Swiping, chatting, ghosting, and scammers — online dating is complicated for digital natives used to communicating mainly online. But what if you’re giving it a shot for the first time in your 60s?

“I felt a little too old to be out in bars trying to pick up women,” said Bruce, a 66-year-old from Long Island, New York, who started online dating using Zoosk more than two years ago (Zoosk is a general dating website, but one that’s popular among older singles). “I was a little hesitant because I hadn’t dated in a long time — I was married for 26 years or so — but I thought online dating would be a good way to break the ice, and everybody’s equal on the internet.”

For those 65 and older, a group with much higher marriage rates than young adults, online dating can be an easier way to meet other singles and people outside of their friend groups. According to Pew Research, the rate of people ages 55 to 64 using dating sites and apps doubled between 2013 and 2016. And as of last fall, 13 percent of people 65 and older have gone online to find love compared to 48 percent of those aged 18 to dating women older than you. That number is likely increasing, especially now that the pandemic has forced men dating after 65, but especially higher-risk seniors, to socially distance.

“As you get older, it’s much harder to meet people,” says Rita, 67, men dating after 65 Long Men dating after 65. “I always had luck just running into people — I met my men dating after 65 husband at a record shop — but after he died, I was lonely for sure.” She found that browsing online became the new spontaneous meet-cute. (Spoiler alert: She met and then started dating Bruce on Zoosk!)

As these seniors prove, men dating after 65, the highs and the lows of joining a dating website can happen at any age — even in the middle of a pandemic. Here, five people over 60 men dating after 65 their experiences with finding love on the internet.

“Sometimes I feel like part of it is my age, that people might think that I’m either gullible or a target financially”

Janet, 68, men dating after 65, New York, New York

I went back on dating sites a little bit more seriously in the last year because you hear so many success stories, so you think, “Okay, fine. Maybe I’m just not doing it correctly.” But personally, I haven’t had too much success. I was on Zoosk for about a year, and I had three scammers. In two of the cases, I found out it wasn’t their real pictures. In this day and age, you only have to Google somebody’s name. Or you’ll try to make plans — this is pre-pandemic — and they’ll say, “No, I can’t do it. Oh, I’m traveling. Oh, I’m stuck here.” I also found that anybody who says they’re a civil engineer is a scammer because they have to go to places like Malaysia or Indonesia to build some roads or a bridge men dating after 65 and then they need money because they can’t get back.

Sometimes I feel like part of it is my age, that people might think that I’m either gullible or a target financially. But I don’t want to be a nurse, a purse, or worse. I’m actually speaking with somebody tonight that I met on Coffee Meets Bagel who seems pretty normal. But I suggested a FaceTime first so I can actually see if he matches his picture.

“In men dating after 65 profile, I said that I wasn’t looking for drama”

Bruce, 66, Long Island, New York

I wanted to try online dating because I felt a little too old to be out in bars trying to pick up women. I’m youthful, but you know, it’s just not easy for me at this point. I wasn’t nervous, but I was a little hesitant because I hadn’t dated in a long time — I was married for 26 years or so — but I thought online dating would be a good way to break the ice, and everybody’s equal on the internet.

I tried Zoosk because I heard fat online dating was better for older people. In my profile, I said that I wasn’t looking for drama, just looking for somebody with similar interests. Oh, and no Trumpers! I actually put that in there, because prior to meeting my girlfriend Rita, I went on a date with a woman who was very sweet, but she said she prayed for Trump every morning. Really. It was a turn-off. After that, I tried talking at first with someone to make it a little bit more comfortable for when we did meet in person. But it hasn’t been all bad — Rita and I are about to celebrate our two-year anniversary.

I don’t tell people what to do in general, but if a friend is struggling, I say, you know, online dating worked for me. And there’s always a chance you meet a good friend.

“As you get older, it’s much harder to meet people”

Rita, 67, Long Island, New York

The night I met Bruce, I had gone on a date with another man who sounded very athletic, and he was a professor, too. I thought, “This sounds like an interesting person!” Well, the minute I met him, I was like, “No, no, no.” He was very forward, and it made me uncomfortable. So I told him I was getting tired, even though it was only 6:30 pm. I got in my car and remembered that I had spoken to Bruce earlier in the week, so I called him and said, “What are you doing?” I just had to shake that other guy from my psyche. Bruce and I met up, and it was a completely different experience. We just felt comfortable.

I decided to do online dating because my husbands kept dying. I’ve had a really bad run. My first husband died when I was 40, and I had men dating after 65 started having children men dating after 65 him. And then I met somebody 10 years later, and then he died in 18 months. And then I did finally remarry somebody else. And then he died about, I think this is nine years now.

