The data shown above come from the Facebook dating app, Are You Interested (AYI), which works like this: Users in search of someone for a date or for sex flip through profiles of other users and, for each one, click either “yes” (I like what I see) or “skip” (show me the next profile). When the answer is “yes,” the other user is notified and has the opportunity to respond. It’s very similar to another dating app, Tinder.

The graphic shows what percentage of people responded to a “yes,” based on the gender and ethnicity of both parties (the data are only for opposite-sex pairs of people). Unsurprisingly, most “yes’s” go unanswered, but there are patterns: For example, Asian women responded to white men who “yessed” them 7.8% of the time, more often than they responded to any other race. On the other hand, white men responded to black women 8.5% of the time—less often than for white, Latino, or Asian women. In general, men responded to women about three times as often as women responded to men.

Unfortunately the data reveal winners and losers. All men except Asians preferred Asian women, while all except black women preferred white men. And both black men and black women got the lowest response rates for their respective genders.

Perhaps most surprising is that among men, all racial groups preferred another race over their own.

AYI analyzed some 2.4 million heterosexual interactions—meaning every time a user clicked either “yes” or “skip”—to come up with these statistics, response rates for different genders on dating apps. Its users skew older than Tinder’s—about two-thirds of AYI users are older than 35, according to a spokesperson.

Researchers recently took data from the Facebook app Are You Interested and found that not only is race a factor in our online dating interests, but particular races get disproportionately response rates for different genders on dating apps — and low — amounts of interest.

Of the 2.4 million heterosexual interactions researchers reviewed, the findings show:

• Women get three times the interactions men do.
• All men seemed to be more interested in people outside their race.
• Black men and women get the lowest response rates to their messages.
• All response rates for different genders on dating apps except black women are most drawn to white men, and men of all races (with one notable exception) prefer Asian women.

The business site Quartz graphed these preferences using data on the percentage of "yes" responses to the "Are you interested?" question on the app. The data suggest some uncomfortable stories about racial preferences in online dating.

Back in 2009, the folks over response rates for different genders on dating apps OKCupid culled through the site's data and similarly found that race played a big role in who would respond to messages, with some similar (and a few different) findings.

Some quick facts from the OKCupid data:

• Black women respond the most.
• White men get more replies from almost every group.
• White women prefer white men; Asian and Latina women prefer them "even more exclusively."

We have a conversation about the data, response rates for different genders on dating apps, below, and invite you to join in too. (And if you're, um, interested in this topic, don't miss this recent conversation about it hosted by Michel Martin of NPR's Tell Me More.)

Kat Chow: What's remarkable to me is that, according to that study, most men respond to Asian women — except Asian men. For a while now, we've heard of the (popularized? stereotyped?) plight of Asian men lamenting about how Asian women mostly date white guys, with videos like Wong Fu's "Yellow Fever." That stuff's not new. But why haven't we heard more about the discreet dating approval site preferences of Asian men?

Here's the bit from Quartz that's been fodder for some discussion:

"Unfortunately the data reveal winners and losers. All men except Asians preferred Asian women, free bisexual dating sites all except black women preferred white men."

And in case any of y'all missed it, Fusion had this hilarious interview with "Are You Interested" creator Josh Response rates for different genders on dating apps and comedian Kristina Wong on Alicia Best online dating sites for over 50 Tonight.

Elise Hu: So one of my reactions to the disproportionate popularity of Asian women is, I don't see troves of men flocking to Asian women in the offline world. I wonder to what extent there's something about finding Asian women attractive online but not in "real life." Is this a preference revealed by online dating, or changed in some way by it? How would, say, the "mask" of screens affect our preferences?

Kat: Maybe. Maybe the "mask" of screens empowers/emboldens users to pursue the type of people they might not encounter in real life. But to your point about not seeing troves of men flocking to Asian women: I dunno, I feel like I see a strong "preference" for Asian women in real life. (I put "preference" in quotes, because I think there's a very fine line that teeters between preferences and fetishization, but that could be a whole other conversation.)

Elise: I actually do think there must be some of the Asian fetishization, er, "yellow fever" at play here. This just really gets in my craw, because it becomes a problem for the Response rates for different genders on dating apps women — Am I just loved because I'm part of an ethnic group that's assumed to be subservient, or do I have actual value as an individual, or is it both? — and it's a problem for men who love them — Is my husband only with me 'cause he's a creepster who makes certain assumptions about me and my race, response rates for different genders on dating apps, or can he legitimately be attracted to me as an individual? The results of this study only perpetuate social problems for both sexes involved.

