferences at play. 

Pointing to data pulled from OKCupid, Tinder and other academic studies, white and Asian women are consistently the highest-rated demographic groups on dating apps. Meanwhile, online dating for asian males, Asian men and black women are the lowest-rated and most excluded groups. This, of course, should be no surprise. Dating apps are an easily accessible, digital representation of racial preferences in the real world. No matter how you try to spin an app into some groundbreaking, personality-first, connection-creating medium, it’s no different than window-shopping with other people’s photographs, online dating for asian males. As dating apps continue to dominate, they’ve also ushered in an era of unprecedented racial hierarchies in the dating market, unabated by the awkwardness of first meeting people in real life. 

This is why dating apps bother me. They open up a discussion I wasn’t ready to have, online dating for asian males, a hard-to-admit feeling that I do sit at the bottom of the racial hierarchy in terms of dating potential. Even worse, I don’t know if these racial preferences can be considered racist, no matter how easy it would be to deem them such. And even if they were racist, what can you do — call out your friends for not having enough diversity in their online matches? Even in this episode of “Grown-ish,” Sky and Jazz talk about how they prefer black guys and are unwilling to change their preferences just because online dating for asian males black guys at their campus aren’t into black girls. 

“I like what I like,” they said. 

What can you even say against that? 

I often wonder about how the connotations of racial preference also differ at the intersection of race and gender. If a heterosexual white male exclusively prefers Asian females, it’s “exotic fetishism.” In the opposite situation, the woman is called a “race-traitor” and “self-hating.” Dating within one’s race exclusively is becoming increasingly controversial, as is dating outside of one’s race. 

As we grow both more diverse and more discriminatory in our own generation, it’s necessary to continue thinking about how race factors into online dating for asian males interactions in our daily lives. I hope we can think critically about just how we form racial preferences in the first place and how we can battle these engrained preferences — because I don’t believe that claiming “I like what I like” is a sufficient response.

A friend texted me recently saying, “There is an incredible amount of racism in the community against Asian guys. . but I think people that are presented with obstacles and grow from them end up being much happier.” 

While there’s obviously no ill intent here, I can’t help but think this comment can only come from a place of privilege as a white male, online dating for asian males. Dating apps — and racial preferences by extension — are just another part of the systemic racial discrimination that’s been so integral in shaping my identity and experiences. 

I want to men dating sissies talking with my friends about their matches on Tinder, but I can’t say it doesn’t hurt my self esteem when we scroll through their matches and I see pages and pages of exclusively white men. To put it simply, I’ll quote this episode of “Grown-ish” one final time: “What I want is to have the same college experience as everyone else.” 

It’s just hard coming to terms with the fact that I know I won’t because of who I am.

Albert Qian is a junior writing about Asian identity. His column, online dating for asian males, “Analyzing Asian,” runs every other Wednesday.

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It was a regular day on the old social media feed. I was seeing what my old boss was up to on his Insta stories when one image stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a photo of Steven Yeun of Minari fame. The photo was part of the cover story for the April issue of GQ. Yeun was basking in the golden afternoon light like he just woke up from a nap, shirt unbuttoned half-way. I did what any rational adult would do: took a screen shot and saved it for my ‘special alone times’.

How did little Glen, that wily online dating for asian males boy from The Walking Dead, grow up online dating for asian males be such a fine specimen of a man? The photo shoot coincided with the historic announcement of Yeun's nomination for an Oscar for Best Lead Actor. Yeun is the first Asian-American nominee in the category for his role as Jacob in Minari. Eye candy aside, Minrari was also the first movie my partner Andrew and I saw physically at the cinemas in over a year after the pandemic struck.

Watching movies has always been an important part of our relationship from the beginning. It still is. Andrew is a cinephile. He doesn't discriminate. He loves excellent ‘bad cinema’ as much as questionable art house films. When we play trivia, he is the freak that knows every actor’s names, the directors’ names, their entire back catalog of work, everything. I find his IMDB knowledge sexy. Which is strange, because when we first met, I wasn't into Asian men at all. 

Like me, Andrew is Vietnamese-Catholic. I had always vowed that I would never marry someone like him. My mum had a turbulent relationship with my father.

Like me, Andrew is Vietnamese-Catholic. I had always vowed that I would never marry someone like him. My mum had a turbulent relationship with my father. Growing up, she would routinely tell my sister and I to avoid Vietnamese men. Occasionally, she might even suggest, why don't we avoid men in general and become nuns? 

