Let’s be honest, when it comes to dating, we live in a lawless era where love is love and (almost) anything goes. We are seeing large age gaps in the dating pool and not just the typical old-man-younger-woman narrative. For example, a 2003 AARP studyreported that 34 percent of women over 39 years old were dating younger men. Add in the popularization of divorce over the last 50 years and the introduction of dating apps and matters of love, sex, and how we connect are utterly transformed. Love is a melting pot. And if age ain’t nothing but a number (RIP Aaliyah), how are we to navigate what is appropriate (or not) when it comes to finding a partner?

I find it refreshing that society has begun to validate the simple fact that relationships (no matter how short or long) can still be meaningful. As our culture continues to redefine itself, the narrative of “you only get one love” is being rewritten. Permanence is replaced with living in the present (a mindful act) and appreciating things for what they are now. They say nothing lasts forever, and while I do see long-term, committed, monogamous relationships (which is amazing!), I also see dating after divorce and other alternative situations. Apps and websites have been a major catalyst in the dating community, and the doors have opened for all demographics. No wonder the dating age range has gotten so wide! It is an exciting time for experimenting with your love life.

Dating Age Rule

The dating age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half your age plus seven (40 = 20 +7 = 27) to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60) to define the maximum age of a partner. Generally, I feel like 10-20 years junior or senior is considered “appropriate” by our society’s standards. If Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher can get together (they started dating when she was 41 and he was 25) and movies like “Call Me By Your Name” are nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, surely the taboo of having more than a seven-year age gap has gone out the window. But just because you like them does not always mean society will view your relationship in the same positive light — and this is something to prepare for. Unfortunately, even though we are progressing as a society, there are still people who are judgemental when it comes to obvious age differences in dating. Pete Davidson, 25, and Kate Beckingsale, 45, are the newest couple to experience this, with Davidson defending their relationship on Saturday Night Live by providing a laundry list of famous couples to come before them.

But, are we all experimenting with people outside our immediate age bracket? I asked my peers if they had ever been in a relationship with a significant age difference (for reference I defined significant as 10 years), and I was surprised to find that every friend I asked and some of my Twitter followers said they had.

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

“[He was] 11 years older than me and I really wanted to be a lot more into him than I was. I liked the idea of us more than I liked him. I cried both times I ended it.”
“He was a bigger baby than me.”
“I was 24, she was 47 and she taught me patience and how to listen to others. She was important, and I am grateful for the time spent.”
“10-year age gap, pretty sure it makes no difference.”
“Yes. 15-year age gap. 40 years old. He became insecure and jealous. He didn’t have his life together and since he was a Marine and went through a divorce, he was cut off from his emotions. I had to dig him out of the MGTOW [men going their own way] mindset, but he was so far gone it eventually drove me away.”
“I dated a guy 15 years senior. It was a very positive experience and he set the bar with future relationships and taught me what relationships should actually be like. The only problem was that he didn’t want kids.”
“I’m dating someone 23 years older than me, and I think it works out because he’s down to explore the millennial culture and I’m somewhat familiar with the things he grew up with. The sex is amazing because he’s had practice and I’m curious/open. It’s a good balance.”
“11- year gap. For three years it was healthy, faithful, and hardest when I began outgrowing him.”
“My partner and I are 22 years apart. We have a fantastic relationship. The dynamic is dynamic. The love tank is full. Every day is brilliant.”

The last response really stood out to me, dynamic being the keyword here. There will always be ups and downs in a relationship, but when there is a significant age gap, this aspect can be amplified. If you have the awareness, romantic connection, and emotional maturity to navigate the obstacles life throws at you, does it really matter how old your partner is? A lot of peers spoke of exchanging knowledge and/or life experience with their partners — almost an overarching theme of a mentor/mentee relationship.

Age is Just a Number

When I was 23, I began dating a man who was 17 years my senior (40), and I found myself relating to this mentor/mentee dynamic. But the roles switched between us, which helped keep the dynamic exciting. My partner shared a lot of personal insight with me, which he gained through experiences before we met. He taught me about life and exposed me to stimulating situations I would not have been able to experience alone (at the time). In return, I inspired him to think outside the box, softened his edges, and appreciated his giving nature. We traveled together, discussed music, art and film, and supported each other’s careers, just like I would with a partner my own age. We truly celebrated each other for exactly who we were, and that was very special to me.

That being said, one major difficulty of having a large difference in age is making sure the morals, values, and life goals of both people are synced. Do you both want a family? Do you both respect each other’s careers? “Mothering” a partner, regardless of who is older or younger, can manifest into a power struggle later on. This attitude in a relationship usually contributes to codependency and controlling behaviors (not cute!). These are major no-nos when your goal is to have a healthy relationship. Regardless of what stage of life you are in, if you and your partner agree on the important things, there is nothing you can’t work through.

