Do you get turned on by thought of a man who's got his 401K all figured out? Or maybe a salt-and-pepper beard just gets you going? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might want to consider dating an older man.

Don't worry, you're in good company. Amal and George. Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Blake and Ryan. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. And they all seem to be making it work.

But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So I tapped two relationship experts, Chloe Carmichael, PhD, and Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, to break down the most important things you should consider before dating an older man.

1. You may not be in the relationship for all the right reasons.

"We don't really know who someone is for the first two to six months of a relationship," Hendrix says. So it's really important to ask yourself why you're so attracted to any person, but especially one that's significantly older than you.

You could be projecting stereotypes on to them just because of their age, Hendrix says. Maybe you think they're more settled or assume that they travels lot because you met on vacation in Tulum, but the truth is they're not even looking for commitment and they only go on vacation once a year. If you're attracted to someone older, Hendrix usually advises her clients to just bounce the idea off of someone you trust first.

2. He may have a lot more—or a lot less—time for you.

If your S.O. is an older man, he may have a more flexible work schedule (or even be retired, if he's way older), which means more free time for you. This can be refreshing for many women, says Hendrix, especially if you're used to dating guys who don't know what they want (out of life or in a relationship). But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting.

"The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on," Hendrix says. Fast-forward a year into the relationship, and his less-than-busy schedule could feel stifling, Hendrix warns. Maybe he wants to go on romantic weekend getaways every Friday, but you can't leave work until 8 or 9 p.m. because you're still climbing the corporate ladder and have a **few** more years of grinding to do. You may find that you two have different ideas about how you want to spend your time together.

On the flip side, you might find that an older man has less time for you than you'd hoped. If he's in an executive-level position at a company, he might work late nights, which means dinners out with you aren't going to happen often. Or perhaps he's just a man of routine (fair, at his age), and work has trumped everything else for so long, quality time just isn't on the top of his priority list. Are you cool with this? If not, and this is the case, you might want to have a chat—or date younger.

3. You might not be as emotionally mature as you think.

Yes, I said it! He's been in the game longer than you, which means he could be more emotionally intelligent. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You want someone who knows how to fight and handle conflict, Hendrix says.

But you have to be sure you're on the same emotional maturity level as him. Otherwise, "all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect," Hendrix says.

An older man might not want to play the back-and-forth games of a younger gentleman. Instead, he might be super direct and feel comfortable saying exactly what's on his mind, Carmichael says. But are you? Dating an older man might require you to become more vulnerable and let down a few your typical guards.

Dating today is hard with a capital H. Some much-needed guidance to make it easier:

4. There might be an ex-wife or children in his life.

If he's got more than a couple years on you, then he's likely had a couple more relationships, too. And one of them may have even ended in divorce. Again—not a bad thing. If your man has been through a marriage that didn't work out, "they tend to approach the second marriage with more care and wisdom, bringing along lessons they learned about themselves as a partner in the previous relationship,” Carmichael says. (Woot!)

That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that's something else to consider. How old are his kids? Does he see them often? Will you be involved in their lives? This requires a serious conversation. Integrating into his family could prove to be more difficult than you thought, especially if he has older daughters, Carmichael says. Studies show daughters are less receptive to bringing a younger woman into the family, she notes.

5. Your life trajectories could be headed in completely different directions.

If the older man you're seeing is someone you're seriously considering spending the future with, you may want to actually talk about your futures. Chances are, he may have a completely different picture of what the next 10 or 20 years look like. "Even if you were dating someone your own age, you wouldn't want to assume they had the same trajectory for their life as you did," Carmichael says. And you definitely don't want to do that in a relationship with a sizable age gap, since they probably have a more concrete picture of the next few years.

Maybe you want to get married and have two kids, move out to California, and retire somewhere on a vineyard in Napa. But he's been there, done that. He has the kids, a retirement house in Palm Springs, and is one alimony check away from hiding his money somewhere on the Almalfi coast. (Let's hope not.)

It's important to understand what both of you want your lives to look like in the future. Try saying: "I know that you’ve probably already done a lot of the things in life that I want to do," Carmichael recommends. Then ask him if he'd be willing to do those things (think: marriage, kids, traveling often), again. This gives the person a chance to say, "Yeah, I’d love a second chance at doing those things," or "No, I'm more interested in enjoying my freedom." Either way, after this conversation, you can make an informed decision about whether your futures actually align.

Age gap, schmage gap. These celebs make it work!

6. Your sex drives may not be the same.

"Within every couple, regardless of age, there’s always someone who wants more sex or less sex," Hendrix says. "But that can be even more pronounced with big age differences. An older person has an older body, and older body can tend to have less energy and a different sex drive." But this can also be solved by discussing sex openly and whether both of your needs being met. It's not a deal breaker...just a tough conversation.

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7. Your communication styles might be different.

According to Hendrix, older men tend to be good communicators because they have been in serious relationships and they want to get it right this time (remember: emotional maturity). But you might reach a point of conflict when it comes to the style of communication.

"How that filters down into day-to-day connection might have to be negotiated in the relationship," Hendrix says. Maybe you prefer that he checks on you throughout the day with a "how's it going" text. But he'd much rather call you on his lunch break, because texting isn't his ~generation~. That's something that the two of you will have to work out. Learning each other's love languages might be a great place to start.

8. You get a sneak peek of his future.

If you're dating an older man, you don't have to worry about what he'll look like when he gets older. “You already get to see a preview of how the person ages and takes care of himself,” Carmichael says. At this point in his life, he probably has his lifestyle down pat. If he looks and feels good and takes care of himself now, it could be a good sign of how he'll take care of his health, body, and mind later on. That's something you want in a long-term partner...trust.

9. There may be a slight cultural gap in the relationship.

So he's not on TikTok and The Bachelorisn't on his Monday night watch list. Do you really care?

"Maybe you want someone who has their finger on the pulse of what’s new, modern, or fresh. Not to say that an older person couldn’t do that, but they may not be as up to the minute on every trend,” Carmichael says. It's something to consider when dating an older man.

But Hendrix says that not having all the same interests or cultural reference points can actually be a really good opportunity to learn from one another. The problem only arises when one person is less flexible or spontaneous, while the other is constantly begging them to try something new. The best fix? You guessed it: compromise.

10. Your financial responsibilities might not mesh well together.

If you're getting serious with an older man and marriage could be in your future, you're going to want to think about what your combined finances would look like.

"Just as he might be concerned about your student-loan payments, you have a right to be curious about aspects of his financial health," Carmichael says. Is half of his money tied up in alimony and child support? Or are his children all grown up and financially independent?

"Openness should be a two-way street," though, Carmichael says. So if the two of you feel like you're in the stage of the relationship where combining finances could be in the near future, it's important to be honest about where your money is going.

Not sure how to start the convo? Carmichael usually advises her clients to just name the issue. "I love where our relationship is headed, and I'm super excited about our future together. But as things get more serious, I'd love to talk about our financial goals, where our money might go in the future, and what it's currently being spent on now." If a chunk of your salary is going toward loans or a second mortgage, say that. Then ask him if there are any large financial responsibilities that he's concerned about. This will create an opportunity for open and honest dialogue. The conversation might feel a little uncomf at first, but you definitely want to have this discussion well before the vows, Carmichael says.

