Get the app!

Single people, listen up: If you’re looking for love, want to start dating, or just keep it casual, you need to be on Tinder. With over 55 billion matches made, it’s the place to be to meet your next best match. Let’s be real, the dating landscape looks very different today, as most people are meeting online. With Tinder, the world’s most popular free dating app, you have millions of other single people at your fingertips and they’re all ready to meet someone like you. Whether you’re straight or in the LGBTQIA community, Tinder’s here to bring you all the sparks.

There really is something for everyone on Tinder. Want to get into a relationship? You got it. Trying to find some new friends? Say no more. New kid on campus and looking to make the most of your college experience? Tinder U’s got you covered. Tinder isn’t your average dating site — it’s the most diverse dating app, where adults of all backgrounds and experiences are invited to make connections, memories, and everything in between.

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Downloading a dating app is the easy part. What’s not easy is sweating over the pictures that best represent you (or the ones you want to present to hundreds of single women). It’s also not easy to painstakingly craft a bio that’s equal parts informative and humorous.

But toughest of all? Coming up with that first perfectly witty message the minute you match with someone decent. These days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps, making a lasting first impression seems freaking impossible.

So we asked 20 real women to divulge the perfect one-liners, questions, and messages they wish men would send on mobile apps or dating sites. Oh, and by the way: ‘Hey, what’s up?’ isn’t cutting it. But cheese references might. (No, we don’t get it either.)

Here’s what they said:

“I like when a guy tries to get off the app immediately and says something like, ‘Hey, I’m interested in getting to know you. If you’re down, shoot me a text (insert #).’” – Cara J.  

“Run with something I have on my profile. Personally, I’m obsessed with cheese. The perfect first message would be something like ‘Saw you’re a cheesehead. I’ve been dying to go to this Italian place that serves four-cheese gnocchi—or pairs wine with half a dozen local cheeses. Interested?’ Um, yes, yes I am. Because A) who wouldn’t be into that? And B) you took the time to be unique. Even if we start messaging and I come to find you’re a wackjob and cancel the date, you still astronomically upped your chances than the guy who sent ‘Hey.'” – Victoria G. 

“Something related to my profile or picture that’s relatable. I’ve had a guy say: ‘I’ve been skydiving before, but how incredible was jumping in New Zealand?’ because of a photo I had. I feel like that’s the easiest way to connect with someone—through shared interests.” – Rae P. 

“‘Top 3 things you can’t live without—ready, set, go.’ Disarm me, throw me off (without being creepy), and be original. I’ll be way more inclined to play along. And this shows you actually have a personality…or at least a semblance of one.” – Anne S. 

“I’m actually totally cool with ‘Hey! How’s it going?’ It’s more grown-up and confident than ‘What’s up?’” – Sasha B. 

“Bring up something that’s in my bio or one of my pictures you relate to. Perfect example: ’Hey, What kind of race were you doing? I’m big into fitness, too.’ It shows you’re interested in learning about me (rare among dudes). Remember, the conversation shouldn’t be one-way. And we get to skip the small talk and get right into the conversation.” – Marie L. 

“I’ve actually gotten funny memes as a first message. The one that made me die laughing was a cartoon with pounding heart eyes—basically saying he thought I was attractive but not in a completely weird way. It’s just a better icebreaker than ‘Hey.’” – Samantha M. 

“Start with something like: ‘Totally into your profile and interests. Where were you traveling to?’… or, ‘How long did you live in San Francisco for?’ Target bits and pieces of my profile. I chose to highlight them for a reason!” – Caitlin D. 

“I honestly like a simple ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ Ultimatums like, ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or ‘You’re gorgeous.’ annoy and freak me out.’” – Amy S. 

“Send a question that relates to something from my profile. It shows you actually took the time to craft a response and didn’t just send a generic ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to every girl on the app. For example, if one of my photos was of me at a concert, make a connection to a concert you recently went to.” – Caroline T. 

“I think the perfect first message is direct. ‘Hey, you seem really interesting. Would love to go out sometime.’ Stay away from stupid pickup lines.” – Rachel D. 

“Point out how awkward dating apps are and poke fun at yourself without being too self-deprecating and blindingly insecure. Say something like, ‘Trying to come up with a clever one-liner to hit you with gave me more anxiety than the SATs. So I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say I would love to get to know you outside the confines of this app.’ You seem sincere and I’m WAY more likely to want to get to know you, too.” – Brielle A.

“Always something witty or about food. Or, start with a question about my pictures or bio. I have a lot with my nephew because he’s important to me.” – Laura W. 

“Something that makes fun of the app and the situation. Like, pretend to be a character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and say, ‘Hey, I’m Charlie. I like cheese and live with a guy named Frank.’ I would respect that. Though if I didn’t get the reference, then this would just flop.” – Amanda H.