Another concerning topic that has come up in my research is people feeling fetishized by their partners. A friend of mine felt her partner was objectifying her due to her young age. In her words: “I’m not your Lolita to manipulate.” This is an extreme example, but I am grateful she brought it up. If you ever find yourself in a relationship where you feel made into a sex object by your partner due to your age, race, gender or sexuality, please identify this as a major red flag and reconsider the future of the relationship. Every person deserves to be respected and appreciated by their partner, not viewed as an object or prize. It is important to like the person you are dating, not just the idea of them.

Does an Age Gap Matter in a Relationship?

Knowing of all of this, how much does an age gap actually matter in a relationship? If you’ve found someone you want to be with, maybe keep the following in the mind before jumping the gun:

Exes and children

Ex-spouses and children can also affect the dynamic of the relationship. Ex-spouses may have a condescending approach that dating a younger person may just be a fling. And if you are dating someone who is close to your child’s age, realize it might make your offspring uncomfortable. In this situation it is important to treat your partner and your child with distinguishable differences, establishing boundaries, and protecting each relationship role. Keep an open mind and be open to discussing the relationship with the people you care about.  Remember why you are invested in your partner, what you like about them, and how they make you happy. Be sure to communicate this to your partner and your respective audience (i.e.kids, family members, etc.). The confidence this creates will serve as protection under lingering eyes in public arenas.

Resiliency

Once you’ve covered any issues that might pop up between you and your partner, then you’re ready to deal with other people! Research has found that couples with large age gaps often encounter negative bias from strangers, so make sure you’re prepared for a few strong looks.

At the end of the day, the only people that matter in your relationship are you and your partner. Your business is your own. How you both choose to conquer these obstacles will determine the outcome of your relationship. Keep your love tank full! When you truly connect with someone, nothing should stand in the way of nurturing that — all the rules that once defined dating are out the window.

I opened the door to stare into a visage nearly as lined as my own. My own smile froze. I then noticed we were also wearing similar outfits. Five minutes into some rather awkward small talk in the living room, I realised that we were reading the same book and had just been to the same exhibition. I seemed to have much more in common with her than my son.

I also admitted that I was going for gold in the Hypocrisy Olympics as the Grand Canyon between my beliefs and my behaviour yawned before me. You see, I feel about ageism the way all feminists do — it’s an inexcusable reflection on the double standards of our sexist society… Unless it’s an older woman dating my son and then I’m like: “Call the police!”

As I watched them canoodling on the couch I retreated to the kitchen with my sister, who’d just popped in. “Is this even legal?” I whispered to her in dismay.

Donald Trump faces backlash over 'creepy' remark to Brigitte Macron

My sister was finding the situation hilarious. “Look how happy they are. Your son’s the wind beneath her bingo wings!” she enthused. “Maybe all middle-aged women should just follow suit and date younger blokes?”

“He’s not ‘dating’. He’s joined the National Trust! I mean, compared to him, that woman is a crumbling edifice,” I retorted.

“She just wants to feel young again,” my sister shrugged. “Clearly you’re only as young as the man you feel.”

To my mind, if this 48-year-old wanted to feel younger, why didn’t she try a makeover or bikram planking or yogalates instead of having an inappropriate relationship with a boy nearly half her age.

But once I’d calmed down and thought it through I realised that if Brigitte Macron was asked if she’d be happier with a man her own age, she’d probably decline on the grounds that she doesn’t really crave a life of carpet slippers and watching TV instead of talking.

The trouble is, we live in a facially prejudiced and ageist society. Think about it. Do you judge a woman on her looks? Do you prefer Botox to reading between a woman’s lines? If you’re a bloke, then the answer is probably yes.

A report in the papers last week revealed that three-quarters of British men think they’ve got better looking as they’ve got older. But while men are happy to embrace “silver fox” status, women the same age are branded “hags”, “old bags” and “past it”. You think I’m exaggerating? Well, have you ever heard a bloke described as “mutton dressed as ram”? Exactly. So, it’s no wonder ageing to women is like kryptonite to superman. Show me a woman who is happy with her age and I’ll show you the electro-convulsive therapy scorch marks.

Men date women half their age and nobody raises a judgmental brow. Hollywood’s leading men constantly co-star with females young enough to be their daughters. When Bill Murray, then 53, starred in Lost in Translation with the nubile Scarlett Johansson, I wasn’t sure if he was going to date her or adopt her. In The Horse Whisperer, Robert Redford was 62 when he fell in lust with 34-year-old Kristin Scott Thomas. For 62-year-old Jack Nicholson, things really were As Good As It Gets when he won the heart of Helen Hunt, aged 34. And somewhere right now, Woody Allen’s next co-star is probably being potty trained.

