As a dating consultant, I have helped out men and women all over the country and beyond with online and offline dating struggles (check out my coverage in the NYTimes, WSJ).

There are many variables that contribute to success or failure, and it’s important to dissect each aspect of online dating from app choice to date ideas and conversations to see where you can ultimately improve the most.

Making a great dating profile is key, but there is more to dating apps beyond the profile including offline efforts, personality, writing skills, self-awareness, patience, timing, hobbies, smiles, wardrobe, location, app choice and more.

Below is an exhaustive list to help troubleshoot your dating efforts to make sure you can check off each item to help you on your way to getting more, better quality matches, screen profiles, read people and attract more of what you want.

How To Be Successful On Dating Apps: Ultimate Guide To Online Dating: Online Dating Tips & Advice

Too many individuals focus on just one item whether it’s photos, app choices, messages, swipe strategy, prompts but in reality, one needs to dissect every component to have the most success which includes items before you even download an app.

Online dating is a numbers game, but it’s more so about conveying who you are, what you are about and what you seek. Most people just randomly choose an app, put little thought into their photos and start swiping away. Like all things in life, it’s important to know what you are doing and how each decision can impact your chance at success.

Below is an exhaustive list of all the ways one should evaluate decisions made about themselves and online dating in order to get the most out of dating apps (more likes, more matches, better matches, better dates, more quality people).

Psychological Effects Of Online Dating: Dating Apps & Mental Health

Dating apps can be brutal. It’s not uncommon for people to never get matches while others get bombarded with unwanted messages and creepy matches. Online dating requires thick skin, patience, self-awareness and realistic expectations. Dating apps are highly competitive and can take a toll on confidence, self-esteem and mental health.

Be sure you are in a good place before even considering downloading dating apps as there are many people on dating apps looking to scam others, get validation / seek attention or looking for a casual hookup. Knowing how to ID red flags in dating profiles, photos, bios and communication is a tremendous skill to have not just with dating apps.

Despite the name, online dating is a misnomer. They should be viewed more like introduction apps. You meet online, communicate interest, exchange messages, confirm attraction and then go on dates offline.

Just as one should not apply to jobs without the proper experience or credentials nor should someone attend a black tie event without understanding dress attire and etiquette, one should not hastily jump into online dating without being aware of the ups and downs associated with dating apps.

Social & Physical Health; Hobbies, Interests & Life Experience

In real life, people take in various queues when analyzing you: your posture, voice, smiles, communication skills, wardrobe, scent, smile, context, etc. In dating profiles, some of these factors are not as visible and as such, physical appearance is the first thing people have to evaluate in dating profiles. It’s important to realize that if your personality seems to carry you in life, dating apps might be doing you a disservice.

Eating well, exercising and taking care of your skin will go a long way to improving your approachability, attractiveness and first impressions. Like a resume, would you submit a half-way decent application to your dream job?

Many people are too quick to join dating apps and self-sabotage their efforts as new users get a boost upon profile creation. Dating apps are a bit more shallow than offline introductions so be sure you are confident in your appearance and health before downloading those apps.

Most of the work required to be successful with dating apps happens offline. Having friends, partaking in activities, exploring hobbies, expanding your comfort zone with travel and exploration, building financial stability and having enough life experience to draw upon in  bios, prompts, opening lines and conversations.

If you are a boring person who doesn’t have much to offer or talk about, dating apps won’t help you. Dating apps won’t work miracles for you.

Dipping Your Toes In The Water: Tips For Online Dating Success

It’s natural to be curious what dating apps are about and what kind of people are on these platforms, but it should be noted that your new profile is generally boosted to others on the app within seconds of creation. As such, putting a poor, lazy profile generally creates a bad first impression on a sizeable portion of profiles that you may never encounter again.

As with most things in life, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Don’t create a dating profile until you are mentally, socially and physically ready and have the photos and writing skills to highlight your strengths to people immediately.

Unlike offline or traditional dating, you cannot reset first impressions but going into a new bar. Chances are you profile has been shown to people you are very much interested in but failed to put in the effort to show your intent and individuality.

Dating App Choice (Tinder vs Hinge vs Bumble vs The League etc.)

Not all dating apps are the same. Some apps have better male to female ratios than others. A few dating apps verify profiles with some 3rd party data sources. Some apps make it easier for bots and scammers to create profiles on their platforms.

Some dating apps like Tinder have more people looking for something casual than something serious while dating apps like Hinge, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel tend to have more dating and relationship based intents. Most dating apps cater to more mainstream personality types while OkCupid favors more alternative lifestyles and personalities.

Don’t expect dating apps to screen people perfectly. Similarly, its possible apps like Tinder are the only game in town and might be your best bet for finding a relationship. Don’t be surprised if there are creeps or guys looking for hookups on apps like Bumble, Hinge, The League or Coffee Meets Bagel.