“I like when a guy is engaging. It might be a little overdone, but asking for two truths and a lie is still, to me, a great conversation starter.” – Laura Q.

“Something unique and also relevant to my life via my profile. Ask, ‘Hey, what kind of nurse are you?’ It shows you’re generally interested in getting to know me as a person—not just what I look like. Anything beats ‘Hey, good lookin’.’” – Vanessa P. 

“‘Your perfect Sunday morning: workout, movie, or brunch?’ Depending on my answer, ask: ‘If I play my cards right, would you like to join me for X, Y, or Z sometime?’ This is PERFECT. It’s clever and not too demanding or creepy, because it’s on me to decide when or if it actually happens. If our conversation goes well and I’m feeling you, then I can initiate picking a date.” – Candice H. 

“I like for a guy to show his personality and humor. My now-boyfriend initiated a conversation with: ‘I don’t break apart Kit Kat bars. I eat them whole. Is that a deal breaker?’ I thought this was so weird and funny, I responded immediately.” – Marissa D. 

“Anything that makes you seem not like a complete stranger. Make a connection. I’m a law student, so if a guy draws a connection to the fact he’s in grad school or asks about it, it creates instant dialogue.” – Marianna B. 

“Compliment me on anything but my appearance. Say I fascinate you or you love that I’m really outdoorsy. Guys need to stop defaulting to cheap wins. We see past that—especially if we’re on here to find an actual relationship.” – Rose T.

Face-to-face approach

Treat virtual messaging like a face-to-face conversation. It’s fine to plan a couple of topics in advance to talk about but let the conversation flow naturally. If it comes to a natural stop then steer the conversation ahead with a new topic.

Try to reply in a timely fashion and if you have to stop or take a pause to do chores, then let them know that you will BRB. Also, try to message them when you are both available to message back in real time. That way, you and the people you match with will have a more of a chance to have a conversation where you can interact and play off of each other’s responses – just like in real life.

I know lots of people instinctively message, go about their day, read the reply, and message back with hours in between because messaging is low commitment. But to truly have a lively conversation with the people you match with, you have to be present.

Ask questions

Don’t underestimate the power of asking simple questions. The most mundane questions in your life will do wonders in opening door for you and your match. Questions like “how was your day?”, “how are you?”, and even “how many sibling do you have?” will bring you closer to your match and let the conversations flow.

Getting to know your match is what will make conversations flow more and more. And the simplest questions will open the most doors to becoming more comfortable with each other. Once you stop feeling like you’re talking to a stranger, the conversations will flow with much more ease and stop running into walls.

Be yourself

Don’t forget to be yourself in the midst of being too caught up in what to say to keep your match interested. Crack that joke in your usual sense of humour, and let your voice shine through.

After all, your personality is what will attract your ideal match! So just be yourself and message as you would talk to someone face-to-face. Being yourself is also the right way to tell whether your match is right for you or not – you want someone who is a good match. So if you want the conversation to flow, make sure to be yourself!

Use more than words

Switch up your messaging with more than texts – we live in the digital age and we have the tools to mix up our messaging, so use them!

Throw in a picture or ask for an exchange – doesn’t have to be a nude (at all) if you’re not comfortable with them yet, but it can just be a quick selfie, your delicious lunch, your pet, or even what you’re watching on Netflix. This way, you can open the door to new avenues of communication that are more intimate and interesting.

Alternatively, you can also send voice messages instead of texts. The sound of your voice is way more intimate and personal. It can also be an amazing avenue to get your personality across. Hearing your match’s voice will also bring you closer. This way of communicating is close to face-to-face interaction, and it will add more variety to your conversations – and we all know that’s the spice to life.

Pay a compliment

One of the best ways to grease the convo along and get a little bit closer to your match is through paying a thoughtful compliment. Avoid generic compliments – they are impersonal and probably way too overused.

Instead, pay attention to their pictures, their bio, and the way they talk – compliment them on something specific and show that you are thoughtful. This puts you above all the other matches that they might have and will bring you closer to them, and the closer you are with your match, the better your conversation will be.

Focus on a genuine compliment that actually comes from your observations – and definitely definitely don’t oversell it. Your match can probably detect a big compliment that’s just blowing smoke up their a!*.

Match their pace

Maintaining a rhythm to your conversation is another key to stop it from running dry and fizzling it out. One key thing to master here is to match the pace in which your match is speaking. If they are sending two or three short messages, it won’t do you much good to send long paragraphs back to them.

Pick up on their flow of talking and try to match it. If you are unable to match their pacing, then you’ll either come off as way too needy or way too cold. Feel out your match’s pace and stick to it – the lengths of their message is a great clue to that.

Don’t worry, it won’t take long for you to become a pro in reading your match!