But turn the sexist tables and the Tube announcement “mind the gap” takes on a whole new, condemnatory meaning. Just look at the flak directed at Macron for marrying a woman 24 years his senior. Donald Trump is 24 years older than Melania but their age difference rarely rates a mention. Nor is the world exercised by Rupert Murdoch’s 25-year age gap with Jerry Hall. (Marrying an older man does put so much less pressure on the “till death do us part” clause though).

But the vitriol surrounding Macron and Brigitte’s union has been vicious. Media pundits have described her as a “cradle snatcher” and a “dirty old woman”.

My girlfriends and I are peeved on Brigitte’s behalf. Why can’t women of a “certain age” fall head-over-orthopaedic-heels in love with a younger fella? I want to rewrite The Graduate and make sure Mrs Robinson gets to keep her college boy.

After all, we mature females have biology in our favour — the male of the species hits his sexual prime in his late teens; a woman in her late forties. You don’t have to be Einstein to do the math. Let me put it this way, 19 goes into 50 a hell of a lot more than 50 goes into 19. Yes, a toy boy’s vocabulary may be small, but who cares when he ends every sentence with a proposition?

Yep. As Madonna, Sam Taylor-Johnson, Demi Moore, Vivienne Westwood, Susan Sarandon, Joan Collins, Kate Winslet and Kate Beckinsale etc have discovered, a younger man with an older woman makes perfect sense. Not only do older women know their way around the wine list and pay for dinner but, most important of all, they don’t want any more progeny.

Older women can appreciate a younger man’s ingénue charms and he can enjoy her at her most ripe. I’ve never understood why men like their wine old but their women young. Fine wine takes many years to mature, so just think of women my age as a Pétrus ’82.

The woman my 25-year-old son brought home may have been 48, but she was also young at heart, attractive and intelligent. But sadly, just when I’d warmed to the idea of their union, their HMS Relationship got a touch of the Titanics and hit the rocks.

But the experience did give me a brainwave. My lovely son Jules is on the autistic spectrum, which means girls his own age can sometimes find him too quirky, while older women have always been drawn to his wit and warmth. And for Jules, if a woman is witty and warm, age has always been irrelevant. As young autistic males tend not to be facially prejudiced and older, wiser females can think outside the neurotypical box, why not put them together?

The most sexually voracious types I know are fiftysomething, divorced, HRT-patched women chewing holes in the furniture with sexual frustration and desperately desirous for a last hormonal hurrah and young autistic boys, priapic because they can’t get a date with girls their own age. So why not match-make them on an app called perhaps Tinder-ism, or Au-Tinder… Or what about Square Pegs for Round Holes?

I’m just off now to write my app pitch to Mark Zuckerberg because the truth is, age really isn’t important — not unless you’re a Stilton cheese or a grapevine. I’ve known some dour women in their twenties who are a chore and a bore to be with, and I’ve known men in their sixties and seventies who are playful, mischievous and the most riveting company. So the truth of the ageing matter is this — ageing really is a case of mind over matter — if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.

Kathy Lette’s latest novel, Best Laid Plans, a dark comedy about dating, is published by Bantam, £8.99. Follow her on Twitter @KathyLette

We’ve all heard the sobering statistics: given a choice, straight men of all ages would rather date women in their twenties. Women, on the other hand, prefer guys closer to their own age. In September, a study of 12,000 Finns reaffirmed what prior research had already established.

But there’s something fishy about all that data. If dudes were really so set on their caveman-era mating habits, wouldn’t we see more single ladies over 30 home knitting tea cozies on Friday nights? (Then again, just because a guy wants to date a younger girl, doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to date him!)

As a woman over 30, I decided to try to get to the bottom of this conundrum by asking a series of straight, unmarried men in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s to find out why some actually prefer to date “older” women. Turns out, there’s lots to love about women of a certain age.

Men in their 20s date women over 30 because:

“They understand better how to interact in a relationship.”
— José Fernández, 24 (single)

“I appreciate the grace and expression of slightly older women. Certain facial features, like smile lines, can be charming.”
— Niv, 25 (single)

“They know what they want. There is more of an end game. So if you meet their criteria, they’re good.”
— Billy, 27 (has a girlfriend)

“I think women in their 30s are in their prime. Sexual maturity, the way that they carry themselves — for me something about it screams woman.”
— Alex Sanza, 28 (single)

“They are more stable.”
— Solomon, 29 (just started seeing someone over 30)

While men in their 30s say:

“Generally more expert at the multisensory/theatrical aspects of the whole dance.”
— Anonymous, 30 (single)

“Much better sex”
— Anonymous, 32 (actively dating)