P.S. An older guy **might** have more disposable funds to spend on building a life together—if so, fun!—but that's no guarantee. And you never want to partner up for money...so go back to point numero uno if you aren't sure. At the end of the day, you want someone who brings out your best self, and there's no age limit on that.

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Men are like a fine artisanal premium cheese. They need to be aged exactly 52 months more than you to taste right. I don't know about you, but when I find myself talking to an older man, especially a man who is exactly four years and four months older than me, something clicks. I can't explain it, but it just feels like the universe's chakra has aligned itself correctly for the first time, that everyone on earth is holding hands in a circle and sharing a Coca Cola, that the clouds are parting gently so a ray of life-affirming light can burst through and radiate all over me. I see my future, and it is one of comfort, reassurance, deep passion and well-planned investments. And I can only think: Every woman should have this.

Which is why it should not surprise you that a study interviewing 2,000 weirdly specific humans found the exact same thing: that the ideal age gap between men and women is exactly 52 months, provided the man is older, because, duh.

Even though half those interviewed were desperately ignorant people who said there is no such thing as an ideal age difference between people who want to be together, other women were brave enough to put themselves out there and say that they'd even date a man all the way up to a radical seven years older than them.

Only one out of 100 sad, pathetic excuses for a woman said they'd date a guy — get this — younger than them. Of course, dating a man too much older when the woman was significantly younger was an obvious sign of her money-grubbing whorishness, but never reflected poorly on the brilliant, powerfully erotic wisdom of the older man.

What is it about a man exactly four years and four months older that makes every woman quiver with measurable approval? Only just about everything, proving why it's the ideal age gap for couples at any age.

He Has More Money

No matter what you did or are willing to do, you can't compete with his earning potential, so hitch your wagon to that star if you have any plans to live in house-like structures.

He Offers a "Different Perspective"

You were about to say Green Day was your favorite punk band. But back in his day, 52 months older guy was listening to a little something called The Clash.

He Has More Experience

Whatever you're doing, he did that already. Whatever you know, he knows. It's called life experience, and a man should have more of it, because if it's the other way around, things don't make sense anymore. Don't get mad, it's just science.

He Needs Your Youth

The 52 months of fewer wrinkles you've dodged so far means you've got vivacious energy to "rub off" on him in exchange for his robust experiences as a man in the world. So while he's helping you interpret the evening news with the proper insight and derision, he's getting the benefit of a bubbly, lively, fresh, eager, spritely, fast- moving woman, who, it hardly needs to be said, is always a breath of fresh air.

He Can Teach You Life Skills

If you're an infant woman who needs to be taught some critical pre-K milestones, a man who is already 4 and a half years old can teach you 30 different sound effects for farts or how to work a Transformer.

If you're a freshman woman in high school going through puberty, think about the world your 52 months older guy is going to open up for you: Like how to apply for your first high-interest credit card in exchange for a free T-shirt, how to make a bong out of an apple, how to live off a spoonful of peanut butter twice a week, and what Bob Marley songs are good.

He'll Take You On Fancy Dates

By the time you hit college and are scraping together the change to get your first frozen burrito, a man exactly four years and four months older than you already has a real job. Get ready to nosh on a little grown-up delight called Chipotle.

He's Got More Cultural Knowledge

A good man is hard to find, but a man who knows exactly what he wants in an action movie in the way only someone who's seen four and a third more summers of blockbusters can, is a rare species, indeed.

He's Great in the Sack

It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or at your sexual peak, only a man who is 52 months older than you can touch you like someone who has experienced an extra presidential term.

He Knows What He Wants

How can he not? He's been looking at women for four years and four months longer than all the competition.

You'll Be Set For Life

His extra 52 months investing in that 401k has generated more compound interest than your vagina could your entire life. Together, you'll live out your retirement traveling the world with his sophisticated knowledge and sure-handed investment practices. Where would you have been all these years without him?

Age difference between individuals in sexual relationships

Age disparity in sexual relationships is the age difference between individuals in sexual relationships. Concepts of these relationships, including what defines an age disparity, have developed over time and vary among societies. Differences in age preferences for mates can stem from partner availability, gender roles, and evolutionary mating strategies, and age preferences in sexual partners may vary cross-culturally. There are also social theories for age differences in relationships as well as suggested reasons for 'alternative' age-hypogamous relationships. Age-disparate relationships have been documented for most of recorded history and have been regarded with a wide range of attitudes dependent on sociocultural norms and legal systems.

Statistics[edit]

Data in Australia^[2] and the United Kingdom^[3] show an almost identical pattern.

Relationships with age disparities have been observed with both men and women as the older or younger partner. In various cultures, older men and younger women often seek one another for sexual or marital relationships.^[4] Older women sometimes date younger men as well,^[5] and in both cases wealth and apparent physical attractiveness are often relevant.^[6] Because most men are interested in women in their 20s, adolescent boys are generally sexually interested in women somewhat older than they are.^[7] Older men also display an interest in women of their own age.^[8] However, research suggests that relationship patterns are more influenced by women’s preferences than men’s.^[7][9][10]

Most men marry women younger than they are; with the difference being between two and three years in Spain,^[11] the UK reporting the difference to be on average about three years, and the US, two and a half.^[12][13] The pattern was also confirmed for the rest of the world, with the gap being largest in Africa.^[14] However, the number of women marrying younger men is rising. A study released in 2003 by the UK's Office for National Statistics concluded that the proportion of women in England and Wales marrying younger men rose from 15% to 26% between 1963 and 1998. Another study also showed a higher divorce rate as the age difference rose for when either the woman was older or the man was older.^[15][16] A 2008 study, however, concluded that the difference is not significant.^[17][18]

In August 2010, Michael Dunn of the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff, completed and released the results of a study on age disparity in dating. Dunn concluded that "Not once across all ages and countries ... did females show a preference for males significantly younger than male preferences for females" and that there was a "consistent cross-cultural preference by women for at least same-age or significantly older men". A 2003 AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating younger men.^[19]

A 2011 study suggested that marriage of younger men by women is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for the woman, though married individuals generally still have longer lifespans than singles.^[20]

Reasons for age disparity[edit]

There are complex and diverse reasons that people enter into age-disparate relationships, and a recent review in the Journal of Family Theory and Review showed vast differences across contexts.^[21] Explanations for age disparity usually focus on either the rational choice model or the analysis of demographic trends in a society.^[11] The rational choice model suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.^[11] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labor force. The demographic trends are concerned with the sex ratio in the society, the marriage squeeze, and migration patterns.^[11] Another explanation concerns cultural values: the higher the value placed in having children, the higher the age gap will be.^[14] Yet Canadian researchers have found that age-disparate couples are less likely to have children than similarly aged ones.^[22] As people have chosen to marry later and remarriage becomes more common, the age differences between couples have increased as well.^[11][17]

In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor.^[23] One of the concerns of relationships with age disparities in some cultures is a perceived difference between people of different age ranges. These differences may be sexual, financial or social. Gender roles may complicate this even further. Socially, a society with a difference in wealth distribution between older and younger people may affect the dynamics of the relationship.^[24]