Don’t ask for a date too soon

Another great mistake that is easy to make is asking your match out on a date too quickly. It’s easy to come on too strong through messaging because you have not yet met them. Get to know them first and build a rapport – you want to get to know them too.

Asking them out on a date as an opener is bold but rarely works because it comes off too strong. Think about it – a stranger you’ve never seen is asking to meet with them one on one right off the bat – just creepy, no?

So take time to build a rapport – doesn’t have to be months and months, but it does take time. While the amount of time differs from match to match, the getting-to-know-them part is universal if you want results.

If your match starts to become open with you, comfortable, cracking jokes, and laughing at your jokes – it’s a good sign that they’re ready for a date. It’s also important to observe whether they’re sharing parts of themselves with you. When you see that they are opening up, seize your opportunity!

Get the app!

Single people, listen up: If you’re looking for love, want to start dating, or just keep it casual, how to get converstation on dating app going, you need to be on Tinder. With over 55 billion matches made, it’s the place to be to meet your next best match. Let’s be real, the dating landscape looks very different today, as most people are meeting online. With Tinder, the world’s most popular free dating app, you have millions of other single people at your fingertips and they’re all ready to meet someone like you. Whether you’re straight or in the LGBTQIA community, Tinder’s here to bring you all the sparks.

There really is something for everyone on Tinder. Want to get into a relationship? You got it. Trying to find some new friends? Say no more. New kid on campus and looking to make the most of your college experience? Tinder U’s got you covered. Tinder isn’t your average dating site how to get converstation on dating app going it’s the most diverse dating app, where adults of all backgrounds and experiences are invited to make connections, memories, and everything in between.

Wondering how to keep a conversation going on Bumble? Not everyone is a master of conversation on this dating app, but there are a few tips and tricks that you can use to your advantage to meet a girl off of Bumble.

I’m sure this has happened to you before. You match on Bumble, and then she sends you a pretty generic message. You try to keep the conversation interesting, and it works for a while. But then replying starts to feel like a chore. You talk often enough that you know enough about each other, but not nearly enough to ask for how to get converstation on dating app going other’s contact info. What do you do to carry the conversation on Bumble?

In this article, we will take a look at how to keep a conversation going on Bumble by giving you some tips on what to do and what to talk about. Read on!

What To Talk About On Bumble

Okay, so you’ve swiped right and you’ve matched with a lovely lady - what do you do next?

A Bumble conversation is meant to be light, fun, flirty - basically everything you’d say in person but on your smartphone. Still, you don’t have the active body language that you’d get by chatting up a girl in a club, nor can she respond to your body language in real-time. Instead, you’ve got words, emojis, and gifs - use them wisely.

Let’s take a look at what to talk about on Bumble to get the conversation started, spark her interest, and meet up in the real world.

Common interests always keep the conversation going on Bumble

Pay attention to her profile and look for commonalities that you already have. Because you both have things in common, it’s easy to build rapport and earn her trust. However, you should be legitimately interested in what she’s interested in. That is unless her profile is completely blank and you have nothing to go on.

A good way to further your rapport is to go beyond a novice’s knowledge of her interest. If, for example, she has a picture of her performing with an electric guitar, you can ask her which pickups she uses (“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re a humbucker kind of girl”). Even if a specific question like this is out of her knowledge base, she’ll appreciate that you have knowledge that she appreciates.

It’s important to avoid topics that you don’t have any interest in, however, how to get converstation on dating app going. If she has an interest in surfing and you hate how to get converstation on dating app going water, you can only fool her so long before she’ll how to get converstation on dating app going out that you’re trying to say what you think she wants to hear. In other words, she’ll suss out the manipulator and immediately avoid you.

Local events

Chances are if you matched on Bumble, then you both live in roughly the same area. Use this proximity to your advantage for a Bumble conversation.

Local events imply that you both are living in the same space and experience relatively the same things, already creating a shared experience. You may have more in common than you know - especially if you attended the same concert, county fair, 5k fun run - you name it.

One of the easiest ways to spark her interest is to ask if she goes to the local farmers’ market. Women love farmers’ markets for their better quality of produce and sense of community. It's also a great way to screen out women you have next to nothing in common with.

Similarly, you can use recent local events such as power outages, abnormal weather, or a full moon to establish common ground. Remember, you’re trying to find things in common to establish rapport so that she feels safe to reveal more about herself to you.

Bear in mind that you will want to steer any conversation away from negativity, though you can frame it in a better light. For example, if you mention a section of town being run-down or dangerous due to a recent crime wave, you may inadvertently offend her (whether she lives there, has family there, or simply has a different opinion about the place).

Flirting: when you have no idea what to talk about on Bumble

Let’s be honest: While Bumble isn’t the same meat market that Tinder is, women on Bumble still have a sexual interest in men.

