Guy wants to be friends after dating - accept
By Lizzie Thompson Last Updated: Aug 1 2016
How many times has a romance fizzled but one of you followed up “I don’t think this isn’t working out…” with “…but I’d love to stay friends.” A bunch, right? Probably often enough that if you actually stayed friends with all those exes, your #squad would field a baseball team. “Let’s stay friends” has become as much of an empty phrase as “let’s do something again soon!” has after a (not-so-great) date.
But what happens when you actually want to be friends – is it possible?
I’m not talking about staying friends with someone after a full-blown committed relationship. That’s a topic for another time. What I’m asking is: Can you “stay friends” with a girl with whom you tested the dating waters, but ultimately one of you decided you didn’t want to swim all the way to Relationship Island together and settle in a cabana for two?
Good question. Let’s discuss post-dating friendship: 
If she ended things with you…
Be sure you actually want to be her friend… not something more.
Before you jump into friendship, ask yourself if you are doing it because you really just want to keep her in your life, or because you hope she’ll change her mind and want to date you? If the latter, it’s time to move-on-dot-org.
I went out with a guy last winter for a few dates and while we got along very well, it just, well, wasn’t there for me. Yes, we had great conversation, but I wasn’t feeling the butterflies. He reminded me of my brother-in-law, who’s a great guy, but well, like a brother to me. I explained this to him, and he said he understood but he wanted to be my friend after he took some time. So a couple weeks later when he reached out asking if we could get drinks I happily accepted.
It started innocently enough. We’d go out every few weeks or so and drink too much beer and he’d regale me with stories of his dates, good and bad. But when I mentioned one night that I had gone out with someone a handful of times and it was going well, he got angry that I was dating other people.
That became the trend – guilt trips, judgment, anger.
If I wasn’t free on a night he suggested doing something, he’d “joke” that I was blowing him off to go on dates with other guys. If I had to work late and cancel, same thing. Every time we went out seemed to escalate until our times to “catch up” felt more like an excuse for him to make me feel guilty about not dating him. There was nothing friend-like about our “catch ups.”. I finally brought this up and he conceded that no, he didn’t want to be just friends. We parted ways. Again.
If you ended it with her…
Be sure you actually want to be her friend…not something less.
A lot of guys say “Let’s be friends” because they don’t want to feel like a bad guy, thinking that the promise of friendship is going to be better than being the kind-of-a-jerk-in-the-end guy it didn’t work out with she tells her friends about over mimosas. But here’s the unfortunate truth, fellas: you can’t always be the good guy to every girl.
And that’s ok.
So before you toss the ol’ “But let’s be friends” offer on the table, think about why you want to stay friends with her. If it’s “Well, she makes me laugh and is really cool…I just can’t be in a committed relationship but want her in my life because she’s awesome,” say that. But if you realize, “Saying ‘let’s be friends’ is easier than admitting I just don’t want to be with her,” consider keeping that empty promise of friendship to yourself and leave the lass alone.
Sure, they make you feel good and you like being around them but don’t want the commitment? Ain’t nobody got time for that. So ask yourself if your request of friendship is fair to the other party.
If you weren’t really friends to begin with…
Be sure you actually *can* be friends.
Often, the problem with staying friends after a casual break-up is hard for the same reason it is for long-term couples splitting up: If a spark was there to ignite a relationship in the first place, then you really weren’t friends in the first place.
I, like many, take my friendships very seriously and put a lot of time and effort into being a good friend. And if you weren’t a friend to me before the romantic part, and the split is one-sided, why should you get that friendship A-game if you didn’t want my dating A-game?
Regardless of who ended things with whom, if you do decide to try out being buddies, follow these tips for friendship bliss:
1. Do give it time.
I have a completely non-scientific theory that you need to wait half the number of months as the number of dates that you went on before you can try friendship, so the feels can go away. So if you went out with a girl say, six times, you should wait three months before you try to touch base again. It takes time for romantic feelings to fade, and it can be hard to understand why someone wants to be your friend but not date you if that person is still all up in your space immediately following the split.
2. Do understand if she says no, and Don’t force it.
If you ended it, she may not want a constant reminder that she wasn’t the person for you, and if she ended it she may want to just move on and leave the past in the past. Either way is fine, and in that case you just need to look forward, and not try to make her change her mind. No one wants to be the guy shouting “pay attention to me! pay attention to me!”
3. Do be respectful in your friendship.
If you mutually agree to move back into friendsville, then you need to establish ground rules that will make you both happy as you navigate the post-dating stage. That will look different for everyone, and as friends you need to find that balance of what makes each party happy. And these ‘rules’ do not have to be set in stone, and can and should evolve as your friendship does.
Could the guy from my first example and I have stayed friends if he hadn’t made me feel pretty terrible about myself for not wanting to date him every time we hung out? Probably.
4. Don’t suggest having cake and eating it too.
If you catch my drift (wink wink). If you were at the part in your dating saga where you were intimate, and you decide to be “just friends,” understand that that most likely means no more sex. That goes back to my point of why should you get my time and charm if you didn’t want date me, but in this case why should you get the privilege of seeing me naked if you don’t want to date me?
Like I said, friendship ‘rules’ will look different for everyone, but I would say a good rule of thumb is don’t get naked. Unless you’re ready to have a conversation about what it means, or are both in agreement about the situation. And I mean serious agreement, not “I secretly hope we’ll start dating if I sleep with him again,” agreement. Because that’s just not nice.
5. Do be a good friend.
This is the most important one there is. The biggest heartache for women often doesn’t come from men breaking our hearts, but rather friends who ditch us/are flakey. Seriously. Girls are often so quick to forgive guys who screw us over but if a friend does it? Not so fast. It’s a deeper betrayal.
So if you’re going to be a friend, really be a friend. That means responding to messages from her, and listening if she comes to you with something she’s upset about. It means reaching out on your own, even if it’s just to say “hey how’s it going.” And it means that if she suggests plans and you are free, you go hang out with your friend, because that’s what friends do.
Tell me:
Any success stories out there of exes who have stayed friends? Any tips? Horror stories?
Lizzie Thompson lives in New York City where she works in media and freelance writes. She recently realized that instead of just talking with her friends about their dating lives, she could turn those sometimes-lousy, often great experiences into real-world advice, in the hopes of helping even just a few good men date with a little more style. You can follow her on Twitter.
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To be blunt: yes, if you have inquired and someone indicates that they do not have a romantic interest in you, you should probably respect that decision.
Not to say this is easy! Giving up on someone you like can be difficult, as you try to control your own emotions while remembering that it is not okay to pressure or harass someone.