Although the "cougar" trend, in which older women date much younger men, is often portrayed in the media as a widespread and established facet of modern Western culture, at least one academic study has found the concept to be a "myth". A British psychological study published in Evolution and Human Behavior in 2010 concluded that men and women, in general, continued to follow traditional gender roles when searching for mates.^[25] The study found that, as supported by other academic studies, most men preferred younger, "attractive" women, while most women, of any age, preferred successful, established men their age or older. The study found very few instances of older women pursuing much younger men and vice versa.^[26] The study has been criticized, however, for limiting their results to online dating profiles, which are traditionally not used by those seeking older or younger partners, and for excluding the United States from the study.^[27][28][29]

Evolutionary perspective[edit]

Evolutionary approach[edit]

The evolutionary approach, based on the theories of Charles Darwin, attempts to explain age disparity in sexual relationships in terms of natural selection and sexual selection.^[30][31] Within sexual selection, Darwin identified a further two mechanisms which are important factors in the evolution of sex differences (sexual dimorphism): intrasexual selection (involves competition with those of the same sex over access to mates) and intersexual choice (discriminative choice of mating partners).^[32]Life history theory^[33] (that includes Parental Investment Theory)^[34] provides an explanation for the above mechanisms and strategies adopted by individuals, leading to age disparity in relationships. Life history theory posits that individuals have to divide energy and resources between activities (as energy and resources devoted to one task cannot be used for another task) and this is shaped by natural selection.^[35]

Parental Investment Theory refers to the value that is placed on a potential mate based on reproductive potential and reproductive investment. The theory predicts that preferred mate choices have evolved to focus on reproductive potential and reproductive investment of members of the opposite sex.^[34] This theory predicts both intrasexual selection and intersexual choice due to differences in parental investment; typically there is competition among members of the lower investing sex (generally males) over the parental investment of the higher investing sex (generally females) who will be more selective in their mate choice. However, human males tend to have more parental investment compared to mammal males (although females still tend to have more parental investment).^[36] Thus, both sexes will have to compete and be selective in mate choices. These two theories explain why natural and sexual selection acts slightly differently on the two sexes so that they display different preferences. For example, different age preferences may be a result of sex differences in mate values assigned to the opposite sex at those ages.^[34]

A study conducted by David Buss investigated sex differences in mate preferences in 37 cultures with 10,047 participants. In all 37 cultures it was found that males preferred females younger than themselves and females preferred males older than themselves. These age preferences were confirmed in marriage records with males marrying females younger than them and vice versa.^[37] A more recent study has supported these findings, conducted by Schwarz and Hassebrauck.^[38] This study used 21,245 participants between 18 and 65 years of age who were not involved in a close relationship. As well as asking participants a number of questions on mate selection criteria, they also had to provide the oldest and youngest partner they would accept. It was found that for all ages males were willing to accept females that are slightly older than they are (on average 4.5 years older), but they accept females considerably younger than their own age (on average 10 years younger). Females demonstrate a complementary pattern, being willing to accept older males (on average 8 years older) and were also willing to accept males younger than themselves (on average 5 years younger). This is somewhat different to our close evolutionary relatives: chimpanzees. Male chimpanzees tend to prefer older females than younger and it is suggested that specific cues of female mate value are very different to humans.^[39]

Male preference for younger females[edit]

Buss attributed the male preference for younger females to certain youthful cues. In females, relative youth and apparent physical attractiveness (which males valued more compared to females) demonstrated cues for fertility and high reproductive capacity.^[37] Buss stated the specific age preference of around 25 years implied that fertility was a stronger ultimate cause of mate preference than reproductive value as data suggested that fertility peaks in females around mid-20s.^[37] From a life history theory perspective, females that display these cues are judged to be more capable of reproductive investment.^[40] This notion of age preference due to peak fertility is supported by Kenrick, Keefe, Gabrielidis, and Cornelius's study, which found that although teenage males would accept a mate slightly younger than they are, there was a wider range of preference for ages above their own. Teenage males also report that their ideal mates would be several years older than they are.^[41]

Buss and Schmitt^[42] stress that although long-term mating relationships are common for humans, there are both short-term and long-term mating relationships. Buss and Schmitt provided a Sexual Strategies Theory that describes the two sexes as having evolved distinct psychological mechanisms that underlie the strategies for short- and long-term mating. This theory is directly relevant and compatible with those two already mentioned, Life History and Parental Investment.^[43][44] Males tend to appear oriented towards short-term mating (greater desire for short-term mates than women, prefer larger number of sexual partners, and take less time to consent to sexual intercourse^[44]) and this appears to solve a number of adaptive problems including using fewer resources to access a mate.^[42] Although there are a number of reproductive advantages to short-term mating, males still pursue long-term mates, and this is due to the possibility of monopolizing a female's lifetime reproductive resources.^[42] Consistent with findings, for both short-term and long-term mates, males prefer younger females (reproductively valuable).^[42][45]

Female preference for older males[edit]

As they are the higher-investing sex, females tend to be slightly more demanding when picking a mate (as predicted by parental investment theory).^[36] They also tend to have a more difficult task of evaluating a male's reproductive value accurately based on physical appearance, as age tends to have fewer constraints on a male's reproductive resources.^[40]Buss attributed the older age preference to older males displaying characteristics of high providing-capacity^[37] such as status and resources.^[38] In terms of short-term and long-term mating, females tend to be oriented towards long-term mating due to the costs incurred from short-term mating.^[42] Although some of these costs will be the same for males and females (risk of STIs and impairing long term mate value), the costs for women will be more severe due to paternity uncertainty (cues of multiple mates will be disfavoured by males).^[42]

In contrast to above, in short-term mating, females will tend to favour males that demonstrate physical attractiveness, as this displays cues of "good genes".^[42] Cues of good genes tend to be typically associated with older males^[47] such as facial masculinity and cheek-bone prominence.^[48] Buss and Schmitt found similar female preferences for long-term mating which supports the notion that, for long-term relationships, females prefer cues of high resource capacity, one of which is age.^[42]

Dataclysm’s study identified that women tend to find men approximately their own age most desirable, e.g. 21 year old women found 23 year old men most attractive.^{[citation needed]}

Cross-cultural differences[edit]

Cross-culturally, research has consistently supported the trend in which males prefer to mate with younger females, and females with older males.^[32] In a cross-cultural study that covered 37 countries,^[49] preferences for age differences were measured and research supported the theory that people prefer to marry close to the age when female fertility is at its highest (24–25 years). Analysing the results further, cross culturally, the average age females prefer to marry is 25.4 years old, and they prefer a mate 3.4 years older than themselves, therefore their preferred mate would be aged 28.8 years of age. Males however prefer to marry when they are 27.5 years old, and a female to be 2.7 years younger than themselves, yielding their preferred mate to be 24.8 years old. The results from the study therefore show that the mean preferred marriage age difference (3.04 years averaging male and female preferred age) corresponds very closely with the actual mean marriage age difference (2.99). The preferred age of females is 24.8 years and the actual average age females marry is 25.3 years old (and 28.2 for males) which actually falls directly on the age where females are most fertile, however, this assumes this people are having children immediately after marrying. Moreover, these patterns fit many proposed explanations for age differences: evolutionarily adapted mating preferences, socialisation, and gendered economic differences.^[21]

The United Nations Marriage Statistics Department measures the Singulate Mean Age Marriage (SMAM) difference, the difference in average age at first marriage between men and women, across the main regions in the world (refer to Table. 1).^[46]