Most women choose Bumble because it gives women more control over the screening process (among many other reasons), but very few women are going to use sexual innuendo to charm you. That’s why you, as a man, can steer the conversation with light flirting to get her interested (you’ll know she’s interested when the messages come faster than usual).

The approach should be light, however. Don’t start out too sexy, but if her profile has a bikini photo, you can point out something funny like, “Great bathing suit pic. It’s a good thing I won’t have to use my imagination for your underwear!” Remember, women leave sexual clues and they usually are pretty aware of which pictures show cleavage, their figure, or are sexual in nature.

The Steps To Keeping A Conversation Going On Bumble

Now that the Bumble conversation is going well, you want to keep that momentum.

However, if her first message is a simple “Hey”, “Hello”, or similarly uninspiring answer, it’s up to you as a man to guide the conversation. The previous section has some great tips and tricks to spark her interest, but you do want to make sure that she keeps talking. After all, if she’s not talking to you, chances are she’s talking to someone else.

Building towards a date

The purpose of Bumble and other dating apps is to eventually meet up. To keep the conversation going, start to steer the question towards the real world. A great way to do so is to simply ask her: “If you had to go on a date with a handsome man like me, what would fill your heart with joy?”

Don’t worry about putting the ball in her court for setting the terms of the date, how to get converstation on dating app going. The idea is just to get her out of the “endless conversation on dating app” paradigm and start thinking about the future. After all, you want to keep the conversation dating fat men on Bumble, but you don’t want to be stuck there forever. Eventually, you’ll either have to trade phone numbers or set a date in a recent time frame. But this can reinvigorate a Bumble conversation that doesn't seem to go anywhere.

Use a points system

One way to keep a conversation fun is to use a points system as a way to reward or punish a girl for making good conversation. Subconsciously, everyone likes to win and feel like they’re progressing towards some goal, so use this gaming strategy to your advantage.

Don’t worry about being fair or keeping the exact score; instead, you can dock yourself points to show off your self-effacing humor (“Oh geez, minus five points for my response to your question… Let’s see if I can get back in the black.”). Or, simply award her points for her physical appearance (“Why’d you give me ten points?” “Oh, how to get converstation on dating app going, because you’re so beautiful, that’s why!”)

You can keep a tally and offer her a prize - with the prize being a date with you or some other token of affection when you do actually meet in person.

What brought you to Bumble?

As a man, this is a bit of a rhetorical question, but you can get some honest responses from women that show what she is truly interested in. Obviously, many women won’t tell you an honest answer, such as not being able to find a decent man or have the time to do so, but some women will appreciate the answer. Best of all, women typically will ask you the same question, to which the best reply is, “Obviously to meet someone like you.”

Use open-ended questions

Flirty, open-ended questions are questions that can’t be answered by a simple yes, no, or any other single response. They’re broader and lead to more interesting questions to keep the conversation going. Open-ended questions give her the option of revealing her personality. It can also be used to screen for her interest level.

Closed-ended questions, by contrast, typically can be answered with a single word or from a list of multiple-choice options. They aren’t necessarily to be avoided, but if she’s an unimaginative communicator or the question is lame (Q: “Do you like the beach?” A: “Yes”), you may get unmatched or ghosted without warning.

Ugh, I hate this app - what’s your number?

For the record, everyone hates dating apps. They’re a necessary evil in our highly digitized world, so the sooner you can get off the app and on her phone, the greater your chances of success for dating, sex, or even just platonic friendship.

Simply use the phrase/question “I hate this app, what’s your phone number?” or a variation how to get converstation on dating app going that, and you’ll know whether she wants to meet up or not. If not, you can either try to find some other topics to chat about, or you may just want to cut your losses and find someone else to talk to.

Learning how to keep a conversation going on Bumble is admittedly a skill that you can learn with practice. Lucky for you, you’ve got lots of potential matches on the app that you can practice with. Some conversations might go great while others may fizzle out. But that’s just part of the dating game!

Downloading a dating app is the easy part. What’s not easy is sweating over the pictures that best represent you (or the ones you want to present to hundreds of single women). It’s also not easy to painstakingly craft a bio that’s equal parts informative and humorous.

But toughest of all? Coming up with that first perfectly witty message the minute you match with someone decent. These days, now that women have seen and heard it all on dating apps, how to get converstation on dating app going, making a lasting first impression seems freaking impossible.

So we asked 20 real women to divulge the perfect how to get converstation on dating app going, questions, and messages they wish men would send on mobile apps or dating sites. Oh, and by the way: ‘Hey, what’s up?’ isn’t cutting it. But cheese references might. (No, we don’t get it either.)