Read on about how to go about it and what to do next.
She Just Wants To Be Friends
That's okay. She has the right to make that decision. That doesn't mean that you have to stop being friends, as long as your romantic actions haven't made the other person upset or scared.
What it means is that, for her sake and yours, you should give up trying to date her.
Why Me?
It's probably not just you. She might have a dozen reasons, such as she's not interested in a relationship right now, she's not attracted to people of your gender, she's focusing on her career or education, or she has friendlier feelings for you, etc.
Or maybe it is you. But that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Maybe she values you as a friend. Maybe she doesn't want to date people that she goes to school or work with.
You never know until you ask. If you are already friends, she might like your personality and give you an honest answer. You may also consider asking yourself why you are considering pursuing her in the first place.
One of the many reasons behind this may be psychological tension that can make you feel the need to pursue someone not interested in you romantically. Take a deep breath! The good news is that it's not the end of the world.
Reasons To Give Up
The idea of "giving up," as if you are failing at something, might seem like the wrong thing to do. However, that perspective that giving up is the same as losing is not necessarily correct. It's okay to abandon the interests and desires that do not positively serve you. It's also what decent people typically do, or at least try to do, when they realize that their desires are not reciprocated.
A friend, or any other human being, deserves your respect and understanding. In most cases, give up trying to date her, especially once she's made it clear that she's not interested - not just it's best for her, but because it's better for both of you.
You should respect her as a person, but even if you are upset or angry, try looking inward at why you feel these emotions instead of projecting them onto the other person.
- It's What She Wants
This has to be reason number one. That's why we've already said it - a couple of times.
Everyone gets to choose who they don't want to date. If she doesn't want to date you, you need to respect that.
2. She's Your Friend
That brings us to reason number two: she's your friend. You probably learned a long time ago that sometimes we need to compromise to keep our friends.
If you like her, be glad that she still wants to be friends, and remember that she probably won't want to be friends if you keep pursuing a romantic relationship with her against her wishes.
3. It's Good For You
Reason three is also about your benefit. If you're ready for a relationship and she's not interested, you're more likely to find someone who is if you stop trying to date her.
It is not easy to be rejected, but ultimately you are also avoiding more distress for yourself by respecting her wishes from the get-go. Opening your mind to finding interested people will probably speed things along for you. Going after her is probably just preventing you from forming meaningful relationships with other people.
If you give up temporarily in the hopes that she'll come around, you haven't given up.
There is a chance that she might change her mind, but it does not mean you should keep pursuing her until she does or give up on other opportunities for meaningful connection just because you are waiting for a sign that may never come. If she changes her mind and you are still interested in dating her, that would be great, but you cannot rely on that and can hurt yourself by refusing to move forward with your life.
You should be open to the idea of other relationships. This is one way to test your friendship. If you can stay friends, you'll be able to maintain healthy relationships with other people while still being friends with her.
What To Do
Remember to care for your own emotional needs and mental health.
Here are some ways that you can make sure that your needs are being met.
- Focus On Yourself
As mentioned above, she's probably avoiding a relationship to focus on herself. It probably wouldn't hurt you to do the same.
That doesn't mean that you have to commit to staying out of relationships; it just means that maybe you're putting too much emphasis on finding one.
2. Spend Time With Friends
A lot of people are interested in romantic relationships for support. However, this support can come from non-romantic relationships too.
Creating more meaningful relationships in your life won't only satisfy some of the emotional needs that you might associate with romantic relationships; it could also make you better at romantic relationships once you find one.
3. Keep Looking
As we've mentioned, giving up on trying to date your friend doesn't mean you need to give up dating. After all, looking for a new partner can be a fun and exciting experience.
Just consider looking in new places, maybe with people that you don't already know. And remember, if you need a romantic relationship to be happy, you may need to spend time learning to be happy with yourself.
4. Break It Off
You shouldn't jump to the conclusion that if she doesn't date you, you shouldn't be friends. However, if you decide that your feelings for her are so strong that you can't be her friend while respecting her wishes, distancing yourself might be the right thing to do.
Further, you may find that maintaining your friendship with her makes it difficult for you to have meaningful relationships with other people, and that's not good for anyone.
If you decide to stop being her friend, it can be important to explain why you feel like it's necessary. If she can be strong enough to tell you that she can't date you, she should be strong enough to hear that you can't be her friend, especially if your reasons for not being friends are noble and honest.
5. Talk To A Therapist
To be clear, just because your friend didn't want to date, you don't mean that there's something wrong with you.
However, as mentioned above, if you feel a strong need for a relationship, it could be a sign that you need emotional guidance that you aren't already getting. A therapist may be able to offer that support.
6. Talk To A Relationship Therapist
You're probably thinking, "can't go to a relationship therapist, I'm not in a relationship, remember?" I remember. However, remember that you don't need to have a mental illness to see a therapist, so you don't need to have a partner to see a couples counselor.
Just like talking to a therapist can still help anyone become a happier and healthier person, talking to a relationship counselor without being in a relationship can help you to understand what you want from a relationship and how to start on the path to building a strong and healthy relationship with someone right for you.
Further, not having been in a relationship with your friend doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to have thoughts or feelings that a relationship counselor may be able to help you work through.
Finding Support
If you're interested in talking to a therapist, talk to your regular care provider. They may be able to help you find therapists and resources in your community or a referral that will help your insurance pay for your therapy.
If you're interested in relationship counseling, your doctor might not be able to help you. However, picking up the phonebook or making a quick web search can help find couples counselors near you.
Depending on where you live, you might not have easy access to a relationship counselor. Or, you may not want to receive relationship counseling from someone that you're likely to just run into.
There is an alternative to talking to a relationship counselor one-on-one and stalking a relationship counselor over the Internet.
Talking to a relationship counselor virtually is often more private, convenient, and affordable than seeing a relationship counselor in person. For more information about how meeting with an online relationship counselor can help you, visit ReGain.
Moving Forward
The takeaway from this article is that the best thing to do is to respect your friend's wishes and stop trying to pursue a romantic relationship with her if that isn't what she wants. This doesn't mean that your emotional needs have to be ignored. You are allowed to have feelings for your friend and about this situation, but there are healthier and more productive ways for you to deal with those feelings than pursuing her.
Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to stay good friends with your ex? And what it actually means when a guy just wants to be friends after dating?
Staying friends with your ex isn’t impossible, despite many relationship experts telling you otherwise. They might say that it isn’t a good idea to stay in contact with the person who broke your heart, but what if your ex had a valid reason for breaking up?
Could it be that you can fix things between you two and stay friends even though you’re not in a romantic relationship anymore?