“When I was in my 20s, I was drawn to older women because it gave me a certain level of confidence because she was established. She’s not as needy.”
­— Peter Bailey, 34 (“not married”)

“More nurturing.”
— Percy Baldonado, 38 (single)

Men in their 40s add:

“Women over 30 have stopped putting metal through their lips and tongues which makes it easier to kiss them. And they’ve figured out their makeup routine so they won’t keep you waiting as long when you’re trying to get to an event.”
— Anonymous, 49 (seeing someone)

“Age has never really played a role in who I date … I have dated my own age, younger than me, and older. What it comes down to is, I like this girl, she’s cute, and I’d like to see her again.”
— Chris Dinneen, 41 (in a relationship)

“I always liked somewhat older women for their maturity, self confidence and poise, finding those qualities quite attractive and usually absent in younger girls.”
— Daren, 45 (in a long-term relationship)

And men in their 50s prefer women over 30 because:

“We have similar life experiences and similar pop culture references. It’s a little more comfortable.”
— David, 50 (seeing someone, not exclusive)

“Given that I’m 52, I can’t really relate to dating someone in her 20s — too much of an age difference.”
— Patrick, 52 (single)

Contact us at letters@time.com.

I am often told I am beautiful and I look about 10 years younger than I my age. I get contacted by a fair number of younger men in their 20’s and most I don’t respond to because I just feel it won’t go anywhere. Recently, however, I was contacted by a younger guy in his mid-twenties and I was impressed by his profile…he’s mature, intelligent, articulate, and attractive.

I started up a correspondence with him. I was curious about dating a younger man. But I still feel that maybe it’s a mistake…what do I really have in common with this guy? After all, I am twenty years older than he is. In your opinion, what do younger men (guys in their twenties) really expect and/or want when contacting an older woman? The youngest guy I have ever been out with is 33. 

Thanks for your insight. I really enjoy reading your blog and I feel that of many so-called dating experts that you are right on!

~ Carla

Thanks, Coug–, uh Carla. As a so-called dating expert, I really appreciate the kind words! Which is why I’m sure you’re going to be completely receptive to this:

You’re wasting your time with this kid.

Okay, that’s not fair. Let me use more words to say it: If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time dating a younger man. 

However, if you feel like you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time. In fact, I would encourage you to do so. And take lots of pictures.

Why Dating a Younger Man in Your 40s is a Doomed Relationship

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time with this kid. However, if you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time.

See, I’m not here to set the rules for society. I’m here to observe society and report back to you how things USUALLY work out. And for every Demi and Ashton (Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!), there are thousands of other instances of cross-generational relationships that die a quick, painless death.

Why? Because he was born in the 80’s, right about the time that you were losing your virginity in college. Because he’s been in the workforce for oh, about four years. Because he may be a great communicator, mature for his age, and relationship-minded, but he’s also, y’know, a BABY.

You know how I know this? Because I’M that guy. I’ve ALWAYS loved older women. I was with a 35-year-old woman when I was 20. As a younger guy, I used to flirt with my mom’s friends. And when all my friends would make fun of me and say, “Why would you date an older woman when you could be dating a younger woman?” I’d say, “Why would I be dating a younger woman when I can date an older woman?” As far as I’m concerned, every woman is better at 28 than at 23, better at 33 than at 28, and so on. 

Now, there is a flaw in this system – the biological clock — which is much worse at 38 than at 23. This is a valid concern to men looking to have families, so let’s not overlook it. But still, I’m a big proponent of life experience and wisdom. Older women are AWESOME in this guy’s book.

So even if this young man’s interest in you is completely pure, even if he wants to have a real relationship with you despite an age gap of 12 years, your relationship is most likely doomed. If he wants to have kids. Or go clubbing at night. Or switch careers a few more times. Or do normal things like twentysomethings do. You’re at the home buying, 401K saving, family planning phase of life — for MOST 46-year-olds. Hey, if you still have the juice to hang with kids, go crazy.

There’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25 year old men with 45 year old women.

It just seems far more likely that a) he’s bragging to his friends that he might get to sleep with a woman 20 years older than himself, or b) you guys really might be compatible if only he were significantly older or you were significantly younger. But he’s not. And you’re not.

Put another way, there’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25-year-old men with 45-year-old women. According to Wikipedia, only 1.7% of marriages have a wife who is 10+ years older than her husband.

A Caveat Which I Must Acknowledge…

However, if neither of you desires a family with children, then you have a far better chance. But presuming he does, if I were you, Carla, I’d probably have some fun dating a younger man. Go in with your eyes open and appreciate the experience for what it is — a dalliance with the youthful exuberance of your past. 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Want to gain confidence, attract quality men, and create lasting love fast? Click here to fix your broken-man picker and learn more about Love U.

