Do Add Variety to Your Dates

According to Dr. Campbell, mixing things up early on is a great idea. Instead of the usual Netflix-and-chill scenario, she suggests taking morning walks together, scheduling lunch dates, and enjoying the company of friends and colleagues. "It can be illuminating to see your partner navigate different situations and relationships," she adds. Plus, one of the quickest roads to a breakup is monotony, so try to avoid getting stuck in a rut too early on by keeping each date different than the last. Keep in mind: You don't have to spend a ton of money to have a great date with your new partner.

Don't Blow Up Their Phone

Every date can feel like a first date in a new relationship because there's so much ground to cover: where you went to school, what your hometowns are like, and how many pets you had growing up, among about a million other topics to address. Our advice? Save these sweet stories for in-person dates. Dr. Campbell suggests, "If they initiated plans the first time, you can initiate the second time and so on, but don't always be the person texting first, calling, and initiating plans."

If they get used to you being the one doing all of the planning and reaching out, they'll stop making an effort because they knows you will.

Do Maintain Independence

Spending every waking moment with a new partner can put you at risk of losing yourself and your friends, too. "In the most long-lasting relationships, partners maintain their sense of independence," says Campbell. "See family and friends, continue to exercise and work hard, and prioritize alone-time; balance is important." If you make your whole life about your new partner, you end up putting a lot of pressure on the relationship to be your sole source of happiness and fulfillment.

Don't Skip the Sexual Health Conversation

"If you aren't comfortable asking them about STDs and STIs or telling them about your own sexual health, it's not yet the time to have sex," Dr. Campbell admits. Wait until you're both comfortable having an honest conversation about health before becoming intimate. That way, you'll be able to enjoy it more and have a bit more confidence in the relationship.

You also shouldn't feel shame talking about sex outside of health. Tell your partner what you like, what you don't like, and what you'd want to try.

Do Watch Out for Red Flags

Campbell says that ignoring red flags only prolongs the inevitable demise of the relationship. If, say, your new love criticizes you, makes plans, and repeatedly cancels, you catch them in a lie, or you see them treating others poorly, "they're probably not worth investing in for the long-term," she notes. Trust us, it's easy to throw on a pair of rose-colored glasses when you really like someone because you want to see the best in them, but it's important to see all of someone, not just the good things.

Don't Be Close-Minded

“Try to remain open to trying new foods and participating in new activities,” Campbell advises, “The start of a new relationship ought to be light and fun, and things can become more serious with time.” With that in mind, maybe keep the conversations about highly controversial topics to a minimum in the beginning.

Do Respect Yourself

Treating yourself well sets an example of how your partner should treat you, and it signifies what you will and will not tolerate. "There's nothing wrong with being principled, knowing yourself, and being yourself," Campbell offers. "Do things for yourself, too." If he calls you with an impromptu date invitation, but you need a self-care night to put on a face mask and snuggle with your furry friend, suggest a different day for date night.

Don't Denigrate Yourself

"If you have things in your past that you consider less than ideal—for example, if you just got fired or your previous partner cheated on you—then find a way to discuss or disclose these things in a positive light," Dr. Campbell advises. Keeping these things secret because you want her to see you a certain way is never a good idea.

Being vulnerable is part of dating, especially in the early stages of a new relationship, so you shouldn't feel any shame in sharing about past relationships (or anything else, for that matter). No one expects perfection, so hiding experiences that shape you into who you currently are isn't necessary.

Don't Have Sex Too Soon

We live in a time of sex-positivity, meaning we don't believe that you should wait until a certain amount of time goes by before having sex with your new partner for the first time. "The amount of time to wait before having sex differs for every couple; there is no such thing as too soon or too long. The right time is when both people are 100% ready," Dr. Campbell discloses. The worst thing you can do in a new relationship is to have sex before you feel ready because you're worried they'll lose interest in you if you wait.

Do Communicate Often and Well

"Say what you mean and mean what you say, be direct and considerate, choose battles wisely, treat your partner well, and avoid destructive things like yelling, insulting, and judging," Dr. Campbell says. You may notice that you feel like you can read your childhood friends' minds because you know them so well, but that kind of closeness comes with time and, unfortunately, years together is the one thing you and your new partner don't have. You can't expect them to be able to guess what you're thinking, so be as communicative as you possibly can.

Esther Perel, MA, LMFT

— Esther Perel, MA, LMFT

Research Shows That Couples Are Impacted By Screen Time

Ways to Surprise Your Partner

Another way to repair and improve your relationship is to show appreciation for certain traits your partner possesses. Always add anecdotes to demonstrate these amazing traits.

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Maybe it was love at first sight that brought you together or a mutual friend who introduced you to one another. Perhaps it was an online dating platform that gathered data on every detail that makes you unique and paired you with your ideal match.

No matter how you became a couple, you both are sure that this union is destined to be your “at last love.”

However, you also know that sometimes even endless love can have its challenges. These difficulties may arise because of life stressors, differences in communication styles, or as you and your mate journey through different relationship stages.

But what can you do to help ensure your relationship stays strong and happy — even through the rough stuff?

What doesn’t work

Before diving into what makes love strong, it’s a good idea to look at some of the most common red flags in romantic relationships that may indicate you and your partner aren’t relating in a healthy way.

A greater understanding of what typically doesn’t work may help you successfully build the loving relationship you want.

Signs to look out for include:

• One of you attempts to control the other.
• Trust is lacking.
• You or your partner feel uncomfortable expressing needs or wants.
• There’s ongoing unresolved conflict.
• Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling is present in the relationship most of the time.

According to a 2013 article published by the Gottman Institute, contempt is the single most significant predictor of divorce or relationship breakdown. It is often the result of long-term unresolved conflict that manifests as one person feeling moral superiority over another.

So what makes a relationship strong? Is it all about trust? Sexual satisfaction? Or something else?

To help answer this universal question, researchers used machine learning to examine relationship variables in 11,196 couples during a 2020 study.

They found that, above all, feeling your partner was committed to the relationship for the long haul and how appreciative you are of your mate were the largest predictors of relationship satisfaction.

Maintaining a relationship and making it strong and resilient to life’s challenges takes a willingness of both partners to put in time and effort.

Here are some key strategies.

Nurturing your bond every day

As life’s obligations pile up, loving your partner can quickly fall to the bottom of the to-do list. Luckily, caring for your relationship doesn’t have to entail grand vacations or extravagant gifts. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the most impact.

Prioritizing quality time together, ensuring your partner feels heard and understood, and practicing small acts of kindness every day can help build a strong bond even when life stressors get in the way.

Practice being present

Being around each other every day is not the same thing as being present for your partner. Being truly present in another person’s life means involving yourself in their hopes and dreams, and taking time to notice and compliment their accomplishments. It also involves showing genuine empathy when they are facing challenges.

Simply expressing your desire to know and understand your mate can help strengthen your bond and make them feel like you’re both on the same team.

Communicate effectively

Good communication involves more than just talking. It’s includes sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a way that respects the other person. It also involves active listening.

Successful communication makes both people feel heard and understood.

In romantic relationships, love languages are also a form of communication. By learning how your partner expresses and receives love, you can more effectively meet their relationship needs.

Address any mental health concerns

published in 2019 suggests that if you or your partner has a mental health condition, it can create stress on the relationship. Conditions that can cause relationship difficulties include:

If you’re experiencing mental health challenges, you are not alone. Consider seeking the help of a mental health professional to get the diagnosis and treatment you need. Once you feel better, you may be more able to focus on building the relationship you want.

Maintain reasonable expectations

Expectations of how your partner should behave or feel can wreak havoc in a relationship. It’s helpful to remember that your partner is not an exact copy of you and has their own wants, needs, boundaries, and goals. Learning to accept them for who they are, including perceived flaws, can build mutual feelings of respect and love.

When there’s conflict, ask yourself, what role do I play in this issue?

Conflict happens in all relationships. But before reacting to your partner with an emotionally charged response, consider taking some time to think, reflect, and develop insight into why this issue is causing you distress.

You may find that what they’ve done or said has triggered unresolved issues within yourself. Or, after thinking about it, you may realize it isn’t as serious of a problem as you first thought. By recognizing and addressing this, you may be better able to respond calmly and communicate your concerns more effectively.

Yes, honesty is always the best policy

Trust is an important aspect of any relationship. Without it, your partnership can experience a myriad of challenges like jealousy and conflict. Building the trust you and your partner need involves being open and honest.

Being truthful with your partner is important, but so is being a safe place for their truths to land. This may require you to be willing to deal with uncomfortable topics in a tactful way so your partner feels secure telling you something that might create conflict.

Take care of your needs, too

If you are tired, overwhelmed, or constantly giving much and getting little in return, you might not have the energy or desire needed to nurture your relationship.

Taking time to practice self-care, even if that includes time away from your partner to hang out with friends or engage in hobbies you like, can help promote healthy boundaries and the overall health of your relationship.

Let’s recap

Relationships are complex, and each one is unique. So some techniques for building a strong partnership that works for one couple might not work for you and your partner, and that’s OK.

If you are unsure where to begin, having a mutual willingness to put in the effort necessary for a strong bond is a great start. Once you’ve both committed to strengthening your bond, you can then begin creating a relationship that stands the test of time and gives you and your partner the joy and happiness you both deserve.