As you get older, it’s much harder to meet people. I always had luck just running into people — I met my second husband at a record shop — but after he died, I was lonely for sure. I had a full life otherwise, but as a widow, my kids were in school and all the other parents were double-dating and going out with each other, and they just didn’t ask me to come.

So what do you do? You look for somebody that’s really compatible and hope that they like to do the same things you do. But unlike meeting someone in your 20s, when you meet somebody in their 60s, they’re coming in with a whole set of experiences and likes. And sometimes it’s pretty hard to embrace it. One guy called me up and he said, “Listen, I love to sail, and my friends and I are going out on a weekend adventure, are you up for it?” Like, men dating after 65, what do you think, I’m nuts?! Risk my life? I couldn’t get over it, but I guess that’s just the way he was!

“I really would like a younger man in his 70s because too many men in their 80s have just let themselves go”

Elaine, 82, Spring Lake, Michigan

I’ve been widowed now five years since my second husband passed old school dating shows. I know I don’t want to get married again, and maybe this sounds horrible, but I really just want to have a man in my life. Both of my husbands were very loving and affectionate men, and I miss that horribly.

For my dating profile, I have a girlfriend that helps me get hooked up on a site and then she takes my pictures and tells me, you know, we’ll put that in there and put that in there. I know a lot of women who are younger than me, men dating after 65, and in my mind, they look older than me because I keep myself current. I’m not dead yet! And so I really would like a younger man in his 70s because too many men in their 80s have just let themselves go. You can’t believe some of the, um, some of the pictures that come up on my accounts, and I just think, “Really?” One time I went on a lunch date, men dating after 65, I’m sitting there waiting for him, and pretty soon I hear this click, click, click. I glance up and here comes this man with a cane! I had no idea.

Online dating men dating after 65 the pandemic can be frustrating because I’m more of a face-to-face person. I don’t want to talk on the phone for a long time because you can’t see the other person’s expressions. And I’m not quite into the Zoom thing yet, so I men dating after 65 be very willing men dating after 65, you know, meet for a lunch or glass of wine or whatever, even right now.

In the very beginning, after their father passed away, my children didn’t like the idea of me having anybody in my life. But I explained to them, “You don’t understand what it’s like to be alone and not having that partner.” And now I just tease them about it. This is who I am. So they just roll their eyes and think, “Oh, mother.”

“I know what I want, and what I don’t want”

Kathee, 65, Grand Haven, Michigan

I actually started online dating way back in 2008. I men dating after 65 getting divorced, and so I was on Match. I’ve also been on eHarmony, and that didn’t work out well. I found out that there’s a lot of scamming going on on these websites. That why I stopped eHarmony. This one guy was getting pushy and then he disappeared completely. It was because they kicked him off the site! That’s why I started using Plenty of Fish.

The older you get, the pickier you become. I have a boyfriend now, but when I was online dating, I was looking for someone in my own age category who had a job or was retired — not anyone who needed someone to put a roof over their head. I wanted someone who was able to take care men dating after 65 themselves. At this age, you end up maybe living with someone versus marrying them just because of all the money that gets involved and gets tangled up, like 401(k)s and Social Security. If the guy I’m dating now doesn’t work out, I don’t know if I’d do it again, because as men get older, they want someone to just take care of them, men dating after 65.

I remember even my mom was a widow at 70 and she joined a golf group. She gets there and it’s mostly men men dating after 65 their 70s, and she goes “Oh, this one’s got this pain, and this one’s got this ache. I’ve done my deal with having a sick husband and I am not doing it again.” I just know myself better now, men dating after 65, and I know what I want, and what I don’t want.

© 2022 LoveToKnow Media. All rights reserved.

For these reasons and others, my friend Megan O'Brien, a successful woman in her own right as the founder of the marketing agency Beauty Brander, almost exclusively dates men in their sixties and older.

We recently attended a wedding in Palm Springs together, a fancy affair with pool parties, fireworks, and a ceremony at the Empire Polo Club where they host the Coachella music festival. I'm 33, Megan is 37, and the majority of the guests who were not relatives of the bride or groom fell somewhere squarely in between.

Recently recovering from a relationship with a 65-year-old celebrity plastic surgeon in Los Angeles, Megan arrived to the wedding weekend licking her wounds, only to immediately be courted by the 72-year old uncle of the groom.

"They can smell me a mile away," she told me after she chatted with him about restaurants, real estate, his children, and his grandchildren, while the rest of us kids enjoyed a game of floating beer pong in the pool.

Alas, it wasn't to be for Megan and Uncle Jack. Mrs, men dating after 65. Uncle Jack was away somewhere in France, but the mother of the groom put the kibosh on the whole thing. "I don't want you to get hurt, dear," she whispered with reserved aplomb. "He is married, you know."