When it comes to free vs paid dating apps, paid doesn’t mean better. People have different intents, deal-breakers, intentions and experiences based on their demographics and personalities. Sometimes you have to try and see what works for you vs taking the advice of others. Most women use 1-2 apps while it’s not uncommon for guys to use 2-4 apps with hookup profile on Tinder and a profile for serious relationships on Bumble, Hinge or CMB.

Dating Profile Photo Choice: Best Photos For Dating Apps

Regardless of what you are like in real life, photos will make or break you. The old adage is particularly true with dating apps “You attract who you are, not what you seek.” If you are unable to marketing yourself accurately and in a flattering manner, it will be difficult to attract the right person.

Decisions are made within a matter of seconds of most dating apps and thus you will likely be judged by your worst photo “You are only as attractive as your worst photo.” Be sure to have photos that are consistent in age and appearance – too much deviation can suggest catfishing or instability in your life. Selfies can signal a boring lifestyle or lack of friends.

Four to six photos are recommended, and they should be relaxed, candid, natural and show a variety of poses, angles, lighting, outfits, facial expressions, activities and impressions. Professional photos are not needed and often come off as trying to hard and possible fake as a result of photoshopping, filters or other artificial means.

Self-deprecating photos are great and photos showing passions, some vulnerability or how you spend your time can separate you from others.

Let’s face it, online dating is a bit of a minefield, no matter whether you’re newly single, prefer to meet someone in a bar rather than them sliding into your DMs, on the search for a short-term romance or a long-term relationship. Throw a global pandemic like Coronavirus into the equation and dating in recent years hasn't been a piece of cake.

There’s a lot of choice when it comes to navigating the dating app pool and, as we all know, finding romance is a bit more complicated than a simple swiping right (or left) of the thumb on Tinder. Now you have to construct witty profiles on Hinge or make the first move on the app Pickable. There’s one for country-lovers, one for creatives and there’s even exclusive apps for A-listers (which prove more difficult to get on that finding love itself). But not all apps are exclusive to romantic matches with platforms like Bumble having a business buddy and BFF networking feature to boot.

For the sceptical among you, statistically speaking, dating apps have been found to work. According to Bumble, over two thirds of respondents use apps to find a steady relationship, and it's guaranteed that if you’re a millennial, half of your friends have most likely met their partners via apps.

Dating apps are a bit of a necessary evil, for those of you who struggle to find the time to meet someone IRL. Like most things in life, it’s not one-size-fits-all. Tinder might be a bit old school, but thankfully, there’s plenty more fish in the sea when it comes to dating apps (and love, we hope).

Here are the best dating apps in 2022 you need to download:

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Source: Online Dating

Don’t like being alone? Want a partner? Then online dating offers you the possibility of finding one. However, online dating is no panacea and it can take a little effort to find the type of person who is right for you. Similarly, if you are looking for a house, an apartment or shopping for a car, it may take you some time and research to find the right one.

In some ways, online dating is really just relationship shopping or relationshopping, a little like the Amazon or eBay of the dating world. In addition to this, the amount of choice of potential dates that appear to be available in online dating can make the process somewhat daunting. Therefore, it is first important to be selective about which dating site or sites you should use.

1. Which Website or App to Use

There are many different dating apps and sites to choose from, and in addition to the mainstream apps and sites, there are also many niche sites. While some of these sites may seem slightly strange at first, they can have a very important place for those who belong to specific niche groups.

It is highly unlikely that you would have the money or even the time to use many dating sites at the same time and therefore it is important to be selective in those you use. One common question is always, which is the best site? This is obviously a rather difficult question to answer, in as much people have different preferences about the way in which they go about dating. One major way in which sites can be categorised is in terms of what might be called see and screen sites, where daters decide on their own choices and sites employing algorithms, which attempt to match people together on relevant characteristics. Different types of sites have different effects on a dater’s perceived control and their decision-making satisfaction in dating (Tong, Hancock & Slatcher, 2016).

2. Profile Pictures

The importance of first impressions is well known, and therefore the way in which you construct your dating profile will have an effect on the way in which others initially perceive and judge you. Having said that, the way in which some people construct their dating profiles is rather surprising. Dating research company Dating Scout has published some rather unusual findings. For example, in terms of profile pictures, many men display pictures of themselves yielding weapons. A profile photo I once viewed was even accompanied by the caption ‘I reserve the right to bear arms, but I also like long walks on the beach and nights in with a glass of wine.’ In addition, a high proportion of males feature in dating profile pictures alongside big cats, although thankfully this is something which many dating sites have now banned. Also surprising is the number of profile pictures of people holding bacon.

There is plenty of advice on how to construct your profile, how many photos to include and what they should illustrate, but that is outside the scope of this article.