Do Add Variety to Your Dates

According to Dr. Campbell, mixing things up early on is a great idea. Instead of the usual Netflix-and-chill scenario, she suggests taking morning walks together, scheduling lunch dates, and enjoying the company of friends and colleagues. "It can be illuminating to see your partner navigate different situations and relationships," she adds. Plus, one of the quickest roads to a breakup is monotony, so try to avoid getting stuck in a rut too early on by keeping each date different than the last. Keep in mind: You don't have to spend a ton of money to have a great date with your new partner.

Don't Blow Up Their Phone

Every date can feel like a first date in a new relationship because there's so much ground to cover: where you went to school, what your hometowns are like, and how many pets you had growing up, among about a million other topics to address. Our advice? Save these sweet stories for in-person dates. Dr. Campbell suggests, "If they initiated plans the first time, you can initiate the second time and so on, but don't always be the person texting first, calling, and initiating plans."

If they get used to you being the one doing all of the planning and reaching out, they'll stop making an effort because they knows you will.

Do Maintain Independence

Spending every waking moment with a new partner can put you at risk of losing yourself and your friends, too. "In the most long-lasting relationships, partners maintain their sense of independence," says Campbell. "See family and friends, continue to exercise and work hard, and prioritize alone-time; balance is important." If you make your whole life about your new partner, you end up putting a lot of pressure on the relationship to be your sole source of happiness and fulfillment.

Don't Skip the Sexual Health Conversation

"If you aren't comfortable asking them about STDs and STIs or telling them about your own sexual health, it's not yet the time to have sex," Dr. Campbell admits. Wait until you're both comfortable having an honest conversation about health before becoming intimate. That way, you'll be able to enjoy it more and have a bit more confidence in the relationship.

You also shouldn't feel shame talking about sex outside of health. Tell your partner what you like, what you don't like, and what you'd want to try.

Do Watch Out for Red Flags

Campbell says that ignoring red flags only prolongs the inevitable demise of the relationship. If, say, your new love criticizes you, makes plans, and repeatedly cancels, you catch them in a lie, or you see them treating others poorly, "they're probably not worth investing in for the long-term," she notes. Trust us, it's easy to throw on a pair of rose-colored glasses when you really like someone because you want to see the best in them, but it's important to see all of someone, not just the good things.

Don't Be Close-Minded

“Try to remain open to trying new foods and participating in new activities,” Campbell advises, “The start of a new relationship ought to be light and fun, and things can become more serious with time.” With that in mind, maybe keep the conversations about highly controversial topics to a minimum in the beginning.

Do Respect Yourself

Treating yourself well sets an example of how your partner should treat you, and it signifies what you will and will not tolerate. "There's nothing wrong with being principled, knowing yourself, and being yourself," Campbell offers. "Do things for yourself, too." If he calls you with an impromptu date invitation, but you need a self-care night to put on a face mask and snuggle with your furry friend, suggest a different day for date night.

Don't Denigrate Yourself

"If you have things in your past that you consider less than ideal—for example, if you just got fired or your previous partner cheated on you—then find a way to discuss or disclose these things in a positive light," Dr. Campbell advises. Keeping these things secret because you want her to see you a certain way is never a good idea.

Being vulnerable is part of dating, especially in the early stages of a new relationship, so you shouldn't feel any shame in sharing about past relationships (or anything else, for that matter). No one expects perfection, so hiding experiences that shape you into who you currently are isn't necessary.

Don't Have Sex Too Soon

We live in a time of sex-positivity, meaning we don't believe that you should wait until a certain amount of time goes by before having sex with your new partner for the first time. "The amount of time to wait before having sex differs for every couple; there is no such thing as too soon or too long. The right time is when both people are 100% ready," Dr. Campbell discloses. The worst thing you can do in a new relationship is to have sex before you feel ready because you're worried they'll lose interest in you if you wait.

Do Communicate Often and Well

"Say what you mean and mean what you say, be direct and considerate, choose battles wisely, treat your partner well, and avoid destructive things like yelling, insulting, and judging," Dr. Campbell says. You may notice that you feel like you can read your childhood friends' minds because you know them so well, but that kind of closeness comes with time and, unfortunately, years together is the one thing you and your new partner don't have. You can't expect them to be able to guess what you're thinking, so be as communicative as you possibly can.

“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody.”

So writes Neil Gaiman in the ninth volume of the comic book series The Sandman, “The Kindly Ones.”

Indeed, there is no single tried and true recipe for love and successful relationships that anyone can teach us. Different approaches work for different partnerships, and there is no point in trying to come up with strict guidelines for love.

Nevertheless, the reasons why relationship quality can deteriorate over time — or why relationships fail altogether — tend to be consistent.

Many researchers have studied what makes people leave a relationship, and what motivates them to stay together.

In this feature, we give you our top research-backed tips on what to look out for in building a meaningful, healthy, happy relationship.

1. Start your relationship with purpose

First of all, research suggests that there may be some truth to the phrase “start as you mean to go on” when it comes to relationships.

Recent studies suggest that, in many cases, people who are dating end up “falling” into a committed relationship out of a sense of inertia, and couples may end up living together even when they are unsure if they belong together.

“[M]any, if not most, couples slide from noncohabitation to cohabitation before fully realizing what is happening; it is often a nondeliberative and incremental process,” researchers from the University of Denver in Colorado.

For instance, someone may end up deciding to move in, and, maybe, eventually, marry their partner simply because they have already spent a significant amount of time together and established a bond.

This can happen — argue dating and relationships researchers Samantha Joel, Ph.D., and Prof. Paul Eastwick — even when one or both partners are convinced, at the start of their relationship, that they are not necessarily well suited to each other.

Medical News Today spoke to Alex Psaila, clinical supervisor at Relate North and South West Sussex, a United Kingdom-based registered charity that provide relationship support and mediation. We asked him about early “red flags” that people may want to remember when starting a new relationship.

Blind love, he told us, can prevent individuals from acknowledging possible issues and personality clashes. It can also make them think that — no matter how bothersome some of their new partner’s behaviors might be — these will likely change with time. Not so, said Psaila:

“Does anyone go into a relationship with the idea that this relationship is flawed? If we are aware of something [being not quite right], we might tell ourselves that ‘we’ll fix it’ […] For the most part ‘being in love’ is like Cupid — blind — and we gloss over potential difficulties, wanting to believe it will go away and love will conquer all.“

Joel and Prof. Eastwick argue that if people took more time to do some — potentially difficult — soul searching before committing to a relationship, they might be able to avoid entering a situation that will prove unsatisfactory for both partners in the long run.

We should, that is, start new relationships with a sense of purpose, really thinking about what we want and need, and if the person we are dating is truly likely to align with those wants and needs — and we with theirs.

“People may be able to boost their own relational, health, and well-being trajectories by more selectively choosing and investing in new relationships that are right for them and rejecting those that are not right for them,” write Joel and Prof. Eastwick.

2. Communicate to solve conflict

As with anything, open communication is necessary when it comes to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

And in a long-term relationship, calm, open, and constructive communication is essential when it comes to solving conflict since no interpersonal bond ever comes truly free from conflict.

“Stress can arise in relationships when partners experience conflicting goals, motives and preferences,” write Profs Nickola Overall and James McNulty in a recent study about communication during conflict.

The possible reasons for conflict in a romantic relationship can vary widely, and Profs Overall and McNulty cite unmet expectations, financial difficulties, the distribution of responsibilities, parenting styles, and jealousy, among others.

“Unresolved conflicts and the stress associated with conflict put even the most satisfying relationship at risk. Moreover, managing and resolving conflict is difficult, and can itself be a significant source of stress,” they note.

So what is the best way to communicate when it comes to solving conflicts in an intimate relationship?

According to the researchers, it depends. However, burying one’s feelings and misgivings, and brushing disagreements quickly under the carpet is unlikely to help, they say.

Profs Overall and McNulty suggest that it is crucial for couples first to evaluate the context in which the conflict has arisen in order to decide how best to address it.

When a serious issue is at stake, the researchers explain, it is important for both partners to express their opposing views and negotiate the direction of change.

However, if the couple is having disagreements about minor issues, or issues outside their control, it may be more helpful for them to acknowledge the problem but express mutual validation, affection, and forgiveness.

Psaila expressed a similar perspective to MNT. People who maintain healthy, happy relationships, he says, “say sorry and make reparation [when they acknowledge that they have done something hurtful].”

However, Psaila adds, they “do not hang on to secretive, hidden shame,” following a discordant situation.

“They learn from mistakes and know that awareness of their vulnerability is a strength. They can and will seek help and advice from trusted relatives, friends, mentors (even [trained] counselors).“

– Alex Psaila

Psaila also notes that people who want their relationship to thrive also show openness to receiving support from a professional therapist, not just when things go wrong, but to make sure they stay the course.

3. Make time for couple activities

Life can sometimes get in the way of our spending time with the people we love, even when we share a living space. The demands of work, for instance, can leave us little time — and sometimes little energy — to do something enjoyable with our partners.

Yet research shows that couples who participate in fun activities together may also find it easier to stay together.

For instance, one study covered on MNT last year suggested that couples who make time to play board games together also had a good quality love life.

The study found a simple reason for this correlation: Partners who took part in these fun activities together saw an increase in oxytocin, the “love hormone,” so-called because it plays a key role in bonding behaviors.

Karen Melton, Ph.D., and her colleagues — who conducted the board games study — note that, for a couple’s activity to lead to the spike in oxytocin, it likely should involve interaction between the partners.