It’s understandable that you’re confused about whether or not you should take up on his offer and stay friends with him. I mean, ending a serious relationship is quite a big deal, but what you do next can have a significant impact on your healing process.
Either way, the unfortunate truth of a breakup is that one side will definitely be hurt and feel awful.
Remaining friends with your ex even when you still have romantic feelings for him isn’t an easy step to take. Both of you need to think about if that’s really something that you both want, and if can you conquer the obstacles you had in your relationship so that your friendship doesn’t suffer the same fate.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, every relationship coach will tell you the same thing: Give yourself enough time after your heartbreak and be sure that both of you are able to move on.
What does it mean when a guy just wants to be friends after dating?
Being in the friend zone while having strong feelings for the guy can really put you down and knock your self-esteem.
You don’t want to lose him because he’s such a good catch, but neither of you is ready for that friendship step just yet. You aren’t in love anymore but you still care about each other.
That’s why heading to the friend zone immediately after the breakup is such a bad idea that no one should do it, ever!
But what if he says that he wants to stay friends yet is secretly trying to get you back? What if he’s sending you mixed signals and now you don’t know how to respond?
What could it mean when a guy wants to be friends after dating?
1. He genuinely cares for you
The thing about a man is that once he lets someone into his heart, he doesn’t easily forget about them. So, when a guy just wants to be friends after dating, it could be that his love feelings for you have changed, but he still cares about your well-being and wants you in his life.
He isn’t keen on being in a committed relationship with you, but having you as a close friend is something that he really wishes for.
After all, it was you who was there for him whenever he needed help. He confided in you and let you be part of his inner circle. He dedicated so much time to you and after all the things you’ve been through together, it isn’t easy for him to let you go.
If that’s the reason why he wants to be friends with you, then he’s clearly a great guy. A man like that can’t stand the thought of losing you forever and instead, wants to be your best friend.
2. Friends with benefits?
What could it mean when a guy just wants to stay friends after dating?
When your ex-boyfriend suggests that you stay friends after the breakup and you accept it, it’s really important that you clearly define your boundaries and let him know that you’re not messing around. If you don’t plan to meet up with him every other day and sneak into his bedroom, then you need to tell him that.
That means being friends with benefits is strictly forbidden. And trust me on this, you don’t want to go there as your self-esteem and love life will definitely take a hit.
You’ll be putting yourself on an emotional rollercoaster if you ever do decide to have that kind of relationship. Nine times out of ten, it simply doesn’t end well.
Eventually, your emotional and mental well-being will be in an even worse state than just after the breakup. So, why would you ever consider being friends with benefits in the first place?
3. He wants to take the burden off his shoulders
Unfortunately, there’s a possibility that your ex-boyfriend said “hey, let’s be friends” because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. It’s not that he cares how you’re feeling or whatever, it’s just that he wants to absolve himself and that’s why he suggested being your “guy friend.”
He’s afraid that others might start judging him for leaving such an amazing woman. He doesn’t want to be known as the guy who used you and then left you like nothing ever happened.
His wish is that the breakup goes as smoothly as possible so no one knows that you’re not together anymore and you don’t see him as a douche.
4. Almost relationship?
I know that you’re suffering now that you’re not together anymore. And I also know that it’s so much more hurtful when he puts you in a “maybe zone” and makes you wonder if you’re in an almost relationship.
A man like that is an immature guy who doesn’t know what he wants in life and doesn’t even realize that this almost thing is hurting you way more than he could ever imagine.
The guy may say that he wants to be friends with you after dating, but at the same time, he’ll be giving you false hope that you’ll be in a real relationship soon.
He’ll forever keep you in the dark and you won’t feel good about the friendship or yourself. Moving on from him will prove to be a challenge because you’ll constantly hope that he asks you to be his girlfriend again.
Those are just manipulation games that players use to keep you as their second option and on the reserve. As a result, it’s almost impossible for you to let him go.
5. He’s keeping the door open
Breaking up after being in a long-term relationship can be really devastating. But what’s even worse is if your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and is still unsure that he made the right decision.
So, when a guy just wants to be friends after dating, it could be that he wants to keep the door open because he isn’t completely sure about his choice.
Perhaps he already found someone new and doesn’t want to risk anything, so he’ll rather keep the door open with you if his new relationship fails. He thinks that it would be easier to get you back and get you to give him a second chance if you two stay friends.
Well, in that case, you need to take a stand and let him know that you are in control of your own life. He can’t just walk in and out whenever he wants to. If he really wants to break up with you, then it has to be forever.
6. He knows you’ll have a hard time moving on
Going through a heartbreak is difficult, especially when you’re on your own. You’re constantly thinking about the reasons you two broke up and where you made a mistake.
You feel vulnerable and scared that you won’t meet a guy like him ever again.
And in those moments, your ex-boyfriend may swoop into your life and suggest to you that you stay friends. And why would he do that? Well, it could be that he feels guilty for abandoning you.
He doesn’t want you to feel like you’re going through this tough time all on your own, so he’s offering a friendship shoulder. He knows your heart is too soft to process the heartbreak alone, so he thinks that sticking around as a friend will help you heal.
But what he doesn’t realize is that being in the friend zone with someone you’re still in love with is pure torture. You need to think about whether you can handle his presence and comfort at this vulnerable time.
The do’s and don’ts of being friends with a guy after dating him
I mean, everyone has heard “let’s stay friends” during a breakup. If you were the one who didn’t see it coming and you still have romantic feelings for him, then it’ll surely be tough for you to hear him say those sweet yet destructive words.
And here I’ll list some of the things you should and shouldn’t do if he gives you the let’s-be-friends talk.
1. Pamper yourself
It’s completely normal to devote all your attention, energy, and time to your partner when you’re in a romantic relationship. Now that you’re not together anymore, it’s about time to focus on yourself and spoil yourself with everything you ever wanted.
It’s never been easier to find a man due to the rise of social media apps, so don’t worry about your ex-boyfriend because there are other fish in the sea.
For the first time in months or even years, you don’t have to worry if someone flirts with you. You’re free now – you can be flirty too!
Focus on yourself and don’t let anyone take that freedom from you. You need to work on improving your self-esteem and confidence, so what better way to do so than to go out and have the time of your life.
Remember, it wasn’t your fault that he left you. It was his choice to leave an amazing and intelligent woman like yourself. You have so many great things to offer and you’re worthy of love.
Another man will recognize that, will love you for who you are, and won’t want to change anything about you. He’ll accept your quirks and flaws because he knows everyone has them.
So, instead of giving your ex any room inside your mind, make some space for some new happy and beautiful memories. Once you manage to not think about him anymore as your past lover, you’ll be able to stay friends with him after dating.