Here’s what they said:

“I like when a guy tries to get off the app immediately and says something like, how to get converstation on dating app going, ‘Hey, I’m interested in getting to know you. If you’re down, how to get converstation on dating app going, shoot me a text (insert #).’” – Cara J.  

“Run with something I have on my profile. Personally, I’m obsessed with cheese. The perfect first message would be something like ‘Saw you’re a cheesehead. I’ve been dying to go to this Italian place that serves four-cheese gnocchi—or pairs wine with half a dozen local cheeses, how to get converstation on dating app going. Interested?’ Um, yes, yes I am. Because A) who wouldn’t be into that? And B) you took the time to be unique. Even if we start messaging and I come to find you’re a wackjob and cancel the date, you still astronomically upped your chances than the guy who sent ‘Hey.'” – Victoria G. 

“Something related to my profile or picture that’s relatable. I’ve had a guy say: ‘I’ve been skydiving before, but how incredible was jumping in New Zealand?’ because of a photo I had. I feel like that’s the easiest way to connect how to get converstation on dating app going someone—through shared interests.” – Rae P. 

“‘Top 3 things you can’t live without—ready, set, go.’ Disarm me, throw me off (without being creepy), and be original. I’ll be way more inclined to play along, how to get converstation on dating app going. And this shows you actually how to get converstation on dating app going a personality…or at least a semblance of one.” – Anne S. 

“I’m actually totally cool with ‘Hey! How’s it going?’ It’s more grown-up and confident than ‘What’s up?’” pua openers for online dating Sasha B. 

“Bring up something that’s in my bio or one of my pictures you relate to. Perfect example: ’Hey, What kind of race were you doing? I’m big into fitness, too.’ It shows you’re interested in learning about me (rare among dudes). Remember, the conversation shouldn’t be one-way. And we get to skip the small talk and get right into the conversation.” – Marie L. 

“I’ve actually gotten funny memes as a first message. The one that made me die laughing was a cartoon with pounding heart eyes—basically saying he thought I was attractive but not in a completely weird way. It’s just a better icebreaker than ‘Hey.’” – Samantha M. 

“Start with something like: ‘Totally into your profile and interests. Where were you traveling to?’… or, ‘How long did you live in San Francisco for?’ Target bits and pieces of my profile. I chose to highlight them for a reason!” – Caitlin D. 

“I honestly like a simple ‘Hey, how’s your day going?’ Ultimatums like, ‘Coffee or sleep?’ or ‘You’re gorgeous.’ annoy and freak me out.’” – Amy S. 

“Send a question that relates to something from my profile. It shows you actually took the time to craft a response and didn’t just send a generic ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to every girl on the app. For example, if one of my photos was of me at a concert, make a connection to a concert you recently went to.” – Caroline T. 

“I think the perfect first message is direct. ‘Hey, you seem really interesting. Would love to go out sometime.’ Stay away from stupid pickup lines.” – Rachel D. 

“Point out how awkward dating apps are and poke fun at yourself without being too self-deprecating and blindingly insecure. Say something like, ‘Trying to come up with a clever one-liner to hit you with gave me more anxiety than the SATs. So I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say I would love to get to know you outside the confines of this app.’ You seem sincere and I’m WAY more likely to want to get to know you, too.” – Brielle A.

“Always something witty or about food. Or, start with a question about my pictures or bio. I have a lot with my nephew because he’s important to me.” – Laura W. 

“Something that makes fun of the app and the situation. Like, pretend to be a character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and say, ‘Hey, I’m Charlie. I like cheese and live with a guy named Frank.’ I would respect that. Though if I didn’t get the reference, then this would just flop.” – Amanda H.

“I like when a guy is engaging. It might be a little overdone, but asking for two truths and a lie is still, to me, a great conversation starter.” – Laura Q.

“Something unique and also relevant to my life via my profile. Ask, ‘Hey, what kind of nurse are you?’ It shows you’re generally interested in getting to know me as a person—not just what I look like. Anything beats ‘Hey, good lookin’.’” – Vanessa P. 

“‘Your perfect Sunday morning: workout, movie, or brunch?’ Depending on my answer, ask: ‘If I play my cards right, would you like to join me for X, Y, or Z sometime?’ This is PERFECT. It’s clever and not too demanding or creepy, how to get converstation on dating app going, because it’s on me to decide when or if it actually happens. If our conversation goes well and I’m feeling you, then I can initiate picking a date.” – Candice H. 

“I like for a guy to show his personality and humor. My now-boyfriend initiated a conversation with: ‘I don’t break apart Kit Kat bars. I eat them whole. Is that a deal breaker?’ I thought this was so weird and funny, I responded immediately.” – Marissa D. 