Megan isn't a homewrecker and by the time we made it back to Los Angeles, with the help of Tinder we found her another suitable match, Gary, 68, an accomplished businessman who lives in San Francisco, vacations in Palm Springs, men dating after 65, and loves golf. Gary was smitten over message and they met up in between Los Angeles and Palm Springs a few days later. She thinks he might be her next husband.

Throughout the weekend, as I explained Megan's preferences to my college girlfriends in their early thirties, they made a face like they had swallowed sour milk and erupted in a chorus of, "That's gross," "ewwwww," and my personal favorite, "he's like my grandpa." To be fair, Uncle Jack was actually someone's grandpa.

Megan's quick-witted retort is to rattle off the names of male celebrities who are sexagenarians, septuagenarians, men dating after 65, and even octogenarians who you would probably sleep with: Harrison Ford, 71, Clint Eastwood, 83, Jack Nicholson, 76, Robert Redford, 77.

Old guys aren't my thing, but every time I ask my 30-something boyfriend to talk men dating after 65 about our future or shuffle through his apartment that has empty pizza boxes stacked on the dining room table, I can see the advantages of having had someone else remove the training wheels.

Megan dates older men because, as she says, they are men.

"It's not for everyone but I prefer to be with a man that has already conquered his world and wants to enjoy the rest of his life," she told me. "I've been married to a man younger than myself. I had to train him. It's exhausting."

Megan can actually date her attraction to silver foxes back to childhood and a certain ex-President from the late 1980s/early 1990s: "I think this is all George H.W. Bush's fault," she explains. "From an early age I just found older men to seem reliable and supportive. In middle school we had an assignment to write a letter to a famous person. I thought George H.W. Bush (he was president at the time) was the most handsome man in the world. The rest of my sixth grade class felt this way about Donnie Wahlberg. Donnie seemed like a loose cannon, much too unpredictable. Long story short, I worked really hard on my card to George H.W. His birthday was coming up so I did a charcoal drawing of his face and wrote a birthday message."

The hard work paid off. "About three weeks later, I got a letter from the White House. It was a handwritten 'thank you' card from George Bush telling me I was a talented artist and a wonderful writer and to stick with it! [Ed. note: Perhaps he gave the same advice to his son?] No one ever heard back from The New Kids on the Block. What can we learn from this? Old men are polite and thoughtful and young guys are generally self-centered."

Megan is so passionate about dating older that she made me a list (a good one) of the five reasons that dating men in their sixties is just preferable to dating men in their twenties and men dating after 65 and why we should all stop judging her for it.

1. I like a man's man. I like a strong man that was raised when it wasn't abnormal to open your door, pull out your chair, and carry a heavy bag. You can call it being a gentleman but women are almost pleased or flattered when a man in his thirties does this. You shouldn't be flattered. It should be expected. HE'S A MAN. I am perfectly capable of doing the above myself but a real gentleman would never even think to have me do such a thing. To treat a woman like a LADY is the norm with a man in his sixties.

2. They don't play games. A man in his sixties is not going to wait five years or even two to men dating after 65. At this point in the game, they have their shit together and they know what they want. If they want you they're not going to make you question it. At this point in their lives most realize how fast it goes by and if you are their priority, they're going to make you know it real quick. My ex was 64, told me he loved me first, changed his Facebook status to "In a Relationship" first, and spoke about our serious future together before I did. He did all of this without any hints or prodding on my part. The bullshit factor dramatically declines as the years of their age rise.

3. They are more thoughtful. I can speak from experience; more often than not, you will get flowers when he comes to pick why dating apps dont work up. You will get thoughtful bouquets after a romantic evening. You will get texts during the day saying "I love you" or telling you how special you are. Leaving love notes in your purse for you to find later is another common trait of a more mature man&hellip.just because.

4. They have their shit together. They have already reached the heights of their careers so you won't be a work widow. Men dating after 65 love smart and ambitious men. This has led me to a lot of 30-something workaholics. A smart and ambitious man in his sixties is not men dating after 65 so much time at the office. He's spending more time and attention on your relationship.

5. He will be proud to be with you. Most guys in their thirties think they're doing YOU a favor by holding your hand and saying that you look beautiful. A man in his sixties will insist on holding your hand and tell you several times over how lucky he feels to be with you. What girl doesn't want that?

Related: In Praise of Older Men

Related: Numbers Game: Sex With Younger Men

Related: I Hit Send: I Emailed a Stranger to Tell Her I Was Sleeping With Her Boyfriend

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What Is Senior Dating?

Health Benefits of Senior Dating

How Does Online Dating Work for Seniors?

What to Look for in Senior Dating Sites

Look Out for Dating Scams

Tips for Safe Dating

Have fun on your senior dating journey, but keep safety in mind as well. No matter how nice a person sounds online, remember you’re corresponding with a stranger until you meet in person and get to know them men dating after 65. Here’s a handful of pro tips to keep you safe as you match.