3. Profile Descriptions

In addition to a profile picture, most dating sites allow users to write a brief profile, which describes them, both in terms of their interests and their personalities. However, it is surprising how unimaginative people can be. “I love to laugh” is a popular description. Surely, everyone loves to laugh. “My friends and family are important to me.” Well, you’d kind of hope so. However, the best one surely has to be “I’m normal.” Very reassuring.

The important thing really is to say something about your own personality or interests, and preferably something you can illustrate about yourself using an example or two.

4. Making Decisions

In addition to advertising yourself in your online dating profile, you also need to engage with the dating process by evaluating the profiles of other daters, to ascertain whom you like. Finkel at al (2012), suggest limiting oneself to a manageable set of dating candidates, which avoids the choice overload issue described earlier. Furthermore, they recommend avoiding an assessment type mindset, and not being too reliant on selecting your potential dates on specific criteria. Instead, one should maybe try selecting the type of person with whom you can imagine having a good time.

The romantic notion is that there is someone for everyone, an idea perpetuated further by dating sites offering to provide users with a match. However, the human race is not like some enormous jigsaw where everyone matches together. It’s really not that simple, with the truth being that for some people there may be very few or even no matches, while for others there may be many.

5. Opening Lines

If you see someone you like in online dating, then the next thing is to make contact. Therefore, what do you say as an opening line? Back in 1986, Chris Kleinke and colleagues (Kleinke, Meeker and Staneski, 1986) asked students what they would say to initiate contact with someone they wanted to meet. What do people say when they meet someone they would like to get to know? Some of the more humorous lines which, by the way, were categorised as cute or flippant, were, “Didn’t we meet in a previous life?” “You remind me of a woman I used to date.” While lines such as these are not necessarily recommended, it is important to note the importance of humour.

6. Humour

Pretty much everyone states that they have a good sense of humour, and the acronym GSOH (Good sense of humour) is often used in dater’s descriptions. However, sense of humour can either mean that you laugh a lot at the jokes made by other people, or that you are good at making other people laugh—what has been called humour appreciation or humour production. Research has revealed gender differences here in as much as men generally like to make jokes and have others laugh at them, whereas women like to be made to laugh. If you have ever watched a man and a woman together in a coffee shop or a bar, then it is the amount of laughter produced by the female rather than that produced by the male, which predicts romantic interest. One theory as to why it is for men to generate humour comes from evolutionary psychology. Men who can be spontaneously funny are said to be creatively intelligent. Those who are creatively intelligent possess good intelligencegenes, and consequently are more attractive. Therefore, in any online or face-to-face conversation, it is important to use and appreciate humour.

7. Meeting

The goal in online dating is ultimately to meet the person with whom you have been chatting, and it is probably important to meet up as soon as possible. After all, you don’t necessarily want a long-term online dating pen pal.

So what are the do’s and don’ts of a first meeting? There are lots, but some obvious ones are not to play with your phone in front of your date. Even if it vibrates in your pocket then resist the urge to look at it or check it.

Also, don’t say that the situation is awkward or that it is embarrassing to think that you met online. Actually, in the US, about 33% of marriages begin online. Furthermore, in comparison to marriages that are the result of face-to-face meetings, people in marriages, which are the result of online dating report higher rates of relationship satisfaction.

That’s a quick and maybe slightly frivolous start to online dating. Remember also that to be successful, you really have to spend time and effort, but hopefully, it will be worth it.

References

The search for love in the digital age tends to stir up a lot of anxiety. If you've ever heard stories from your friends about their bad dates, you might reasonably approach dating apps with caution. But just as online dating can foster some comically bad experiences, there are plenty of benefits as well. Many of us know couples who seem so perfectly matched that it's almost impossible to believe they met on opposite sides of a screen.

When it comes down to it, does online dating actually work? While you might be worried it's not a good idea (or even a waste of time), like all matters in love, it has its pros and cons. We decided to bring the question to licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship expert Lisa Marie Bobby, Ph.D., of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.

Dating apps can lead to superficiality and ghosting, but there are also many positives. "While online dating has some potential for pitfalls compared to meeting people in real life, the volume of possibilities is much higher," says Bobby. "That increases the chances that you'll meet someone you're truly compatible with."

So let's put the fears to rest—and put the internet to the test. Read on to learn expert advice on how well online dating really works.

Best Dating Apps of 2022

What Research Says About Dating Apps

Research shows that online dating is on the rise. A Pew Research Center study conducted in October 2019 found that 30 percent of Americans have used online dating, compared to just 11 percent in 2013. Of those, 12 percent have gotten married or been in a committed relationship with someone they met through online dating—a notable increase from just 3 percent in 2013.

Online dating appears to be a practical way to date for most people. According to the study, roughly 60 percent of participants have had positive experiences with dating platforms. Many people have success finding romantic partners online, whether they're looking for something casual or long term. Overall, the majority of participants found it relatively easy to meet potentially compatible partners in terms of those they found attractive or with whom they shared hobbies and interests.