“Anything that makes you seem not like a complete stranger. Make a connection. I’m a law student, so if a guy draws a connection to the fact he’s in grad school or asks about it, how to get converstation on dating app going, it creates instant dialogue.” – Marianna B. 

“Compliment me on anything but my appearance. Say I fascinate you or you love that I’m really outdoorsy. Guys need to stop defaulting to cheap wins. We see past that—especially if we’re on here to find an actual relationship.” – Rose T.

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Cara Mackler 

When you’re too busy to go out but you’re ready to meet someone new, online dating can be the perfect change of pace. We live in a digital world, so it makes sense that we’re starting to date in one, too. Having navigated my fair share of cheesy pick-up lines and bad dates, I know from experience that online dating can be just as complicated as dating How to get converstation on dating app going dating apps like Bumble, OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and Tinder connecting with someone online is more convenient and complicated than ever.

Below I’ve compiled 6 things to look out for when online dating:

1. They Barely Fill Out their Profile 

An online profile creates a quick and easy place to highlight splices of someone’s life and personality. You can display your hobbies, interests, pastimes, friends, or family if you want to.

While judgment can be an unfortunate result of the quick swipe-left-or-swipe-right decision, try to look at what they are choosing to highlight about their personality through their profile picture. Are they showing off that they can rock a keg stand or that they traveled to Fiji and swam with stingrays? I’m not saying you should write someone off completely if their profile isn’t exactly well-rounded, but you can use their profile as dating in your 30s men tool to determine if you have anything in common or if something beyond their looks intrigues you.

2. They Use Raunchy Pick-Up Lines

If you look at Tinder Nightmares, how to get converstation on dating app going, you’ll entertain yourself for hours reading through many people’s failed attempts to grab someone’s attention with a raunchy or peculiar pick-up line. Although this is entertaining for us, it’s not as entertaining if you’re the one receiving the uncomfortable and violating messages from online trolls.

How someone initiates a conversation with you will say a lot about how they view you as a person and how they might treat you as a partner. Did they comment on your body in a sexual manner or did they ask you what breed your cute dog is in your picture? You may get your fair share of cheesy pick-up lines, some can be endearing and charming while others can be crude and demeaning. Humor can be a wonderful icebreaker, but also remember you are worth more than a lame pick up line. Someone who truly wants to get to know you will take the time to do so.

3. They Are Controlling

After the initial ice breaker conversation, what does the rest of the conversation look like? It’s always a good idea to test the waters before agreeing to meet this person IRL, how to get converstation on dating app going. Your first few conversations with someone new should be easy going. If someone is coming on really strong right away, or they pressure you to meet how to get converstation on dating app going person before you’re ready, how to get converstation on dating app going, feel free to pump the breaks and set some boundaries. If they don’t respect those boundaries, then they aren’t respecting you.

Additionally, if someone is giving you a checklist right away of all of the things they want in a future partner, this may be a red flag for some controlling behaviors, how to get converstation on dating app going. It’s one thing if they express their non-negotiables but it’s another thing entirely if they are listing required traits. In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to be you. If you feel like someone is already trying to change things about you to suit their needs, that’s not okay.

4. They Are Mysterious

Online dating leaves a lot up to mystery, which can be alluring and exciting to some but may also be a warning sign that you’re not getting the whole truth.

My friend agreed to go out with someone she met online and they had a really great time together. They got dinner and talked for hours, and it was overall a very nice date. She was excited to see him again and he seemed just as excited. They made plans to go out again, but he canceled last minute, saying his cat had died. After giving him some time to cope with his cat passing away, he made plans to see her again and she was thrilled. He canceled the date last minute again because he said his grandma had died. Although this seemed too tragic to be true, how to get converstation on dating app going, she gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was telling the truth. He disappeared for a couple of weeks.

When he finally reached out again, she agreed to go out with him and they had yet another wonderful date, how to get converstation on dating app going. At the end of the date, they took a cab back to his apartment. As my friend stepped out of the cab, a girl walked up to her shouting. Surprised and confused, my friend asked her what was going on. It turns out this girl was the girlfriend of the guy my friend was currently on a date with.

Looking back more closely at their conversations, it seemed more and more obvious that the signs of him lying and manipulating were there all along. He would only text at certain times of the day, he would disappear for days on end, and he used excuse after excuse to delay each date to assure his girlfriend would not be around. Moral of the story: mystery can be fun but it can also be a sign that someone is hiding something. Trust your instincts.

5. They Are Demanding

First dates with someone you’ve met online are basically blind dates. You don’t really know if this person is who they say they are until you’ve met in person. This is why having a date in a public place not only keeps you safe but gives you an out in case you aren’t really feeling it.