On the flip side, it's glaring how much everybody prefers white guys and doesn't respond to black hindu dating app and women. And white men never have to question whether they're attractive to others because of a fetish, that's for sure.

Kat: Dating as an Asian woman is sort of like this:

So another study about online dating — and how people self-segregate on the interwebs — started floating around this month.

Kevin Lewis, response rates for different genders on dating apps, a researcher at the University of California, San Diego, looked at more than 125,000 new OKCupid users in a 2-1/2-month period. He saw that most people didn't reach out to potential suitors who were outside their race or ethnicity, and if they did, they were less likely to get a response. But the researcher noticed that people who were contacted by someone of a different race on Gay dating site no registration were more likely to initiate contact or interact with someone of that race later on.

Elise: So where does that leave us, now? The connective tissue appears to be that race definitely matters when it comes to online dating. And that general idea is not necessarily something to get our backs up about, since even studies on babies indicate we might be wired to prefer our "in groups" to whatever we perceive as "out groups." (A Yale response rates for different genders on dating apps of babies showed the infants that prefer Cheerios over graham crackers favored their fellow Cheerios-lovers and were not as nice to graham cracker fans.)

But the question that I'd like to see people get at is the difference between the online and offline worlds when it comes to these preferences. Or: differences between the preferences this app's users and other online dating communities. Maybe this is an app response rates for different genders on dating apps for weirdos who love Asian chicks and don't love black women? I am annoyed for the black women who seem to be clearly getting discriminated against by these online picture-scanners.

And speaking from an Asian woman point of view, I found my time in the analog dating world to be one in which men clearly response rates for different genders on dating apps white women or Latinas. I am really skeptical about the odds being ever in my favor, to borrow a Hunger Games line.

Kat: I think with all these new apps rolling in, we're going to learn more about relationships and preferences. I'm just looking to get my hands on a study that delves deeply into racial preferences response rates for different genders on dating apps so if anybody knows of one, holler at me!

Elise: Yep, response rates for different genders on dating apps, if this little exploration leads me to any conclusion, it's a skepticism of data from one particular dating app, since these are going to vary community by community, and I'd like to see a lot more aggregate data before getting too uncomfortable about the results. It could be that the Are You Interested dating community is just a weirdly skewed world, response rates for different genders on dating apps, and now we're extrapolating all this meaning into it. To be continued .

When love, lust and all things in response rates for different genders on dating apps come calling, dating apps appear to be the only way to meet new people and experience romance in 2019. They’re not of course, but social media and popular culture inundate us with messages about the importance of these seemingly easy and effective approaches to digital dating. Drawing upon my personal experiences and academic insights about sexuality, response rates for different genders on dating apps, gender and power, this article explores what happens when dating apps fail on their promises.

Being a tech Luddite, I never dreamed of using a dating app. However, when other options were exhausted, I found myself selecting photos and summarizing myself in a user profile. I chose Bumble because it was rumoured to have more professional men than other apps and I was intrigued by its signature design where women ask men out. Self described as “100 percent feminist,” Bumble’s unique approach has generated significant social buzz and it has over 50 million users.

As a medical anthropologist, I explore sexuality, gender and health experiences among people in sex work, Indigenous communities and those affected by HIV/AIDS. I had no intention of writing about my socio-sexual experiences, but as soon as I started my Bumble journey the words began to flow. Writing helped me cope with the response rates for different genders on dating apps things I encountered, and my anthropological insights told me that my observations were unique as algorithm for dating app as timely.

But what is Bumble all about? What does it reveal about feminism and gender in contemporary dating culture?

The female worker bee does all the work

Established in 2014, Bumble is branded as a feminist dating app that puts women in the driver’s seat and takes the pressure off men to initiate dating conversations, response rates for different genders on dating apps. In a 2015 Esquire interview, Bumble CEO and co-founder Whitney Wolfe Herd explained the honeybee inspiration:

“Bee society where there’s a queen bee, response rates for different genders on dating apps, the woman is in charge, and it’s a really respectful community. It’s all about the queen bee and everyone working together. It was very serendipitous.”

However, a honeybee hive is less about sisterhood and more about gendered inequity. Just as female worker bees do the heavy lifting as they care for larvae and their hexagon lair, Bumble women perform the initial dating labour by extending invitation after invitation to potential matches. Bumble men, much like male bees, largely sit and wait for their invites to come.