Research shows, however, there are negative side effects of online dating, particularly for young women. According to the survey, 60 percent of women ages 18 to 34 say someone on an app or dating site kept contacting them after they said they weren't interested while about the same percentage of women in that age group reported that they were sent unsolicited sexually explicit pictures or messages.

Bobby says the reason for many of the negative aspects of online dating could be a lack of what she calls a "shared community." "Connecting through online dating feels much more like meeting a virtual stranger and having to establish points of meaningful connection with little real-world experience to go on," she says. "Furthermore, the absence of a shared community or relationships make it easier to ghost or be inconsiderate without concern of consequences to your reputation or comfort in your community."

How to Get the Most Out of Online Dating

Before you download an app or two and create your profile, Bobby recommends some soul-searching. The last thing you want to do is start matching with people online, get to talking, and realize you have no idea what you're looking for out of a partner or a relationship.

"Spend time and energy getting clear about who you are and what you really want in a relationship, and think about who your ideal partner is," says Bobby. "Also, think about what your ideal partner is seeking in a prospective mate and how you can connect with them authentically."

It's also important to do some research about the app you decide to download and find out how it works. Then, spend some time and energy on your profile. Choose pictures and prompts that show who you are, what you like, and how you present yourself to the world. If it's clear you haven't put any thought or effort into your profile, potential partners might assume you'll take the same approach in a relationship.

Once you've created your profile, don't expect to meet "the one" right away, and prepare to spend a significant amount of time vetting potential partners. But since we don't have all the time in the world to swipe, having a system to weed out those with whom you are incompatible is key. "Develop a process to help you cut through the fluff and get to know who someone really is as quickly as possible," she says. "A five-minute call will often tell you all you need to know."

What to Avoid When Using Dating Apps

Odds are, if you've participated in online dating, you have a few bad date stories. Often the cause of these negative experiences is that your expectations don't match up with reality. Bobby says that while online dating requires some "marketing savvy" and the ability to, in essence, sell yourself online, you shouldn't sacrifice the truth to come across as what you perceive to be "better."

"Never misrepresent yourself or try to appear as something you're not," she says. "You might get online interactions, but they'll quickly fizzle when it becomes apparent that you are different than what your potential partner was expecting." If you're looking for a truly meaningful relationship, concealing aspects of yourself that you're afraid others won't like or accept on your profile is counterproductive. Be authentic, and you'll attract those with similar values.

On the other hand, avoid falling victim to someone you suspect is being deceitful on their profile by noticing red flags. Not everyone has social media or updates it regularly, but most people who do will be glad to share their profiles with you when asked. And most of the time, if someone is truly interested, they'll hop on a phone call or video chat with you before meeting up, even if they feel a bit awkward. Going into a date "cold" with someone you aren't entirely sure about can often end up being a waste of time and lead to disappointment.

Lastly, when you do get that match or first date, it's important for you and a prospective partner to feel a certain chemistry, but don't rely on it completely. "When you are evaluating potential partners, do not make the mistake of prioritizing 'chemistry' over character," says Bobby. Too much wit and charm may give you butterflies, but it can also be a sign that the person is a "player" or even a narcissist.

How Likely Are You to Find "The One" Online?

A healthy relationship is totally possible whether you're meeting people in person or online, but the two methods differ for a variety of reasons. The fact is, there are positives to meeting IRL. When two people meet organically, it's probably because they already have something in common, like friends or hobbies. "This natural convergence of circumstances, relationships, or interests is a strength for a new relationship," says Bobby. "They provide a budding couple with more opportunities for authentic connection as well as more social pressure to treat each other decently, even if it's not ultimately a good match."

But that doesn't mean online dating can't be equally as successful. Since everyone on a dating site is (presumably) available, you have ample opportunities to put yourself out there and find a good match. When you engage in social events where you're likely to meet new people, the pool of those who are single and looking is much smaller than when you're on an app or dating site where everyone is in the same boat as you.

"Singles seeking relationships are looking to connect online," says Bobby. "That reality means that it's highly likely of finding 'the one' because they're in the same place, also looking for you!" If you're straightforward about what you want, it increases your chances of finding a good partner even more.

No matter your intentions, there seems to be something for everyone when dating online—just be clear about your expectations. Embrace new experiences, learn a little about yourself, and don't forget to have fun. You may even meet your dream partner.

The 6 Essential Rules of Dating

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Increasingly, people are turning to dating sites and apps to find love. And while the pool may seem larger, and access is at our fingertips, using them doesn’t necessarily improve our chances of finding a mate.

How do people find love?

In a Relationships Australia Survey, approximately 60% of people surveyed used dating apps and online sites, and of these people, about 25% found a long-term partner.

The recent Australia Talks National Survey conducted by the ABC reported 35% of people found their current partner online.

