Dating bad girls - think
Want to know why men get drawn to the bad girl?
Only recently, while researching for the third book in her trilogy of Bridget Jones’ Diary, author Helen Fielding found that men were more attracted to the opposite version of the ‘nice and sweet’ character Bridget Jones. Fielding created two fake profiles — that of a sweet and innocent girl and the other, a glamorous but really horrible girl — and found that most men preferred the latter, nastier girl to date.
What is bad?
The “bad girl” that men are so taken by at times isn’t someone who is morally corrupt, but it has more to do with the psychological make-up. According to psychologist and counsellor Varkha Chulani, these are women who have had unfortunate learning experiences in life and thus, have a very manipulative and conniving way of going about their relationships, “We’re not saying they have a bad moral sense. It is more about the poor role models they may have had, like an abusive parent, that shapes their world view and makes them dominate and control their surroundings and the men around them,” she adds.
Why do men like it?
According to Chulani, men like the challenge that a bad girl poses. She elaborates, “A lot of times, men believe that they are tamers of sorts and that if they are able to reign them in, they get an ego boost of sorts.” This may be due to the reputation that a bad girl builds over time. According to psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria, at times men have emotionally dependant personalities. “Men, who are in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative woman, feel like they are saving her, and believe they are in control of the situation,” she says.
Often, men even have the need to figure out the mystery that a ‘bad girl’ presents. It’s an addiction based on the need to control, and the fact that they themselves are manipulated, makes it even more irresistible.
Is it fun?
Dating a bad girl can be fun in the initial stages, but that feeling fades away soon, leaving an aching heart and a trampled ego in its wake. “After the initial fun bit, the relationship may go through tremendous upheavals, and due to fatigue in maintaining the relationship, the partners opt out,” says Chulani.
Another factor that makes a relationship with a bad girl fun yet short lived is the fact that most ‘bad girls’ ride big on the persona they create. “For a relationship to stay you need character. Personality is a superficial connect, whereas with character, you look for connection. So for a long term relationship, there has to be a shift from a superficial level to a deeper level,” says Dr Chhabria adding that the value systems need to match for a relationship to continue. However, dismissing dating a bad girl could just take out a very important experience from your dating scene. “It could also be a hell of a ride!” exclaims author Advaita Kala.
You Date A Good Girl, But You Want A Bad Girl
According to every single dating manual and mother ever, you’ll never meet a nice girl at a club. Unless you’re really rich, when you start to lose your looks/hair/six pack, you’ll need to start looking around for a potential wife, before the narrow window of opportunity closes and you’re left to die alone. Of course, you want to find yourself a nice girl. The kind of girl you can take home to your parents, who can be your plus one at dinner parties, and be trusted to behave herself in social situations. And nice girls don’t hang around in clubs. That’s where you find the nice girl’s nemesis — the bad girl.
You can’t take the bad girl home to meet your parents in case you go to make coffee and walk in on her making out with your dad. She’ll never be your plus one because you really don’t want to be reminded every day in the office about the girl you brought to the Christmas party who drank a bottle of vodka straight then passed out in a plant pot. And God forbid you even think of marrying the bad girl.
A good girl has a strict skincare routine and gets her hair cut every six weeks. She probably has a fringe. Fringes show that you’re responsible and can take care of shit. Fringes mean commitment. Her tights never ladder, and just in case they do, she probably has a spare pair in her reasonably sized and priced handbag. She has life plans, and a career mapped out and has already decided what she’ll call her two adorable children. She’ll marry her first proper boyfriend, and will only give head on birthdays and Christmas. The good girl goes to the gym three times a week, watches what she eats and only has a couple of glasses of wine on special occasions and then complains about the hangover she’ll get in the morning. She never stays out past 2 AM apart from that one time, which she always brings up to show she used to be wild. She cries at sad parts in movies, and she’s seen every Jennifer Aniston picture. She’s seen Dirty Dancing 16 times.
Bad girls don’t buy groceries more than a day in advance because they never know what they’ll want for dinner. They’ve never lasted for longer than six months in a job, and they’ve been fired from most of them for being drunk during work hours. The bad girl will never say no to anything in fear of missing out. She’s hungry for everything and she’s not too picky about what everything is. She wants to go to every party, smoke every cigarette, cuss every swear word and kiss every boy. She don’t sleep properly, and rarely in her own bed. She forgets to take her make-up off most nights and she still gets spots past her teenage years. She knows she doesn’t have to settle down with every boy she sleeps with, and has no shame about not being in a relationship when doing so. Her clothes are inappropriately tight, but she’ll still yell at you for staring at her arse. Bad girls have no idea who they are, or what they’re doing, or where they’re going, and they don’t care.
Examples of good girls include Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Aniston and Keira Knightley. They appear on the front of Marie Claire and talk about yoga and friendship.