First impressions can be revealing. You can really get to know a lot about someone on a first date, and it’s actually possible to detect some red flags for unhealthy behaviors even in the very beginning. One example is if they are making demands early on, maybe to meet or hang out at their place rather than go out somewhere together. Another example could be if they expect you to change your schedule just to accommodate theirs, or to cancel existing plans to meet them. These types of behaviors can be the beginning of other controlling behaviors, how to get converstation on dating app going.

First dates should be exciting and flirtatious. It’s about those thrilling moments of connection and chemistry that keep you smiling all day long. This person should make you feel special, respected, and valued. If there’s even a hint of controlling, possessive, disrespectful or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, it’s likely that behavior is not going to go away.

6. Signal for Help

Most importantly, your safety is the number one priority. Always meet in a public place for the first couple of dates. If someone is pressuring you to meet somewhere private for a first date, this could be uncomfortable and leave you feeling trapped if you’re not enjoying the date. Pick a place that you’re familiar with and have been before or a place where you can easily head home if things are going south.

If you are going somewhere that serves alcoholic beverages, most bartenders are using secret codes to help customers signal, privately, when they need help if they’re getting harassed or feeling unsafe on a bad date.  Another way to stay safe is to tell a friend, or multiple friends, when and where you are going out. Have them call you at a certain point throughout the date and if the date is not going well, use the phone call as an out. And remember, if you are ever abused or assaulted while on a date, it is not your fault and you can get help.

Online dating is the new way to date for many people. Like any other part of technology, it has its pros and cons. Keeping your safety a priority, online dating should be fun! So, enjoy it and hopefully, you’ll find your Tinderella story.

Online dating is awesome. It gives us a fantastic and unique way to meet people that we never would have had the chance to meet otherwise. But, sometimes it can be tough to make the transition from just chatting online with someone to actually going on a date. How do you make that transition? How do you bring it up? When is the right time? What happens if they are hesitant?

These are all awesome questions and ones we hear a lot. In this guide, we’re going to walk you through how to transition to actually go on a date from a dating site. We’ll show you how to take that next crucial step to potentially getting that interaction or relationship to the next level – the first “real” date.

Read: The Best Apps for Dating of the Year

How to Know When the Time is Right

The toughest part of the transition from dating online to a date in real life is knowing when to make the move. The answer is that it’s new to lesbian dating to be heavily dependent on a few things.

The Type of Match You’re Chatting With

First, it’s going to depend on the person that you’re talking with. Some people really like to get to know people well before they commit the time to meet them in person. This can be because they’re just cautious, their free time is limited, or maybe they’ve had some bad experiences in the past. On the other end of the spectrum, you’re going to have people who hate the digital conversation and would much rather meet up in person to get to know someone.

Which of these two types of people is right? The answer is that both of them are right. Neither approach is wrong. But, what is wrong is assuming that the person you are talking to has the same approach as you.

For example, if you’re someone that hates the digital conversation and would much rather meet in person but the match you’re talking to likes to take things slowly and get to know people first, you need to understand and accept that.

Yes, this means that you’re going to have to come out of your comfort zone a little and continue the conversation online longer than you normally would. But, if you really like the person, you’re going to have to do this.

If you’re the person who hates the online conversation, you’re always going to have to be the one that bends a little and waits a little longer. You can be expected to wait longer, but you can’t rationally expect someone who isn’t comfortable meeting that quickly to change their step. If you try and push this, you’re going how to get converstation on dating app going lose them for good and that opportunity will be gone.

Feel things out and you should have a pretty good idea of what you’re dealing with. You’ll see in the next few sections that if they are hesitant to meet initially, it might be because of this.

The Level of Conversation so How to get converstation on dating app going, you’ll want to look at the level of conversation so far. If you’ve sent two or three messages back and forth without a lot of substance, it’s probably how to get converstation on dating app going early to head out to meet someone unless you both are those kind of people. If you’ve been chatting for a couple of weeks and the conversation has been great and consistent, then it might be time to start looking for an opportunity to meet in person.

What Dating Site You are On

A lot of this is going to depend on the dating site that you are on. If you’re on a dating site that is more geared towards hookups (something like Tinder), then you should be moving to meet up sooner than later. It’s a very surface level dating site where it’s really set up to get people to meet up in person on a much quicker time table.

But, if you’re on a dating site that is more geared towards higher-quality and more serious relationships, then the time table usually slows down a little bit. When you are dealing with people that are taking the process a bit more seriously, they’re going to be more protective of their time and themselves.

The Bottom Line

Some of you still might not be sure when the right time to ask is. Here’s the bottom line advice. There is nothing wrong with asking someone at any point if they would like to meet up in person for a date.

But, you’re going to have more luck if you wait at least a week or two and after significant dialogue has been had. If they say no or that they’d like to chat more, respect that and wait longer. We’ll cover what to do if you get that response (or any other response) in the next few sections.