Simply attending an event together but not interacting, for instance, may not have the same bonding effect.

The researchers also found that the novelty factor influenced how much oxytocin they released: Couples who organized their fun activity in a new place outside their home saw a greater “love hormone” boost than those who played at home.

The takeaway? Doing fun things, ideally in new, unfamiliar surroundings, might help maintain relationship quality.

4. Carve your own space

Although spending quality time with your loved ones is essential, it is at least as important to spend quality time on our own — and allow partners to do the same.

“A healthy relationship is a bit like breathing in and then breathing out,” Psaila explained for MNT.

“There is a cycle of closeness and distance, of coming together, even merging and separation, individuation, [creating a] sense of self […] Both are important. If the relationship is too distant — little closeness — then the idea of seeking this elsewhere will arise (perhaps disguised as feeling abandoned and being unloved),” he noted.

Yet too much closeness can make a relationship feel like a trap and, taken to an extreme — if a partner gradually isolates their “significant other” from friends, family, and activities that they enjoy — could even be a mark of emotional abuse.

“If the relationship is too close, suffocating even, then the couple [becomes] merged and there is little scope for exploration and growth, of other interactions, of missing your loved one and wanting to return, bringing new ideas and energy into the relationship.“

– Alex Psaila

5. Show attention and appreciation

While couples are at the beginning of their relationship, in the “honeymoon” phase, the partners will shower each other with affection and words of appreciation.

But often, as time goes on, partners may start taking each other for granted and forget to show the same kind of admiration they once did.

According to a study from 2017, one of the main reasons for long-term couples splitting up was that one of the partners was no longer showing enough affection and attention to the other.

And a study from 2018 found that young adults — aged 18–29 — who perceived that their partner put a similar effort into initiating text conversations also reported greater relationship satisfaction.

Other research has shown that women who reported being satisfied in their romantic relationships also reported that their partners were appreciative of their bodies. And, they reported increased satisfaction with their sex lives.

Finally, although material gifts are not a measure of love in any relationship, some studies have shown that when a partner can and does offer gifts, this can contribute to relationship satisfaction if done correctly.

Research from last year suggests that for a gift to increase relationship satisfaction, it has to be well thought out. The gifts we offer to others, the researchers explain, can reflect the image they have of themselves or the image we have of them.

If the two do not coincide, then it is likely that the gift we pick will be disappointing to the receiver. But, the researchers say, if we know our partners well, we will manage to pick a gift that truly fits in with their personality and hobbies — and will reflect positively on our relationship.

No matter how you choose to show your affection, though, expressing your appreciation of your significant other — and not just on Valentine’s Day — is a safe bet when it comes to maintaining relationship quality.

However, even if you put in all the effort you can muster into a romantic relationship, sometimes, it will not work out, and that should necessarily be a cause for regret.

If a relationship does not make you feel happy, secure, and valued, it may be time to turn your attention to yourself and invest more in some self-love before you decide how or whether to start afresh with someone new.

Tamara Pflug
Certified Life Coach and Personal Development Expert, The Personal Development Zone

For all types of relationships, my number one tip is to make the other one feel important and valuable.

Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and understood. So, when you make someone else feel valuable, this person immediately feels good around you. They might think “I matter! I’m important!” and it’s an amazing feeling to be seen/loved and recognized for who we really are, right?

The best way to do it is to recognize the other one’s strengths and qualities and to acknowledge them genuinely and to emphasize them. It can be in the form of complimenting, listening, asking for advice, etc.

This is creating a strong and genuine connection between two people, no matter the context or the nature of the relationship.

👉🏽 Tamara Pflug is a Certified Life Coach and Personal Development Expert at The Personal Development Zone. She shares How to Foster More Powerful Relationships with Nonviolent Communication.

Katie Miles LMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist

When it comes to building strong relationships, you can’t underestimate the power of daily appreciations. During the beginning phases of dating someone, we are more likely to ooze adorations and thanks onto our partners. You can thank Dopamine and Norepinephrine for some of that!

Over time, these verbal or physical communications tend to drop off. While a normal side effect of a long term relationship, this change can really diminish cohesion and intimacy. With most of the couples and families I see in my therapy office, this absence of positive communication is an area of focus. At times, the positive communication has been largely replaced by an over communication of what isn’t appreciated. While letting someone know what bothers you has its place, you shouldn’t do it in the absence of telling them what you appreciate about them. In fact, Dr. John Gottman recommends a 5:1 ratio when it comes to positive and negative communication.

Sharing appreciation not only reminds you of why you love them, but also lets that person know that they are safe and valued. This type of safety and security are the groundwork of healthy and sustainable intimacy and connection.

👉🏽 Katie Miles is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA who works with individuals, couples, and families who want to improve their relationship.

Marie Dubuque
Certified Life Coach, Relationship Expert, and Author.

The number one tip I give my viewers about sustaining a long-lasting committed relationship is to put your partner on a pedestal. People that feel as if they hit the jackpot with their partner (and vice-versa) have the greatest chance for success. No matter what obstacles you encounter in life, you can face it together because there is no one else on the planet you would rather spend your days (and nights) with.

For instance, if someone asks you about your significant other and you respond boastfully, bragging about him/her or citing the latest nice thing he did for you, then odds are, you are in it for the long haul. But if you constantly share a laundry list of complaints about your partner, then no, your relationship is doomed. Sure, we all have little gripes about our partner once in a while, but those are little things that all couples work through.

So, basically, if you look at your significant other through rose-colored glasses, and he/she does the same, chances are the relationship will succeed.

👉🏽 Marie Dubuque is a Certified Life Coach, Relationship Expert, and Author. Connect with her on her YouTube Channel. 

Chris Pleines
Dating Expert and Founder, Dating Scout

Only the best effort for the one you love. Falling in love with your significant other is perhaps the easiest part of any relationship, but having a good relationship does not happen overnight. It’s effort—a combination of trust and commitment, more than compromise and respect.

To make any relationship work and stronger, you have to put in the effort to get to know your partner—what they like, the little things that annoy them, what makes them happy. Put in the effort to understand their actions, the reasons for it, and their motivations. You have to make them feel loved the way you know how to. Listen to them; to speak less, listen, and learn more.

As they say, love is a verb, and you have to show it through your actions. So give it everything you’ve got to build a relationship that could stand the test of time.

👉🏽 Chris Pleines is  a dating expert and the Founder of Datingscout.com which for over 10 years has compared dating sites and apps of all kinds. They also provide their readers with useful tips and tricks for their dating lives.

Amy Hartle
Blogger, Two Drifters

My #1 tip for a strong relationship is to remember that love is an action. So many of us fall into believing the myth that love should be, first and foremost, a feeling. While emotion is most definitely involved, it is not everything! After all, feelings change; they ebb and flow over time.

This means that you don’t abandon a relationship when you stop “feeling it.” This is, more than ever, when you have to dig deep and focus on loving action. It’s the things we do for our partner, the way we treat them, support them, and care for them, that are the markers of true love. Remembering that love is an action is so vital for maintaining a strong, long-lasting relationship.

👉🏽 Amy Hartle blogs with her husband Nathan at the Two Drifters, where they share their tips for better travel, more romantic adventures, and stronger, deeper relationships. Here are 26 Common Relationship Myths You Need to Stop Believing Immediately.

Fahim Lashkaria
Behavior Analyst and a Mindset Coach, Don’t Worry Be Happy Mindset Development Institute

Appreciation is key to every relationship in the world. I think it is the most important one. If you do not appreciate the one you love for anything they do, you will not receive their true love. Praising someone you love or prioritize the most is a good thing to do. This will stay with them forever. Trust me, and not fake compliments, like the genuine one, from the bottom of your heart.

Every human on this planet likes appreciation and is the best way to strengthen the bonds of companionship. An employer, a boss, a wife, girlfriend, best friend, parents, family members, siblings or anyone. You have all the love and respect for your loved ones, show them the mirror of your feelings. Appreciation is the power, so make everyone’s life shines bright.

👉🏽 Fahim Lashkaria is a Behavior Analyst and a Mindset Coach at Don’t Worry Be Happy Mindset Development Institute. Here’s This Is Why People Leave Your Companionship.

Kat Vellos
Friendship Expert and Author, We Should Get Together

To cultivate strong platonic relationships, it’s important that we treat our friends as if they’re just as important to us as a sweetheart would be. Because let’s be honest: a good friendship will likely outlast the typical romance. Show up for your friends with open-minded curiosity, compassionate empathy, courageous vulnerability, and dedicated attention.

To build your curiosity skills, get really good at asking open-ended follow up questions. Then get curious about the world together. What new skill, adventure, or learning experience you can share?

To get better at empathy and vulnerability, practice identifying your true emotions, and expressing nonjudgmentally. Nonviolent communication and communities of practice like T Group are a great place to start.

To get better at providing dedicated attention, get flexible about how you fit connection moments into your life. Won’t be able to get dinner together for a month? Then have a short phone call each week leading up to it. To find an hour of friend time each week, cut out one TV show.

For dozens more ideas, check out my new book We Should Get Together, but even with just the three ideas above, you’ll start having better friendships in no time.

👉🏽  Kat Vellos is a friendship expert and author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, a book dedicated to helping adults make and maintain strong platonic relationships.

Tammy Shaklee
Relationship Expert and LGBTQ Matchmaker at H4M

My whole adult life, in every romantic relationship, I have always answered that the one key to building a strong relationship is communication – clear, painfully honest, and positive communication.