• Join a reputable dating site. Before you sign up for any dating website, ask your friends for recommendations and listen closely to their feedback. You can check the Better Business Bureau to see if they’re accredited and whether they have any complaints filed against them, says Lundgren. “It’s always smart to make sure a website is secure so your information isn’t vulnerable. You can look in your browser for a lock icon. If you see a message that says exclusively dating but not in a relationship information isn’t private/secure don’t enter your personal information.”
• Don’t give out extra personal information. It’s important to protect your anonymity, Lundgren says. Avoid sharing your last name, town or city, where you work, specific details about you (like volunteer or alumni organizations you’re involved in) and your email address and phone number. “Don’t forget—you men dating after 65 want to share your kids’ names, either,” says Lundgren. “It’s very important to protect your family’s identity as well.”
• Prepare for the first conversation. When you keep communication limited to the app or website, you create a clear record of all of your communications, which is helpful in the event that you need to report an issue, says Amber Artis, a certified matchmaker and relationship expert and CEO of Select Date Society. If you’re ready to speak on the phone, consider using Skype or create a separate email address just for dating that doesn’t show your full name. Connecting with a potential date in a safe way also helps you confirm the person isn’t using fake photos or information about themselves.
• Tell friends and family members when you’re going on a date, men dating after 65. Always inform a close friend, colleague or family member when you’re meeting someone new, says Artis. “Share your location with them on your phone, and check in with them before, during and after the date,” she says.
• Always meet in public. It doesn’t matter how comfortable you are with a person or how much chemistry you have—it’s very important to meet in public, especially initially, says Artis. “Do not go to their home or invite them to yours until you know them really well,” she says. “This means you should have several in-person dates in a public place first.”
• Never send anyone money. Anyone asking for money or claiming to be experiencing financial issues raises a giant red flag, says Artis. This happens often, and the majority of men dating after 65 scam victims are women over the age of 50, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. “This person is likely trying to scam you,” she says. “I urge everyone to use their best judgment and listen to their instincts. If you have a gut feeling that this person isn’t legit, heed your inner voice.”

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Senior singles ready to mingle may have cause to celebrate this Valentine’s Day. A recent report by Seniorly analyzed data from the CDC, U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis and the U.S. Census Bureau to determine which of the 50 states are best suited for seniors looking for love. 

Marlena del Hierro, vice president of partnerships and a gerontologist at Seniorly said the study was conducted because “companionship, community, and connection” matter to seniors, and “with Valentine’s Day approaching, men dating after 65, we wanted to take a moment to look at the landscape of love available to them today.”

The researchers found that 54 million Americans are currently 65 and older, an unprecedented 43% of whom are single. They identified 10 categories to determine which states are best (and worst) suited for single seniors, including the ratio of women to men, the percentage of single seniors present, the cost of living/ how expensive it is to date, annual income average, the prevalence of sexually transmitted infections, and the quality of life and life expectancy in each state. 

The report found that eight of the 10 best states for senior dating are in the West or Midwest, men dating after 65, with two from the Northeast. 9 of the 10 worst states are in the South, with our nation’s capital men dating after 65 the sole exception. 

The 10 best states for senior singles (listed in order from the best first) are: Idaho, Minnesota, men dating after 65, Wisconsin, Vermont, Utah, Washington, Oregon, Michigan, New Hampshire, and Iowa. 

The 10 worst places for senior singles (listed in order from the worst first) are: Mississippi, the District of Columbia, Louisiana, South Carolina, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina, Texas, and Georgia.

While each state presented unique advantages and disadvantages for seniors entering the dating pool, del Hierro also identified some common challenges for seniors living anywhere, including how senior women outnumber senior men across the country, limited mobility or medical issues potentially impeding one’s ability to get out and about or to be as intimate as desired, and living conditions where some seniors may be staying with family members, thus making it more difficult to bring a date home. What’s more, while technology has facilitated many new ways for some seniors to connect with one another, it also presents a barrier to seniors who haven’t kept up with the latest dating app or every social media channel of communication.

The way we date has changed dramatically — and so have men dating after 65 House, an eHarmony relationship and empowerment coach, also noted that the landscape for many seniors has often changed since the last time they were actively dating. “Dating is different now,” House said. “The platform is different: online. The style is different: more direct. Your bodies are different: aged.”

“Another thing that is truly special to this group is that they wonder what their children will think,” noted Dr. Pepper Schwartz, an on-air relationship expert and a professor of sociology at the University of Washington. Schwartz said she recently talked with a couple in their mid-80’s who, for a time, were dating in secret because they worried their adult children would view their relationship as disrespectful to their former spouses. “As it turned out, both families were delighted,” she said. 