2. Surround yourself with people who want what’s best for you
Each of us has that toxic friend or family member that we can’t get rid of for some particular reason.
Because we can’t get rid of them, we’re constantly being bombarded by their negative comments and behavior that impact our overall well-being.
On the other hand, there are people in your life who honestly love and care for you. So, why don’t you turn a new page, leave those toxic people behind, and surround yourself with those who only want what’s best for you?
Those are the people who’ll make you happy and distract you from the breakup. They’ll do all they can for you to never doubt yourself ever again and they’ll help to make your life a bit easier.
You can always count on them to have your back. Don’t ever forget that!
Boyfriends may come and go from your life, but honest friends and family will support you no matter what.
3. Go through the healing process
Regardless of whether the guy just wants to be friends after dating, going through the healing process is a must. You need to give yourself time to heal and move on with your life, even if your ex doesn’t want to be a part of it.
Don’t feel guilty if you just want to spend your day in bed and cry along to those corny romantic Hollywood movies and binge on ice cream.
Do whatever you want. The only way you’ll heal from a breakup is if you embrace your emotions.
Moving on when you know you still love your ex can have the worst consequences on your mental health. You’ll never be able to give another man a chance to win your heart if you do that.
But after you recover and cleanse yourself from those negative feelings, you’ll get your strength back and finally say that enough’s enough.
4. Don’t give him an answer immediately
Just because he asked you to be friends after dating, it doesn’t mean that you have to give him an answer immediately. In fact, he probably doesn’t even expect you to have an answer right after you two broke up.
I know that you’re feeling low right now and that it’s tough for you to find a reason to smile every day. Your emotions are all mixed up and you don’t know what you should do.
I’ve been there. And let me say that it was one of the hardest and most confusing moments of my life.
He was the man who meant the world to me. It was really difficult to let him go because I loved him wholly and sincerely.
I knew that if I’d said yes to being friends at that stage, I’d never have been able to move on.
5. Connect with your inner emotions and thoughts
It’s easy to get confused once your boyfriend says that he no longer loves you as his girlfriend. Your emotions and thoughts are all over the place and you can’t think straight.
Perhaps you thought that you loved him, but in fact, you just got used to him and you mistook love for comfort or lust.
But you need to connect with your inner emotions and thoughts if you ever want to heal properly.
Don’t hurt yourself by still believing in that fairy tale of yours. You can’t choose who you’re going to love, but if you see that you aren’t his top priority, you need to accept it and focus on yourself.
Don’t wait for him to come back and tell you that he misses you because it won’t come true. You’re only going to unnecessarily keep yourself stuck in one place, unable to move on and forward in your life.
Don’t waste your time on a man who doesn’t see your worth. And as long as you aren’t over your ex, you can’t expect to try to be friends with him. Not when one of you still loves the other.
6. Embrace some alone time
The most important relationship that you have is the one with yourself. It’s crucial that you stay connected to your inner feelings and now that the man you love so much is gone, you need to pull away and spend time with yourself.
Get away from anyone who’ll bring toxicity in your life and only do things that bring you pleasure. That’ll definitely help you to decide what’s right for you.
There’s no need to make any sudden decisions. Everyone’s been through a breakup and it’s completely normal to need some alone time.
The worst thing you can do is to sweep those negative emotions under the rug and pretend the breakup didn’t happen.
Cry as much as you need and think about your own life first. Only then will you have the power to face your ex and to make up your mind whether or not you’re willing to stay friends with him.
You can always use the no contact rule and block everyone that means you harm. Don’t forget that.
7. Enjoy the little things
I understand that it’s hard for you to let him go and move on, but the world didn’t stop spinning only because you two broke up. There are a lot of people out there who are waiting for you to meet them.
So what are you waiting for? Go out and live your life!
Plan a trip with your besties or spend more time with your family. Occupy yourself with stuff that makes you feel fulfilled and enjoy the little things.
If you feel brave enough, then you can create a profile on dating apps and talk to other guys.
There’s no need to rush things so don’t take this as dating advice to go out and jump into a new relationship immediately. But meeting new people will help you heal faster.
8. Ask him to have an honest conversation
Now that you’re ready to face your ex, you can suggest to him that you two chat openly about things.
Make sure that you look nice, but don’t go overboard because you’re not trying to make an impression on him.
Ask him to tell you how he thinks your friendship is going to work. Tell him that you have some boundaries he needs to respect if ever wants to be friends with you.
If you can see that he’s giving you mixed signals from his body language, or that he’s acting strangely aloof, then don’t believe anything that he says and leave him.
Walking away from a man is your best option if your gut is telling you that he’s playing with your emotions. Don’t let him drag you down even more – Lord know you don’t want to go through all that again.
9. Decide only when you’re ready
Only after you completely go through the healing process will you be ready to make the decision.
Now that you’ve given yourself enough time to process your emotions, you can finally move on and accept that you and your ex can only be friends and nothing more.
On the other hand, if you feel like you can’t overcome the obstacles and you still love him, then don’t accept his proposal just yet (or at all).
Whatever the case, it’s possible to eventually be good friends with your ex-boyfriend, but it’s almost impossible to become best friends.
The post-breakup friendship need not be bad or awkward. You can still care even though you don’t love each other romantically anymore.
When You’re in Love with Him but He Just Wants to Be Friends
Today’s article is in response to a question from a reader (via Ask Melissa!) about what to do if you’re in love with a man but he just wants to be friends. In my response, I provide guidance on how to approach this issue, including specific scenarios in which a friendship with your ex could work, and scenarios for when it won’t. I also provide guidance on how to assess the odds of whether a romantic relationship will really last.
Dear Melissa,
I really need some advice. I have been talking and kind of dating a divorced guy with two kids for seven months. He has just decided to pull away. He says that there is a lot going on with the kids and feels torn between me and his kids. We have only been on three dates because he works five hours away.
We really connected and are close. His kids live eight hours away and he feels they need him more now. Kids are 14 and 16. He has been married twice. The second marriage he says was a mistake. He has healed some emotionally and mentally but I do agree he needs more time to heal.
I told him that I do not want to be the one to heal him. I want to be the one he wants to share life with.
Every time we get close, he pulls away. He said that he has this wall built up and he wants to let me in but he just can’t. He has decided that he can’t be in a relationship right now and wants us to be friends.
I think this is best for right now but it is hard. He has gone back and forth for the past three months. His kids miss him a lot and he is thinking about moving back to where they live but does not want too. He says “you deserve better and you will be happier with someone else.”
I don’t like being in the friends zone but I guess that is better than nothing.