But as a real relationship grows, I realize sustainability is about “checking in” each day. Physically, emotionally, and without distraction – whether during just an average normal day, or during times of stress, during a loud party or event, with a house full of company or family, or even in a quiet home while taking time to read or recharge any evening or weekend.

Check-in with your partner, crossing the room for a moment of light touch, eye to eye contact, with a hug, or squeeze of the arm, or even peck on the cheek. Try going out for coffee, holding hands during a movie, or cooking breakfast together with jazz music and no devices. To reconnect physically may not be your love language, but it is reassuring to the human heart, spirit, and soul. Remind each other that this is the person is who I choose to be with each day.

👉🏽 Tammy Shaklee is a Relationship Expert and LGBTQ Matchmaker at H4M Matchmaking. Connect with H4M Matchmaking on Instagram.

Mallory Love 
Relationship Expert and chief Operating Officer and Head Matchmaker at Love and Matchmaking

Communication! I know you have heard it time and time again, but the #1 strategy for building (and keeping) a strong relationship is by talking to each other. Sometimes we get into a groove and expect our partners to just know how we’re feeling or what’s going on in our daily lives (Come on! Read our minds already!).

So maintaining constant communication can feel like a bit of a task on our adulting to-do list that never seems to end. But as we grow as human beings (sometimes together and sometimes apart) you need to be mindful of sharing with your loved one and often.

Do you need a different type of affection than they have been giving? Is there some new you want to try in the bedroom? Is your family driving you up the wall and you need some space? Tell them in a calm, neutral, environment, and genuinely listen to their response. The more open and consistent you are with your wants and needs in conversation, the stronger the bond you will develop over the months and years.

👉🏽 Mallory Love is a Relationship Expert and Cheif Operating Officer and Head Matchmaker at Love and Matchmaking. Connect with Love and Matchmaking on Instagram.

Marie Anna Winter
Relationship Coach

The #1 thing that I teach couples who want a sustaining nourishing relationship is to regularly set time aside to do a ‘relationship-evaluation’: Taking time to zoom out of the relationship together and inquire into questions like: “How is the relationship doing? Where have we been struggling? What has been good? What do we desire? How can we support each other?”

I also highly recommend that a couple does a yearly re-commitment process together, in which they re-commit to their relationship. Is there a yes to be together for another year? What are you saying yes to?

And I believe that these practices would benefit EVERY intimate relationship in our lives; whether it’s with a romantic partner, a friend, family, a colleague.

Every deep relationship that we have deserves and needs attention and care, and a celebration of our commitment to the relationship.

👉🏽 Marie Anna Winter is a relationship coach specialized in long term relationships. She works with couples to increase intimacy love and connection in their partnerships and create the relationship that they desire.

Tina B. Tessina, PhD (aka Dr. Romance)
Licensed Psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners

The best way to build strong relationships is to learn to solve problems together, as a team. If you learn to strategize and negotiate as a team of equals about whatever you are facing in life, you’ll develop confidence and trust in each other. When you fight or argue about problems, you tear your relationship down, when you solve problems together, with consideration for each other, you create a stronger, more lasting bond.

👉🏽 Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka Dr. Romance) is a licensed psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together. She has 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and is the author of 15 books in 17 languages.

Balint Horvath
Founder of Projectfather

I feel lucky that I’ve recently become a father. Most moments of a family life are positive, filled with joy and fun. But it has also brought its challenges, especially for me and my fiancée. New tasks have been added to our daily list of activities since suddenly we have someone else to take care of, too. Some of the attention has shifted from us to our daughter.For months we were struggling. We argued more than before, we complemented each other less frequently and we had deep conversations only when we were about to fall asleep exhausted after a busy day.

One solution that we came up with is finding a way to visualize progress, no matter how small it was and even if it was progress in the wrong direction. We put up a paper-based calendar in our kitchen, one for each of us. Whenever one of us found something to appreciate, we put up a red heart on the calendar of the individual who did a good deed. On the other hand, the wrongdoer got a blue heart. To record more information, we also added the reasons to the actions in a few words, and these were placed next to the heart. At the end of the day or later in the morning then we talked around the topic of blue or red hearts.

This little idea has greatly increased our relationship since we made a game out of providing feedback. And once there’s feedback, there’s a chance to improve.

👉🏽 Balint Horvath is the Founder of Projectfather where he shares his journey as a first-time father. His mission so to help you in the A-Z of fatherhood. Here’s What Parenting Style Should I Choose As A Father?

Jessica Speer
Author & Advocate for Kids and Families

The only person we can control is ourselves, but that can be really powerful.

We all have relationships that are challenging at times. Maybe it’s with our partner, our child, a co-worker or a relative. When relationships are tough, we tend to think, “If only they would ___________ , things would be better.”

Ahhh, if only we could change other people. Life would be so much easier, right? Luckily, we control *how we respond* in tough situations and this choice can be *powerful.*

Think of one your relationships that can be challenging. Now, think of how you usually respond when things get difficult in this relationship? What do you say or not say? What do you do or not do?

Do you like how you respond? If not, how might you respond in a way that *shares your best self* instead?

When you feel triggered by something or someone, pause and try to ground yourself instead of simply reacting. Then, with a level head, *choose *how to respond.

👉🏽Jessica Speer is an Author & Advocate for Kids and Families.  

Angelique Hamilton 
Life Coach and the Founder and Chief Coaching Officer, HR Chique Group-HR

My single tip to building effective strong relationships is good communication. Most relationships are broken and fail due to poor communication. You must have effective communication to keep and maintain a good relationship. It’s important to keep open communication in any relationship.

Communication should be respectful and considerate of others. Relationships are a two-way street. It’s acceptable for you to express how you’re feeling and you should inquire about how the other person is doing.

Open communication keeps the relationship on target. It means you both have to be attentive listeners and always deal with each other authentically as possible. If something is wrong, it’s important for you to express it. Communication will save a relationship. If you’re in a place now where the communication is broken, take the first step to repair the relationship. It starts with one word:- Hello!

👉🏽 Angelique Hamilton is a Life Coach and the Founder and Chief Coaching Officer at HR Chique Group-HR and Personal Development Consultancy.

April
Blogger, Leia’s Luxuries

If it’s one thing I’ve learned in my years, don’t be afraid to talk to people! Ya know, strike up a good ol’ fashioned conversation. Ask open-ended questions, respond to others using thoughtful responses and genuinely build your relationships. Don’t let your fears or shyness get in the way of being the first one to talk. So what if you say something silly or awkward. We are all human with quirks. I know this is easier said than done, but I promise, you will thank me later.

This comfort you are building with another human is important. It will come in handy when difficult situations arise. You will know how to respond or approach someone because you will already know what makes them tick. You will know what, how and when is the appropriate time for them in terms of bringing up something that needs to be addressed that may not be as pleasant as general friendly banter.

👉🏽 April is a stay at home mommy and maker. Sharing her love all things DIY and crochet on her blog Leia’s Luxuries.

Mellissa Yzaguirre
Blogger, Frugal Feather

My #1 rule for building and maintaining a lasting relationship is: Truly listen to each other. Don’t just “hear” what the other person is saying, absorb it. Imagine yourself in their shoes, and ask yourself how you would feel. If the other person sees that you are fully processing the words they are saying, they are more likely to trust you and feel safe with you.

The saying “communication is key” does not only mean talking about your feelings, but it also means taking the other person’s thoughts and feelings seriously. Take what they say, and use that to make the changes needed in your relationship to build a strong foundation to grow on.

👉🏽Mellissa Yzaguirre is the creator of Frugal Feather, where she helps you live an amazing life on a budget.

Stephanie Thoma 
Networking Strategy Coach

Be a person of your word to strengthen your relationships: To build and sustain strong relationships, be sure that if you say you’re going to do something you do it. This builds trust, which leads to emotional intimacy, and the likelihood of more self-disclosure and feelings of connectedness. Have you ever heard, ‘you are only as good as your word?’

This saying has staying power and is often repeated, because when we’re let down, whether it was because a friend didn’t pay us back when they said they would, or a romantic partner said they only wanted to be with us and they were playing the field, it stays with us. People going against their word feels like a violation. If you aren’t sure you can keep a commitment, then do not make it. Be selective with your commitments, and when you do commit, be all in.

👉🏽Stephanie Thoma is a Networking Strategy Coach. Connect with her at stephaniethoma.com.

Stephania Cruz
Relationship Expert and an author for DatingPilot.net

Integrity entails many things that a strong relationship needs in order to grow and survive. A person who possesses this trait is honest, follows through on promises, does the right thing even when no one is watching, etc. All of these traits are important for every type of relationship (e.g. romantic, parent/child, workplace, etc.). Oftentimes, a person lacking integrity will struggle with different types of relationships.

For example, a parent who struggles with following through on promises made to their children also tends to not follow through with promises made to their spouse. I believe that if more people possessed this trait, there would be less broken relationships. Of course, there is more that a person has to do in order to maintain a strong relationship, but if integrity is lacking, the relationship will definitely struggle and often times break.

👉🏽 Stephania Cruz is a relationship expert and an author for DatingPilot.net, a website dedicated to providing our readers with effective dating tips and the most accurate dating app reviews. Her background is also in Psychology and is a former Family Support Specialist, who has worked with parents involved with Child Protective Services.