How to Transition to Meeting in Person for a Date

So, we’ve talked about when you should ask to move the dating process from the online realm to in person, but now we need to talk about how to do that. Here’s the good news. It’s really simple! People have a tendency to try to overcomplicate or overthink things when simplicity is the real answer.

The best way to transition to go on an actual date with someone from an online dating site is to ask. Seriously, it’s that simple. All you have to do is tell them you’re enjoying getting to know them and you think it’d be cool to meet up with them in person and see if you click.

Here’s a few sample ways that you could say this in a message. Feel free to use these word for word if you want to .

“You know, I’m really enjoying getting to know you. Would you be interested in meeting up sometime in person to see if we click?”

“I really enjoy talking with you. Are you this cool in person? Maybe we can find a time to find out?”

“You really are different and I like it. Would you have some time next week to get together and meet in person?”

It’s really that easy. Tell them you enjoy them and you want to see if things are the same in person. Now, once you ask the question and they say yes (we’ll cover if they say no in the net section), then you do have a few more things to do in order to make sure it actually happens.

You’ll need to suggest an activity and a few times/days that work for you. You can have this information ready beforehand (and we encourage you to) so that you aren’t fumbling and look lost when they say yes. Suggesting actual days is a good idea because it helps to move the process along.

Also, choose an activity that is non-threatening. We get it that some people want to do crazy lavished first dates, how to get converstation on dating app going, but a simple coffee date  or grabbing a drink is plenty. You can do lunch or dinner if you want, but we like to opt for the easy-escape dates in case it’s not a good fit. And, if you’re going on a lot of first dates, there’s nothing wrong with saving a little money.

Here’s what this might look like after they say yes. Again, feel free to use these word for word if you need to.

“Great. Does Tuesday or Wednesday night next week work for you? Maybe we can grab some coffee or a drink?”

“Awesome! Are you free Thursday or Friday night this week? We could go grab a drink.”

Again, it’s that simple. Once they confirm for one of those nights and agree to the activity, go ahead and suggest a location. This part you could wait to come up with until this part of the conversation if you don’t know where they live. Ideally you’ll want to suggest a location that is somewhere close for both of you to get to which will require you to know at least what side of town they live on. You don’t need their actual address (and you shouldn’t ask for it). Just ask them what side of town they live on so you can pick a place close by. Once they tell you, hit Google and find a place if you don’t know one off the top of your head. Suggest it and get a confirmation.

Once they confirm, you should confirm everything so it’s clear.

“Great, I’m excited. I’ll meet you at Larry’s Tavern in the bar area at 8pm this Friday night.”

Obviously, fill in the right details for you unless you’re actually meeting at a Larry’s Tavern this Friday at 8pm which would be crazy.

What to Do if They are Hesitant

You are not always going to get a yes the first time you ask an online date to take things offline. That’s okay. This IS NOT a form of rejection. The fact that they are still talking to you and getting to know you should reinforce that. As we said earlier, some people just like to take things slower and get to know people before they commit to meeting them in person.

Now, there is a limit on this of course. If they keep putting it off and making excuses over and over again, there maybe something fishy. If this is happening to you, make sure you take a long look at things. If you’ve been regularly chatting with someone in your area how to get converstation on dating app going over a month and plans haven’t been made to meet yet, you should start to get a little hesitant unless they have a very good reason, how to get converstation on dating app going. Spoiler, there are very few good reasons. If it goes over the two month mark, it’s 100% time for them to meet up with you or for you both to go your separate ways.

But, if they are just hesitant and want to get to know you better (and it’s inside the time window we just laid out) then that’s totally okay. You have to be patient and respect their wishes.

Here’s the best way to handle things. Tell them something that puts the ball in their court.

“No worries! I totally understand. Let’s keep chatting and getting to know each other and when you’re ready to meet in person, you let me know and we’ll get something planned. Sound good?”

This takes all the pressure off of them, respects their wishes, lets them know you’re ready to meet but willing to be patient, and puts the ball in their court. Now, you can sit back and just wait for them to bring up meeting up. They’ll be fully aware that you want to, so you don’t have to worry about bringing up the issue again.

The only caveat here is that the time frames we laid out are still in effect. If it starts to get to that 2-month mark and they haven’t said anything about meeting up, you can bring it up again. This time we would say something like this.

“Hey! Have you given anymore thought to meeting up in person? I love talking to you online, but I’m looking for something that could potentially turn into more than just an online thing.”

Again, it’s not pushy, but it’s clear about what you are looking for and forces them to give you an answer. If they keep giving you something about wanting to wait longer, then it might be time to cut the cord and move on, how to get converstation on dating app going. Either they are catfishing you or more than likely they’re just not serious about finding anyone special and just like the attention online.

Written By:Jason Lee

Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.

His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.