Examples of bad girls include Winona Ryder, Paz de la Huerta and Queen of the bad girls Lindsay Lohan. They appear on the front on TMZ and scream obscenities while resisting arrest for their third DUI.
They say that you can’t tame a wild thing, but that’s not true. Bad girls will put down their whiskey bottle once they find someone worth putting that whiskey bottle down for. Or someone to share the whiskey bottle with. Bad girls are only bad until they find whatever it is they don’t know they’ve been looking for. To quote This Side of Paradise, “The girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.” Do you really want a girl who has sat at home night after night perfecting her lasagna recipe until an acceptable suitor has come along, or do you want the girl who has lived life to its fullest, experienced everything and has a thousand stories to tell you, each more unbelievable than the last?
The next time you see a bad girl, don’t walk past her to get to the girl-next-door standing to her left. Buy her a shot of Sambucca and let her take you to that questionable strip club in the bad part of town. Because even if you wake up in the morning and your wallet is gone, you’ll have had a better time with her than talking ergonomics with the nice girl. 
Westend61/Getty Images
Pompey: Men are hunters by nature and love the thrill of the chase. Men like bad girls because they represent the ultimate chase. It is every guy's dream to ride in on the white horse to tame or "save" a "bad" girl. But this is a fool's errand.
A bad girl is elusive and can never truly be tamed. That won't stop a man from trying over and over again. He may get burned every time, but the excitement of the journey is just too much of an adrenaline rush.
Why do sensible choices manifest in a laboratory but not in a bar?
Pompey: In a controlled experiment I might appear to be a man who makes his bed in the morning, doesn't consider a decorative pillow to be the work of the devil, and doesn't wait until all 57 pairs of socks are dirty before finally doing laundry. But I'm a bit different in real life.
The truth is, no matter how controlled an experiment, there is always room for error. I don't necessarily think the experiment is that far off. But I also think it depends largely on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in life— just a few of the many factors that will play a role in his attraction toward other women. The reason that the results of the laboratory experiment don't measure up to a bar is simple. Let's go back to the "men are hunters by nature" theory. Putting a single man in a bar is the modern-day version of the ultimate hunt for a man.
What's your advice for men who keep falling for the wrong kind of women?
Pompey: It's all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. People are creatures of habit and have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices that have been plaguing their lives for years, sometimes even decades. Self-actualization is the first step toward finding a healthy relationship. Once a man comes to terms with why he is making poor choices with women and what he truly wants in women instead, he can take active steps toward making the right decisions for himself.
Do you agree that deep down, men really do prefer nice women?
Pompey: Yes, but I would also argue that men strongly associate nice women as women who are not nearly as fun, exciting and open as bad girls. This is a blanket statement and generalization that is often not true, but perception is everything.
So how should a nice girl attract a man? The best thing a nice girl can do to attract a man is to demonstrate alluring qualities a bad girl has, without actually being a bad girl. Know what men want from women. As a woman, show that you are open to trying new things, are fun, adventurous, exciting, and have a sexual side, without providing all the drama that a typical bad girl brings to the table. The more you could demonstrate these qualities while still maintaining the qualities that make you a nice girl, the more a man will feel as if he won the jackpot and the best of both worlds.
Joshua Pompey offers afree online dating profile guide.
The Advantages of Dating a 'Bad' Girl
They say you can take a ‘good’ girl home but you got to take a ‘bad’ girl to Hawaii.
And if you are one of those men who believe the ‘they’, then date a ‘bad’ girl you must. A ‘bad’ girl is one who is the opposite of a shy, demure, stereotypical Indian nari. She is certainly not a bad person, but her idea of what is good / bad may not necessarily fall in line with the Indian definition of good / bad. A ‘bad’ girl is NOT your ticket to sex, so get that notion out of your head before you start to read the advantages of dating a ‘bad’ girl.
1. Fun! Fun! Fun!
The one thing that you will never encounter in your relationship with a ‘bad’ girl is boredom. You can count on her for being adventurous, for embarking on unplanned road trips with you, or for just the impulsiveness that will add a zing to your relationship. This does not mean there will be no emotions involved, but the dating experience will just be more exploratory and bold.
2. No hanky-panky
A ‘bad’ girl will be one who will party all night, drink away to glory, and then be up for some more the next day. There is none of the usual ‘I am a pretty proper princess’ drama going on in her head. She is the one who loves to have fun and is not apologetic about it. So it is not wrong to say that you are in for some amazing, fun, drunken madness when dating her.
3. Wild in-between the sheets
You can expect some experimentation and boldness in bed when dating a ‘bad’ girl. What most women would find taboo, she would be willing to explore. In fact she will be the one to initiate sex and even suggest positions that will up the excitement and pleasure. So get ready for the ‘ride’ of your life when dating her!