Nicole Hanna
Executive Director, Vineyard Henderson

Establishing a sense of trust and respect at the onset of each relationship is vital in my career and day to day work. Whether I am meeting or working with a resident at our senior community, one of their family members, or if I’m involved in a project with a local community partner, it is important for me to ensure a sense of trust.

I want the person on the other end to know that they can trust me and that I am on their side. To that end, I do a lot of communicating. I make myself available to talk or answer questions if a resident’s family member is worried. I spend time with our staff and residents every day in hopes of making their days as positive and joyful as possible.

I meet with local community partners to explore how we can best work together to build on and enhance the programs and services for our community as a whole. I ask questions to learn and grow, and I answer questions to help others do the same. We have to be willing to give and receive if we are all going to build strong foundations and greater relationships.

👉🏽 Nicole Hanna is the executive director of Vineyard Henderson, an assisted living community opening in the next few months in Henderson, Nev. specializing in care for those suffering with memory loss. Nicole has more than 20 years of leadership experience with an expansive skill set in dementia education, training and support, long-term care, nursing, senior fitness and rehabilitation.

Siobhan Murphy
Relationship Coach

Something I find is often overlooked in relationships is humility.

Humility is becoming an increasingly hard trait to find these days but never underestimate its value. Humility is an amazing quality to have and an amazing quality to find in someone else!

Outside of the gratitude and overall kindness that generally comes along with someone who is humble, there is a quality that I find particularly interesting about a humble person…confidence.

Humility is often paired with confidence. A person who is confident and humble is able to own their own mistakes, and this confidence means that you are able to listen to your partner without fear of the ego getting in the way. The ego is what tends to block us from being able to effectively communicate.

So, to me, confidence paired with humility means more effective communication, less ego, more willingness to step up, and truly wanting your partner to be happy with you.

So, be confident and stay humble!

👉🏽 Siobhan Murphy is a relationship coach for women. She’s a huge advocate for self-accountability and helping women overcome roadblocks that are preventing them from having an amazing relationship. 

Rachel Ketcham
Hold These Moments

Apologies mean nothing if you don’t change your behavior. It is inevitable that every type of relationship will face conflict at some point. The best kind of apologies result in behavior that exudes love, not hurt. A sincere apology is the best way to get the relationship back on track, and let the person know how much you care. Here’s how to apologize and mean it:

• Make sure that you do some self-reflection.
• Accept blame for the situation.
• Make a plan to change you behavior.
• Sincerely apologize for your actions.

Be sure to follow through with your plan. Be different so that you don’t hurt that person again. They might need to see proof of your changed behavior before they can truly forgive. Let the person know that you will give them time and that you still want to maintain a relationship. Apologies are never easy, but they are truly worth it in the end.

👉🏽 Rachel Ketcham is a wife, boy mom and former teacher turned stay-at-home-mom. She blog’s about everything related to Motherhood and Mindfulness. Her goal is to provide tips and inspirational quotes that enable us to appreciate life as it happens. And to encourage everyone to #holdthesemoments. Here’s How to Apologize and Mean It.

Pamela Li
Chief Editor, Parenting For Brain

The most common reason why parents are not as close to their children as they want is control. Parents’ attempts to control every aspect of their children’s lives create conflicts and power struggles.

The best way for parents to rebuild a good relationship is to practice Control-Free Parenting. It’s a parenting style that gives children the freedom to make as many decisions as possible – but only decisions that are non-critical and do not involve safety, health, harm to others, or situational constraints. It doesn’t mean that we let kids do whatever they want.

It means we help them make decisions by patiently guiding them and exploring options.

When parents guide their children on decision-making in a positive and supportive way, they build trust and a close relationship.

Also, when kids feel respected and are allowed to have control over their own lives, they listen when it’s the parent’s turn to make critical decisions, eliminating the power struggle and further creating a collaborative relationship.

👉🏽 Pamela Li is the Chief Editor of ParentingForBrain.com and author of the bestseller Turning Tantrums Into Triumphs

Misty Sansom
Write and Coach

Know who you are and what you want in life. Relationships involve compromise, of course. But if you are clear on who you are as a person, what your purpose is and what’s important to you in life, you’re much more likely to find someone who aligns with you (and vice versa).

If we aren’t clear on this, it’s easy to fall into a relationship that just isn’t right for us in the long-term – and this always comes to a head at some point. Take some time to get clear on who you are first; figure out what your values are, what your purpose is and the different things you’d like to experience. It makes it so much easier to find a person who is a great match!

👉🏽 Misty Sansom is a writer and coach who teaches people how to find their purpose and bring it to life. Her work has been featured on the Huffington Post, the Daily Guru and MindBodyGreen, covering personal growth, personal development, intuition, and of course, finding your purpose. Through her online tools, ebooks and articles, she helps you find clarity on who you are and what you want out of life. Want to find your purpose profile? Take the free quiz here: www.mistysansom.com.

Alexis Taylor
Sex & Relationship Expert

Be genuine, confident, humble, trustworthy, positive, and fun. People who build great relationships feel good about who they are and always look for the positive in their world. They genuinely want the best for others and want to see them succeed.

The energy of people who are comfortable in their own skin, upbeat, and positive creates an atmosphere where we feel good, want to be around, and want to spend time with them. They don’t gossip about others and keep what we tell them in confidence. Being self-confident, they don’t feel the need to draw attention to themselves. They always have time for the significant others in their lives. They are life-long learners who are always open to and looking for opportunities for self-improvement.

👉🏽Alexis Taylor is a Sex & Relationship Expert. Find matching love tips by dating experts at TinderoPlus.com. 

Kat Courtney
The Afterlife Coach

Strong relationships are built on the courage to be transparent and honest. We do not deeply bond with anyone if we haven’t dedicated ourselves to the art of intimacy, but that is never fully mastered externally.

To strengthen our bonds with others, the most effective path is to strengthen our bond with ourselves. The more we learn about who we are authentically, the more we can fall in love with ourselves. That allows us to be truly seen by those we choose to reveal ourselves to. Truth and authenticity are the keys to intimate connections. As within, so without.

👉🏽 Kat Courtney of The Afterlife Coach offers coaching that embodies all manner of plant medicine assistance, spiritual support for shadow work, and the path of understanding and embracing death.

Bonita Owens
Speaker, Certified Life Coach and Corporate Trainer at the Amazing Women Network

My #1 Tip for building strong relationships is self-awareness. What are your likes and dislikes? What makes you happy, sad or mad? What are you tolerating? What do you no longer tolerate?

Self-Awareness allows us the opportunity to understand our own thoughts and emotions enabling us to recognize those in others. Have you ever found yourself repeating the same situations with the same people? That is due to the lack of self-awareness. I tell my clients that if you run into the same people with different names and different faces, it’s because you are drawing those people to you. You are the common denominator! It’s all you boo!

As long as you keep having the same thoughts, doing the same things, and making the same choices, you will always end up in the same situations with people. When you become self-aware, you will be able to identify your emotional triggers allowing you to manage your emotions. You will begin to ask yourself powerful questions that will lead you to more self-discovery and empathy toward yourself and others. As you become more self-aware, you will create relationships that are nourishing, peaceful, and joyful. Self-awareness is the foundation for building any relationship.

👉🏽 Bonita Owens is a Speaker, Certified Life Coach and Corporate Trainer at the Amazing Women Network.

Phoebe Gill
Your Green Grass Project

In order to build a truly strong relationship then you will need to be comfortable with being vulnerable. Only when we are vulnerable with others can we let them into our hearts and build the foundations of a healthy relationship.

Being vulnerable means being open about your worries, fears, and hopes for the future, sharing them without being scared of judgment from your partner. It’s difficult to be truly vulnerable with people because we all worry too much about what others think. However, when you allow your partner to see who you really are, you will begin to build strong bonds with them and create a bright future together.

There is no need to fear being vulnerable with people because the right partner will accept you for who you are, your attributes and your flaws together. If they don’t accept you for who you are then they are not the right person for you anyway.

👉🏽 Phoebe Gill created Your Green Grass Project to help you start working on yourself and creating your dream life. Here’s Why Do You Feel So Lonely And Sad All The Time?

Nana Abraham 
Speaker, Youth Activist and Author, For Black Girls

Learn more about yourself, your partner and about being in a relationship. It’s easy to fall into routine within a relationship. Routine in itself isn’t bad unless it puts you on autopilot. You feel like you know how your partner thinks so you no longer try to discover them the way you did when you first met. Conversations dwindle and gross assumptions become the norm.

Make finding out more a priority for as long as the relationship lasts. If you’re married, be committed to being a student of your partner. Be creative, introduce new experiences that you can both share. People change in very subtle ways over time so don’t ever forget that you grow together by investing into each other.

As you figure out more about what makes you tick, it helps bring a depth to your relationship. What are your hang-ups and why are you the way you are? Analyzing where your beliefs and habits formed will help take away unrealistic expectations you demand from your partner. Find ways to constantly be growing and learning together in conversation and you will keep the romance alive!

👉🏽 Nana Abraham is a speaker, youth activist and author of For Black Girls: The Shaping of a Young Woman – a handbook for life that discusses relevant issues for young women today.

Derek Hartman
Co-founder of Robe-Trotting

Often, people measure their relationship efforts with the intent to be 50/50. It’s impossible because nothing is every 50/50 in any metric of a relationship or even friendship or family relation.

My partner and I moved abroad together in 2017 and it changed all the dynamics of our relationship. We both left our current jobs to pursue professional interests for just one of us. Suddenly we went to one income but one of us sacrificed our career to benefit the other.

What we learned was to stop keeping score. We realized things are never 50/50 and they never were or will be. Instead, we spend every day making sure that things are 100/100. We both put in 100% effort of what we can into our partnership. Realizing that we both contribute different things to our relationship in different ways at different times has made us incredibly strong and we always give it 100% of what we have.

👉🏽 Derek Hartman is the co-founder of Robe-Trotting, where he and his partner Mike share what it’s like living in a new country and a new culture while traveling the world as a gay American couple. Here’s Life Abroad – Expat Advice for the first 30 days.

Girish Dutt Shukla
Digital Marketer and Author of Maroon In A Sky Of Blue

Everyone is wired in such a way that they intrinsically want to be heard and understood. However, it is unfortunate that most of us don’t possess the art of listening. We are too busy thinking about what we are going to say next to really listen to what the other person is saying. The moment you notice yourself being party to this, take a deep breath and correct your behavior by listening well.

A customer with a bad experience at a restaurant, a client unhappy with the work, a co-worker or employee not carrying out their roles properly, a spouse always in the mood to pick up arguments and fights, and plenty other such instances all people want to be heard so that they can share their stories and problems. I can’t stress enough how listening well will naturally improve our work and personal relationships as we naturally bond with people who want to listen to us.

👉🏽 Girish Dutt Shukla is a Digital Marketer and Author of Maroon In A Sky Of Blue. He shares How Texting is Making Us Disconnected More Than Ever.

Joy Rains
Author and Speaker

If you’re dealing with someone challenging in your life, whether it’s a friend, family member, or professional colleague, consider shifting the relationship by practicing compassion—and directing kindness toward them.

Directing kindness their way doesn’t mean that you like or accept their behavior; rather, it means you hold this person in compassion despite the behavior.

Here’s a simple compassion meditation that can help you cultivate more empathy toward a person who is challenging for you. Hold this person in mind as you silently recite these words one or more times:

May you be held in compassion.
May you be free.
May you be at peace.

This type of meditation may feel awkward if you’ve never practiced it before, but believing in the intent of the meditation can help cultivate a true sense of compassion for others.

👉🏽 Joy Rains is a mindfulness speaker and author of two books on mindfulness: “Meditation Illuminated: Simple Ways to Manage Your Busy Mind” and “Ignite Your Sales Power: Mindfulness Skills for Sales Professionals.”

Kathy Taberner MA, PCC
Certified Executive Coach and Co-founder of the Institute of Curiosity

Set an intention around this and ensure you are focused on seeing, hearing and understanding others. There was a time when we all assumed that everyone had the same perspective on things that we do. And if their perspective was different, they were wrong.

We now recognize that each person has their own unique perspective and it is right for them. To build strong relationships in all aspects of our lives, we need to understand the perspectives of others, not necessarily agree with them, just be open and non-judging while listening to and understanding them. This ensures everyone feels seen, heard and understood, the fundamental key to building strong relationships.

How do we do this?

We become curious. This means we:

a) are present in conversations, focused on the other (stop multi-tasking, conversations in our head etc),

b) listen in a way that is open and non-judging. No one idea or perspective is right or wrong, they are just all unique and different.

c) Ask open questions (begin with who, what, where, when and how) and provide the opportunity to explore perspectives and discover new ways of moving forward.

As we get out of our own way, listening and asking questions instead of telling, we move towards more effective relationships built on understanding. This strategy works with all relationships – parent-child, partners, workplace, sports teams etc.

👉🏽 Kathy Taberner MA, PCC is a Certified Executive Coach and Co-founder of the Institute of Curiosity. She is also the Co-author of: The Power of Curiosity: How to Have Real Conversations that Create Collaboration, Innovation and Understanding.

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
couples counselor and director of the Baltimore Therapy Center

Validate. So many conflicts get launched when one person argues with or contradicts their partner, and a fight quickly follows. You don’t have to agree with your partner to validate their perspective!

Validating just means saying, “I understand how you could feel that way.” If you *don’t *understand, go ahead and ask! Why does it make you angry when I ___? Listen to the answer without trying to disprove it. Maybe they are right to be angry with you, and maybe they aren’t, but explaining why they shouldn’t be angry doesn’t make them feel better. (If you’ve ever tried it, you know that this is true!)

Don’t try to persuade them out of their feelings. Just listen with the intent of understanding how they feel, from their perspective, and then allow them to have those feelings. You’ll avoid many fights this way and greatly improve the quality of your relationship.

👉🏽 Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C is a couples counselor and director of the Baltimore Therapy Center.

Erica Wiles
Licensed Professional Counselor

Healthy communication is essential for building strong relationships. The great thing about improving communication skills is that it can positively impact all of your relationships, not just a certain set.

Clear communication allows for the expression of thoughts, feelings, ideas, concerns, questions between people. It leaves little to no room for misinterpretation. There are many perks of having healthy communication in a relationship. It can increase: trust, empathy, listening, problem-solving, acceptance, affection, feelings of connectedness, etc.

So how can we do this? Listen more. Listen for meaning. Do not half listen, give the person your full attention. What they have to say and how their interpretations of events/situations are important.

Reserve judgment and be open to compromise. Be empathetic. Really try to see where the other person’s point of view. Be aware of your body language and your facial expressions. Be respectful, even if you disagree. Be patient.

When it comes time to speak, be honest, be specific, be assertive. Know what you want to say and be truthful to yourself in saying it. Be aware of your audience and speak in a way that they are able to understand.

👉🏽 Erica Wiles writes for the site, LifeInsuranceTypes.com and is a Licensed Professional Counselor.

Dre Balwin 
Author of The Mirror of Motivation

This is the #1 killer of relationships, when people treat the engagement more like a transaction than a relationship. They’re more focused on things being “even” than just doing good for each other because of genuine care for a person.

And we all have a sixth sense for people who keep score.

In thriving relationships, neither side keeps score of who’s done what for whom, or how much money has been spent, who owes who, etc.

The best, most valued and sought-after people in this world are those who focus on others and give so much that they essentially become needed by the people who know them — the reverse of how most people try to build significance, which is by taking and hoarding their resources.

This scarcity mindset repels people, good karma and all kids of blessings away from people. Give without expectation and it will come back to you!

👉🏽 Dre Baldwin is the Author of The Mirror of Motivation. He shares How To Get Lucky More Often, Crush The Haters, And Destroy Every Challenge You Face.

Adriana Copaceanu
Writer, Grand Ascent

Spending quality time together is probably the one thing that will strengthen your relationships, regardless of the type of relationship.

Spending an hour playing barbies with your 7-year-old daughter will undoubtedly create a powerful bond. She will remember those moments for years to come.

Likewise, building forts, playing hide and seek, exploring and woods, or doing any other “manly” activity with your son will reinforce your love for each other.

As adults, we need to remember to take time out of our busy schedules and intentionally plan to spend time together with our loved ones. And while planning fun, meaningful activities is desirable, it doesn’t always have to be planned to the ninths. Here are some “together” activities that don’t really require any special preparations:

• share about your day
• dream together: plan a vacation, imagine your future home, etc.
• watch an old movie
• read together (or individually, but while in the same room)
• play games: card games are easy and convenient, but you can also play video games
• exercise together: go for a walk, play tennis, go hiking, etc.
• cook together. Baking and decorating a cake can make for some crazy fun times you’ll remember for a long time!

👉🏽 Adriana Copaceanu writes at Grand Ascent, where they are passionate about making women’s lives easier and more fulfilling. Here are 8 Fun Family Day Activities You’ll LOVE!

Renee Shaw
Blogger, This Anxious Mum

My husband and I have been strengthening our relationship via doing a daily meditation together. Using an app or guided meditation on YouTube, we lay down or sit across from each other cross-legged and close our eyes, holding hands. Taking the time out to connect before bed is so important and this is a way we’ve found to create that strong bond even when we don’t have the energy to have a big discussion.

It’s a practice we can adjust the timing of too, either opting for a quick meditation or a longer guided relaxation. Strengthening our relationship is so important given the birth of our daughter almost two years ago and while more traditional dates aren’t always possible, this is something that we can do from home, right before bed. It’s also cost-effective! I’d encourage lots of couples to give it a go if they’re looking to grow their bond with their loved one.

👉🏽 Renee Shaw of This Anxious Mum is a believer in the healing power of the written word, self-awareness and comfy knickers. 

Alice Smith
Blogger, Adventures of Alice

I know it sounds cliche but I don’t think you truly know a person until you have traveled abroad with them. Different countries test your strengths, coordination and how well you get along when you can’t escape one another.

Plus, when you travel it’s all about new experiences. It’s easy to fall into that couple slump of work, dinner, TV, bed which doesn’t really leave much time for exploring new things. However when you travel it’s ALL about exploring new things. You can re-awaken that excitement, sense of adventure and make memories that will last you forever.

If you can tackle 2 weeks traveling alone in a confusing foreign country with your loved one and not want to rip each other’s heads off, you can survive a lifetime!

👉🏽Alice Smith shares her travel adventures over at Adventures of Alice, where you’ll find itineraries, packing guides, and tips from all over the globe.

Tiffany
The Stoke Fam

The most important relationships in my life are the ones I have with my husband and kids. Over the years, I’ve found that life can get really crazy and we can start to feel disconnected if we don’t make an effort to connect. We’ve are able to do this most effectively when we take the time to get out and adventure in nature together. We’ve found that those times are when our kids are most likely to open up to us.

When you take away all the noise, stress, and distractions that come with everyday life, it frees up your headspace and allows you to truly connect with those around you. Although life can be busy, if you can intentionally put one or two blocks on your calendar each month for quality time in the great outdoors, you may be surprised how much of a difference it can make in your relationships with each other.

👉🏽 Tiffany writes over at the Stoke Fam. Whether you need ideas for your next adventure, gear recommendations so you aren’t wasting your hard-earned money, or tips & tricks to stay organized and make adventure happen, they’ve been there.

Do Add Building a strong relationship while dating to Your Dates

According to Dr. Campbell, mixing things up early on is a great idea. Instead of the usual Netflix-and-chill scenario, she suggests taking morning walks together, scheduling lunch dates, and enjoying the company of friends and colleagues. "It can be illuminating to see your partner navigate different situations and relationships," she adds. Plus, one of the quickest roads to a breakup is monotony, so try to avoid getting stuck in a rut too early on by keeping each date different than the last. Keep in mind: You don't have to spend a ton of money to have a great date with your new partner.

Don't Blow Up Their Phone

Every date can feel like a first date in a new relationship because there's so much ground to cover: where you went to school, what your hometowns are like, and how many pets you had growing up, among about a million other topics to address. Our advice? Save these sweet stories for in-person dates. Dr, building a strong relationship while dating. Campbell suggests, "If they initiated plans the first time, you can initiate the second time and so on, but don't always be building a strong relationship while dating person texting first, calling, and initiating plans."

If they get used to you being the one doing all of the planning and reaching out, they'll stop making an effort because they knows you will.

Do Maintain Independence

Spending every waking moment with a new partner can put you at risk of losing yourself and your friends, too, building a strong relationship while dating. "In the most long-lasting relationships, partners maintain their sense of independence," says Campbell. building a strong relationship while dating family and friends, continue to exercise and work hard, and prioritize alone-time; balance is important." If you make your whole life about your new partner, you end up putting a lot of pressure on the relationship to be your sole source of happiness and fulfillment.

Don't Skip the Sexual Health Conversation

building a strong relationship while dating you aren't comfortable asking them about STDs and STIs or telling them about your own sexual health, it's not yet the time to have sex," Dr, building a strong relationship while dating. Campbell admits. Wait until you're both comfortable having an honest conversation about health before becoming intimate. That way, you'll be able to enjoy it more and have a bit more confidence in the relationship, building a strong relationship while dating.

You also shouldn't feel shame talking about sex outside of health. Tell your partner what you like, what you don't like, and what you'd want to try.

Do Watch Out for Red Flags

Campbell says that ignoring red flags only prolongs the inevitable demise of the relationship. If, building a strong relationship while dating, say, your new love criticizes you, makes plans, and repeatedly cancels, you catch them in a lie, or you see them treating others poorly, "they're probably not worth investing in for the long-term," she notes. Trust us, it's easy to throw on a pair of rose-colored glasses when you really like someone because you want to see the best in them, but it's important to see all of someone, not just the good things.

Don't Be Close-Minded

“Try to remain open to trying new foods and participating in new activities,” Campbell advises, “The start of a new relationship ought to be light and fun, and things can become more serious with time.” With that in mind, maybe keep the conversations about highly controversial topics to a minimum in the beginning.

Do Respect Yourself

Treating yourself well sets an example of how your partner should treat you, and it signifies what you will and will not tolerate. "There's nothing wrong with being principled, knowing yourself, and being yourself," Campbell offers, building a strong relationship while dating. "Do things for yourself, too." If he calls you with an impromptu date invitation, but you need a self-care night to put on a face mask and snuggle with your furry friend, suggest a different day for date night.

Don't Denigrate Yourself

"If you have things in your past that you consider less than ideal—for example, if you just got fired or your previous partner cheated on you—then find a way to discuss or disclose these things in a positive light," Dr. Campbell advises. Keeping these things secret because you want her dating a guatemalan girl see you a certain way is never a good idea.

Being vulnerable is part of dating, especially in the early stages of a new relationship, so you shouldn't feel any shame in sharing about past relationships (or anything else, for that matter). No one expects perfection, so hiding experiences that shape you into who you currently are isn't necessary.

Don't Have Sex Too Soon

We live in a time of sex-positivity, meaning we don't believe that you should wait until a certain amount of time goes by before having sex with your new partner for the first time. "The amount of time to wait before having sex differs for every couple; there is no such thing as too soon or too long. The right time is when both people are 100% ready," Dr. Campbell discloses. The worst thing you can do in a new relationship is to have sex before you feel ready because you're worried they'll lose interest in you if you wait.

Do Communicate Often and Well

"Say what you mean and mean what you say, be direct and considerate, choose battles wisely, treat your partner well, and avoid destructive things like yelling, insulting, and judging," Dr. Campbell says. You may notice that you feel like you can read your childhood friends' minds because you know them so well, but that kind of closeness comes with time and, unfortunately, years together is the one thing you and your new partner don't have. You can't expect them to be able to guess what you're thinking, so be as communicative as you possibly can, building a strong relationship while dating.

Esther Perel, MA, LMFT

— Esther Perel, MA, LMFT

Research Shows That Couples Are Impacted By Screen Time

Ways to Surprise Your Partner

Another way to repair and improve your relationship is to show appreciation for certain traits your partner possesses. Always add anecdotes to demonstrate these amazing traits.

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Maybe it was love at first sight that brought you together or a mutual friend who introduced you to one another. Perhaps it was an online dating platform that gathered data on every detail that makes you unique and paired you with your ideal match.

No matter how you became a couple, you both are sure that this union is destined to be your “at last love.”

However, you also know that sometimes even endless love can have its challenges. These difficulties may arise because of life stressors, differences in communication styles, or as you and your mate journey through different relationship stages.

But what can you do to help ensure your relationship stays strong and happy — even through the rough stuff?

What building a strong relationship while dating work

Before diving into what makes love strong, it’s a good idea to look at some of the most common red flags in romantic relationships that may indicate you and your partner aren’t relating in a healthy way.

A greater understanding of what typically doesn’t work may help you successfully build the loving relationship you want.

Signs to look out for include:

• One of you attempts to control the other.
• Trust is lacking.
• You or your partner feel uncomfortable expressing needs or wants.
• There’s ongoing unresolved conflict.
• Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling is present in the relationship most of the time.

According to a 2013 article published by the Gottman Institute, building a strong relationship while dating, contempt is the single most significant predictor of divorce or relationship breakdown. It is often the result of long-term unresolved conflict that manifests as building a strong relationship while dating person feeling moral superiority over another.

So what makes a relationship strong? Is it all about trust? Sexual satisfaction? Or something else?

To help answer this universal question, researchers used machine learning to examine relationship variables in 11,196 couples during a 2020 study.

They found that, above all, feeling your partner was committed to the relationship for the long haul and how appreciative you are of your mate were the largest predictors of relationship satisfaction.

Maintaining a relationship and making it strong and resilient to life’s challenges takes a willingness of both partners to put in time and effort.

Here are some key strategies.

Nurturing your bond every day

As life’s obligations pile up, loving your partner can quickly fall to the bottom of the to-do list. Luckily, caring for your relationship doesn’t have to entail grand vacations or extravagant gifts. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the most impact.

Prioritizing quality time together, ensuring your partner feels heard and understood, and practicing small acts of kindness every day can help build a strong bond even when life stressors get in the way.

Practice being present

Being around each other every day is not the same thing as being present for your partner. Being truly present in another person’s life means building a strong relationship while dating yourself in their hopes and dreams, and taking time to notice and compliment their accomplishments. It also involves showing genuine empathy when they are facing challenges.

Simply expressing your desire to know and understand your mate can help strengthen your bond and make them feel like you’re both on the same team.

Communicate effectively

Good communication involves more than just talking. It’s includes sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a way that respects the other person. It also involves active listening.

Successful communication makes both people feel heard and understood.

In romantic relationships, love languages are also a form of communication. By learning how your partner expresses and receives love, building a strong relationship while dating, you can more effectively meet their relationship needs.

Address any mental health concerns

published in 2019 suggests that if you or your partner has a mental health condition, it can create stress on the relationship. Conditions that can cause relationship difficulties include:

If you’re experiencing mental health challenges, you are not alone. Consider seeking the help of a mental health professional to get the diagnosis and treatment you need. Once you feel better, you may be more able to focus on building the relationship you want.

Maintain reasonable expectations

Expectations of how your partner should behave or feel can wreak havoc in a relationship. It’s helpful to remember that your partner is not an exact copy of you and has their own wants, needs, boundaries, and goals. Learning to accept them for who they are, including perceived flaws, can build mutual feelings of respect and love.

When there’s conflict, ask yourself, what role do I play in this issue?

Conflict happens in all relationships. But before reacting to your partner with an emotionally charged response, consider taking some time to think, reflect, and develop insight into why this issue is causing you distress.

You may find that what they’ve done or said has triggered unresolved issues within yourself. Or, after thinking about it, you may realize it isn’t as serious of a problem as you first thought. By recognizing and addressing this, you may be better able to respond calmly and communicate your concerns more effectively.

Yes, honesty is always the best policy

Trust is an important aspect of any relationship. Without it, your partnership can experience a myriad of challenges like jealousy and conflict. Building the trust you and your partner need involves being open and honest.