Please help. Is this a lost cause? Oh yea, we have been a constant in each other’s lives for one and half years. We have a great friendship and chemistry. I don’t want to be his therapist. I want to be the one.
Any suggestions on how to get out of the friend zone and let him know this can work. I’m very patient. I do think space and time away from each other is what we both need.
We are keeping the line of communication open. However, he has said now that I will “be happier with someone else, trust me.” Maybe I need to move on, don’t wait for him but we can be friends for now.
I’m ok with being friends. It is going to be hard but I care enough about him and us to do that. However, I think since he is so confused and has so much going on that it would good for us to not have any contact for at least one to two months and he initiate most of the contact.
During this time, I focus on me and I can give him time and space to heal and maybe miss me.
What do you think? Do you think there is still a chance? Any suggestions?
-A.N.
Dear A. N.,
Thanks so much for reaching out. I’m glad you’re finding the website content helpful!
I feel your frustration. I know this is a hard situation to be in…when he pulls away every time you both get close.
However, as you said, it sounds like he has some healing to do.
And you’re right, that healing has to come from within himself and his own resources—not from you.
Because if you try to “rescue” him, then you risk becoming a crutch.
You risk getting into a relationship where he’s with you because of what you can dofor him (soothe his wounds, perhaps), instead of because of who you are.
Why He Says “You Deserve Better”
His desire to work on some things with his teenage kids, instead of working on a relationship with you, speaks to his relationship readiness: he’s not ready for a new relationship right now.
He’s saying that he’s not ready for a romantic relationship; he’s saying there are other issues that he wants to work on.
And it sounds like he’s aware that if he got into a relationship with you right now, he wouldn’t be able to give you and the relationship the attention it deserves.
His lack of readiness would undermine his ability to be truly present and available for the kind of relationship that you really want, which is why he’s saying things like “you deserve better…”.
When he says “you deserve better,” it’s because he knows you’re not getting your needs met and that you’re not having the relationship that you really want with him.
He knows that he can’t meet your needs the way that you want him to.
And he knows that you are more invested in making this romantic relationship work than he is able or willing to be.
And so he says “you deserve better.”
In other words, he’s saying “if you choose me, you’re not going to get the relationship you really want. You deserve the relationship that you really want. But I can only offer you friendship…”
So now that you know where he stands, the question is…where do you want to go from here?
When He Just Wants to Be Friends
I hear you. In your heart of hearts, you don’t want to be friends.
What you really want is to make it work.
What you really want is to spend Friday night holding each other, dreaming aloud of your future together.
The truth is, if he doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship right now or if he doesn’t feel ready, it’s not going to work.
It takes two to tango. And if he’s not willing to dance, you can’t force him.
He has to take down the wall, but only he can do that. He is responsible for his own relationship readiness.
So what choices does this leave you with?
You can stay in the relationship and not get your needs met, or you can let go of those needs and settle for having less than the kind of relationship that you really want.
Or you can move on.
All choices have their own costs and benefits.
Or you can be friends, as he mentioned.
But what does being friends really mean? And is it going to work?
Can You Be Really Just Be Friends?
Yes, you could, in theory. But there are some very specific scenarios for when it can work and when it can’t.
When Being Friends with Your Ex Can Work
Being friends with your ex-boyfriend or ex-lover can work when:
The Breakup Is Mutual
If you’re both in agreement that it’s not a good fit and that you shouldn’t be a couple, it’s easier to transition to being friends because then one or both of you isn’t feeling like they settled.
And even if he broke up with you or you broke up with him, there likely isn’t going to be a lot of awkwardness or bitterness if the feeling is mutual.
In other words, you’re both in agreement with how things turned out, even if you’re not entirely happy with it.
You Can Consciously Let Him Go as a Lover/Boyfriend and Can Embrace Him as Friend
This is a conscious choice to not pursue him as a boyfriend or a lover, and to invite him into your life as a friend.
This is an attitude and an energy—the energy of platonic friendship rather than romantic love.
Chances are, if there isn’t a lot of anger, resentment or drama between the two of you, and you’re not attached to having him as a romantic partner, it might be easier for you to embrace him in your life as a friend if you choose to.
You have to be able to see yourself being friends with him and be able to let go and move on emotionally so that your relationship can evolve into a friendship.
If you can’t see yourself being friends or you’re still holding a torch for him, trying to be friends after your breakup is going to be really painful for you because you’re denying what’s true for you.
You and He Have Strong Emotional and Physical Boundaries
Being able to see yourself as friends and being able to move on emotionally also means resisting any contact or emotional and physical intimacy that you wouldn’t do in a platonic friendship.
So when you were lovers, there might have been some things that only the two of you shared together.
But now that you’re friends, your relationship takes a different form.
Sure, your ex may be hot and maybe sometimes you find yourself thinking about “What if….”
But when you have strong physical and emotional boundaries, you don’t let yourself stray too far into those desires.
You’ve established and communicated, either explicitly or through the way that you conduct yourself, how you’re going to show up in your friendship with him and how you expect to be treated.
You don’t let yourself be his booty call and he doesn’t treat you like his “fallback girl.”
You treat and respect each other as friends.
When Being Friends with Your Ex Will NOT Work
If you or he is saying “let’s be friends,” but one or more of the following things happened (or is happening), you’re better off not trying to forge a friendship.
Trying to be friends after a breakup is just going to cause you more pain if:
It Wasn’t a Mutual Breakup, Especially If One of You Is Still Really Hurting
If he broke up with you and you are really angry, resentful or sad, especially if you have strong feelings to the point where you find it preoccupying your thoughts (you’re thinking about him and break up ALL the time, replaying the story over and over in your mind) or it’s interfering with your normal functioning (you’re losing sleep or appetite), or if you broke up with him and these same issues are happening with him, being friends is not going to work because the unresolved emotional baggage—the hurt, anger, or sadness—is going to interfere with your friendship.
Both of you would need to heal and resolve the emotional baggagefirst before attempting to be friends.
If only one of you does the inner work to heal and the other person is still stuck in the past or if they have unresolved baggage or emotional issues, especially if you’re the target of blame or abuse, trying to be friends in this scenario is just going to create a highly toxic relationship.
You or He REALLY Want to Date and/or Be Lovers
If you broke up but you’re really pining for him and you really want to be together, trying to be friends is going to be especially painful and emotionally exhausting for you because you’ll be denying your true desires, which is to be in a romantic relationship with him.
Or for example, if he really wants to be with you but he settles for a friendship, and you go to dinner or a movie together “as friends,” it’s going to be really awkward and uncomfortable for the both of you because he’ll be putting up a front while denying what he truly wants.