4. Cause of jealousy
A ‘bad’ girl is that HOT woman who makes heads turn wherever she goes. One who has a perfect body and is always turned out well, she will cause your male colleagues/ friends to be envious of you. The fact that she holds your arm will up your social standing and cause many-a-men to say aloud in their head, ‘What a lucky b*****d!’
We have given you enough good reasons to date a ‘bad’ girl. So, what’s stopping you then? (Dating, MensXP.com)
Also read:
How to Be a Bad Girl
According to people who know better than you do
Interested in becoming the ultimate Bad Girl?
You know, someone who gives zero fucks about the world around her? Someone filled with rage and sex and pain and vulgarness?
Well, you’ve come to the right place.
I have 30 years of experience of people telling me how to behave as a woman. And I’ve come to learn that if you don’t meet their expectations, you’ll be classified as a Bad Girl.
And once someone says you’re a Bad Girl, they think they’ve already figured you out as a person.
So — according to the side comments from friends, family members, coworkers, and strangers — this is how you should behave if you’re labeled as Bad Girl.
Invest in a leather jacket.
Get piercings. No, not just a second hole in your ear or a cubic zirconia stud in your cartilege. Pierce your eyebrow to tell people how much you loved the 90s. Pierce your tongue to show boys you give mind-blowing blow jobs. Pierce your clit and then tell all your friends and even strangers on the subway that it enhances your sex life.
Wear LOTS of black.
Get a few tattoos. People will ask what they mean, but don’t ever tell them.
Make sure your shoes are attention-grabbing. Black combat boots, black stilettos, black thigh-highs. All of those will work. Especially if you wear black fishnets or ripped tights underneath.
Crocs, sneakers, and flipflops are big no-nos. They’re fucking awful.
Say, “Fucking awful” all the time.
Never leave the house without putting on mascara and eyeliner. The bigger the cat-eye, the sexier the girl.
Always always always show up late. Preferably wearing the clothes you had on the day before.
Walk into the meeting that started 15 minutes ago with your sunglasses on and a latte in your hand. Your coworkers will appreciate your carefree and laid-back attitude. Acknowledge their stares by whispering, “What the fuck are you looking at?” during the meeting.
Laugh at Rachel from HR’s idea about the company team-building event. Actually, laugh at every idea that’s said by one of your female colleagues.
Leave the meeting every five minutes to fix your eyeliner in the bathroom. Try not to puke in the sink because you’re hungover.
Oh, and make sure to tell everyone that you’re hungover once the meeting has ended.
Get back to your desk and tell your cubicle neighbor about what that bitch, Rachel from HR said in the meeting.
Look at your watch and see that it’s 10:43 am. Time to go to lunch. You deserve a break from this corporate hell hole.
If there is one thing Bad Girls are good at, it’s flirting.
If a guy starts talking to you, put on your biggest bitch face. Not just a little pout. I’m talkin’ full-on pissed off and irritated. He’ll probably respond with something like, “Why don’t you smile more?” or “Are you angry?”.
This will probably be followed up by a “Are you on your period or something?”
If so, that means your charm is working.
Wait anywhere from two days to one week before replying to a text message from a boy. When you do text back, only respond with one-word answers like, “hey” or “ha.”
But every once in a while, send him a photo of your tits in that black lacy bra you bought. You know, just for the tease.
Because all Bad Girls have perfected the Art of the Tease.
If you don’t sleep with a guy, get ready to be called a tease. A slut. A whore. A bitch. Hell, if you do sleep with him he’ll still probably call you the same names anyways.
Don’t catch feelings, and never act clingy. Nothing is more desperate than a woman who is open or communicative about what she wants in a relationship.
But when you are dating someone, you have the God-given right to act crazy. Go through his phone. Check his Facebook messages. Stalk his ex-girlfriend on Instagram and send her “Back the fuck off my man” texts.
Do whatever you need to do to make it seem like you want out of the relationship.
And while you’re at it, just start yelling at him and crying for no reason. Keep him on his toes.
Constantly tell him he needs to get his shit together because there a million other men who would love to date you. Mention that Rob from work stopped by your desk to ask about your weekend. Say he’s newly single (even though he’s not).
When you’re at dinner, talk about how much you miss being single. Always go for the double gin and tonic, even if he just ordered a bottle of wine for the table. As the waiter if he can make a triple gin and tonic. Roll your eyes when he says no.
If there is a break in the conversation, check your phone.
Bad Girls — above all else — don’t apologize for being themselves.
They don’t let bullies and haters tell them how they should behave. They don’t try to fit the mold of society or fall victim to stereotypes. And they certainly don’t let others destroy their confidence with spiteful words.
Because at the end of the day, Bad Girls might not act like this at all.
So, if you want to be the ultimate Bad Girl, all you have to do is not give a fuck about what people say.
Not me, not the strangers online, not Rachel from HR.
It’s no one’s business if you are a Bad Girl or not.
Comments