However, the limited research out there suggests the probability of a match using dating apps such as Tinder is low, with some studies reporting women find a match about 10% of the time, and men around 0.6% of the time on Tinder. The suggested difference is that women are more selective than men in the potential suitors they pursue. But either way, the success rates are low.

These statistics tell us people need to try many times to initiate a connection before they make a match, and that many connections are unlikely to become long-term (or at the very least, “steady dating”) relationships. Yet, it’s estimated that more than 50 million people use an app such as Tinder, with US millennials averaging approximately 1.5 hours a day, according to market research.

Despite these trends, more than 60% of married couples report their relationship was initiated by a friend.

What does online dating provide?

Online dating sites and apps provide users with a large pool of prospective suitors, and some of them use algorithms to provide you with mate suggestions that more closely match what you are looking for.

For people who are shy or introverted, these online means of selecting and interacting with a potential date can provide a less confronting way to initiate a connection. Messaging, video calls and phone chats can help someone get a better sense of a person before committing to an actual face-to-face meeting.

Read more: Looking for love on a dating app? You might be falling for a ghost

The downsides of dating apps

With the potential opportunities afforded by online dating sites come some cautions people need to be aware of. When it comes to the size of the dating pool, the statistics noted earlier suggest that despite the number of possible matches, the success of finding someone is quite low.

So people need to be prepared they will either initiate or receive requests for connections that are likely to go nowhere. This rejection can be challenging, especially for those who are sensitive to rejection.

The large pool of potential matches brings with it more decision-making about who to choose - making trade-offs between which potential mates to pursue and which to avoid. The large pool could even undermine success because people overly objectify prospects or become overwhelmed by choice.

Because the first impression people have of a potential date are pictures and a description, it’s hard to form an accurate first impression. So much of our first impression of people is in how they speak and how they engage in an interaction – we rely on a lot of non-verbal behaviour when we assess people.

Read more: Right-swipes and red flags – how young people negotiate sex and safety on dating apps

The online world also makes it easier for people to lie or give false impressions of themselves. Although this can occur when meeting people face-to-face too, these things can be harder to detect when evaluating a partner online.

What’s more, the algorithms used to predict likely matches are not always based on good premises. Those based on questionnaires can be problematic because people do not always have good insight into themselves and some intentionally mis-portray themselves.

Some are based on the similarity of people’s responses and profiles, but relationship science tells us similarities such as these are not as important as assumed. And some, such as Tinder, are based on swiping patterns. But this belies the fact users might have different motivations (some just use them for a confidence boost or amusement).

These algorithms also have no way of capturing and predicting how a couple may change or deal with challenges over time, and how their way of interacting may affect the development of a long-term relationship.

And while communicating via message can be good early on, if interactions are kept virtual for too long, a person can become unsure about the potential mate’s intentions or they could develop expectations about someone that become violated when meeting them.

Read more: Women troll on dating apps just as often as men

Some advice

As the numbers suggest, the rapid scanning of many profiles doesn’t appear to be resulting in good success. So it may be helpful to reduce the number of profiles you look at, and to spend more time looking at each one.

Taking a “quality over quantity” approach will likely allow for a more careful assessment of whether a potential date may be a good match. This might also help develop a more accurate sense of another’s dating intentions.

When a match is made, it may be best not to maintain a long period of communication through chat or text. Rather, if you wish to pursue a connection, initiate further communication over the phone or video chat to help get a better sense of the person and how well you interact, and to establish a more meaningful connection early.

Finally, the online dating world doesn’t rule out making connections using more traditional means. Before the online dating boom, people typically met their partners during a night out, at work, or through mutual connections such as family and friends. Unlike the virtual world, finding a match in the physical world doesn’t rely on algorithms, profiles, or sifting through a lineup of possible matches. So stay active in the real world too.

From personal ads that began appearing in publications around the 1700s to videocassette dating services that sprang up decades ago, the platforms people use to seek out romantic partners have evolved throughout history. This evolution has continued with the rise of online dating sites and mobile apps.

Today, three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used an online dating site or app – including 11% who have done so in the past year, according to a new Pew Research Center survey conducted Oct. 16 to 28, 2019. For some Americans, these platforms have been instrumental in forging meaningful connections: 12% say they have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they first met through a dating site or app. All in all, about a quarter of Americans (23%) say they have ever gone on a date with someone they first met through a dating site or app.

Previous Pew Research Center studies about online dating indicate that the share of Americans who have used these platforms – as well as the share who have found a spouse or partner through them – has risen over time. In 2013, 11% of U.S. adults said they had ever used a dating site or app, while just 3% reported that they had entered into a long-term relationship or marriage with someone they first met through online dating. It is important to note that there are some changes in question wording between the Center’s 2013 and 2019 surveys, as well as differences in how these surveys were fielded. Even so, it is clear that websites and mobile apps are playing a larger role in the dating environment than in previous years.