If you try to pretend to be friends when one or both of you really wants to be together in a romantic relationship not a friendship, it’s extremely exhausting and just ends up building resentment when you are always trying to do something that you don’t really want to do.
You and He Struggle with Physical and Emotional Boundaries
When your relationship transitions to a friendship, there has to be a clear line between what it meant to be lovers and what it now means to be friends.
You wouldn’t sext or sleep with a platonic friend, would you? Maybe. If you are recreationally dating and have a mutual no-strings kind of relationship.
But if you are trying to move on emotionally from a break up, sleeping together or any intimate contact, even via text or phone, will make it really difficult and painful to move on. Seeing a lover soon after you’ve broken up can send you back on an emotional roller coaster because it’s like reopening a wound; research has shown that contact can fuel our desire for the other person.
So, if you agree to be friends, you have to define what that means to you.
Where is your line in the sand?
Get really clear in your mind and heart, what does being friends mean, and how is that different from being lovers?
What boundaries do you want to have and want to honor?
What does friendship with him mean?
What does it look like and feel like?
What are the “rules of engagement”?
What does it mean to relate to him as a friend versus a girlfriend/lover?
Being friends versus being a girlfriend mean different things and have different behaviors.
So if you are going to become friends, think about what boundaries are you going to put in place to protect yourself emotionally and honor the friendship role.
You said “I do not want to be the one to heal him. I [want] to be the one he would want to share a life with.”
You sound very clear on whether you’d like to be friends and how you would like to be in relationship with him.
I acknowledge that when you’re really attracted and connected to someone, it’s hard to figure out what to do when he doesn’t feel ready for a relationship. These decisions are not easy.
What’s important to focus on is what you feel is the best path for you.
If you’re doing something you don’t really want to do, then you’re settling.
When we take time to think about what really matters to us in a relationship, it helps us be intentional about finding and having the relationship that we truly want.
As I say in my article about relationship readiness, sometimes things come up in our life that could interfere with our ability to have a successful relationship, and so resolving those things and working on ourselves can really help set us up for greater success in our relationships.
Will Your Relationship with Him Eventually Work Out?
If you want to reconnect again sometime in the future to see if he is ready for a relationship, there are things you can do to evaluate whether there’s a chance that your relationship will work out.
However, that really depends not on chance, but on what you choose to do in this situation.
The likelihood of relationship success depends on several factors:
- your vision being realized,
- your needs and your relationship requirements being met, and
- how aligned you both are with those things.
For example, if you dream of having kids (if you don’t already have kids) and he says he is DONE with having kids, you have some big differences in the way that you envision your life.
And so, in in that instance, you would have to make the choice to let go of that dream if you want to stay together, or leave the relationship and find someone who wants to grow a family.
So think about…what really makes you happy?
What do you dream about when you envision the way you want to live your life?
What do you need and require in a relationship in order for you to be happy and fulfilled?
And then evaluate whether your relationship with him can fulfill your vision and meet your needs and relationship requirements.
And relationship success also depends on his desire and readiness to have a romantic relationship with you.
He has to be able to nurture the relationship, too.
And if he is not ready or is unwilling to do the inner work necessary to become ready, those issues will continue to undermine the relationship.
The bottom line is: he’s not available right now for the kind of relationship that you really want.
You have to decide how long or if you want to wait for him to be ready.
I encourage you to set a deadline for yourself because otherwise you run the risk of waiting around indefinitely – and all this time you’re not getting your needs met and not having the life and relationship that you really want.
Remember, you’re always in the driver’s seat when it comes to how you want to live your life.
The problem a lot of women experience (I’ve certainly experienced this, too) is that we hold on to someone who is not emotionally available…waiting for him to change…sometimes for months…maybe even years.
I’ve been there.
I’ve been stuck being hopeful about the mixed messages he was sending.
I kept telling myself that he’ll come around when he’s not in the middle of a divorce or not so slammed at work or not having a crisis.
But that day never came. I just kept waiting.
And meanwhile, I wasn’t living my life.
I was living my life for someone else.
Waiting…hoping…that he would choose me.
The thing is…sure, life happens, and that can certainly interfere with our relationship readiness.
But readiness isn’t just a status.
It’s also how you SHOW UP in a relationship.
It’s not like you check off all the boxes and then you’re READY.
Readiness is a mindset, too.
So if you find that in relationship after relationship, the guy is never ready, and if you find that you’re always waiting…chances are that there’s a pattern there that’s holding you back.
Rather than focus on waiting for him to get ready, I encourage you to turn inward and focus on YOU.
When we get stuck on someone, when we notice that we’re always waiting, in many cases it’s because we’re in attachment, which means we’re operating based on fear.
We need to ask ourselves the hard questions:
What am I clinging to?
What am I really afraid of?
What is missing in my life?
And then look to our SELF, not to him, to fulfill that missing piece.
Because when we look outside our self to complete that missing piece, we’ll ALWAYS be waiting.
We’ll ALWAYS feel scared because we’ll never feel in control.
If you notice yourself feeling that way, it’s because you’ve let him decide when you’ll be happy.
But when you look within, when you tap into your own powerful, creative, beautiful resourcefulness, when you know, feel and believe that you’re the chooser in your own life—that you get to choose who you want to be with, who meets your needs and relationship requirements, who you want to live your vision with—then that’s when you’re truly empowered.
You get to decide.
You’re in charge.
You’re the powerful creator of your human experience.
It’s inspiring, it’s miraculous, and it’s a lot of responsibility.
But sometimes it’s just the shift in perspective we need in order to truly break free.
—
How to Decide if He’s Right for You
Whatever the issues are in your relationship, if you find yourself agonizing over questions like…
Is this relationship worth it??
Should I give him a chance or walk away??
I totally get you. I felt the same way when I was dating, which is why I created a free guide to help you get clarity.
In my free guide you’ll discover:
- 30 questions to ask yourself to help you decide if you should give him a chance or if you’re wasting your time
- 22 red flags you should be aware of if you want to avoid heartbreak and painful surprises
- How to assess your compatibility with your partner to know if your relationship has long-term potential
Want to avoid wasting your precious time? I hear you! Download my free guide Should You Stay or Go? Relationship Choice Assessment ↴
Looking to get relationship help (beyond reading blog posts)? Here are a few ways that you can get real clarity and support:
Filed Under: Ask Melissa, Dating Advice in General, Self-Care and Boundaries
Источник: [https://torrent-igruha.org/3551-portal.html]You can watch a thematic video
3 reasons guys linger after hurting you - Why he still wants to be “friends”Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to stay good friends with your ex? And what it actually means when a guy just wants to be friends after dating?