In my five months on Bumble, I created 113 unique opening lines, each of which involved dating widowed men just work but also a leap of faith, response rates for different genders on dating apps. Here’s just two examples:

Hi X! I like your photos, they’re attractive and interesting, response rates for different genders on dating apps. You’re a personal trainer, it must be rewarding to work with people to achieve their goals …

Hey, X. Your photos are hot …want to connect?

Will he respond? Will this one like me? Putting myself out there repeatedly made me feel vulnerable, not empowered.

Sure, there was some short-lived excitement, but much of my time was spent wondering if they would respond. Only 60 per cent of my opening lines were answered and I met just ten men in five months, which is a nine per cent “success” rate.

Of my 10 encounters, four rated as very good to excellent, three as quite bad and three fluctuated in the middle: not terrible, but not something I’m keen to repeat. Like the attractive guy with the prickly arms (because he shaved them) who twirled me around in my dining room but could barely tie his shoes up because his pants were so tight. Or, the guy who talked obsessively about being 5'6" but really, really wasn’t.

A girl-power bubble

My digital dating journey was not the effective, response rates for different genders on dating apps, empowering experience I hoped for. The discrepancy between Bumble’s sunny narrative and my stormier encounters stemmed from the app’s outdated brand of feminism. The women-taking-charge-for-themselves model assumes that we live in a girl-power bubble. It ignores men’s feelings about adopting a more passive dating role. This creates tensions between users. I learned the hard way that despite our feminist advances, many men are still not comfortable waiting to be asked out.

Some Bumble men view the app’s signature design as a way for women to rob them of their rightful dating senior dating apps for sex. Many openly critiqued us for acting “like men” and I was ghosted, sexually degraded and subjected to violent language by men who resented me or what I represented as a feminist. This was confirmed by several of my matches, who discussed women’s acquisition of socio-economic and sexual power as a problem. These insights not only shocked me; they impaired my ability to have meaningful dating experiences on Bumble.

The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements continue to illuminate how much unfinished business we have ahead of us before gender equity is a reality. My Bumble experiences reflect the same unfortunate truth, as do other studies about the complex relationship between gender and power relations on dating apps.

Using a feminist dating app in a patriarchal world is messy, but also fascinating for what it reveals about sexuality, gender and power in the digital dating universe. Bumble needs a serious upgrade it if truly wants to empower women and make room for men en route to more meaningful dating experiences.

One suggestion would be to remove the “she asks” and “he waits” design so both partners can access one another as soon as a match is made. Bumble might also consider having users answer questions about gender equity and feminism before matches are generated. This could make digital dating experiences less of a bell jar and more of an equitable mess.

Another idea is to have Bumble refresh its narrative to support women’s desires and to help diverse dating roles be more readily accepted by men. The app could add a forum where users can share their various Bumble experiences in ways that encourage safe, engaged dating-related communication.

My personal feeling is that instead of depending exclusively on dating apps, it’s best to use multiple dating methods. This means having the courage to act on our desires as they surface in the grocery story, the art gallery, or at the subway stop. It can be terrifying but also much more exciting than swiping right. Go for it!

[ You’re smart and curious about the world. So are The Conversation’s authors and editors.You can read us daily by subscribing to our newsletter. ]

Yesterday, we posted a chart that Josh Fischer at Snap Interactive (STVI: OTC BB) sent us based on analytics from their dating website Are You Interested. 

It shows the likelihood that a someone on AYI.com responds to a message from a member of the opposite sex given their age difference. To the left, -10 means the sender was 10 years younger, on the right, the sender was 10 years older, with zero indicating that the sender and the recipient are the same age. 

Here are the two plots for men responding to messages from women (blue) and women responding to messages from men (red).

Josh Fischer / SNAP Interactive

So, we can see that women are much more selective than men when it comes to responding to messages. Not exactly Nobel-quality findings here, but it's definitely interesting to see the exact levels of response.

But for folks in the dating game, how is this information actually usable?

Well, let's find out how many messages the average man free dating site for singles have to send to a woman his own age in order to guarantee various levels of response, and vice versa.

We can't guarantee a response, per se, but we can say how confident we are that these average bachelors and bachelorettes will receive at least one response given the number of messages they send.

We know, from the chart above, that a woman who sends a message to a man her own age has a 17.5% likelihood of receiving a response to that message.

We know that a man who sends a message to a woman his own age has a 4% likelihood of receiving a response to that message. 