Experts say there are many advantages to dating later in life

The relationship experts also pointed out many advantagesseniors have over their younger counterparts, including a wealth of knowledge “about themselves, the world, and what they’re looking for and need in a companion,” said del Hierro, men dating after 65. What’s more, many seniors no longer have the burden of a mortgage or family obligations and likely have more financial resources at their disposal than they had when they were younger. Seniors also have more time to travel and to share in fun experiences with their dating partner, not to mention “numerous senior discounts that often include free days at museums, winery tour discounts, discounts on symphony tickets, and discounted transit passes,” explained del Hierro. 

One advantage noted by House is that “seniors are often clearer on their priorities and paths. They generally aren’t into playing the field and are looking for real relationships and not interested in games (more common among younger daters),” she said. 

Dr. Eric Marlowe Garrison, a sex counselor and certification chair for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, said that another benefit seniors have over younger generations is “there’s no longer a risk of pregnancy for most heterosexual couples.”

Overall, “seniors are just wiser,” Schwartz suggested. “They know themselves better and generally go for solid values rather than just an endocrine-fueled attachment. Seniors often say they can think more clearly now that their sexual drives are more manageable.” 

Along with such advantages also come new opportunities that may not have been available to seniors the last time they were on the dating scene. “Seniors may not realize there are lots of online resources available to them now,” said del Hierro, suggesting senior dating sites, roommate finder sites for seniors, and “sites that can connect them to activities in their town specifically designed for seniors.” 

Del Hierro has some advice for seniors looking for love: “Live for yourself,” she said. “Seniors can find that their golden years include an amount of freedom they may have never had before. This is the time to pursue what makes you happy without worrying so much about consequences or about what others think.” 

“Date new people who you might not have historically considered,” offered House. “You might feel like a certain type of person is your perfect match, but possibly the match that was perfect for you 40 years ago is different today, and now you are looking for someone and something new.” 

“At any age, it’s important for couples to engage in N.I.C.E. activities that are novel, interesting, challenging, and exciting,” suggested relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski, author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. “Research finds that these types of activities help individual’s feel better about themselves, and that these activities also help strengthen relationships."

Garrison suggested for seniors to look for partners with common interests. “You have decades of cooking, reading, religion, crafts, and experience pursuing things that have brought you immense joy, men dating after 65. Now find others who share your passion,” he said. 

“My tip is don’t doubt that you can love as deeply, passionately and ecstatically as you could when you were younger. Love is still love. Just be yourself,” advised Schwartz.

Related:

Daryl Austin is a health journalist based in Utah. His work has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, men dating after 65, Kaiser Health News and Parents magazine.

Senior singles ready to mingle may have cause to celebrate this Valentine’s Day. A recent report by Seniorly analyzed data from the CDC, U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis and the U.S. Census Bureau to determine which of the 50 states are best suited for seniors looking for love. 

Marlena del Hierro, vice president of partnerships and a gerontologist at Seniorly said the study was conducted because “companionship, community, and connection” matter to seniors, and “with Valentine’s Day approaching, we wanted to take a moment to look at the landscape of love available to them today.”

The researchers found that 54 million Americans are currently 65 and older, an unprecedented 43% of whom are single. They identified 10 categories to determine which states are best (and worst) suited for single seniors, including the ratio of women to men, the percentage of single seniors present, the cost of living/ how expensive it is to date, annual income average, the prevalence of sexually transmitted infections, and the quality of life and life expectancy in each state. 

The report found that eight of the 10 best states for senior dating are in the West or Midwest, with two from the Northeast. 9 of the 10 worst states are in the South, with our nation’s capital being the sole exception. 

The 10 best states for senior singles (listed in order from the best first) are: Idaho, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Vermont, Utah, Washington, Oregon, Michigan, New Hampshire, and Iowa. 

The 10 worst places for senior singles (listed in order from the worst first) are: Mississippi, the District of Columbia, Louisiana, South Carolina, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina, Texas, and Georgia.

While each state presented unique advantages and disadvantages for seniors entering the dating pool, del Hierro also identified some common challenges for seniors living anywhere, including how senior women outnumber senior men across the country, limited mobility or medical issues potentially impeding one’s ability to get out and about or to be as intimate as desired, and living conditions where some seniors may be staying with family members, thus making it more difficult to bring a date home. What’s more, while technology has facilitated many new ways for some seniors to connect with one another, it also presents a barrier to seniors who haven’t kept up with the latest dating app or every social media channel of communication.

The way we date has changed dramatically — and so have we

Laurel House, an eHarmony relationship and empowerment coach, also noted that the landscape for many seniors has often changed since the last time they were actively dating. “Dating is different now,” House said. “The platform is different: online. The style is different: more direct. Your bodies are different: aged.”

“Another thing that is truly special to this group is that they wonder what their children will think,” noted Dr. Pepper Schwartz, an on-air relationship expert and a professor of sociology at the University of Washington. Schwartz said she recently talked with a couple in their mid-80’s who, for a time, were dating in secret because they worried their adult children would view their relationship as disrespectful to their former spouses. “As it turned out, both families were delighted,” she said. 

Experts say there are many advantages to dating later in life

The relationship experts also pointed out many advantagesseniors have over their younger counterparts, including a wealth of knowledge “about themselves, the world, and what they’re looking for and need in a companion,” said del Hierro. What’s more, many seniors no longer have the burden of a mortgage or family obligations and likely have more financial resources at their disposal than they had when they were younger. Seniors also have more time to travel and to share in fun experiences with their dating partner, not to mention “numerous senior discounts that often include free days at museums, winery tour discounts, discounts on symphony tickets, and discounted transit passes,” explained del Hierro. 

One advantage noted by House is that “seniors are often clearer on their priorities and paths. They generally aren’t into playing the field and are looking for real relationships and not interested in games (more common among younger daters),” she said. 

Dr. Eric Marlowe Garrison, a sex counselor and certification chair for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, said that another benefit seniors have over younger generations is “there’s no longer a risk of pregnancy for most heterosexual couples.”

Overall, “seniors are just wiser,” Schwartz suggested. “They know themselves better and generally go for solid values rather than just an endocrine-fueled attachment. Seniors often say they can think more clearly now that their sexual drives are more manageable.” 

Along with such advantages also come new opportunities that may not have been available to seniors the last time they were on the dating scene. “Seniors may not realize there are lots of online resources available to them now,” said del Hierro, suggesting senior dating sites, roommate finder sites for seniors, and “sites that can connect them to activities in their town specifically designed for seniors.” 

Del Hierro has some advice for seniors looking for love: “Live for yourself,” she said. “Seniors can find that their golden years include an amount of freedom they may have never had before. This is the time to pursue what makes you happy without worrying so much about consequences or about what others think.” 

“Date new people who you might not have historically considered,” offered House. “You might feel like a certain type of person is your perfect match, but possibly the match that was perfect for you 40 years ago is different today, and now you are looking for someone and something new.” 

“At any age, it’s important for couples to engage in N.I.C.E. activities that are novel, interesting, challenging, and exciting,” suggested relationship expert Dr. Gary Lewandowski, author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them. “Research finds that these types of activities help individual’s feel better about themselves, and that these activities also help strengthen relationships."

Garrison suggested for seniors to look for partners with common interests. “You have decades of cooking, reading, religion, crafts, and experience pursuing things that have brought you immense joy. Now find others who share your passion,” he said. 

“My tip is don’t doubt that you can love as deeply, passionately and ecstatically as you could when you were younger. Love is still love. Just be yourself,” advised Schwartz.

Related:

Daryl Austin is a health journalist based in Utah. His work has appeared in The Atlantic, The Washington Post, Kaiser Health News and Parents magazine.

What Is Senior Dating?

Health Benefits of Senior Dating

How Does Online Dating Work for Seniors?

What to Look for in Senior Dating Sites

Look Out for Dating Scams

Tips for Safe Dating

Have fun on your senior dating journey, but keep safety in mind as well. No matter how nice a person sounds online, remember you’re corresponding with a stranger until you meet in person and get to know them better. Here’s a handful of pro tips to keep you safe as you match.

• Join a reputable dating site. Before you sign up for any dating website, ask your friends for recommendations and listen closely to their feedback. You can check the Better Business Bureau to see if they’re accredited and whether they have any complaints filed against them, says Lundgren. “It’s always smart to make sure a website is secure so your information isn’t vulnerable. You can look in your browser for a lock icon. If you see a message that says your information isn’t private/secure don’t enter your personal information.”
• Don’t give out extra personal information. It’s important to protect your anonymity, Lundgren says. Avoid sharing your last name, town or city, where you work, specific details about you (like volunteer or alumni organizations you’re involved in) and your email address and phone number. “Don’t forget—you don’t want to share your kids’ names, either,” says Lundgren. “It’s very important to protect your family’s identity as well.”
• Prepare for the first conversation. When you keep communication limited to the app or website, you create a clear record of all of your communications, which is helpful in the event that you need to report an issue, says Amber Artis, a certified matchmaker and relationship expert and CEO of Select Date Society. If you’re ready to speak on the phone, consider using Skype or create a separate email address just for dating that doesn’t show your full name. Connecting with a potential date in a safe way also helps you confirm the person isn’t using fake photos or information about themselves.
• Tell friends and family members when you’re going on a date. Always inform a close friend, colleague or family member when you’re meeting someone new, says Artis. “Share your location with them on your phone, and check in with them before, during and after the date,” she says.
• Always meet in public. It doesn’t matter how comfortable you are with a person or how much chemistry you have—it’s very important to meet in public, especially initially, says Artis. “Do not go to their home or invite them to yours until you know them really well,” she says. “This means you should have several in-person dates in a public place first.”
• Never send anyone money. Anyone asking for money or claiming to be experiencing financial issues raises a giant red flag, says Artis. This happens often, and the majority of romance scam victims are women over the age of 50, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. “This person is likely trying to scam you,” she says. “I urge everyone to use their best judgment and listen to their instincts. If you have a gut feeling that this person isn’t legit, heed your inner voice.”