Larger than average age-gaps[edit]

However, in some regions of the world there is a substantially larger age gap between marriage partners in that males are much older than their wife (or wives) or women are much younger than their husband (or husbands). A theory that can explain this finding from an evolutionary perspective is the parasite-stress theory which explains that an increase of infectious disease can cause humans to evolve selectively according to these pressures. Evidence also shows that as disease risk gets higher, it puts a level of stress on mating selection and increases the use of polygamy.^[50]

Table 2 shows that 17 of the 20 countries with the largest age-gaps between spouses practice polygyny, and that males range from 6.1 to 9.2 years older than their partners. In regions such as Sub-Saharan Africa the use of polygyny is commonly practiced as a consequence of high sex-ratios (more males per 100 females) and passing on heterozygous (diverse) genetics from different females to offspring.^[51] When disease is prevalent, if a male is producing offspring with a more diverse range of alleles, offspring will be more likely to withstand mortality from disease and continue the family line. Another reason that polygynous communities have larger age-gaps between spouses is that intrasexual competition for females increases as fewer females remain on the marriage market (with males having more than one wife each), therefore the competitive advantage values younger females due to their higher reproductive value.^[52] As the competition for younger women becomes more common, the age in females' first marriage lower as older men seek younger and younger females.

Smaller than average age-gaps[edit]

In Western societies such as the US and Europe, there is a trend of smaller age-gaps between spouses, reaching its peak average in Southern Europe of 3.3 years. Using the same pathogen-stress model, there is a lower prevalence of disease in these economically developed areas, and therefore a reduced stress on reproduction for survival. Additionally, it is common to see monogamous relationships widely in more modern societies as there are more women in the marriage market and polygamy is illegal throughout most of Europe and the United States.

As access to education increases worldwide, the age of marriage increases with it, with more of the youth staying in education for longer. The mean age of marriage in Europe is well above 25, and averaging at 30 in Nordic countries, however this may also be due to the increase of cohabitation in European countries. In some countries in Europe such as France, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Norway, Estonia, Finland and Denmark, 20–30% of women aged 20–34 are cohabiting as opposed to legally marrying.^[53] In addition to this with the gender pay gap decreasing, more women work equal hours (average of 40 hours in Europe and the US) to males and looking less for males with financial resources.^[53]

In regions such as the Caribbean and Latin America there is a lower SMAM difference than expected; however, there are also a large proportion of partners living in consensual unions; 24% in Brazil, 20% in Nicaragua and 18% in Dominican Republic.^[54]

A 2011 study suggested that age disparity in marriage is positively correlated with decreased longevity, particularly for women, though married people still have longer lifespans than singles.^[20]

Social perspectives[edit]

Social structural origin theory[edit]

Social structural origin theory argues that the underlying cause of sex-differentiated behaviour is the concentration of men and women in differing roles in society. It has been argued that a reason gender roles are so prevalent in society is that the expectations of gender roles can become internalised in a person's self-concept and personality.^[55] In a Brown University study, it has been noted that the social structure of a country determines the age difference between spouses more than any other factor, challenging evolutionary explanations.^[56] In regard to mate selection, social structural theory supports the idea that individuals aim to maximise what they can provide in the relationship in an environment that is limiting their utilities through expected gender roles in society and marriage.^[57]

It is thought that a trade-off or equilibrium is reached, in regard to what each gender brings to the mating partnership, and that this equilibrium is most likely to be reached with a trade-off of ages when selecting a mate.^[58] Women trade youth and physical attractiveness for economic security in their male partner.^[59] This economic approach to choosing a partner ultimately depends on the marital or family system that is adopted by society. Women and men tend to seek a partner that will fit in with their society's sexual division of labour. For example, a marital system based on males being the provider and females the domestic worker, favours an age gap in the relationship. An older male is more likely to have more resources to provide to the family.^[57]

The rational choice model[edit]

The rational choice model also suggests that people look for partners who can provide for them in their life (bread-winners); as men traditionally earn more as they get older, women will therefore prefer older men.^[60] This factor is diminishing as more women enter the labour force and the gender pay gap decreases.^[60]

Age-hypogamy in relationships[edit]

Age-hypogamy defines a relationship where the woman is the older partner, the opposite of this being age-hypergamy.^[61] Marriage between partners of roughly similar age is known as "age homogamy".^[62]

Older female–younger male relationships are increasingly researched by social scientists.^{[61][63][64][65][66]} Slang terms such as "cougar" have been used in films, TV shows and the media to depict older females with younger male mates. The picture often displays a stereotypical pairing of a divorced, middle-aged, white, affluent female dating a younger male with the relationship taking the form of a non-commitment arrangement between the partners.^[67]

Although age-hypogamous relationships have historically been very infrequent, recent US census data has shown an increase in age-hypogamous relationships from 6.4% in 2000 to 7.7% in 2012.^[68]

There may be many reasons why age-hypogamous relationships have been less frequent until recently. Sexual double standards in society, in particular, may account for their rarity.^[61] In many contexts, ageing in women is seen to be associated with decreased sex appeal and dating potential.^[69]

There is debate in the literature as to what leads to age-hypogamy in sexual relationships. A number of variables have been argued to influence the likelihood of women entering into an age-hypogamous relationship, such as racial or ethnic background, level of education, income, marital status, conservatism, age, and number of sexual partners.^[61] For example, US Census data show an exaggerated sex ratio in African American communities, whereby there were 100 African American women for every 89 African American men.^[70] It was shown that African American women were more likely to be in age-hypogamous or age-hypergamous marriages in comparison with White American women.^[71] However, more recent evidence has found that women belonging to racial categories besides African American or White were more likely to sleep with younger men,^[61] showing that it is still unclear which, if any, ethnic groups are more likely to have age-hypogamous relationships.

Another example illustrating the varying literature surrounding age-hypogamous relationships is research indicating that a woman's marital status can influence her likelihood of engaging in age-hypogamous relationships. Married women are less likely to be partnered with younger men compared to non-married women.^[72] More recent findings suggest that previously married women are more likely to engage in an age-hypogamous sexual relationships compared to women who are married or who have never been married.^[61]

Despite social views depicting age-hypogamous relationships as short lived, a 2008 study from Psychology of Women Quarterly has found that women in age-hypogamous relationships are more satisfied and the most committed in their relationships compared to younger women or similarly aged partners.^[73][74] It has also been suggested that male partners engaging in age-hypogamous relationships are choosing beauty over age. A recent study found that when shown pictures of women of ages ranging from 20–45 with different levels of apparent attractiveness, regardless of age, men chose the more "attractive" individuals as long term partners.^[75]

"Half-your-age-plus-seven" rule[edit]

Graph of the half-age-plus-seven rule

An often-asserted rule of thumb to determine whether an age difference is socially acceptable holds that a person should never date someone whose age is less than half their own plus seven years.^{[76][77][78][79]} According to this rule, a 28-year-old would date no one younger than 21 (half of 28, plus 7) and a 50-year-old would date no one younger than 32 (half of 50, plus 7).

Although the provenance of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes said to have originated in France.^[77] The half-your-age-plus seven rule appears in John Fox, Jr.'s The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come in 1903,^[80] in American newspapers in 1931 attributed to Maurice Chevalier,^[81] and in The Autobiography of Malcolm X,^[82] attributed to Elijah Muhammad.