So when I met Andrew, it was already deeply ingrained in my psyche to not find Asian men attractive. Which is why I was surprised to find myself drawn to him. He is six foot tall, slender, slightly nerdy with glasses, a great dresser.  He was also into alternative music and indie films. In other words - an Asian version of the guy I grew up having a crush on throughout my teens: Seth Cohen of the OC.

Andrew himself didn’t identify as attractive. Growing up an Asian male in a predominately caucasian neighbourhood, he had absorbed the message that ‘attractiveness’ was just not a quality associated with him. On the magazine stand at his parents’ independent grocery store, each Dolly or Girlfriend would routinely have Nick Carter or Brad Pitt labeled as the heart throb. There were no ethnic minorities that graced the cover as “hottest man alive”. Not even Idris Elba was considered attractive back in the 90s and he is so damn fine.

When Andrew started dating a caucasian girl, he would regularly get high-fived for it. White men going for Asian women is common. But an Asian boy with a white girl was rare. Even when he would get compliments on his looks it was always with a disclaimer. “You're really handsome - for an Asian”. Or “I'm not normally attracted to Asians but you're alright”. That was the flip side of yellow fever - the objectification of Asian women went hand in hand with the de-sexualisation of Asian men, online dating for asian males, as ‘the other’. 

When Andrew started dating a caucasian girl, he would regularly get high-fived for it.

For all the annoyance at the oversight of male Asian hotness, I must confess - for a while I was guilty of of my own prejudice. It wasn’t until meeting Andrew that I realised that across the board of humanity, the notion of ‘beauty’ isn’t hinged on whatever ethnicity they happen to be. Andrew would be a beautiful, online dating for asian males, caring, and physically attractive person if he was any other race. But while it seems obvious now, that wasn’t something I understood online dating for asian males. Because such is the power of systemic racism - it’s hard to be attracted to who you can’t see. 

These days, the world is slowly getting better at recognising the beauty in Asian men. BTS have become synonymous to ‘heartthrob’, Steven Yeun has taken his rightful place on magazine covers that was once reserved for white Hollywood stars. Marvel have just dropped the trailer starring Simu Liu of Kim's Convenience fame. He is the first Asian comic book hero to ever grace our screens and he's a total stud.

As for me, I have become an unlikely beneficiary of the society telling Asian men they aren’t attractive, online dating for asian males. A part of me suspects I am punching above my weight with my husband,  since we met at a time when he had no idea how handsome he is. But truth be told, I'm happy to reap the benefits.

Like many people, Hanmin Yang has long used dating apps in his search for love.

But after years of online dating, he realized that online dating for asian males was a need that mainstream apps weren’t fulfilling.

So, today, with the help from iBoost Zone, an early stage technology incubator at Ryerson, Yang is preparing to launch a new dating app into the mix.

Called Alike, external link, the app is unique in that it focuses on the celebration of Asian culture, identity and pride.

For Yang, a graduate of Ryerson’s bachelor's degree in filmmaking and master's degree in media production, the project is online dating for asian males perfect pairing of his passions.

“I wanted to become my own boss, so I thought of problems that I’d like to tackle - and creating meaningful connections was the one that really resonated,” he said.

‘Does he speak English?’

The need for Alike became apparent, he says, after years of online dating, and noticing patterns in the kinds of messages he was receiving, and the matches he was - and wasn’t - making.

“In real life, I don't have much of a problem connecting with women. But on dating apps, it's a totally different story,” said Yang, who grew up in Canada and whose parents are from South Korea.

First, he says negative stereotypes about Asian men depicted in the media over the years play a role.

“When women see images of Asian men on a dating app, they don't know it, but they're looking at these people through the lens that they've built over their years from watching certain movies that depict Asian people and Asian men in a certain light,” he said.

“One of the questions they ask themselves is, ‘Does he speak English?’” he said.

“That's one of the myths about Asian people that's perpetuated in society - that they're constant foreigners,” Yang continued, recognizing that Asian representation in media today has improved, but stereotypes still remain.

Lack of representation

He also says part of the problem is that some Asians have internalized negative stereotypes, which leads to a lack of confidence.

“I immigrated to Canada when I was eight years old, and I learned to navigate Canadian culture and society by watching television and movies. I watched Back to the Future, Fresh Prince, Saved by the Bell. I didn’t see any Asian people at all. Never. So, what was mainstream media telling me? That Asians are unwanted. And when you did see Asians, they were represented in a way that was embarrassing and insulting,” he said.

It’s those factors, along with the fact that mainstream apps don’t give the opportunity for people like Yang to accurately convey who they are, he said.

“People aren’t perceiving me accurately. I wanted a way for someone like myself to cut through negative stereotypes and be able to reveal my true personality, so that I can find meaningful connections,” he said.

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