The current survey finds that online dating is especially popular among certain groups – particularly younger adults and those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB). Roughly half or more of 18- to 29-year-olds (48%) and LGB adults (55%) say they have ever used a dating site or app, while about 20% in each group say they have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they first met through these platforms. Americans who have used online dating offer a mixed look at their time on these platforms.

On a broad level, online dating users are more likely to describe their overall experience using these platforms in positive rather than negative terms. Additionally, majorities of online daters say it was at least somewhat easy for them to find others that they found physically attractive, shared common interests with, or who seemed like someone they would want to meet in person. But users also share some of the downsides to online dating. Roughly seven-in-ten online daters believe it is very common for those who use these platforms to lie to try to appear more desirable. And by a wide margin, Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%).

Other incidents highlight how dating sites or apps can become a venue for bothersome or harassing behavior – especially for women under the age of 35. For example, 60% of female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while a similar share (57%) report being sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for.

Online dating has not only disrupted more traditional ways of meeting romantic partners, its rise also comes at a time when norms and behaviors around marriage and cohabitation also are changing as more people delay marriage or choose to remain single.

These shifting realities have sparked a broader debate about the impact of online dating on romantic relationships in America. On one side, some highlight the ease and efficiency of using these platforms to search for dates, as well as the sites’ ability to expand users’ dating options beyond their traditional social circles. Others offer a less flattering narrative about online dating – ranging from concerns about scams or harassment to the belief that these platforms facilitate superficial relationships rather than meaningful ones. This survey finds that the public is somewhat ambivalent about the overall impact of online dating. Half of Americans believe dating sites and apps have had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships, while smaller shares think its effect has either been mostly positive (22%) or mostly negative (26%).

These findings come from a nationally representative survey of 4,860 U.S. adults conducted online Oct. 16 to 28, 2019, using Pew Research Center’s American Trends Panel. The following are among the major findings.

Younger adults – as well as those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual – are especially likely to use online dating sites or apps

Some 30% of Americans say they have ever used an online dating site or app. Out of those who have used these platforms, 18% say they are currently using them, while an additional 17% say they are not currently doing so but have used them in the past year.

Experience with online dating varies substantially by age. While 48% of 18- to 29-year-olds say they have ever used a dating site or app, that share is 38% among 30- to 49-year-olds, and it is even smaller among those ages 50 and older. Still, online dating is not completely foreign to those in their 50s or early 60s: 19% of adults ages 50 to 64 say they have used a dating site or app.

Beyond age, there also are striking differences by sexual orientation. LGB adults are about twice as likely as straight adults to say they have used a dating site or app (55% vs. 28%). And in a pattern consistent with previous Pew Research Center surveys, college graduates and those with some college experience are more likely than those with a high school education or less to say they’ve ever online dated.

There are only modest differences between men and women in their use of dating sites or apps, while white, black or Hispanic adults all are equally likely to say they have ever used these platforms.

At the same time, a small share of U.S. adults report that they found a significant other through online dating platforms. Some 12% of adults say they have married or entered into a committed relationship with someone they first met through a dating site or app. This too follows a pattern similar to that seen in overall use, with adults under the age of 50, those who are LGB or who have higher levels of educational attainment more likely to report finding a spouse or committed partner through these platforms.

A majority of online daters say they found it at least somewhat easy to come across others on dating sites or apps that they were physically attracted to or shared their interests

Online dating users are more likely to describe their overall experience with using dating sites or apps in positive, rather than negative, terms. Some 57% of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app say their own personal experiences with these platforms have been very or somewhat positive. Still, about four-in-ten online daters (42%) describe their personal experience with dating sites or apps as at least somewhat negative.

For the most part, different demographic groups tend to view their online dating experiences similarly. But there are some notable exceptions. College-educated online daters, for example, are far more likely than those with a high school diploma or less to say that their own personal experience with dating sites or apps is very or somewhat positive (63% vs. 47%).

At the same time, 71% of online daters report that it was at least somewhat easy to find people on dating sites or apps that they found physically attractive, while about two-thirds say it was easy to find people who shared their hobbies or interests or seemed like someone they would want to meet in person.

While majorities across various demographic groups are more likely to describe their searches as easy, rather than difficult, there are some differences by gender. Among online daters, women are more likely than men to say it was at least somewhat difficult to find people they were physically attracted to (36% vs. 21%), while men were more likely than women to express that it was difficult to find others who shared their hobbies and interests (41% vs. 30%).

Men who have online dated in the past five years are more likely than women to feel as if they did not get enough messages from other users

When asked if they received too many, not enough or just about the right amount of messages on dating sites or apps, 43% of Americans who online dated in the past five years say they did not receive enough messages, while 17% say they received too many messages. Another 40% think the amount of messages they received was just about right.

There are substantial gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on dating sites or apps. Men who have online dated in the past five years are far more likely than women to feel as if they did not get enough messages (57% vs. 24%). On the other hand, women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30% vs. 6%).