Extrapolating from there, here's how confident men and women can be that they will receive a response given the number of messages they send en masse:

Walter Hickey / BI

Fascinating. 

An average man who sends 18 messages to women his own age can be 50% certain he'll receive at least one response. For women, they need to send only 5 messages to be 50% certain they'll get a response. 

Looking at higher confidence levels, if a woman wants to be 90% certain she'll receive a response from a man her own age, she'll have to send 13 messages. A man will have to send 58 messages.

Finally, to be 99% certain she'll receive a response, a woman must send 25 messages to men her own age. 

A man will have to send 114 .

This leads us to believe that one potential cause of the disparity between the male response rate and female response rate is the system itself.

If men must spam women with messages in order to elicit a response, then women will be more selective when responding to the surplus in general. Since women are understandably disinclined to respond to all the messages, men must send out more in order to guarantee any response, response rates for different genders on dating apps. It's cyclic. 

Everyone is acting in their own self interest, inadvertently leading to further imbalances in the system. 

It's one of the fundamental issues with online dating in general. 

Anyway, best of luck out there folks. 

Online dating, for all its faults and critiques, has become one of the most popular ways Americans find love.

One awesome side effect of this is that we now have access best dating app? a realm of data that has never been available before — how people talk, interact, and communicate prior to entering a relationship. 

And one thing that should be worrisome for straight men is the size of their disadvantage in the market. 

Josh Fischer is the Director of Product Insights at SNAP Interactive (STVI: OTC BB), the company that owns the dating website Are You Interested.

AYI.com has 20 million members, and Josh sent over some fascinating charts that look at the probability women and men respond to messages given the ages of a sender. 

Basically, everyone is more likely to respond to a message from someone younger than they are from someone older. 

Here's demisexual dating app probability a woman responds to a message from a man on AYI.com. The vertical access is the probability of response, and the horizontal axis shows the age difference. The younger the man is, relative to the woman, the better shot he has.

Josh Fischer, SNAP Interactive

And here's the probability a man responding to a message from a woman. Note that the response rates across all age differences are way higher.

Josh Fischer, SNAP Interactive

Here are those two charts merged: 

interracial dating quiz response game">

Josh Fischer / SNAP Interactive

 So the first thing: Comparing men and women responding to people their own age, Women respond to men 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time.

What does this mean? Generally speaking, an average straight man will have to free vacation dating sites 25 messages to women his own age procure one response, response rates for different genders on dating apps, while the average straight woman will have to send 5 messages.

That's fascinating, and also could be an explanation — men sending a lot more messages than women — for the disparity. 

But also let's look at what other conclusions we can draw. 

• Straight dudes' best bet is to just pursue the Mrs. Robinson situation. There's an 8-10% likelihood a woman 10-8 years your senior will respond to a message, double the rate for your own peers. 
• Ladies, there's at worst a 1 in 6 chance any man will respond to your message regardless of your age, so just go for it. Rob a cradle or raid a grave, it really doesn't matter to men. 
• For men of a certain age: The New York Jets have better odds of going to the Superbowl this year than you do of getting a response to a message sent to someone ten years your junior. 

Happy hunting. 

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In the more than two decades since the launch of commercial dating sites such as Match.com, online dating has evolved into a multibillion-dollar industry serving customers around the world. A new Pew Research Center study explores how dating sites and apps have transformed the way Americans meet and develop relationships, and how the users of these services feel about online dating.

Here are 10 facts from the study, which is based on a survey conducted among 4,860 U.S. adults in October 2019:

1Three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used a dating site or app, but this varies significantly by age and sexual orientation. While 48% of 18- to 29-year-olds say have ever used a dating site or app, the share is 38% among those ages 30 to 49 and even lower for those 50 and older (16%). At the same time, personal experiences with online dating greatly differ by sexual orientation. Lesbian, gay or bisexual (LGB) adults are roughly twice as likely as those who are straight to say they ever used a dating platform (55% vs. 28%).

2A small share of Americans say they have been in a committed relationship with or married someone they met through a dating site or app. About one-in-ten U.S. adults say this (12%), though these shares are higher among LGB adults, as well as those ages 18 to 49.

3Roughly six-in-ten online daters (57%) say they have had an overall positive experience with these platforms, including 14% who describe their experience as very positive and 43% who say it was somewhat positive. Fewer users – though still about four-in-ten – describe their online dating experience as at least somewhat negative, including 9% who describe it as very negative.