Staying friends with your ex isn’t impossible, despite many relationship experts telling you otherwise. They might say that it isn’t a good idea to stay in contact with the person who broke your heart, but what if your ex had a valid reason for breaking up?
Could it be that you can fix things between you two and stay friends even though you’re not in a romantic relationship anymore?
It’s understandable that you’re confused about whether or not you should take up on his offer and stay friends with him. I mean, ending a serious relationship is quite a big deal, but what you do next can have a significant impact on your healing process.
Either way, the unfortunate truth of a breakup is that one side will definitely be hurt and feel awful.
Remaining friends with your ex even when you still have romantic feelings for him isn’t an easy step to take. Both of you need to think about if that’s really something that you both want, and if can you conquer the obstacles you had in your relationship so that your friendship doesn’t suffer the same fate.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, every relationship coach will tell you the same thing: Give yourself enough time after your heartbreak and be sure that both of you are able to move on.
What does it mean when a guy just wants to be friends after dating?
Being in the friend zone while having strong feelings for the guy can really put you down and knock your self-esteem.
You don’t want to lose him because he’s such a good catch, guy wants to be friends after dating, but neither of you is ready for that friendship step just yet. You aren’t in love anymore but you still care about each other.
That’s why heading to the friend zone immediately after the breakup is such a bad idea that no one should do it, ever!
But what if he says that he wants to stay friends yet is secretly trying to get you back? What if he’s sending you mixed signals and now you don’t know how to respond?
What could it mean when a guy wants to be friends after dating?
1. He genuinely cares for you
The thing about a man is that once he lets someone into his heart, he doesn’t easily forget about them. So, guy wants to be friends after dating, when a guy just wants to be friends after dating, it could be that his love feelings for you have changed, but he still cares about your well-being and wants you in his life.
He isn’t keen on being in a committed relationship with you, but having you as a close friend is something that he really wishes for.
After all, it was you who was there for him whenever he needed help. He confided in you and let you be part of his inner circle. He dedicated so much time to you and after all the things you’ve been through together, it isn’t easy for him to let you go.
If that’s the reason why he wants to be friends with you, then he’s clearly a great guy. A man like that can’t stand the thought of losing you forever and instead, wants to be your best friend.
2. Friends with benefits?
What could it mean when a guy just wants to stay friends after dating?
When your ex-boyfriend suggests that you stay friends after the breakup and you accept it, it’s really important that you clearly define your boundaries and let him know that you’re not messing around. If you don’t plan to meet up with him every other day and sneak into his bedroom, then you need to tell him that.
That means being friends with benefits is strictly forbidden. And trust me on this, you don’t want to go there as your self-esteem and love life will definitely take a hit.
You’ll be putting yourself on an emotional rollercoaster if you ever do decide to have that kind of relationship. Nine times out of ten, it simply doesn’t end well.
Eventually, your emotional and mental well-being will be in an even worse state than just after the breakup. So, why would you dating apps compared consider being friends with benefits in the first place?
3. He wants to take the burden off his shoulders
Unfortunately, there’s a possibility that your ex-boyfriend said “hey, let’s be friends” because he doesn’t want to be the bad guy. It’s not that he cares how you’re feeling or whatever, it’s just that he wants to absolve himself and that’s why he suggested being your “guy friend.”
He’s afraid that others might start judging him for leaving such an amazing woman. He doesn’t want to be known as the guy who used you and then left you like nothing ever happened.
His wish is that the breakup goes as smoothly as possible so no one knows that you’re not together anymore and you don’t see him as a douche.
4. Almost relationship?
I know that you’re suffering now that you’re not together anymore. And I also know that it’s so much more hurtful when he puts you in a “maybe zone” and black mirror dating app episode you wonder if you’re in an almost relationship.
A man like that is an immature guy who doesn’t know what he wants in life and doesn’t even realize that this almost thing is hurting you way more than he could ever imagine.
The guy may say that he wants to be friends with you after dating, but at the same time, he’ll be giving you false hope that you’ll be in a real relationship soon.
He’ll forever keep you in the dark and you won’t feel good about the friendship or yourself. Moving on from him will prove to be a challenge because you’ll constantly hope that he asks you to be his girlfriend again.
Those are just manipulation games that players use to keep you as their second option and on the reserve. As a result, it’s almost impossible for you to let him go.
5. He’s keeping the door open
Breaking up after being in a long-term relationship can be really devastating, guy wants to be friends after dating. But what’s even worse is if your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and is still unsure that he made the right decision.
So, when a guy just wants to be friends after dating, it could be that he wants to keep the door open because he isn’t completely sure about his choice.
Perhaps he already found someone new and doesn’t want to risk anything, so he’ll rather keep the door open with you if his new relationship fails. He thinks that it would be easier to get you back and get you to give him a second chance if you two stay friends.
Well, in that case, you need to take a stand and let him know that you are in guy wants to be friends after dating of your own life. He can’t just walk in and out whenever he wants to. If he really wants to break up with you, then it has to be forever.
6. He knows you’ll have a hard time moving on
Going through a heartbreak is difficult, especially when you’re on your own, guy wants to be friends after dating. You’re constantly thinking about the reasons you two broke up and where you made a mistake.
You feel vulnerable and scared that you won’t guy wants to be friends after dating a guy like him ever again.
And in those moments, your ex-boyfriend may swoop into your life and suggest to you that you stay friends. And why would he do that? Well, it could be that he feels guilty for abandoning you.
He doesn’t want you to feel like you’re going through this tough time all on your own, so he’s offering a friendship shoulder. He knows your heart is too soft to process the heartbreak alone, so he thinks that sticking around as a friend will help you heal.
But what he doesn’t realize is that being in the friend zone with someone you’re still in love with is pure torture. You need to think about whether you can handle his presence and comfort at this vulnerable time.
The do’s and don’ts of being friends with a guy after dating him
I mean, everyone guy wants to be friends after dating heard “let’s stay friends” during a breakup. If you were the one who didn’t see it coming and you still have romantic feelings for him, then it’ll surely be tough for you to hear him say those sweet yet destructive words.
And here I’ll list some of the things you should and shouldn’t do if he gives you the let’s-be-friends talk.
1. Pamper yourself
It’s completely normal to guy wants to be friends after dating all your attention, energy, and time to your partner when you’re in a romantic relationship. Now that you’re not together anymore, it’s about time to focus on yourself and spoil yourself with everything you ever wanted.
It’s never been easier to find a man due to the rise of social media apps, so don’t worry about your ex-boyfriend because there are other fish in the sea.