One 22-year-old woman has spoken out about the struggles she faces after a rare disease has left her stuck in the body of an eight-year-old girl for life.

Shauna Rae developed a rare form of brain cancer when she was just six months old and underwent chemotherapy that stunted her growth.

Shauna now stands at three-foot 10, the average height of an eight-year-old girl.

In her TLC documentary “I am Shauna Rae” she reveals the difficulties associated with her youthful appearance including finding it hard to date, and going to bars, as everyone thinks she is a child.

In the trailer for the show, Shauna introduces herself saying: “If you were to look at me, you would think I’m just a normal little girl, doing normal little girl things with my fun, crazy family.”

Adding: “But the truth is I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman, a 22-year-old woman stuck in the body of an eight-year-old.”

The show, which premieres on January 11th 2022, shows Shauna facing issues trying to do normal things that a 22-year-old woman does in everyday life.

We see Shauna get turned away from a bar when the bartender said “we don’t allow kids”, being asked how old she is when attempts to get a tattoo, and even being questioned about her age when she tries to sign up for a gym.

Shauna’s mother, Patricia “Patty” Schrankel also speaks on the documentary about the heartbreaking time when her daughter had brain cancer as a baby.

“Shauna was six months old when we found out she had brain cancer,” said Patty.

“I feel, I guess almost guilty, that she will have to go through this for the rest of her life, so all I can do is protect her” added Patty.

Shauna explains exactly what happened after she went through chemotherapy, and how this affected her growth.

“My pituitary gland was rendered almost dormant because of the chemotherapy. The doctor told me I was done growing. My bones were fused, and my height is 3 feet and 10 inches” said Shauna.

Shauna also goes on to reveal how her dating life is affected, explaining that she is single, and always tends to attract the wrong kind of guys.

“I attract creeps, a**holes, and idiots. It is scary to put myself out there, but you have to put some risk in to get happiness” says Shauna.

The documentary shows her going on a blind date, with a guy who tells her he thought he was being “punked” when she introduced herself.

Shauna says she is looking to become more independent from her family and wants to be seen as an adult.

“I can’t go anywhere without them asking questions,” says Shauna.

As she gets ready to leave the house we see her stepdad Mark ask “who are you going to the brewery with? Who’s driving? When are you gonna be back?”

Her mum Patty said: “I don’t know if I am ready to let her go, but she needs to be let go.”

This story originally appeared on The Sun and has been reproduced here with permission.

Let’s be honest, when it comes to dating, we live in a lawless era where love is love and (almost) anything goes. We are seeing large age gaps in the dating pool and not just the typical old-man-younger-woman narrative. For example, a 2003 AARP studyreported that 34 percent of women over 39 years old were dating younger men. Add in the popularization of divorce over the last 50 years and the introduction of dating apps and matters of love, sex, and how we filipino4u asian dating are utterly transformed. Love is a melting pot. And if age ain’t nothing but a number (RIP Aaliyah), how are we to navigate what dating 23 yo girl im 29 appropriate (or not) when it comes to finding a partner?

I find it refreshing that society has begun to validate the simple fact that relationships (no matter how short or long) can still be meaningful, dating 23 yo girl im 29. As our culture continues to redefine itself, the narrative of “you only get one love” is being rewritten. Permanence is replaced with living in the present (a mindful act) and appreciating things for what they are now. They say nothing lasts forever, and while I do see long-term, committed, monogamous relationships (which is amazing!), I also see dating after divorce and other alternative situations. Apps and websites have been a major catalyst in the dating community, and the doors have opened for all demographics. No wonder the dating age range has gotten so wide! It is an exciting time dating 23 yo girl im 29 experimenting with your love life.

Dating Age Rule

The dating age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half your age plus seven (40 = 20 +7 = 27) to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60) to define the maximum age of a partner. Generally, I feel like 10-20 years junior or senior is considered “appropriate” by our society’s standards. If Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher can get together (they started dating lesbian dating app her she was 41 and he was 25) and movies like “Call Me By Your Name” are nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, surely the taboo of having more than a seven-year age gap has gone out the window. But just because you like them does not always mean society will view your relationship in the same positive light — and this is something to prepare for. Unfortunately, even though we are progressing as a society, there are still people who are judgemental when it comes to obvious age differences in dating. Pete Davidson, 25, and Kate Beckingsale, 45, are the newest couple to experience this, with Davidson defending their relationship on Saturday Dating 23 yo girl im 29 Live by providing a laundry list of famous couples to come dating 23 yo girl im 29 them.

But, are we all experimenting with people outside our immediate age bracket? I asked my peers if they had ever been in a relationship with a significant age difference (for reference I defined significant as 10 years), and I was surprised to find that every friend I asked and some of my Twitter followers said they had.