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What do men over 60 want? For women who have been trying to find that elusive “special someone” for a while, this may seem like an impossible question to answer. After all, for most of our lives, men were simple creatures. Now, as we reach our 50s and 60s, the situation is somewhat more complicated.

To get a view into the male mind after 60, I sat down with dating coach Lisa Copeland for a quick chat. Lisa is a fabulous woman, with a passion for helping women to find quality men. If you have ever noticed that older men are unlikely to make eye contact with you or have felt completely ignored at a dance or party, Lisa thinks she knows why.

In our interview, I asked Lisa this question directly, and she gave me a simple answer. Single men in their 60s are looking for a woman who is feminine and is willing to help them feel like a man. Many women, including myself, spent most of their lives competing with men – at work, in social situations, and even at home.

Now, as we reach our 60s, it’s difficult to put our swords down and just relax a bit. According to Lisa, single men over 60 want women who are in touch with their feminine side. They want encouragement, not criticism. They need confirmation, not competition.

Lisa and I also discussed the perception that men only want to date younger women. Lisa mentioned that this is often the case, but not for the reasons that many of us assume. Men are not always looking for a younger body to cuddle up next to. More important is the fact that younger women are more willing to show their feminine side to win a man’s heart.

Of course, they don’t have our experience, or our battle scars for that matter, but, this is beside the point. Lisa argues that, if we can connect with our feminine side, we can find a quality man, regardless of who we are competing with.

Lisa is a straight shooter. You may not agree with her on every point. Or, you may decide that she is right, but that finding a partner is just not worth the trouble. But I promise you that her opinions come from interactions with hundreds of older women just like you. As a result, she knows what she’s saying, even if her advice is not always pleasant to hear.

Why will men in their 60s do anything humanly possible for their woman?

When men feel manly, they feel the need to keep the woman in their life safe and protected. They like you to see them as your hero.

How could your desire to be a superwoman be impacting your dating life?

Yes, we are independent women and can do everything for ourselves. We’ve definitely earned our independence and equality through the years. But men want to feel needed and like to help when they can. Why not let him do it, even if you know you can?

What are the four magic words that you can say to a man that will change everything?

Men want to help, to fix, to feel needed. There is a way to ask a man to help you. “I need your help” as opposed to “Can you please help me?” can have a huge impact on how he responds to your request.

Why do men and women look in dating profiles and see their grandmother and grandfather?

Let’s face it, none of us are spring chickens and looking at dating profiles of older men can have us questioning how we got to look so old so fast. Women tend to take better care of their youthful appearance by dying their hair and wearing makeup. Men, on the other hand, mostly just accept the grey hair and expect us to accept it as well.

Why are women more focused on nourishing and men on protecting?

It’s written in our DNA. Men and women have evolved over the years to become more equal, but there still is that need to nourish and protect.

What is the real reason that older men are attracted to younger women?

Younger women may need them more and that makes them feel more manly.

What is the difference between an alpha and beta male… and why does this matter?

An alpha man will be more proactive to keep you safe. You can easily lean into him when you need to and know that he will do everything in his power to keep you protected.

Do you wonder where you can meet men your age? Read our article that lets you in on a few tips and tricks about where to meet older men.

Ever wonder what other women in our community think about finding love after 60? Read our article where some of you discuss your experiences and expectations with senior dating. 

Think that you may want to try out online dating? We’ve put together a list of the best dating websites for older people.

Do you think that the feminist movement disrupted our ability to express our feminine side? Are you dating after 60? What has your experience been? Please watch the video and add your thoughts in the comments section below.

© 2022 LoveToKnow Media. All rights reserved.

The Globe and Mail article discusses the changing landscape for dating over the age of 65, and how the desired relationship outcomes between men and women diverge.

Research by IALH affiliates Dr. Karen Kobayashi, professor of Sociology at the University of Victoria, and Dr. Laura Funk, associate professor of Sociology and Criminology at the University of Manitoba, found that women 65 years and older who are dating prefer to live apart from their partner while the opposite is often true for men. These differences may be accounted for by a number of social factors including past relationships, financial impendence, and a sense of freedom. 