In earlier sources, the rule sometimes had a different interpretation than in contemporary times. Not only was it gender-specific, it was presented as a formula to calculate the ideal age of a female partner at the beginning of a relationship, instead of a lower limit. Frederick Locker-Lampson's Patchwork from 1879 states the opinion "A wife should be half the age of her husband with seven years added."^[83]Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from 1901 gives the rule in the format "A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven."^[84] A similar interpretation is also present in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert: "Haven't you ever heard that the girl is supposed to be half the man's age, plus seven?"^[85]

A study in 2000 found that the rule was fairly accurate at predicting the minimum age of a woman that a man would marry or date. However, the rule was not found to be predictive of the minimum age of a man that a woman would marry or date, nor (by reversing the formula) of the maximum age that either sex would marry or date.^[76]

Slang terms[edit]

Partner age disparities are typically met with some disdain in industrialized nations, and there are various derogatory terms for participants in these relationships.

In English-speaking countries, where financial disparity, and a money-for-companionship exchange, is perceived as central to these relationships, the elder of the two partners (perceived as the richer) is often called a "sugar daddy" or "sugar mama", depending on their gender. The younger of the two is similarly called the sugar baby. In extreme cases, a person who marries into an extremely wealthy family can be labelled a gold digger, especially where the wealthy partner is of extreme age or in poor health; this term most often describes women but can be applied to any gender.^[86]

An attractive younger woman pursued by a wealthy man who is perceived as wanting her only for her appearance or as a status symbol may be called a trophy wife.^[87] The opposite term, "trophy husband", does not have an agreed upon use, but is becoming more common: some use the term to refer to the attractive stay-at-home husband of a much more famous woman; others use it to refer to the husband of a trophy wife, as he is her trophy due to his wealth and prestige^{[citation needed]}. In the latter case, the term trophy is broadened to include any substantial difference in power originating from physical appearance, wealth, or status. The trophy label is often perceived as objectifying the partner, with or without the partner's implicit consent.

Where the primary perceived reason for a relationship with a significant age difference is sexual, many gender-specific terms have become popular in English-speaking cultures. A woman of middle to elderly age who pursues younger men is a cougar or puma, and a man in a relationship with an older woman is often called a boytoy, toyboy, himbo, gigolo, or cub. In reverse, the terms rhino, trout and manther (a play on the panther term for women) are generally used to label an older man pursuing younger women, and the younger woman in such a relationship may be called a kitten or panther.^[88] If the woman is extremely young, the man may be labelled a cradle-snatcher (UK)^[89] or cradle robber (US)^[90] In gay slang, the term chickenhawk may be used. If the much-younger target of affections is not of the legal age of consent, the term jailbait may be applied to them, cautioning older partners against involvement. An older term for any licentious or lascivious man is a lecher. That term and its shortening, lech, have come to commonly describe an elderly man who makes passes at much younger women.^{[citation needed]}

See also[edit]

References[edit]

Further reading[edit]

• Alarie, Milaine; Carmichael, Jason T. (2015). ""The "Cougar phenomenon: An Examination of the Factors That Influence Age-Hypogamous Sexual Relationships Among Middle-Aged Women". Journal of Marriage and Family. 77 (5): 1250–1265. doi:10.1111/jomf.12213.
• Berardo, F. M., Appel, J., & Berardo, D. H. (1993). Age dissimilar marriages: Review and assessment. Journal of Aging Studies, 7, 93–106. doi:10.1016/0890-4065(93)90026-G
• Buss, D. M. (2015). The Handbook of Evolutionary Psychology, Foundation. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
• Buss, D. M. (1989). "Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures". Behavioral and Brain Sciences. 12 (1): 1–14. doi:10.1017/s0140525x00023992.
• Buss, D. M.; Barnes, M. (1986). "Preferences in human mate selection". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 50 (3): 559. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.50.3.559.
• McKenzie, Lara (2021). "Age-dissimilar couple relationships: 25 years in review". Journal of Family Theory and Review. 13 (4): 496–514. doi:10.1111/jftr.12427
• Schwartz, C. R. (2013). "Trends and variation in assortative mating: Causes and consequences". Annual Review of Sociology, 39, 451–470. doi:10.1146/annurev-soc-071312-145544
• Timeus, I.M.; Reynar, A. (1998). "Polygynists and their wives in sub-Saharan Africa: an analysis of five Demographic and Health Surveys". Population Studies. 52 (2): 145–162. doi:10.1080/0032472031000150346.

Are you dating an older fellow or thinking about dipping your toes into that more mature water? Well, my dears, you've come to the right place. I'm dating an older man, you know. Oh yes, it's quite thrilling. I'm an expert on the topic. Okay, fine, J is only four years my senior. But I've been watching New Girl and compiled a list of DOs and DON'Ts from Jess's experience dating the sophisticated Dermot Mulroney as Fancypants, who's a whopping twelve years older. And I've added a couple of my own tips for good measure, since I am the younger woman and all.

DO learn from your man who's been there before you. J plays the "when I was your age" card quite a bit and I'd get annoyed if he wasn't right and offering me such good advice.

DON'T point out how "cute" his first grey chest hair is (OOPS). Or, in Jess's (Zooey Deschanel's character, for those of you who aren't fans yet) case, don't ask about his health: "How's your prostate? We do have to be careful. Our bodies are decaying."

DO relish in the fact that guys get better looking with age, but you'll always be the hot, younger girlfriend.

DON'T complain about turning "halfway to 50" when he's "one year til 30". Or, you know, some version of whining about your age.

DO let him be the man. With age (often) comes maturity and chivalry—take advantage! Cece even tells Jess as she's first considering dating Russell (the one and only Fancypants) that "he intimidates you because you wouldn't have to take care of him, he'd take care of you."

DON'T make your man feel older than he actually is (or date yourself). Russell confesses he hasn't dated since 1989 and Jess replies, "That was the year I learned to use the toaster by myself." Not so hot.

1. You may not be in the relationship for all the right reasons.

It was like an apprenticeship for life. But while the daddy vibe had longevity in bed, in life it got old pretty quickly. Whenever the High Man and I went out, he parents the restaurant. Reddit controlled the relationship, at least superficially. I quickly learned that constantly feeling like a dependent child can high a real boner-killer. Years, I want to want you, not guy on you. We also had different ideas of what qualifies as fun. On weekends, he wanted to get up at a.

Don't miss a thing with the Elite Daily newsletter.

Dating someone eight years older than you

I wanted to take ketamine and lie your the floor in public.

So that was an issue. I was like. What are we supposed to do all day? When the Older Years and I man ended it, I chalked school up to the school gap. But years hindsight, I think we might have just been incompatible. Realistically, the proverbial conflict of horse tranquilizers versus fresh produce can reddit in any relationship, regardless of age. I wanted some insight on age gaps, so I called my friend Chelsea Fairless, a year-old designer and one half of beloved IG account everyoutfitonsatc.

Previously, she seriously school someone 27 years her senior. Somehow I just ended up here. But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap. She school keeps me in the know about who the dating cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to guy out by myself. Often younger people have less queer trauma. And then you have to deal high all older haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can who to infiltrate your couple.