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

“[He was] 11 years older than me and I really wanted to be a lot more into him than I was. I liked the idea of us more than I liked him. I cried both times I ended it.”
“He was a bigger baby than me.”
“I was 24, she was 47 and she taught me patience and how to listen to others. She was important, and I am grateful for the time spent.”
“10-year age gap, pretty sure it makes no difference.”
“Yes. 15-year age gap. 40 years old. He became insecure and jealous. He didn’t have his life together and since he was a Marine and went through a divorce, he was cut off from his emotions. I had to dig him dating 23 yo girl im 29 of the MGTOW [men going their own way] mindset, but he was so far gone it eventually drove me away.”
“I dated a guy 15 years senior. It was a very positive experience and he set dating site meme bar with future relationships and taught me what relationships should actually be like. The only problem was that he didn’t want kids.”
“I’m dating someone 23 years older than me, and I think it works out because he’s down to explore the millennial culture and I’m somewhat familiar with the things he grew up with. The sex is amazing because he’s had practice and I’m curious/open. It’s a good balance.”
“11- year gap, dating 23 yo girl im 29. For three years it was healthy, faithful, and hardest when I began outgrowing him.”
“My partner and I are 22 years apart. We have a fantastic relationship. The dynamic is dynamic. The love tank is full. Every day is brilliant.”

The last response really stood out to me, dynamic being the keyword here. There will always be ups and downs in a relationship, but when there is a significant age gap, this aspect can be amplified. If you have the awareness, romantic connection, and emotional maturity to navigate the obstacles life throws at you, does it really matter how old your partner is? A lot of peers spoke of exchanging knowledge and/or life experience with their partners — almost an overarching theme of a mentor/mentee relationship.

Age is Just a Number

When I was 23, I began dating a man who was 17 years my senior (40), dating 23 yo girl im 29, and I dating 23 yo girl im 29 myself relating to this mentor/mentee dynamic. But the roles switched between us, which helped keep the dynamic exciting. My partner shared a lot of personal insight with me, which he gained through experiences before we met. He taught me about life and exposed me to stimulating situations I would not have been able to experience alone (at the time). In return, I inspired him to think outside the box, softened his edges, and appreciated his giving nature. We traveled together, discussed music, art and film, dating 23 yo girl im 29, and supported each other’s careers, just like I would with a partner my own age. We truly celebrated each other for exactly who we were, and that was very special to me.

That being said, one major difficulty of having a large difference in age is making sure the morals, values, and life goals of both people are synced. Do you both want a family? Do you both respect each other’s careers? “Mothering” a partner, regardless of who is older or younger, can manifest into a power struggle later on, dating 23 yo girl im 29. This attitude in a relationship usually contributes to codependency and controlling behaviors (not cute!). These are major no-nos when your goal is to have a healthy relationship. Regardless of what stage of life you are in, if you and your partner agree on the important things, there is nothing you can’t work through.

Another concerning topic that has come up in my research is people feeling fetishized by their partners. A friend of mine felt her partner was objectifying her due to her young age. In her words: “I’m not your Lolita to manipulate.” This is an extreme example, but I am grateful she brought it up. If you ever find yourself in a relationship where you feel made into a sex object by your partner due to your age, race, gender or sexuality, please identify this as a major red flag and reconsider the future of the relationship. Every person deserves to be respected and appreciated by their partner, not viewed as an object or prize. It is important to like the person you are dating, dating 23 yo girl im 29, not just the idea of them.

Does an Age Gap Matter in a Relationship?

Knowing of all of this, how much does an age gap actually matter in a relationship? If you’ve found someone you want to be with, maybe keep the following in the mind before jumping the gun:

Exes and children

Ex-spouses and children can also affect the dynamic of the relationship. Ex-spouses may have a condescending approach that dating a younger person may just be a fling. And if you are dating someone who is close to your child’s age, realize it might make your offspring uncomfortable. In this situation it is important to treat your partner and your child with distinguishable differences, establishing boundaries, and protecting each relationship role. Keep an open mind and be open to discussing the relationship with the people you care about.  Remember why you are invested in your partner, what you like about them, and how they make you happy. Be sure to communicate this to your partner and your respective audience (i.e.kids, family members, etc.). The confidence this creates will serve as protection under lingering eyes in public arenas.

Resiliency

Once you’ve covered any issues that might pop up between you and your partner, then you’re ready to dating 23 yo girl im 29 with other people! Research has found that couples with large age gaps often encounter negative bias from strangers, so make sure you’re prepared for a few strong looks.

At the end of the day, the only people that matter in your relationship are you and your partner, dating 23 yo girl im 29. Your business is your own. How you both choose to conquer these obstacles will determine the outcome of your relationship. Keep your love tank full! When you truly connect with someone, nothing should stand in the way of nurturing that — all the rules that once defined dating are out the window.

I am often told I am beautiful and I look about 10 years younger than I my age. I get contacted by a fair number of younger men in their 20’s and most I don’t respond to because I just feel it won’t go anywhere. Recently, however, I was contacted by a younger guy in his mid-twenties and I was impressed by his profile…he’s mature, intelligent, articulate, and attractive.

I started up a correspondence with him. I was curious about dating a younger man. But I still feel that maybe it’s a mistake…what do I really have in common with this guy? After all, I am twenty years older than he is, dating 23 yo girl im 29. In your opinion, what do younger men (guys in their twenties) really expect and/or want when contacting an older woman? The youngest guy I have ever been out with is 33. 

Thanks for your insight. I really enjoy reading your blog and I feel that of many so-called dating experts that you are right on!

~ Carla

Thanks, Coug–, uh Carla. As a so-called dating expert, I really appreciate the kind words! Which is why I’m sure you’re going to be completely receptive to this:

You’re wasting your time with this kid.

Okay, that’s not fair. Let me use more words to say it: If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time dating a younger man. 

However, if you feel like you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time. In fact, I would encourage you to do so. And kink dating apps lots of pictures.

Why Dating a Younger Man in Your 40s is a Doomed Relationship

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, you’re most likely wasting your time with this kid. However, if you’re looking for good, clean (and not-so-clean) fun with a young stallion, you can have an amazing time.

See, I’m not here to set the rules for society. I’m here to observe society and report back to you how things USUALLY work out, dating 23 yo girl im 29. And for every Demi open dating app Ashton (Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us!), there are thousands of other instances of cross-generational relationships that die a quick, painless death.

Why? Because he was born in the 80’s, right about the time that you were losing your virginity in college. Because he’s been in the workforce for oh, about four years. Because he may be a great communicator, mature for his age, and relationship-minded, dating 23 yo girl im 29, but he’s also, y’know, a BABY.

You know how I know this? Because I’M that guy. I’ve ALWAYS loved older women. I was with a 35-year-old woman when I was 20. As a younger guy, dating 23 yo girl im 29, I used to flirt with my mom’s friends. And when all my friends would make fun of me and say, “Why would you date an older woman when you could be dating a younger woman?” I’d say, “Why would I be dating a younger woman when I can date an older woman?” As far as I’m concerned, every woman is better at dating 23 yo girl im 29 than at 23, better at 33 than at 28, and so on. 

Now, there is a flaw in this system – the biological clock — which is much worse at 38 than at 23. This is a valid concern to men looking to have families, so let’s not overlook it. But still, I’m a big proponent of life experience and wisdom. Older women are AWESOME in this guy’s book.

So even if this young man’s interest in you is completely pure, even if dating 23 yo girl im 29 wants to have a real relationship with you despite an age gap of 12 years, your relationship is most likely doomed. If he wants to have kids. Or go clubbing at night. Or switch careers a few more times. Or do normal things like twentysomethings do. You’re at the home buying, 401K saving, best time of year for online dating planning phase of life — for MOST 46-year-olds. Hey, if you still have the juice to hang with kids, go crazy.

There’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25 year old men with 45 year old women.

It just seems far more likely that a) he’s bragging to his friends that he might get to sleep with a woman 20 years older than himself, or b) you guys really might be compatible if only he were significantly older or you were significantly younger. But he’s not. And you’re not.

Put another way, there’s a very good reason that you don’t see many 25-year-old men with 45-year-old women. According to Wikipedia, dating 23 yo girl im 29, only 1.7% of marriages have a wife who is 10+ years older than her husband.

A Caveat Which I Must Acknowledge…

However, if neither of you desires a family with children, then you have a far better chance. But presuming he does, dating 23 yo girl im 29, if I were you, Carla, dating 23 yo girl im 29, I’d probably have some fun dating a younger man. Go in with your eyes open and appreciate the experience for what it is — a dalliance with the youthful exuberance of your past. 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

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We’ve all heard the sobering statistics: given a choice, straight men of all ages would rather date women in their twenties. Women, on the other hand, prefer guys closer to their own age. In September, a study of 12,000 Finns reaffirmed what prior research had already established.

But there’s something fishy about all that data. If dudes were really so set on their caveman-era mating habits, wouldn’t we see more single ladies over 30 home knitting tea cozies on Friday nights? (Then again, just because a guy wants to date a younger girl, doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to date him!)

As a woman over 30, I decided to try to get to the bottom of this conundrum by asking a series of straight, unmarried men in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s to find out why some actually prefer to date “older” women. Turns out, there’s lots to love about women of a certain age.