"Today... more older women are rejecting the downsides of the live-in relationship: the co-dependence, the daily tension within close quarters and the sacrifices made keeping a home, caregiving and doing the emotional legwork to keep their unions humming."

Read The Globe and Mail article here.

To learn more about Dr. Karen Kobayashi's research please click here. 

When it comes to dating, age is just one among many factors to consider as you seek your match. We bring all of our prior life experience to any relationship we enter, so how much does it matter that one person's history is years (or decades) longer than the other's? Here, two experts weigh in on the benefits of dating an older man, as well as the potential drawbacks.

Dating an older man in your 20s and 30s is much different than dating one in your 40s, 50s, and 60s.

While an older man dating a younger woman tends to raise less eyebrows than a woman's romance with a younger man, the dynamic isn't exactly stigma-free—particularly when the age gap is significant. When a young woman named Courtney Thornton (née Barber) took flak both online and off in 2016 for falling in love with a man 25 years her senior, she started the hashtag #husbandnotdad to encourage others in the same boat to share their stories. Three years later, search #husbandnotdad on Instagram and you'll find a collection of smiling couples; on Twitter, the same hashtag's happy photos are interspersed with searingly critical comments, which arguably confirms Thornton's point.

When women over 40 find themselves drawn to someone who's older, they are less of a target for those who cry 'daddy issues.' "In your fifties or sixties, most women are independent and financially stable," says Charly Lester, co-founder and CMO of Lumen, a dating app for people over 50. "They're less likely to experience the same judgments and stereotypes if they decide to date an older man at this age."

A range of generation gap-related issues (more on those below) can be easier to bridge when you're over 40 as well. "The older you get, the less of a challenge it's likely to pose," Lester continues. "In terms of life experience and maturity, an age gap at 50 or 60 isn't particularly dramatic."

An older man who's worthy of your time knows what he wants in a relationship.

Stability, a strong sense of self, and advancement in his career are things older men can potentially bring to the table more often than a man in his 20s or 30s can, says Sherman. "People often ask whether an older man is more mature than a younger one," Sherman adds. "It depends upon the individual and their development and history. That said, extra years of life experience do often lead to greater maturity in relationships, and more life wisdom."

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A woman in her 40s or older has plenty of hard-won lessons and accomplishments of her own to tout, of course. She just might love getting involved with a person who's on equally-solid ground (and has been there for awhile).

With kids out of the nest, an older man may have more time for you.

Maybe you're dating after a divorce, and you're a single mom who needs to carve out the time for a love life. A man who's already been married and raised kids has no carpool schedules to contend with, which can mean he's got more time to plan amazing dates. According to Lester, if you're seeing someone who is ten or more years older than you, "he's likely to have children who are less dependent on him, and have more free time—which can be particularly helpful if your kids are still more dependent."

If he's retired and you're not, relating to each other can be a challenge.

If his working days are behind him and you're still focused on a job and all the ambitions, woes, and time demands that come with it, you may struggle to connect at the end of the day. "Often relationships are built on similar life experience, and the difference between daily work and retirement can be quite a marked one," Lester explains.

Find out whether your visions for the future match up.

You two may not be picking out wedding rings at this point, but if things start getting serious, it's worth discussing what you both think your next ten-to-twenty years will look like. Do you have any further family ambitions? Are you open to traveling, or moving somewhere else?

"Make sure that you’ve discussed important issues like whether you both want kids, and whether you can mutually support one another’s dreams and the things that make you both happy," Sherman advises. "One person may feel like their goals are winding down and the other is winding up."

You may discover some surprising cultural differences.

So he doesn't know who Cardi B is, and you don't have the same points of nostalgia—that might not bug you at all, and that's just great. But what if you start talking politics and trends, only to discover he's completely immovable in his views? It certainly depends on the individual, but "he may be very set in his ways and can appear less open-minded than younger men," Paulette warns.

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Lester agrees. "Someone who grew up twenty years before you may have different cultural references, or a less liberal approach to certain political or social topics, which can cause friction in the early days when they meet your friends and family," she says.

Your communication habits may be different.

Or, you know, they might not be. While Sherman says an older man may prefer you to call him rather than sending a string of texts, Lester says that's not necessarily true. "In my experience with running a dating app, there are surprisingly less differences between the way a 30 year old, a 50 year old, and a 70 year old communicate. We have people in their 90s using it!"

Remember that it's about the two of you as individuals, not your age difference.

Your difference in years may elicit some unfortunate assumptions and remarks, but if you truly care about each other, stay focused on how you feel. "Try remembering the things that you love about the person as an individual," says Paulette Sherman, a psychotherapist and certified dating coach. "It’s important to recall why you chose your partner, and not to let outside stigma or judgments dissuade you."

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