People’s assessments of their online dating experiences vary widely by socioeconomic factors. Around six-in-ten online daters with a bachelor’s or advanced degree (63%) say their experience has been very or somewhat positive, compared with 47% among those who have a high school diploma or less. The ratings online daters give their overall experience do not vary statistically by gender or race and ethnicity.

4While online daters generally say their overall experience was positive, they also point out some of the downsides of online dating. By a wide margin, Americans who have used a dating site or app in the past year say their recent experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%).

Other sentiments are more evenly balanced between positive and negative feelings. Some 35% of current or recent users say that in the past year online dating has made them feel more pessimistic, while 29% say these platforms left them feeling more optimistic. Similarly, 32% say online dating sites or apps made them feel more confident, whereas 25% say it left them feeling more insecure.

5Majorities of online daters say it was at least somewhat easy to find potentially compatible partners. Many online daters say they could find people on these platforms who they were physically attracted to, shared their hobbies and interests, seemed like someone they would want to meet in person or were looking for the same kind of relationship as them. At the same time, there are some gender differences in how hard or easy users say it was to find compatible partners.

For example, women who have ever used a dating site or app are more likely than men to say they have found it very or somewhat difficult to find people they were physical attracted to (36% vs. 21%) or who like someone they would want to meet in person (39% vs. 32%). By contrast, male users are more inclined than female users to say it was at least somewhat difficult to find people who shared their hobbies and interests (41% vs. 30%).

6Women are more likely than men to categorize certain information as essential to see in other users’ profiles. Among online daters, 72% of women say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked at included the type of relationship the person was looking for, compared with about half of men (53%). Women who have online dated are also more likely than men to say it was very important to them that the profiles they looked through included a person’s religious beliefs (32% vs. 18%), occupation (27% vs. 8%) or height (22% vs. 8%).

Other gender differences – such as the importance of users including their hobbies and interests, their racial or ethnic background or their political affiliation – are more modest.

7There are stark gender differences in the amount of attention online daters say they received on these sites or apps. Overall, online daters are more likely to say they did not receive enough messages than to say they received too many, but users’ experiences vary by gender.

Roughly six-in-ten men who have online dated in the past five years (57%) say they feel as if they did not get enough messages, while just 24% of women say the same. Meanwhile, women who have online dated in this time period are five times as likely as men to think they were sent too many messages (30% vs. 6%).

8Younger women are especially likely to report having troublesome interactions on online dating platforms. About three-in-ten or more online dating users say someone continued to contact them on a dating site or app after they said they were not interested (37%), sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for (35%) or called them an offensive name (28%). About one-in-ten (9%) say another user has threated to physically harm them.

These rates are even higher among younger women. Six-in-ten female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, while 57% report that another user has sent them a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for. At the same time, 44% report that someone called them an offense name on a dating site or app, while 19% say they have had someone threaten to physically harm them.

9Americans have varying views about the safety of online dating. Roughly half of Americans overall (53%) say dating sites and apps are a very or somewhat safe way to meet people, while 46% believe they are not too or not at all safe.

Public perceptions about the safety of online dating vary substantially by personal experience. A majority of Americans who have ever used a dating site or app (71%) see online dating as a very or somewhat safe way to meet someone, compared with 47% of those who have never used these platforms.

Among the public as a whole, women are far more likely than men to say dating sites and apps are not a safe way to meet people (53% vs. 39%). Views on this question also vary substantially by age, educational attainment and race and ethnicity.

10More than half of Americans (54%) say relationships that begin on a dating site or app are just as successful as those that begin in person. A smaller share of U.S. adults – though still about four-in-ten – say these kinds of relationships are less successful than relationships that begin in person.

At the same time, half of Americans say online dating has had neither a positive nor negative effect on dating and relationships. Smaller shares say these platforms have had a mostly positive (22%) or mostly negative effect (26%).

Note: Here are the questions used for this report, along with responses, and its methodology.

Online dating, for all its faults and critiques, has become one of the most popular ways Americans find love.

One awesome side effect of this is that we now have access to a realm of data that has never been available before — how people talk, interact, and communicate prior to entering a relationship. 

And one thing that should be worrisome for straight men is the size of their disadvantage in the market. 

Josh Fischer is the Director of Product Insights at SNAP Interactive (STVI: OTC BB), the company that owns the dating website Are You Interested.

AYI.com has 20 million members, and Josh sent over some fascinating charts that look at the probability women and men respond to messages given the ages of a sender. 

Basically, everyone is more likely to respond to a message from someone younger than they are from someone older. 