Men in their 20s date women over 30 because:

“They understand better how to interact in a relationship.”
— José Fernández, 24 (single)

“I appreciate the grace and expression of slightly older women. Certain facial features, like smile lines, can be charming.”
— Niv, 25 (single)

“They know what they want. There is more of an end game. So if you meet their criteria, they’re good.”
— Billy, 27 (has a girlfriend)

“I think women in their 30s are in their prime. Sexual maturity, the way that they carry themselves — for me something about it screams woman.”
— Alex Sanza, 28 (single)

“They are more stable.”
— Solomon, 29 (just started seeing someone over 30)

While men in their 30s say:

“Generally more expert at the multisensory/theatrical aspects of the whole dance.”
— Anonymous, 30 (single)

“Much better sex”
— Anonymous, 32 (actively dating)

“When Ts dating site was in my 20s, I was drawn to older women because it gave me a certain level of confidence because she was established. She’s not as needy.”
­— Peter Bailey, 34 (“not married”)

“More nurturing.”
— Percy Baldonado, 38 (single)

Men in their 40s add:

“Women over 30 have stopped putting metal through dating 23 yo girl im 29 lips and tongues which makes it easier to kiss them. And they’ve figured out their makeup routine so they won’t keep you waiting as long when you’re trying to get to an event.”
— Anonymous, 49 (seeing someone)

“Age has never really played a role in who I date … I have dated my own age, dating 23 yo girl im 29, younger than me, dating 23 yo girl im 29 older. What it comes down to dating 23 yo girl im 29, I like this girl, she’s cute, and I’d like to see her again.”
— Chris Dinneen, 41 (in a relationship)

“I always liked somewhat older women for their maturity, self confidence and poise, finding those qualities quite attractive and usually absent in younger girls.”
— Daren, 45 (in a long-term relationship)

And men in their 50s prefer women over 30 because:

“We have similar life experiences and similar pop culture references. It’s a little more comfortable.”
— David, 50 (seeing someone, not exclusive)

“Given dating 23 yo girl im 29 I’m 52, I can’t really relate to dating someone in her 20s — too much of an age difference.”
— Patrick, 52 (single)

Contact us at letters@time.com.

One 22-year-old woman has spoken out about the struggles she faces after a rare disease has left her stuck in the body of an eight-year-old girl for life.

Shauna Rae developed a rare form of brain cancer when what is the best dating site for relationships was just six months old and underwent chemotherapy that stunted her growth.

Shauna now stands at three-foot 10, the average height of an eight-year-old girl.

In her TLC documentary “I am Shauna Rae” she reveals the difficulties associated with her youthful appearance including finding it hard to date, and going to bars, as everyone thinks she is a child.

In the trailer for the show, Shauna introduces herself saying: “If you were to look at me, you would think I’m just a normal little girl, doing normal little girl things with my fun, crazy family.”

Adding: “But the truth is I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman, a 22-year-old woman stuck in the body of an eight-year-old.”

The show, which premieres on January 11th 2022, shows Shauna facing issues trying to do normal things that a 22-year-old woman does in everyday life.

We see Shauna get turned away from a bar when the bartender said “we don’t allow kids”, being asked how old she is when attempts to get a tattoo, and even being questioned about her age when she tries to sign up for a gym.

Shauna’s mother, Patricia “Patty” Schrankel also speaks on the documentary about the heartbreaking time when her daughter had brain cancer as a baby.

“Shauna was six months old when we found out she had brain cancer,” said Patty.

“I feel, I guess almost guilty, that she will have to go through this for the rest of her life, so all I can do is protect her” added Patty.

Shauna explains exactly what happened after she went through chemotherapy, dating 23 yo girl im 29, and how this affected her growth.

“My pituitary gland was rendered almost dormant because of the chemotherapy. The doctor told me I was done growing, dating 23 yo girl im 29. My bones were fused, and my height is 3 feet and 10 inches” said Shauna.

Shauna also goes on to reveal how her dating life is affected, explaining that she is single, and always tends to attract the wrong kind of guys.

“I attract creeps, a**holes, and idiots. It is scary to put myself out there, but you have to put some risk in to get happiness” says Shauna.

The documentary shows her going on a blind date, with a guy who tells her he thought he was being “punked” when she introduced herself.

Shauna says she is looking to become more independent from her family and wants to be seen as an adult.

“I can’t go anywhere without them asking questions,” says Shauna.

As she gets ready to leave the house we see her stepdad Mark ask “who are you going to the brewery with? Who’s driving? When are you gonna be back?”

Her mum Patty said: “I don’t know if I am ready to let her go, but she needs to be let go.”

This story originally appeared on The Sun and has been reproduced here with permission.