Being truthful with your partner is important, but building a strong relationship while dating is being a safe place for their truths to land. This may require you to be willing to deal with uncomfortable topics in a tactful way so your partner feels secure telling you something that might create conflict.

Take care of your needs, too

If you are tired, building a strong relationship while dating, overwhelmed, or constantly giving much and getting building a strong relationship while dating in return, you might not have the energy or desire needed to nurture your relationship.

Taking time to practice self-care, even if that includes time away from your partner to hang out with friends or engage in hobbies you like, can help promote healthy boundaries and the overall health of your relationship.

Let’s recap

Relationships are complex, and each one is unique. So some techniques for building a strong partnership that works for one couple might not work for you and your partner, and that’s OK.

If you are unsure where to begin, having a mutual willingness to put in the effort necessary for a strong bond is a great start. Once you’ve both committed to strengthening your bond, you can then begin creating a relationship that stands the test of time and gives you and your partner the joy and happiness you both deserve.

“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody.”

So writes Neil Gaiman in the ninth volume of the comic book series The Sandman, “The Kindly Ones.”

Indeed, there is no single tried and true recipe for love and successful relationships that anyone can teach us. Different approaches work for different partnerships, and there is no point in trying to come up with building a strong relationship while dating guidelines for love.

Nevertheless, the reasons why relationship quality can deteriorate over time — or why relationships fail altogether — tend to be consistent.

Many researchers have studied what makes people leave a relationship, and what motivates them to stay together.

In this feature, we give you our top research-backed tips on what to look out for in building a meaningful, healthy, happy relationship.

1. Start your relationship with purpose

First of all, research suggests that there may be some truth to the phrase “start as you mean to go on” when it comes to relationships.

Recent studies suggest that, in many cases, people who are dating end up “falling” into a committed relationship out of a sense of inertia, and couples may end up living together even when they are unsure if they belong together.

“[M]any, if not most, couples slide from noncohabitation to cohabitation before fully realizing what is happening; it is often a nondeliberative and incremental process,” researchers from the University of Denver in Colorado.

For instance, someone may end up deciding to move in, and, building a strong relationship while dating, maybe, eventually, marry their partner simply because they have already spent a significant amount of time together and established a bond.

This can happen — argue dating and relationships researchers Samantha Joel, building a strong relationship while dating, Ph.D., and Prof. Paul Eastwick — even when one or both partners are convinced, at the start of their relationship, that they are not necessarily well suited to each other.

Medical News Today spoke to Alex Psaila, clinical supervisor at Relate North and South West Sussex, building a strong relationship while dating, a United Kingdom-based registered charity that provide relationship support and mediation. We asked him about early “red flags” that people may want to remember when starting a new relationship.

Blind love, he told us, can prevent individuals from acknowledging possible issues and personality clashes. It can also make them think that — no matter how bothersome some of their new partner’s behaviors might be — these will likely change with time. Not so, said Psaila:

“Does anyone go into a relationship with the idea that this relationship is flawed? If we are aware of something [being not quite right], we might tell ourselves that ‘we’ll fix it’ […] For the most part ‘being in love’ is like Cupid — blind — and we gloss over potential difficulties, wanting to believe it will go away and love will conquer all.“

Joel and Prof. Eastwick argue that if people took more time to do some — potentially difficult — soul searching before committing to a relationship, they might be able to avoid entering a situation that will prove unsatisfactory for both partners in the long run.

We should, that is, start new relationships with a sense of purpose, really thinking about what we want and need, and if the person we are dating is truly likely building a strong relationship while dating align with those wants and needs — and we with theirs.

“People may be able to boost their own relational, health, and well-being trajectories by more selectively choosing and investing in new relationships that are right for them and rejecting those that are not right for them,” write Joel and Prof. Eastwick.

2. Communicate to solve conflict

As with anything, open communication is necessary when it comes to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

And in a long-term relationship, calm, open, and constructive communication is essential when it comes to solving conflict since no interpersonal bond ever comes truly free from conflict.

“Stress can arise in relationships when partners experience conflicting goals, motives and preferences,” write Profs Nickola Overall and James McNulty in a recent study about communication during conflict.

The possible reasons for conflict in a romantic relationship can vary widely, and Profs Overall and McNulty cite unmet expectations, financial difficulties, the distribution of responsibilities, parenting styles, and jealousy, among others.

“Unresolved conflicts and the stress associated with conflict put even the most satisfying relationship at risk. Moreover, managing and resolving conflict is difficult, and can itself be a significant source of stress,” they note.

So what is the best way to communicate when it comes to solving conflicts in an intimate relationship?

According to the researchers, it depends. However, burying one’s feelings and misgivings, and brushing disagreements quickly under the carpet is unlikely to help, they say.

Profs Overall and McNulty suggest that it is crucial for couples first to evaluate the context in which the conflict has arisen in order to decide how best to address it.

When a serious issue is at stake, the researchers explain, it is important for both partners to express their opposing views and negotiate the direction of change.

However, if building a strong relationship while dating couple is having disagreements about minor issues, or issues outside their control, it may be more helpful for them to acknowledge the problem but express mutual validation, affection, and forgiveness.

Psaila expressed a similar perspective to MNT. People who maintain healthy, happy relationships, he says, building a strong relationship while dating, “say sorry and make reparation [when they acknowledge that they have done something hurtful].”

However, Psaila adds, they “do not hang on to secretive, hidden shame,” following a discordant situation.

“They learn from mistakes and know that awareness of their vulnerability is a strength. They can and will seek help and advice from trusted relatives, friends, mentors (even [trained] counselors).“

– Alex Psaila

Psaila also notes that people who want their relationship to thrive also show openness to receiving support from a professional therapist, not just when things go wrong, but to make sure they stay the course.

3. Make time for couple activities

Life can sometimes get in the way of our spending time with the people we love, even when we share a living space. The demands of work, for instance, can leave us little time — and sometimes little energy — to do something enjoyable with our partners.

Yet research shows that couples who participate in fun activities together may also find it easier to stay together.

For instance, one study covered on MNT last year suggested that couples who make time to play board games together also had a good quality love life.

The study found a simple reason for this correlation: Partners who took part in these fun activities together saw an increase in oxytocin, the “love hormone,” so-called because it plays a key role in bonding behaviors.

Karen Melton, Ph.D., and her colleagues — who conducted the board games study — note that, for a couple’s activity to lead to the spike in oxytocin, building a strong relationship while dating, it likely should involve interaction between the partners.

Simply attending an event together but not interacting, for instance, may not have the same bonding effect.

The researchers also found that the novelty factor influenced how much oxytocin they released: Couples who organized their fun activity in a new place outside their home saw a greater “love hormone” boost than those who played at home.

The takeaway? Doing fun things, ideally in new, unfamiliar surroundings, might help maintain building a strong relationship while dating quality.

4. Carve your own space

Although spending quality time with your loved ones is essential, it is at least as important to spend quality time on our own — and allow partners to do the same.

“A healthy relationship is a bit like breathing in and then breathing out,” Psaila explained for MNT.

“There is a cycle of closeness and distance, of coming together, even merging and separation, individuation, [creating a] sense of self […] Both are important. If the relationship is too distant — little closeness — then the idea of seeking this elsewhere will arise (perhaps disguised as feeling abandoned and being unloved),” he noted.

Yet too much closeness can make a relationship feel like a trap and, taken to an extreme — if a partner gradually isolates their “significant other” from friends, family, and activities that they enjoy — could even be a mark of emotional abuse.

“If the relationship is too close, suffocating even, then the couple [becomes] merged and there is little scope for exploration and growth, of other interactions, of missing your loved one and wanting to return, bringing new ideas and energy into the relationship.“

– Alex Psaila

5. Show attention and appreciation

While couples are at the beginning of their relationship, in the “honeymoon” phase, the partners will shower each other with affection and words of appreciation.

But often, as time goes on, partners may start taking each other for granted and forget to show the same kind of admiration they once did.

According to a study from 2017, one of the main reasons for long-term couples splitting up was that one of the partners was no longer showing enough affection and attention to the other.

And a study from 2018 found that young adults — aged 18–29 — who perceived that their partner put a similar effort into initiating text conversations also reported greater relationship satisfaction.

Other research has shown that women who reported being satisfied in their romantic relationships also reported that their partners were appreciative of their bodies. And, they reported increased satisfaction with their sex lives.

Finally, although material gifts are not a measure of love in any relationship, some studies have shown that when a partner can and does offer gifts, this can contribute to relationship satisfaction if done correctly.

Research from last year suggests that for a gift to increase relationship satisfaction, it has to be well thought out. The gifts we offer to others, the researchers explain, can reflect the image they have of themselves or the image we have of them.

If the two do not coincide, then it is likely that the gift we pick will be disappointing to the receiver. But, building a strong relationship while dating, the researchers say, if we know our partners well, we will manage to pick a gift that truly fits in with their personality and hobbies — and will reflect positively on our relationship.

No matter how you choose to show your affection, though, expressing your appreciation of your significant other — and not just on Valentine’s Day — is a safe bet when it comes to maintaining relationship quality.

However, even if you put in all the effort you can muster into a romantic relationship, sometimes, it will not work out, and that should necessarily be a cause for regret.

If a relationship does not make you feel happy, secure, and valued, it may be time to turn your attention to yourself and invest more in some self-love before you decide how or whether to start afresh with someone new.