For the first time in months or even years, you don’t have to worry if someone flirts with you. Russian dating sites legitimate free now – you can be flirty too!
Focus on yourself and don’t let anyone take that freedom from you. You need to work on improving your self-esteem and confidence, so what better way to do so than to go out and have the time of your life.
Remember, it wasn’t your fault that he left you. It was his choice to leave an amazing and intelligent woman like yourself. You have so many great things to offer and you’re worthy of love.
Another man will recognize that, will love you for who you are, and won’t want to change anything about you, guy wants to be friends after dating. He’ll accept your quirks and flaws because he knows everyone has them.
So, instead of giving your ex any room inside your mind, make some space for some new happy and beautiful memories. Once you manage to not think about him anymore as your past lover, you’ll be able to stay friends with him after dating.
2. Surround yourself with people who want what’s best for you
Each of us has that toxic friend or 17 yr old dating apps member that we can’t get rid of for some particular reason.
Because we can’t get rid of them, guy wants to be friends after dating, we’re constantly being bombarded by their negative comments and behavior that impact our overall well-being.
On the other hand, there are people in your life who honestly love and care for you. So, why don’t you turn a new page, leave those toxic people behind, and surround yourself with those who only want what’s best for you?
Those are the people who’ll make you happy and distract you from the breakup. They’ll do all they can for you to never doubt yourself ever again and they’ll help to make your life a bit easier.
You can always count on them to have your back. Don’t ever forget that!
Boyfriends may come and go from your life, but honest friends and family will support you no matter what.
3. Go through the healing process
Regardless of whether the guy just wants to be friends after dating, going through the healing process is a must. You need to give yourself time to heal and move on with your life, even if your ex doesn’t want to be a part of it.
Don’t feel guilty if you just want to spend your day in bed and cry along to those corny romantic Hollywood movies and binge on ice cream.
Do whatever you want, guy wants to be friends after dating. The only way you’ll heal from a breakup is if you embrace your emotions.
Moving on when you know you still love your ex can have the worst consequences on your mental health. You’ll never be able to give another man a chance to win your heart if you do that.
But after you recover and cleanse yourself from those negative feelings, you’ll get your strength back and finally say that enough’s enough.
4, guy wants to be friends after dating. Don’t give him an answer immediately
Just because he asked you to be friends after dating, it doesn’t mean that you have to give him an answer immediately. In fact, he probably doesn’t even expect you to have an answer right after you two broke up.
I know that you’re feeling low right free vacation dating sites and that it’s tough for you to find a reason to smile every day. Your emotions are all mixed up and you don’t know what you should do.
I’ve been there. And let me say that it was one of the hardest and most confusing moments of my life.
He was the man who meant the world to me. It was really difficult to let him go because I loved him wholly and sincerely.
I knew that if I’d said yes to being friends at that stage, I’d never have caitlyn jenner dating 21 year old able to move on.
5, guy wants to be friends after dating. Connect with your inner emotions and thoughts
It’s easy to get confused once your boyfriend says that he no longer loves you as his girlfriend. Your emotions and thoughts are all over the place and you can’t think straight.
Perhaps you thought that you loved him, but in fact, guy wants to be friends after dating, you just got used to him and you mistook love for comfort or lust.
But you need to connect with your inner emotions and thoughts if you ever want to heal properly.
Don’t hurt yourself by still believing in that fairy tale of yours. You can’t choose who you’re going to love, but if you see that you aren’t his top priority, you need to accept it and focus on yourself.
Don’t wait for him to come back and tell you that he misses you because it won’t come true. You’re only going to unnecessarily keep yourself stuck in one place, unable to move on and forward in your life.
Don’t waste your time on a man who doesn’t see your worth. And as long as you aren’t over your ex, you can’t expect to try to be friends with him. Not when one of you still loves the other.
6. Embrace some alone time
The most important relationship that you have is the one with yourself. It’s crucial that you stay connected to your inner feelings and now that the man you love so much is gone, you need to pull away and spend time with yourself.
Get away from anyone who’ll bring toxicity in your life and only do things that bring you pleasure, guy wants to be friends after dating. That’ll definitely help you to decide what’s right for you.
There’s no need to make any sudden decisions. Everyone’s been through a breakup and it’s completely normal to need some alone time.
The worst thing you can do is to sweep those negative emotions under the rug and pretend the breakup didn’t happen.
Cry as much as you need and think about your own life first. Only then will you have the power to face your ex and to make up your mind whether or not you’re willing to stay friends with him.
You can always use the no contact rule and block everyone that means you harm. Don’t forget that.
7. Enjoy the little things
I understand that it’s hard for you to let him go and move on, but the world didn’t stop spinning only because you two broke up. There are a lot of people out there who are waiting for you to meet them.
So what are you waiting for? Go out and live your life!
Plan a trip with your besties or spend more time with your family. Occupy yourself with stuff that makes you feel fulfilled and enjoy the little things.
If you feel brave enough, then you can create a profile on dating apps and talk to other guys.
There’s no need to rush things so don’t take this as dating advice to go out and jump into a new relationship immediately. But meeting new people will help you heal faster.
8. Ask him to have an honest conversation
Now the pros and cons of online dating you’re ready to face your ex, you can suggest to him that you two chat openly about things.
Make sure that you look nice, but don’t go overboard because you’re not trying to make an impression on him.
Ask him to tell you how he thinks your friendship is going to work. Tell him that you have adult dating for sex nevada boundaries he needs to respect if ever wants guy wants to be friends after dating be friends with you.
If you can see that he’s giving you mixed signals from his body language, or that he’s acting strangely aloof, guy wants to be friends after dating, then don’t believe anything that he says and leave him.
Walking away from a man is your best option if your gut is telling you that he’s playing with your emotions. Don’t let him drag you down even more – Lord know you don’t want to go through all that again.
9. Decide only when you’re ready
Only after you completely go through the healing process free dating sites asian women you be ready to make the decision.
Now that you’ve given yourself enough time to process your emotions, you can finally move on and accept that you and your ex can only be friends and nothing more.
On the other guy wants to be friends after dating, if you feel like you can’t overcome the obstacles and you still love him, then don’t accept his proposal just yet (or at all).
Whatever the case, it’s possible to eventually be good friends with your ex-boyfriend, but it’s almost impossible to become best friends.
The post-breakup friendship need not be bad or awkward. You can still care even though you don’t love each other romantically anymore.
guy wants to be friends after dating also common for men to tell women - and women to tell men - that they just see them as a friend to let them down gently after a first date, so if you went on an amazing date with this guy, but he texted you the next day to say he saw it on more of a friendship level, then he might just be sparing your feelings. 
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