Here's the probability a woman responds to a message from a man on AYI.com. The vertical access is the probability of response, and the horizontal axis shows the age difference. The younger the man is, relative to the woman, the better shot he has.

Josh Fischer, SNAP Interactive

And here's the probability a man responding to a message from a woman. Note that the response rates across all age differences are way higher.

Josh Fischer, SNAP Interactive

Here are those two charts merged: 

Josh Fischer / SNAP Interactive

 So the first thing: Comparing men and women responding to people their own age, Women respond to men 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time.

What does this mean? Generally speaking, an average straight man will have to send 25 messages to women his own age procure one response, while the average straight woman will have to send 5 messages.

That's fascinating, and also could be an explanation — men sending a lot more messages than women — for the disparity. 

But also let's look at what other conclusions we can draw. 

• Straight dudes' best bet is to just pursue the Mrs. Robinson situation. There's an 8-10% likelihood a woman 10-8 years your senior will respond to a message, double the rate for your own peers. 
• Ladies, there's at worst a 1 in 6 chance any man will respond to your message regardless of your age, so just go for it. Rob a cradle or raid a grave, it really doesn't matter to men. 
• For men of a certain age: The New York Jets have better odds of going to the Superbowl this year than you do of getting a response to a message sent to someone ten years your junior. 

Happy hunting. 

Researchers recently took data from the Facebook app Are You Interested and found that not only is race a factor in our online dating interests, but particular races get disproportionately high — and low — amounts of interest.

Of the 2.4 million heterosexual interactions researchers reviewed, the findings show:

• Women get three times the interactions men do.
• All men seemed to be more interested in people outside their race.
• Black men and women get the lowest response rates to their messages.
• All women except black women are most drawn to white men, and men of all races (with one notable exception) prefer Asian women.

The business site Quartz graphed these preferences using data on the percentage of "yes" responses to the "Are you interested?" question on the app. The data suggest some uncomfortable stories about racial preferences in online dating.

Back in 2009, the folks over at OKCupid culled through the site's data and similarly found that race played a big role in who would respond to messages, with some similar (and a few different) findings.

Some quick facts from the OKCupid data:

• Black women respond the most.
• White men get more replies from almost every group.
• White women prefer white men; Asian and Latina women prefer them "even more exclusively."

We have a conversation about the data, below, and invite you to join in too. (And if you're, um, interested in this topic, don't miss this recent conversation about it hosted by Michel Martin of NPR's Tell Me More.)

Kat Chow: What's remarkable to me is that, according to that study, most men respond to Asian women — except Asian men. For a while now, we've heard of the (popularized? stereotyped?) plight of Asian men lamenting about how Asian women mostly date white guys, with videos like Wong Fu's "Yellow Fever." That stuff's not new. But why haven't we heard more about the dating preferences of Asian men?

Here's the bit from Quartz that's been fodder for some discussion:

"Unfortunately the data reveal winners and losers. All men except Asians preferred Asian women, while all except black women preferred white men."

And in case any of y'all missed it, Fusion had this hilarious interview with "Are You Interested" creator Josh Fischer and comedian Kristina Wong on Alicia Menendez Tonight.

Elise Hu: So one of my reactions to the disproportionate popularity of Asian women is, I don't see troves of men flocking to Asian women in the offline world. I wonder to what extent there's something about finding Asian women attractive online but not in "real life." Is this a preference revealed by online dating, or changed in some way by it? How would, say, the "mask" of screens affect our preferences?

Kat: Maybe. Maybe the "mask" of screens empowers/emboldens users to pursue the type of people they might not encounter in real life. But to your point about not seeing troves of men flocking to Asian women: I dunno, I feel like I see a strong "preference" for Asian women in real life. (I put "preference" in quotes, because I think there's a very fine line that teeters between preferences and fetishization, but that could be a whole other conversation.)

Elise: I actually do think there must be some of the Asian fetishization, er, "yellow fever" at play here. This just really gets in my craw, because it becomes a problem for the Asian women — Am I just loved because I'm part of an ethnic group that's assumed to be subservient, or do I have actual value as an individual, or is it both? — and it's a problem for men who love them — Is my husband only with me 'cause he's a creepster who makes certain assumptions about me and my race, or can he legitimately be attracted to me as an individual? The results of this study only perpetuate social problems for both sexes involved.

On the flip side, it's glaring how much everybody prefers white guys and doesn't respond to black men and women. And white men never have to question whether they're attractive to others because of a fetish, that's for sure.