The survey also asked online daters about their experiences with getting messages from people they were interested in. In a similar pattern, these users are more likely to report receiving too few rather than too many of these messages (54% vs. 13%). And while gender differences remain, they are far less pronounced. For example, 61% of men who have online dated in the past five years say they did not receive enough messages from people they were interested in, compared with 44% of women who say this.

Roughly seven-in-ten online daters think people lying to appear more desirable is a very common occurrence on online dating platforms

Online daters widely believe that dishonesty is a pervasive issue on these platforms. A clear majority of online daters (71%) say it is very common for people on these platforms to lie about themselves to appear more desirable, while another 25% think it is somewhat common. Only 3% of online daters think this is not a common occurrence on dating platforms.

Smaller, but still substantial shares, of online daters believe people setting up fake accounts in order to scam others (50%) or people receiving sexually explicit messages or images they did not ask for (48%) are very common on dating sites and apps. By contrast, online daters are less likely to think harassment or bullying, and privacy violations, such as data breaches or identify theft, are very common occurrences on these platforms.

Some users – especially younger women – report being the target of rude or harassing behavior while on these platforms

Some experts contend that the open nature of online dating — that is, the fact that many users are strangers to one another — has created a less civil dating environment and therefore makes it difficult to hold people accountable for their behavior. This survey finds that a notable share of online daters have been subjected to some form of harassment measured in this survey.

Roughly three-in-ten or more online dating users say someone through a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested (37%), sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for (35%) or called them an offensive name (28%). Fewer online daters say someone via a dating site or app has threatened to physically harm them.

Younger women are particularly likely to encounter each of these behaviors. Six-in-ten female online dating users ages 18 to 34 say someone via a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while 57% report that another user has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for. Other negative interactions are more violent in nature: 19% of younger female users say someone on a dating site or app has threatened to physically harm them – roughly twice the rate of men in the same age range who say this.

The likelihood of encountering these kinds of behaviors on dating platforms also varies by sexual orientation. Fully 56% of LGB users say someone on a dating site or app has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for, compared with about one-third of straight users (32%). LGB users are also more likely than straight users to say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they told them they were not interested, called them an offensive name or threatened to physically harm them.

Online dating is not universally seen as a safe way to meet someone

The creators of online dating sites and apps have at times struggled with the perception that these sites could facilitate troubling – or even dangerous – encounters. And although there is some evidence that much of the stigma surrounding these sites has diminished over time, close to half of Americans still find the prospect of meeting someone through a dating site unsafe.

Some 53% of Americans overall (including those who have and have not online dated) agree that dating sites and apps are a very or somewhat safe way to meet people, while a somewhat smaller share (46%) believe these platforms are a not too or not at all safe way of meeting people.

Americans who have never used a dating site or app are particularly skeptical about the safety of online dating. Roughly half of adults who have never used a dating or app (52%) believe that these platforms are a not too or not at all safe way to meet others, compared with 29% of those who have online dated.

There are some groups who are particularly wary of the idea of meeting someone through dating platforms. Women are more inclined than men to believe that dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet someone (53% vs. 39%).

Age and education are also linked to differing attitudes about the topic. For example, 59% of Americans ages 65 and older say meeting someone this way is not safe, compared with 51% of those ages 50 to 64 and 39% among adults under the age of 50. Those who have a high school education or less are especially likely to say that dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people, compared with those who have some college experience or who have at bachelor’s or advanced degree. These patterns are consistent regardless of each group’s own personal experience with using dating sites or apps.

Pluralities think online dating has neither helped nor harmed dating and relationships and that relationships that start online are just as successful as those that begin offline

Americans – regardless of whether they have personally used online dating services or not – also weighed in on the virtues and pitfalls of online dating. Some 22% of Americans say online dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships, while a similar proportion (26%) believe their effect has been mostly negative. Still, the largest share of adults – 50% – say online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships.

Respondents who say online dating’s effect has been mostly positive or mostly negative were asked to explain in their own words why they felt this way. Some of the most common reasons provided by those who believe online dating has had a positive effect focus on its ability to expand people’s dating pools and to allow people to evaluate someone before agreeing to meet in person. These users also believe dating sites and apps generally make the process of dating easier. On the other hand, people who said online dating has had a mostly negative effect most commonly cite dishonesty and the idea that users misrepresent themselves.

Pluralities also believe that whether a couple met online or in person has little effect on the success of their relationship. Just over half of Americans (54%) say that relationships where couples meet through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person, 38% believe these relationships are less successful, while 5% deem them more successful.

Public attitudes about the impact or success of online dating differ between those who have used dating platforms and those who have not. While 29% of online dating users say dating sites and apps have had a mostly positive effect on dating and relationships, that share is 21% among non-users. People who have ever used a dating site or app also have a more positive assessment of relationships forged online. Some 62% of online daters believe relationships where people first met through a dating site or app are just as successful as those that began in person, compared with 52% of those who never online dated.