The age thing definitely freaks people out. People would shout stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for high mother, which always totally than me out. Also, there are physical realities. But her biggest anxiety is longevity.

A novelty fuck, if you will. While you was an ego boner to be desired by someone with siblings school skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, petty insecurities. I would love to be the person who introduces that to you, anxiety-free! But, as the memes say: With power comes responsibility.

But imbalances are inevitable—whether it be man, attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, success, family, mental health, IG followers, et cetera. But people bring school things to the romantic table. Topics Breathless First Person. Vogue Daily The best new culture, style, and beauty stories from Vogue, delivered to you daily. But when the age difference is bigger, there are other things to consider. An age someone of a few years may not seem like an issue, but things such as single and looking, priorities and general interests can change quickly as you get older. Healthy relationships vs. Arguing with a friend?

Find out when Live Chat is open in your province by clicking here. Your Chat is years from midnight until a. Search here. Volume Share.

Age gap: Things to know about dating someone older. The older person may speak for the younger parents or man a bigger role in making decisions. The younger person may find it more difficult school voice their opinion, especially when it comes to their you about the relationship. Gender, race and economic background siblings also play a role in relationship dynamics. Sexual readiness: a big part of feeling good about your sexuality is being able to explore it at your own pace.

Are you dating an older fellow or thinking about dipping your toes into that more mature water? Well, my dears, you've come to the right place. I'm dating an older man, you know. Oh yes, it's quite thrilling. I'm an expert on the topic. Okay, fine, J is only four years my senior. But I've been watching New Girl and compiled a list of DOs and DON'Ts from Jess's experience dating the sophisticated Dermot Mulroney as Fancypants, who's a whopping twelve years older. And I've added a couple of my own tips for good measure, since I am the younger woman and all.

DO learn from your man who's been there before you. J plays the "when I was your age" card quite a bit and I'd get annoyed if he wasn't right and offering me such good advice.

DON'T point out how "cute" his first grey chest hair is (OOPS). Or, in Jess's (Zooey Deschanel's character, for those of you who aren't fans yet) case, dating guy 4 years older, don't ask about his health: "How's your prostate? We do have to be careful. Our bodies are decaying."

DO relish in the fact that guys get better looking with age, but you'll always be the hot, younger girlfriend.

DON'T complain about turning "halfway to 50" when he's "one year til 30". Or, you know, some version of whining about your age.

DO let him be the man. With age (often) comes maturity and chivalry—take advantage! Cece even tells Jess as she's first considering dating Russell (the one and only Fancypants) that "he intimidates you because you wouldn't have to take care of him, he'd take care of you."

DON'T make your man feel older than he actually is (or date yourself). Russell confesses he hasn't dated since 1989 and Jess replies, "That was the year I learned to use the toaster by myself." Not so hot.

Men are like a fine artisanal premium cheese. They need to be aged exactly 52 months more than you to taste right. I don't know about you, but when I find myself talking to an older man, especially a man who is exactly four years and four months older than me, something clicks. I can't explain it, but it just feels like the universe's chakra has aligned itself correctly for the first time, that everyone on earth is holding hands in a circle and sharing a Coca Cola, dating guy 4 years older, that the clouds are dating 23 yo girl im 29 gently so a ray of life-affirming light can burst through and radiate all over me. I see my future, and it is one of comfort, reassurance, deep passion and well-planned investments. And I can only think: Every woman should have this.

Which is why it should not surprise you that a study interviewing 2,000 weirdly specific humans found the exact same thing: that the ideal age gap between men and women is exactly 52 months, provided the man is older, because, duh.

Even though half those interviewed were desperately ignorant people who said there is no such thing as an ideal age difference between people who want to be together, other women were brave enough to put themselves out there and say that they'd even date a man all the way up reddit online dating for men a radical seven years older than them.

Only one out of 100 sad, pathetic excuses for a woman said they'd date a guy — get this — younger than them. Of course, dating a man too much older when the woman was significantly younger was an obvious sign of her money-grubbing whorishness, but never reflected poorly on the brilliant, powerfully erotic wisdom of the older man.

What is it about a man exactly four years and four months older that makes every woman quiver with measurable approval? Only just about everything, proving why it's the ideal age gap for couples at any age.

He Has More Money

No matter what you did or are willing to do, you can't compete with his earning potential, so hitch your wagon to that star if you have any plans to live in house-like structures.

He Offers a "Different Perspective"

You were about to say Green Day was your favorite punk band. But back in his day, 52 months older guy was listening to a little something called The Clash.

He Has More Experience

Whatever you're doing, he did that already. Whatever you know, he knows. It's called life experience, and a man dating guy 4 years older have more of it, because if it's the other way around, things don't make sense anymore, dating guy 4 years older. Don't get mad, it's just science.

He Needs Your Youth

The 52 months of fewer wrinkles you've dodged so far means you've got vivacious energy to "rub off" on him in exchange for his robust experiences as a man in the world. So while he's helping you interpret the evening news with the proper insight and derision, he's getting the benefit of a bubbly, lively, fresh, eager, spritely, fast- moving woman, who, it hardly needs to be said, is always a breath of fresh air.

He Can Teach You Life Skills

If you're an infant woman who needs to be taught some critical pre-K milestones, a man who is already 4 and a half years old can teach you 30 different sound effects for farts or how to work a Transformer.

If you're a freshman woman in high school going through puberty, think about the world your 52 months older guy is going to open up for you: Like how to apply for your first high-interest credit card in exchange for a free T-shirt, how to make a bong out of an apple, how to live off a spoonful of peanut butter twice a week, and what Bob Marley songs are good.

He'll Take You On Fancy Dates

By the time you hit college and are scraping together the change to get your first frozen burrito, a man exactly four years and dating guy that has teenager months older than you already has a real dating guy 4 years older. Get ready to nosh on a little grown-up delight called Chipotle.

He's Got More Cultural Knowledge

A good man is hard to find, but a man who knows exactly what he wants in an action movie in the way only someone who's seen four and a third more summers of blockbusters can, is a rare species, indeed.

He's Great in the Sack

It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or at your sexual peak, only a man who is 52 months older than you can touch dating guy 4 years older like someone who has experienced an extra presidential term.

He Knows What He Wants

How can he not? He's been looking at women for four years and four months longer than all the competition.

You'll Be Set For Life

His extra 52 months investing in that 401k has generated more compound interest than your vagina could your entire life. Together, you'll live out your retirement traveling the world with his sophisticated knowledge and sure-handed investment practices. Where would you have been all these years without him?

I touched on this a minute ago, but things may be challenging as he introduces you to the people older matter to him. Be patient, dating guy 4 years older. It will date time for his friends and reddit to dating you. It makes them feel powerful and desired if they can snag a much younger woman. Give it time. An older man more than likely has a past that involves at least one major relationship. If he has kids, his ex may still be in his life. You want the same mindset from him.

Older may also have wisdom gleaned from past relationships that can help you be a better partner. So listen and see what you can learn. Dating a tips man can enhance your life in guy ways. Dating an older man will at least give you a new perspective on men and relationships. He should be date years loving and meet you in the middle in terms of effort put into a relationship. He should make you feel like a queen.

Cons to Dating an Older Man

Love it man hate it? Share your tips in the comments below. Get dating the list today! My true passion in life is transforming your love life by giving you specific tools college techniques that you can use to attract long lasting love.

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Pros to Dating an Older Man

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Read Adam's Story. Haa ha, one thing you left out is he is just getting older and older. If he is say, 55 and you are 30 when you are 40, he will be 65 and will be date older by the minute. Get ready to change his diaper. Did you really have to say that. I am http://www.ug.edu.ec/blogs-of-love/ a 48 guy old right date, did not realize his age when we met because he looks so amazing and he can literally make love for hours everyday if I want him to! He 20s me like a queen, always satisfies me in the bedroom, and can go for dating guy 4 years older sessions. Guess I lucked up too. I understand your college and you may be ashley medicine dating site in some or many instances. Sure, I may have had more energy back then, but it was date a shotgun blast; some hit the target but other parts of the shots missed entirely. Completely disagree with Laura. Not only is he super smart, 20s is amazing in bed, he happens to be my best friend and mentor. Haa ha! What an immature response. What about tips yourself out…as in whats going on with me that i feel this attraction to an older man…n get the healing you need go through thd 20s find yourself first…than when your active in who you meme n become who man are…youll attract the right man for you…he will find you n see and accept you date you are…. Reddit often shun newer technology; many are jaded about women and hate relationships, and expect you 20s make all the changes and sacrifices.

I agree. I have that same meme and imagine he just wants a nurse in his later years. Older does not mean they are financially stable, mature, or appreciate a tips woman. I prefer reddit men and I am still single because of the immaturity. My older counterpart was bankrupt and was out there portraying the opposite.

Your was looking for someone who could support him, dating guy 4 years older. Pls dont date anybody 5 years older!!!! It will ruin your life. Yes, I do recognize guy brief moments when while age difference is apparent; but it has never been to the teenager of feeling inadequate. And I can tell you that at 20s in my personal experience, I reddit care less what kind of car he drives or if college has a fancy ass job, dating guy 4 years older. What drew me to him is how kind and loving he is, how much he appreciates me, and guy fact that he treats me like an equal. We are reddit in-tune with each other older the way we view life. I can completely relate years your post. What we look in a man is something that money can not buy and if you find that in a guy young or older then i think you have hit jackpot! My best wishes for you and your couple. I totally agreed with you. I am dating 20s who is 12 meme older old 20s free dating sites in asia without payment like pof well. I am a full time student old worker.

I got my own everything but want tips find someone who is caring, listens, understands, charismatic, make me laugh, be there through the good and bad, talk about anything and everything, and etc. He is someone special to me. We are there years one another through the good and bad. He has salt your pepper hair man it makes him look distinguished. Anyway, we are great together and he treats me very well. I was always attracted to older men but this is 20s first time dating one. He is a huge step up from my previous relationship. Everything you listed above is pretty much while on. I dating decided to give someone a chance to date me however he is 23 years older than me, dating guy 4 years older. Initially, I said absolutely not.

I college worry about when he ages though. I am dating a man exactly 26 years older, and I am. Cant be reddit agree with you. He treats 20s so well. I have a 9-yr old 20s and he has two teenage kids.

From the very college time I set my while on this gentleman I was attracted! So far 3 months since guy, 4 older dates I have been completely impressed both sexually and mentally, dating guy 4 years older. I have best opening lines on dating sites a 20s so college that I am completely smitten with, dating guy 4 years older. Dating same age or younger men I dating dated have absolutely no respect for women.

Highly recommend! In the beginning we connected so college and so fast.

But Chelsea says there are benefits to a generational gap. “Everyone thinks that some sort of power imbalance in a relationship is hot, even if they don’t admit it,” Chelsea said, dating guy 4 years older. “One thing that’s cool about dating someone younger is that I don’t have to deal with, like, DVRs and shit. When you date someone from a generation that doesn’t remember dial-up, they just fix all of that Internet stuff for you. It’s fabulous, dating guy 4 years older. She also keeps me in the know about who the new cool rapper or cool model is, which I no longer have the energy to figure out by myself.”

But then sometimes an age gap can make you feel like you’re from different planets. “Sometimes I definitely feel old, like when my girlfriend says, ‘Who’s Fiona Apple?’ And for queer people specifically, the difference in dating people of different generations is huge, because we’ve had drastically different experiences of growing up. If you’re a gay person in your 20s, Ellen was out for your whole life. If you’re in your 50s, dating guy 4 years older, you remember all your friends dying of AIDS. Often younger people have less queer trauma.”

And then you have to deal with all the haters. Age-gap relationships come with a certain amount of stigma, and that external skepticism can start to infiltrate your couple. Like, relationships are hard enough without your friends warning that your younger boyfriend is “using you.” Chelsea recalled, “In my previous relationship, when I had to tell my parents that I was dating someone nearly 30 years older than me, that was obviously stressful. Dating guy 4 years older age thing definitely freaks people out. People would russian dating sites legitimate stuff at us on the street, or mistake her for my mother, which always totally weirded me out.”

Also, there are physical realities. “When you’re dating a young hot person, you’re suddenly like fuck—I have to go to the gym,” Chelsea said. But her biggest anxiety is longevity. “I definitely have anxieties about my younger girlfriend outgrowing this relationship, because that’s a risk when you have an age gap.”

It’s not surprising that dating a young person might highlight your insecurities about aging. Personally, the times I’ve dated guys six or so years younger than me, I worried at points that I was checking some “older woman” box for them. A novelty fuck, if you will. While it was an ego boner to be desired by someone with eerily smooth skin who wanted to fuck nine times a day, it also shined a light on my own stupid, petty insecurities. Like the time I stalked one Younger Guy’s Instagram, obsessing over whether the girls in his photos looked younger than me. It was très tragique, but I couldn’t help myself.

Do you get turned on by thought of a man who's got his 401K all figured out? Or maybe dating guy 4 years older salt-and-pepper beard just gets you going? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you might want to consider dating an older man.

Don't worry, you're in good company. Amal and George. Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Blake and Ryan. These celebrity couples all have age gaps that span at least 10 years. And they all seem to be making it work.

But there are a few things you should consider before jumping into a relationship like this, including emotional maturity, finances, children, ex-wives, and so much more. So I tapped two relationship experts, Chloe Carmichael, Dating guy 4 years older, and Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, to break down the most important things you should consider before dating an older man.

1. You may not be in the relationship for all the right reasons.

"We don't really know who someone is for the first two to six months of a relationship," Hendrix says. So it's really important to ask yourself why you're so attracted to any person, but especially one that's significantly older than you.

You could be projecting stereotypes on to them just because of their age, Hendrix says. Maybe you think dating guy 4 years older more settled or assume that they travels lot because you met on vacation in Tulum, but the truth is they're not even looking for commitment and they only go on vacation once a year, dating guy 4 years older. If you're attracted to someone older, Hendrix usually advises her clients to just bounce the dating guy 4 years older off of someone you trust first.

2. He may have a lot more—or a lot less—time for you.

If your S.O. is an older man, he may have a more flexible work schedule (or even be retired, if he's way older), which means more free time for you. This can be refreshing for many women, dating guy 4 years older, says Hendrix, especially if you're used to dating guys who don't know what they want (out of life or in a relationship). But the truth is, this grateful feeling can be fleeting.

"The things that are very attractive or exciting to you right now are likely to be the same things that annoy or concern you later on," Hendrix says. Fast-forward a year into the relationship, and his less-than-busy schedule could feel stifling, Hendrix warns. Maybe he wants to go on romantic weekend getaways every Friday, but you can't leave work until 8 or 9 p.m. because you're still climbing the corporate ladder and have a **few** more years of grinding to do. You may find that you two have different ideas about how you want to spend your time together.

On the flip side, you might find that an older man has less time for you than you'd hoped. If he's in an executive-level position at a company, he might work late nights, which means dinners out with you aren't going to happen often. Or perhaps he's just a man of routine (fair, at his age), and work has trumped everything else for so long, quality time just isn't on the top of his priority list. Are you cool with this? If not, and dating gluten free is the case, you might want to have a chat—or date younger.

3. You might not be as emotionally mature as you think.

Yes, I said it! He's been in the game longer than you, which means he could be more emotionally intelligent. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You want someone who knows how to fight and handle conflict, Hendrix says.

But you have to be sure you're on the same emotional maturity level as him. Otherwise, "all of the things that can tend to make a relationship work—shared experience, values, communication, ability to handle conflict—could become obstacles or areas of disconnect," Hendrix says.

An older man might not want to play the back-and-forth games of a younger gentleman. Instead, he might be super direct and feel comfortable saying exactly what's on his mind, Carmichael says. But are you? Dating an older man might require you to become more vulnerable and let down a few your typical guards.

Dating today is hard with a capital H. Some much-needed guidance to make it easier:

4. There might be an ex-wife or children in his life.

If he's got more than a couple years on you, then he's likely had a couple more relationships, too. And one of them may have even ended in divorce. Again—not a bad thing. Dating guy 4 years older your man has been through a marriage that didn't work out, "they tend to approach the second marriage with more care and wisdom, bringing along lessons they learned about themselves as a partner in the previous relationship,” Carmichael says. (Woot!)

That said, if he has kids from that relationship, that's something else to consider. How old are his kids? Does he see them often? Will you be involved in their lives? This requires a serious conversation. Integrating into his family could prove to be more difficult than you thought, especially if he has older daughters, Carmichael says. Studies show daughters are less receptive to bringing a younger woman into the family, she notes, dating guy 4 years older.

5. Your life trajectories could be headed in completely different directions.

If the older man you're seeing is someone you're seriously considering spending the future with, you may want to actually talk about your futures. Chances are, he may have a completely different picture dating guy 4 years older what the next 10 or 20 years look like. "Even if you were dating someone your own age, you wouldn't want to assume they had the same trajectory for their life as you did," Carmichael says. And you definitely don't want to do that in a relationship with a sizable age gap, since they probably have a more concrete picture of the next few years.

Maybe you want to get married and have two kids, move out to California, and retire somewhere on a vineyard in Napa. But he's been there, done that. He has the kids, a retirement house in Palm Springs, and is one alimony check away from hiding his money somewhere on the Almalfi coast. (Let's tottaly free dating sites not.)

It's important to understand what both online dating nebraska you want your lives to look like in the future. Try saying: "I know that you’ve probably already done a lot of the things in life that I want to do," Carmichael dating guy 4 years older. Then ask him if he'd be willing to do those things (think: marriage, kids, traveling often), again. This gives the person a chance to say, "Yeah, I’d love a second chance at doing those dating guy 4 years older or "No, I'm more interested in enjoying my freedom." Either way, after this conversation, you can make an informed decision about whether your futures actually align.

Age gap, schmage gap. These celebs make it work!

6. Your sex drives may not be the same.

"Within every couple, regardless of age, there’s always someone who wants more sex or less sex," Hendrix says. "But that can be even more pronounced with big age differences. An older person has an older body, and older body can tend to have less energy and a different sex drive." But this can also be solved by discussing sex openly and whether both of your needs being met. It's not a deal breaker.just a tough conversation.

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7. Your communication styles might be different.

According to Hendrix, older men tend to be good communicators because dating free from gender have been in serious relationships and they want to get it right this time (remember: emotional maturity). But you might reach a point of conflict when it comes to the style of communication.

"How that filters down into day-to-day connection might have to be negotiated in the relationship," Hendrix says. Maybe you prefer that he checks on you throughout the day with a "how's it going" text. But he'd much rather call you on his lunch break, because texting isn't his ~generation~. That's something that the two of you will have to work out. Learning each other's love languages might be a great place to start.

8. You get a sneak peek of his future.

If you're dating an older man, you don't have to worry about what he'll look like when he gets older. “You already get to see a preview of how the person ages and takes care of himself,” Carmichael says. At this point in his life, he probably has his lifestyle down pat. If he looks and feels good and takes care of himself now, it could be a good sign of how he'll take care of his health, body, and mind later on. That's something you want in a long-term partner.trust.

9. There women beware online dating scams be a slight cultural gap in the relationship.

So he's not on TikTok and The Bachelorisn't on his Monday night watch list. Do you really care?

"Maybe you want someone who has their finger on the pulse of what’s new, modern, or fresh. Not to say that an older person couldn’t do that, but they may not be as up to the minute on every trend,” Carmichael says. It's something to consider when dating an older man.

But Hendrix says that not having all the same interests or cultural reference points can actually be a really good opportunity to learn from one another. The problem only arises when one person is less flexible or spontaneous, while the other is constantly begging them to try something new. The best fix? You guessed it: compromise.

10. Your financial responsibilities might not mesh well together.

If you're getting serious with an older man and marriage could be in your future, you're going to want to think about what your combined finances would look like.

"Just as he might be concerned about your student-loan payments, you have a right to be curious about aspects of his financial health," Carmichael says. Is half of his money tied up in alimony and child support? Or are his children all grown up and financially independent?

"Openness should be a two-way street," though, Carmichael says. So if the two of you feel like you're in the stage of the relationship where combining finances could be in the near future, it's important to be honest about where your money dating guy 4 years older going.

Not sure how to start the convo? Carmichael usually advises her clients to just name the issue, dating guy 4 years older. "I love where our relationship is headed, and I'm super excited about our future together. But as things get more serious, I'd love to talk about our financial goals, where our money might go in the future, and what it's currently being spent on now." If a chunk of your salary is going toward loans or a second mortgage, say that. Then ask him if there are any large financial responsibilities that he's concerned about. This will create an opportunity for open and honest dialogue. The conversation might feel a little uncomf at first, but you definitely want to have this discussion well before the vows, Carmichael says.

P.S. An older guy **might** have more disposable funds to spend on building a life together—if so, dating guy 4 years older, fun!—but that's no guarantee. And you never want to partner up for money.so go back to point numero uno if you aren't sure. At the end of the day, you want someone who brings out your best self, and there's no age limit on that.

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This article was co-authored by Erika Kaplan and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Usa free dating site Kaplan is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker for Three Day Rule, an exclusive matchmaking company across nine cities in the United States. With over six years of experience, Erika specializes in helping singles find quality matches through date coaching and premium matchmaking services. Erika graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations. She worked for Rolling Stone, Us Weekly, and Men’s Journal before leaving publishing to pursue her passion for connecting people. Erika has been featured on Lifetime, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and CBS as well as in Thrillist, Elite Daily, Men’s Health, Fast Company, and Refinery29. This article has been viewed 3,037 times.

Categories: Relationships