Kat: Dating as an Asian woman is sort of like this:

So another study about online dating — and how people self-segregate on the interwebs — started floating around this month.

Kevin Lewis, a researcher at the University of California, San Diego, looked at more than 125,000 new OKCupid users in a 2-1/2-month period. He saw that most people didn't reach out to potential suitors who were outside their race or ethnicity, and if they did, they were less likely to get a response. But the researcher noticed that people who were contacted by someone of a different race on OKCupid were more likely to initiate contact or interact with someone of that race later on.

Elise: So where does that leave us, now? The connective tissue appears to be that race definitely matters when it comes to online dating. And that general idea is not necessarily something to get our backs up about, since even studies on babies indicate we might be wired to prefer our "in groups" to whatever we perceive as "out groups." (A Yale study of babies showed the infants that prefer Cheerios over graham crackers favored their fellow Cheerios-lovers and were not as nice to graham cracker fans.)

But the question that I'd like to see people get at is the difference between the online and offline worlds when it comes to these preferences. Or: differences between the preferences this app's users and other online dating communities. Maybe this is an app just for weirdos who love Asian chicks and don't love black women? I am annoyed for the black women who seem to be clearly getting discriminated against by these online picture-scanners.

And speaking from an Asian woman point of view, I found my time in the analog dating world to be one in which men clearly favored white women or Latinas. I am really skeptical about the odds being ever in my favor, to borrow a Hunger Games line.

Kat: I think with all these new apps rolling in, we're going to learn more about relationships and preferences. I'm just looking to get my hands on a study that delves deeply into racial preferences — so if anybody knows of one, holler at me!

Elise: Yep, if this little exploration leads me to any conclusion, it's a skepticism of data from one particular dating app, since these are going to vary community by community, and I'd like to see a lot more aggregate data before getting too uncomfortable about the results. It could be that the Are You Interested dating community is just a weirdly skewed world, and now we're extrapolating all this meaning into it. To be continued ...

M4OS Photos / Alamy Stock Photo

Dating apps for a general audience

3. Bumble

This dating app gives women all the power to make the first move. Bumble is swipe-based, so users swipe right on profile photos they like. If a woman swipes on a man and he swipes on her as well, it's a match. In heterosexual matches, women have 24 hours to message their match before the connection expires. In same-sex matches, either party has 24 hours to message, and then the other has another 24 hours to respond before the connection expires. Bumble also offers Bumble BFF, a friendship matchmaking site, and Bumble Biz for networking. Bumble is free to download and free to use core features, but upgrades — like boosting your profile so more local singles see it — come with a fee. Upgraded plans include Bumble Boost, which costs $24.99 per month and Bumble Premium which costs $39.99 per month, and offer extra features like allowing users to rematch with expired matches, see who has liked you and extending matches by another 24 hours.

4. Coffee Meets Bagel

CMB encourages users to make real connections by limiting the number of profiles you can like per day to five. Users have only seven days after matching to meet up in real life, putting a stop to ghosting, or having someone disappear completely or stop responding to messages. Coffee Meets Bagel says it handpicks suggested profiles for viewing each day based on its algorithm, which uses nine parameters to come up with curated matches. Like most of the dating apps, it's free to download and use the basic services, but premium upgrades like additional matches and profile boosting come with a cost. Coffee Meets Bagel uses “beans” to purchase profile upgrades, and depending on any promotions or sales, the starting cost for additional beans is as little as $1.99. However, to really make a difference and increase the number of profiles you can like per day, you'll more likely end up spending $25-$30 per month.

5. eHarmony

A classic, trusted dating site for users of all ages where, according to eHarmony's website, someone finds love every 14 minutes. The sign-up process is lengthy, according to a review from Mashable, with lots of personality questions to fill out, but it helps find good matches and those who are interested in long-term relationships. The least expensive plan starts at $7.95 per month for 12 months, but costs depend on length of sign-up and whether the site is running a promotion. Some say you can spend as much as $200 for one year. The price comes with a guarantee: find someone you love in three months or get another three months free of charge.

When love, lust and all things in between come calling, dating apps appear to be the only way to meet new people and experience romance in 2019. They’re not of course, but social media and popular culture inundate us with messages about the importance of these seemingly easy and effective approaches to digital dating. Drawing upon my personal experiences and academic insights about sexuality, gender and power, this article explores what happens when dating apps fail on their promises.

Being a tech Luddite, I never dreamed of using a dating app. However, when other options were exhausted, I found myself selecting photos and summarizing myself in a user profile. I chose Bumble because it was rumoured to have more professional men than other apps and I was intrigued by its signature design where women ask men out. Self described as “100 percent feminist,” Bumble’s unique approach has generated significant social buzz and it has over 50 million users.

As a medical anthropologist, I explore sexuality, gender and health experiences among people in sex work, Indigenous communities and those affected by HIV/AIDS. I had no intention of writing about my socio-sexual experiences, but as soon as I started my Bumble journey the words began to flow. Writing helped me cope with the bizarre things I encountered, and my anthropological insights told me that my observations were unique as well as timely.

But what is Bumble all about? What does it reveal about feminism and gender in contemporary dating culture?

The female worker bee does all the work

Established in 2014, Bumble is branded as a feminist dating app that puts women in the driver’s seat and takes the pressure off men to initiate dating conversations. In a 2015 Esquire interview, Bumble CEO and co-founder Whitney Wolfe Herd explained the honeybee inspiration:

“Bee society where there’s a queen bee, the woman is in charge, and it’s a really respectful community. It’s all about the queen bee and everyone working together. It was very serendipitous.”

However, a honeybee hive is less about sisterhood and more about gendered inequity. Just as female worker bees do the heavy lifting as they care for larvae and their hexagon lair, Bumble women perform the initial dating labour by extending invitation after invitation to potential matches. Bumble men, much like male bees, largely sit and wait for their invites to come.

In my five months on Bumble, I created 113 unique opening lines, each of which involved not just work but also a leap of faith. Here’s just two examples:

Hi X! I like your photos, they’re attractive and interesting. You’re a personal trainer, it must be rewarding to work with people to achieve their goals …

Hey, X. Your photos are hot …want to connect?

Will he respond? Will this one like me? Putting myself out there repeatedly made me feel vulnerable, not empowered.

Sure, there was some short-lived excitement, but much of my time was spent wondering if they would respond. Only 60 per cent of my opening lines were answered and I met just ten men in five months, which is a nine per cent “success” rate.

Of my 10 encounters, four rated as very good to excellent, three as quite bad and three fluctuated in the middle: not terrible, but not something I’m keen to repeat. Like the attractive guy with the prickly arms (because he shaved them) who twirled me around in my dining room but could barely tie his shoes up because his pants were so tight. Or, the guy who talked obsessively about being 5'6" but really, really wasn’t.

A girl-power bubble

My digital dating journey was not the effective, empowering experience I hoped for. The discrepancy between Bumble’s sunny narrative and my stormier encounters stemmed from the app’s outdated brand of feminism. The women-taking-charge-for-themselves model assumes that we live in a girl-power bubble. It ignores men’s feelings about adopting a more passive dating role. This creates tensions between users. I learned the hard way that despite our feminist advances, many men are still not comfortable waiting to be asked out.

Some Bumble men view the app’s signature design as a way for women to rob them of their rightful dating power. Many openly critiqued us for acting “like men” and I was ghosted, sexually degraded and subjected to violent language by men who resented me or what I represented as a feminist. This was confirmed by several of my matches, who discussed women’s acquisition of socio-economic and sexual power as a problem. These insights not only shocked me; they impaired my ability to have meaningful dating experiences on Bumble.

The #MeToo and Time’s Up movements continue to illuminate how much unfinished business we have ahead of us before gender equity is a reality. My Bumble experiences reflect the same unfortunate truth, as do other studies about the complex relationship between gender and power relations on dating apps.

Using a feminist dating app in a patriarchal world is messy, but also fascinating for what it reveals about sexuality, gender and power in the digital dating universe. Bumble needs a serious upgrade it if truly wants to empower women and make room for men en route to more meaningful dating experiences.

One suggestion would be to remove the “she asks” and “he waits” design so both partners can access one another as soon as a match is made. Bumble might also consider having users answer questions about gender equity and feminism before matches are generated. This could make digital dating experiences less of a bell jar and more of an equitable mess.

Another idea is to have Bumble refresh its narrative to support women’s desires and to help diverse dating roles be more readily accepted by men. The app could add a forum where users can share their various Bumble experiences in ways that encourage safe, engaged dating-related communication.

My personal feeling is that instead of depending exclusively on dating apps, it’s best to use multiple dating methods. This means having the courage to act on our desires as they surface in the grocery story, the art gallery, or at the subway stop. It can be terrifying but also much more exciting than swiping right. Go for it!

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