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Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and conventional wisdom both suggest that love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods.

Online dating is really popular. Using the internet is really popular. A survey conducted in 2013 found that 77% of people considered it “very important” to have their smartphones with them at all times. With the rise of apps like Tinder (and the various copycat models), who could blame them? If you want to think about dating as a numbers game (and apparently many people do), you could probably swipe left/right between 10 to 100 times in the span of time that it would take you to interact with one potential date in ‘real life’.

With the popularity of sites like eHarmony, match.com, OkCupid and countless others, the stigma of online dating has diminished considerably in the last decade. According to the Pew Research Center, the overwhelming majority of Americans suggest that online dating is a good way to meet people. Online dating services are now the second most popular way to meet a partner.

The popularity of online dating is being driven by several things, but a major factor is time. Online dating presents an effective solution to a serious problem.

Browsing profiles isn’t nearly as time-consuming (or daunting) as mixing with people in a social context. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online.

The problem with a lot of online dating applications is that they don’t really work. Before you throw caution to the wind and empty your wallet into the pockets of an online app with the reckless abandon of a love-struck teenager, there are a few things you should know.

1. People lie on their online dating profiles

OK, this is hardly an earth-shattering revelation. Well duh, people want to be appealing. Most people probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that it’s more common for people to lie in their online profile than be completely honest.

A study of over 1,000 online daters in the US and UK conducted by global research agency OpinionMatters founds some very interesting statistics. A total of 53% of US participants admitted to having lied in their online dating profile. Women apparently lied more than men, with the most common dishonesties being about looks. Over 20% of women posted photos of their younger selves. But men were only marginally better. Their most common lies were about their financial situation, specifically about having a better job (financially) than they actually do. More than 40% of men indicated that they did this, but the tactic was also employed by nearly a third of women.

While dishonesty was slightly less prevalent among the British sample, 44% did admit to lying in their online profile. In both the US and UK samples, dishonesty declined with age. Maybe older people are just more interested in projecting their real self, rather than an imagined or ideal version.

2. Looking for a relationship? That must mean all you want is sex

One of the big problems with online dating for women is that, although there are genuine relationship-seeking men on the sites, there are also plenty of guys on there simply looking for sex. While most people would agree that on average men are more eager for sex than women, it seems that many men make the assumption that if a woman has an online dating presence, she’s interested in sleeping with relative strangers. Online dating does represent the convenience of being able to meet others that you possibly never would have otherwise, but women should be aware that they probably will receive rude/disgusting messages from horny guys, sexual propositions/requests, dick pics, and a lot of creepy vibes.

3. Negotiating the scam-ternet

Let’s be honest, the internet is really just a super elaborate and sophisticated farce designed to distract you from having your pockets picked by greasy conmen in cheap suits, right? Not quite, but it is full of unscrupulous vendors looking to separate you from your money by whatever means possible (in other news, have you heard about the secret to getting killer abs in less than 7 minutes using this 1 weird trick…?).

There are pitfalls and tripwires in every sphere of life, but this may be particularly true in the context of online dating. There are literally hundreds (if not thousands) of online scams, and I’m not going to run through any in detail here, but do some research before you go giving your bank details to ‘Nigerian princes’ promising ‘fun moments’. As a matter of fact, you should probably be wary of any person, group or entity asking for any kind of financial or personal information. It might even be advisable to follow these general guidelines:

Set up an anonymous email account from a widely used email service (I_heart_scamming123@gmail.com is already taken).

NEVER give out your home phone, address or personal email address unless you absolutely trust the recipient.

Drive yourself to the date (your date doesn’t need to know where you live), keep an eye on your drink/food (…), pay half of the bill (you don’t need your date having expectations of repayment).

Of course, there are plenty more do’s and do not’s of online dating, but I guess the most important thing here is to use your common sense. If something feels off, trust your gut. You don’t necessarily have to develop a ‘trust no-one and sleep with one eye open’ approach to online dating, but it is probably worthwhile to have a healthy degree of skepticism in general.

4. Relationships don’t last

Never mind the fact that more than one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online, those that somehow do manage to find someone else they are willing to marry and who is willing to marry them (a vanishingly tiny subset of online daters) face an uphill battle. According to research conducted at Michigan State University, relationships that start out online are 28% more likely to break down in their first year than relationships where the couples first met face-to-face. And it gets worse. Couples who met online are nearly three times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.

However, it isn’t all misery and woe. While the overwhelming majority of romantic relationships still begin offline, around 5% of Americans who are currently in either a committed relationship or marriage indicate that they met their significant other online.

5. It makes you picky and judgmental

It’s very easy to send one course back (or even one after another) when the menu is overflowing with other potential courses. According to the Association for Psychological Science, reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting.